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"Why don't you go to REAL counseling."

ElcaBElcaB member
2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
in Chit Chat
There is a very important person in my life I'm very close to, we'll call this person Sam. I value Sam's input and advice, but Sam can also be a little bit...weird sometimes. It's hard to explain, but that's the best way to put it. 

Sam is one of the many people who recommended FI & I do premarital counseling to help us prepare for marriage. Today, Sam & I were talking and I mentioned that premarital counseling falls on X date. Sam asked where I was doing the counseling, and when I said we were doing it at my church, Sam scoffed and said, "Why don't you go to REAL counseling."

Sam doesn't really have a religion, but is very spiritual. Despite preaching love and acceptance of all beliefs, though, Sam has been known to be very judgmental of Christianity. Our counseling is at a Christian church with the minister I grew up with. 

I'm so angry. I told Sam that was rude, but Sam just said, "I'm just kidding." No, you're not. Even if you were, that's not a very appropriate topic to joke about. I want to confront Sam about it, but I know if I do Sam will either tell me I'm oversensitive or get mad and say, "I just can't say anything right, so I just won't say anything anymore." (Sam tends to overreact when confronted about hurt feelings.)

I'm sitting here fuming over this and just needed to vent. Whew! 
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Re: "Why don't you go to REAL counseling."

  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Sam needs to hit the chill button. If you guys feel like counseling through the church is gonna work for you, that's all you need.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    We REALLY liked our church counseling.  Was it led by a PhD or a licensed therapist?  No.  But, it was facilitated by our deacon who had done this with numerous other couples.  And we didn't talk about Jesus much.  It focused on issues such as finances, dealing with in-laws, etc. 

    I hope your church counseling goes well!




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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I would be offended, because it sounds like your relationship needs help and repair by her saying you need REAL counseling.

    I would just tell her that the program the church is using has been used by many couples for successful marriage in the past and draws on subjects that are important to you.

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    That was really rude and condesending of her. 
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  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    as opposed to what? Fake counseling?!?! 
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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Frankly, I'd hit him. But it sounds rather like I would have hit him a long time ago, too. So there is that. I'm usually a peaceable enough person, but just because I'm not doing what YOU would choose for YOURSELF, doesn't make what I'm doing any less real. 

    If he says it again, flat out tell him that shit's unacceptable. And if he gets his feathers in a ruffle over people getting "hurt feelings" tell him to quit being an asshole and maybe so many damn people wouldn't get "hurt feelings" over the douchey, assholish, moronic stupid insensitive bullshit he spews all over the place. 

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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    A person who overreacts to negative feedback needs to be told, "Sorry, but I'm not interested in managing your feelings about being called out. You're supposed to feel bad when someone says you did something shitty; I'm not about to feel sorry that I rightfully made you feel a little bit bad about something you're objectively supposed to feel bad about. Now, do you still want to get some ice cream?"

    Like, a little wrist slap between friends shouldn't be a cue to start DRAMATIME. You're still friends, you just needed to tell him not to say dickish shit about your counseling. That's it. Stop saying dickish things, man. Now, who wants beer?
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    sarahbear31 said:
    We REALLY liked our church counseling.  Was it led by a PhD or a licensed therapist?  No.  But, it was facilitated by our deacon who had done this with numerous other couples.  And we didn't talk about Jesus much.  It focused on issues such as finances, dealing with in-laws, etc. 

    I hope your church counseling goes well!
    I think many people have this misconception that all faith-based pre-marital and marital counseling will be all "Jesus Jesus Jesus."

    It's true that any faith based counseling will have it's roots in religious dogma and beliefs, but there are a lot of "regular life" topics, such as finances, etc, that are discussed as well. 

    Do religious based counselors try to counsel you against divorce?  Sure, but so do many secular counselors as well.  They approach it as the final option when all else has failed in trying to make the marriage work, although secular counselors don't believe divorce is a sin. . . neither do I.

    If anything, your friend Sam should have used the word secular and not REAL in her comment. . . if she felt the need to comment at all ><

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • raissyraisraissyrais member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Lol the way you called him Sam made me think about the Poise commercial. "Sam is so small but so absorbent. I have Sam in my pant right now". Lol anyway, what Sam said is not very appropriate and shouldn't be joking around when it comes to your beliefs.
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  • beetherybeethery member
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    raissyrais said:
    Lol the way you called him Sam made me think about the Poise commercial. "Sam is so small but so absorbent. I have Sam in my pant right now". Lol anyway, what Sam said is not very appropriate and shouldn't be joking around when it comes to your beliefs.
    That has got to be one of the most off-putting but hilarious commercials out right now. I love it.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    sarahbear31 said:
    We REALLY liked our church counseling.  Was it led by a PhD or a licensed therapist?  No.  But, it was facilitated by our deacon who had done this with numerous other couples.  And we didn't talk about Jesus much.  It focused on issues such as finances, dealing with in-laws, etc. 

    I hope your church counseling goes well!
    I think many people have this misconception that all faith-based pre-marital and marital counseling will be all "Jesus Jesus Jesus."

    It's true that any faith based counseling will have it's roots in religious dogma and beliefs, but there are a lot of "regular life" topics, such as finances, etc, that are discussed as well. 

    Do religious based counselors try to counsel you against divorce?  Sure, but so do many secular counselors as well.  They approach it as the final option when all else has failed in trying to make the marriage work, although secular counselors don't believe divorce is a sin. . . neither do I.

    If anything, your friend Sam should have used the word secular and not REAL in her comment. . . if she felt the need to comment at all ><
    Agreed. I don't think the counseling is going to be a mini-sermon to convert FI to Christianity. Geez. 
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