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Trying to be patient // THE WAIT IS OVER!

meganxx29meganxx29 member
5 Love Its First Comment
edited September 2014 in Not Engaged Yet
Hi ladies! So my boyfriend and I have been together for over six years, and I think he's about to propose this week (if not this week, next week)! I'm just so excited. It's driving me crazy every time I see him though. I keep getting my hopes up, only for him to leave at the end of the night with the same relationship status as before. He has the ring, so now we're just playing the waiting game. Anyone know how I can retain some patience over here? :)
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Re: Trying to be patient // THE WAIT IS OVER!

  • vegasbride2015vegasbride2015 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I know what you mean. We set the date and put a deposit on the venue last week. I'm waiting for October so he can properly ask for my fathers blessing. My father lives 1000 miles south of us and is coming up for my birthday in Oct. And even after that I have NO clue when he will be proposing. We are so backwards. Lol.

    Until this happens, I can't announce the wedding, it is driving me nuts.
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  • Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
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    Don't listen to crazy up there. Planning the wedding without a proposal is like "huh" and not in a good way. I was so busy with life and crafting and random stuff when H proposed that I was basically in shock and forgot to say yes immediately. That's the best way to do this craziness
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
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  • labrolabro member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @meganxx29‌ Please disregard the crazy. I knew that FI had made a deposit on my ring and it was coming about three months before he actually proposed and it was still a complete surprise when he did! Focus on keeping yourself occupied with a new hobby? Floral is on sale at Hobby Lobby this week so you could pick up some fall flowers and make a beautiful fall burlap wreath! I know how easy it is to get wrapped up in the excitement of imminent engagement but you need to talk yourself down a little and just let it happen on its own otherwise you could set yourself up for some extreme disapppointment if it doesn't happen when you are expecting it to. Focus on yourself these next few weeks by trying out a new hobby like I said, or putting all that engagement excitement in to a new work out routine!



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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Find ways to distract yourself that don't involve your SO. There will be plenty of time after the engagement to be excited about being engaged and getting married.


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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
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    Fi and I discussed getting married/engaged before he popped the question. So I as well knew that he had the intentions and the ring. For a bit I was really anxious and crazy about waiting for it, but then I realized "hey, I'm just wasting my perfectly good relationship time waiting for the proposal. I will NEVER get back the time that we are 'boyfriend-and-girlfriend' and once we are engaged I will NEVER AGAIN be his girlfriend!" It kind of put things in perspective and allowed me to relax a bit more.

    But then again, we were only dating for 5 months, not 6 years. I think I would have chewed my arm off during that time.
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  • loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    OP, I knew DH had the ring for around 2 months before he proposed, so I can sort of relate.  The thing to do is to enjoy your relationship as it is right now without letting your mind wander off into "OMG NEXT STEP" territory.

    Think about it this way... if everything works out, this is the last time in your life that you won't be someone's wife or fiancee.  This is the last time in your life when you're ringless.  It's a special time.  Enjoy it.

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  • eilis1228eilis1228 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Oh gosh, I completely empathize. FI and I had a timeline for a loooong time, and about a month before I figured he would propose, I went completely crazy. It's so hard to be patient when you're walking around with giant butterflies in your stomach every day. Posting here helped a lot, going to the gym more helped, reading a good book, etc. Start a puzzle, a book, a new crafting project, a new exercise regime, etc. Whatever you need to do to keep your mind off of it. Good luck! Try to enjoy your last few weeks as just boyfriend and girlfriend--definitely savor the moments before the wedding stress sets in!


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  • vegasbride2015vegasbride2015 member
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    FTR, no one is "crazy" bc that haven't had the proposal yet. Everyone works differently. There is no need to bash someone else's choice. It is called sympathizing.
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  • vegasbride2015vegasbride2015 member
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    bethsmiles said:
    jcray1978 said:
    FTR, no one is "crazy" bc that haven't had the proposal yet. Everyone works differently. There is no need to bash someone else's choice. It is called sympathizing.
    It is crazy that you set a date and put a deposit down on a venue but don't consider yourself engaged. You don't need a ring to be engaged. If you had lurked even a little bit on this board you would have known you'd get this response.

    Also, it's ridiculous to ask your father's blessing when you're already engaged because you're already planning a wedding! 

    In your world, maybe. This isn't my first wedding, and how we handle the way we are doing it is different from tradition which we aren't following to begin with. Again, just sympathizing, and no, I really haven't lurked on this board to know what kind of (rude) responses I might get, but I know the boards TOS and attacking someone for a different way of handling THEIR wedding falls under the rules against the TOS. That being said, I apologize to the OP, I totally understand how you feel. Best of luck! I do agree with keeping busy, it does tend to help.
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  • vegasbride2015vegasbride2015 member
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    lyndausvi said:
    If you are planning a wedding you are engaged.

    True story.




    ETA  - should mention that my DH wanted to meet my dad for the first time and ask for his blessing.   We waited, he met my dad, handed me the ring THEN we planned the wedding.  What's the point in waiting to talk to dad if everything is already planned out?   To be honest if I was your dad I would annoyed and think him asking was mocking me.  

