Etiquette question about location of ceremony

PrettyGirlLost · August 2014

AmberWB said:

I can understand these views, and was along the same line of thought. Would it also be offensive to our elderly family members (grandparents) if we didn't have any type of ceremony or reception other than the extremely private one with just our parents? Or just with my fiancee and I and an officiant?

I disagree that it will mean just as much TO ME in another location. It will still be just as legally binding, but it won't mean as much. I will be disappointed. And that's my whole conundrum. I get that it sounds childish, but if I'll be disappointed in my wedding, I don't see the point in going through the motions just for everyone else.

What's the big deal with the location? I'm just curious and trying to understand your POV.

misshart00 · August 2014

I know it's your dream, and I like the first look idea. But what if it rains? Would you still lug your parents out there to the perfect location?

vh2014 · August 2014

Sounds like the first look is going to work for you. That will probably check off all your boxes and let everyone see you actually get married in person, real time. Which I am sure they, particularly your grandmother, will appreciate.

That said...

We chose to get married on a holiday weekend because that's what was open for where we wanted. Most everyone has been ok with it (we gave 6 months + notice) but my aunt and a cousin that grew up with me had booked something over a year ago so they won't be able to attend. They were actually trying to see if they could rearrange things to be there because they are that close.

The solution we came up with was video. We will be video taping our wedding anyway and we will be having a "video showing" party later where they'll come over and we'll show them the video. Not the same as being there, but it isnt' a do over and they get to see our wedding and go on their trip. My grandmother is having some health issues so it may be a bigger party then we expect. Don't know if this will help and hopefully the first look will solve your dilemma... but it's better than a do over... which makes no sense. You are already married, it won't be the same.

climbingsingle · August 2014

slothiegal said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Sometimes the things we initially want just don't work out. FI wanted to exchange vows hanging from a mountain.
Seriously.

The logistics were impossible to work out. So we compromised. I think the first look at this location is a great compromise.

SIB

Sorry to thread jack but....that sounds awesome.

I'm not even kidding - this is EXACTLY what he wanted to do.

KryssiW · August 2014

I disagree with the resounding notion that anyone else's feelings should automatically come before yours. If something means a lot to you, then you should try your best to do it. Ultimately, you'll need to decide for yourself what is most important to you. If getting married in that place is more important to you than anyone else witnessing your wedding, then you don't need to invite anyone else.

But, you could always opt to invite everyone anyway, and inform the elderly/disabled guests about the inaccessibility. You'd be surprised how many people can come up with solutions on their own for this kind of thing. I've been to a wedding where the mother of the groom was in a wheelchair and had to be led down a hill by two people to attend the wedding. People that want to be there tend to make it work.

beethery · August 2014

KryssiW said:

I disagree with the resounding notion that anyone else's feelings should automatically come before yours. If something means a lot to you, then you should try your best to do it. Ultimately, you'll need to decide for yourself what is most important to you. If getting married in that place is more important to you than anyone else witnessing your wedding, then you don't need to invite anyone else.

But, you could always opt to invite everyone anyway, and inform the elderly/disabled guests about the inaccessibility. You'd be surprised how many people can come up with solutions on their own for this kind of thing. I've been to a wedding where the mother of the groom was in a wheelchair and had to be led down a hill by two people to attend the wedding. People that want to be there tend to make it work.

Yup. Her grandparents can just get air-dropped into the location since nobody's feelings or abilities besides those of the B&G matter. This is excellent advice. Thank you so much.

buttercup1958 · August 2014

I may be unpopular opinion here but I think we should stop piling on the OP a little bit. She admitted she sounded childish and she found a way to have her location and her family there. She said she was going to do a first look and have her actual ceremony somewhere else so everyone (including her grandparents) could be there. OP have the first look and if you have any more questions don't be afraid to ask!

beethery · August 2014

As long as OP got it together I'm cool with her. My response was to this Kryssi person who was making a valiant effort to defend the road to Rudeland.

buttercup1958 · September 2014

@beethery yeah that girl isn't super helpful. Btw the georgia trip went great!

Fairyjen1 · September 2014

We wanted to get married at Disneyland. We are huge Disney fans. We didn't want to inflict this on anyone else so we are indeed picking our location over having extended family and friends witness the vows.

We are having a very small wedding with only immediate family and calling it good. No pre-wedding parties, no AHR's no PPD's. This is always an option for you and perfectly acceptable. In my family no one gets bent out of shape if you aren't invited to a wedding. This is his second and most of his extended family let him know they already saw him get married once and wouldn't be traveling to do it again (his family is really scattered all over the US and Canada) so it was a pretty easy decision for us.

heatherrae8 · September 2014

This thread is AMAZING.

lurkergirl · September 2014

This thread is AMAZING.

Hey there! Glad you're enjoying the thread. I am new here too, but the ladies are great!

I have a suggestion: Please change your username! You don't want everyone knowing your full name and email address.

Go change it, and then come back to us.

heatherrae8 · September 2014

just did

lurkergirl · September 2014

just did

**Stuck In The Box**

Good stuff. Is that still your full name though? May want to change it once more. Not trying to nag, but you never know what kind of crazy people are out there!

**edited to delete user's previous username

heatherrae8 · September 2014

For sure

lurkergirl · September 2014

Hey I deleted your name from the comment.

Deleting entire posts is frowned upon around here, so I left the rest. It could be helpful to another lurker who wants to set up their own profile

heatherrae8 · September 2014

lol. Gotcha.

slothiegal · September 2014

Pssst @lurkergirl--PP's username (with her email address) is still in your first post--don't want to go behind you and edit it, so thought I'd give you a heads up

lurkergirl · September 2014

slothiegal said:

Pssst @lurkergirl--PP's username (with her email address) is still in your first post--don't want to go behind you and edit it, so thought I'd give you a heads up

Thank you @slothiegal

I am trying to follow too many boards at once right now!

slothiegal · September 2014

I know the feeling! And at the same time trying to do work, UGH. Don't my supervisors know I have Knotting to catch up on and episodes of Real Housewives to watch???

Etiquette question about location of ceremony

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