     




    My dad knows me well enough not to feel mocked by that. Like I said, my second wedding. And I know exactly what to expect with my father.
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  • AwishaAwisha member
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    This whole thread (up until the nitpicking) has been really helpful and relatable to me. So thank you!! I know that my boyfriend has had my ring since December (2013), and I'm getting more and more antsy as time goes on.  He's had various things he's been waiting for, mainly job situations and me finishing my BA. Most of those things are no longer an issue, and so every time I'm with him, it's really hard not to nag and ask him "when" it's going to happen.  But I LOVE the ideas of keeping myself occupied with other things and of enjoying my relationship in its current state with him, as boyfriend and girlfriend.  :)
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  • buddysmom80buddysmom80 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    OP, enjoy this time as bf/gf because you'll never get it back. Trust me.

    Wearing your patience pants is hard, but it's worth it.

    @jcray1978 you're joking, right? @bethsmiles did not violate any TOS. Puh-leese.

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  • SwazzleSwazzle member
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    In reference to @jcray1978: 

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    OP: I know it's easier said than done but try not to keep getting your hopes up every time you see him. Doesn't it sound so much more pleasant to enjoy the time you're spending together rather than being disappointed everyday?



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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    in agreement with enjoying the stage of life you're in now...  dating is wonderful and fun, and you'll never have that time back with your SO.  and if you're making fall burlap wreaths, please PM me so I can put in an order.  I want one, but I'm too busy to make one right now!  darn you, PMP class, for taking over my life.

    @jcray1978 - I know it's off-putting, but there really aren't any personal attacks going on here.  there is a disagreement but in no way has it crossed the line to throwing personal insults (like, YOUR MOM or YOU SLUT).  unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) the internet is full of different people, ideas, and styles of communication.  in fact, a lot of the regular posters around here (including myself) started out getting called out on their crazy.  I mean, let's just admit it!  a lot of not-engaged-yet ladies (and men, my H, for example) start to toe the line into crazy/not-so-normal behavior.  to you, this isn't crazy behavior... and you have all the right in the world to conduct your life in the best way for you.  it doesn't mean everyone will agree with you, but that's okay!  if you're completely content with how you're doing things, then just OWN IT.  no big deal.

    now let's all hug.
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  • speakeasy14speakeasy14 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Agree with everyone, definitely find a new hobby to distract yourself with.  If it is something you have never done, you will be completely absorbed with learning that new thing.

    Side note, my best friend knew the proposal was coming and refused to distract herself, her now husband, took that as a sign to play games and constantly pretend to propose by asking her favors (like.. Will you... help with the dishes).  Now she says she wishes should would have taken my advice and distracted herself so she didn't go crazy waiting. 
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  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @jcray1978 Just because its your second wedding doesn't mean that planning and putting deposits down =/= engaged.  You're engaged whether this is your first wedding or your tenth. 
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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I don't see the point in waiting for a proposal when you're actively planning the wedding together. Like, if you have a venue and any vendors for the wedding ... then what's the point of the proposal? I think that there's a narrative that doesn't fit everyone (guy proposes to gal, plan wedding, get married), so when people don't end up sticking to the narrative (e.g. no proposal), they still feel like they HAVE to have that moment from the narrative. It's not all that different from having a PPD because your wedding wasn't your "real" wedding. So if there's no "formal" proposal, people go, "Well, I still NEED one."

    Anyway.
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  • Dignity100Dignity100 member
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    jcray1978 said:
    bethsmiles said:
    jcray1978 said:
    FTR, no one is "crazy" bc that haven't had the proposal yet. Everyone works differently. There is no need to bash someone else's choice. It is called sympathizing.
    It is crazy that you set a date and put a deposit down on a venue but don't consider yourself engaged. You don't need a ring to be engaged. If you had lurked even a little bit on this board you would have known you'd get this response.

    Also, it's ridiculous to ask your father's blessing when you're already engaged because you're already planning a wedding! 

    In your world, maybe. This isn't my first wedding, and how we handle the way we are doing it is different from tradition which we aren't following to begin with. Again, just sympathizing, and no, I really haven't lurked on this board to know what kind of (rude) responses I might get, but I know the boards TOS and attacking someone for a different way of handling THEIR wedding falls under the rules against the TOS. That being said, I apologize to the OP, I totally understand how you feel. Best of luck! I do agree with keeping busy, it does tend to help.
    And if your dad says 'no' and does not give the blessing you're looking for - will you move forward with your plans anyway? 


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  • beanbot2002beanbot2002 member
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    @goldenpeguin I couldn't find an eye to eye gif because the internet hates me but...
    "Stuart was scared, but he loved Margalo, Mommy. And there is nothing bigger than love." -The Bean
     "His farts smell like Satan's asshole mixed with a skunk's vagina. But it's okay, because I love him." -CSousa









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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    bethsmiles said:
    It is crazy that you set a date and put a deposit down on a venue but don't consider yourself engaged. You don't need a ring to be engaged. If you had lurked even a little bit on this board you would have known you'd get this response.

    Also, it's ridiculous to ask your father's blessing when you're already engaged because you're already planning a wedding

    I'm stuck in the quote box, so I'm bolding this and putting it in purple...

    What @bethsmiles said.

    I don't have a ring.  Mr. Historian and I came to the decision that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, and that was that.  His job is completely unpredictable and he spends most of his time overseas (literally...out of the last year, we've spent 3.5 full weeks actually in each other's presence).  We have a rough timeline, but work could get in the way, so I'm planning what I can, with his full knowledge and as much input as he can give me.  At some point, he's going to show up on my front porch with a ring (because he has this thing about surprising me when he comes home), and I look forward to that (because I'm a niffler and I like shiny things), but I'm not anxious about whether or not he's going to propose.

    I do think he plans to take my Dad out to lunch the next time he's home, but that's nothing weird.  They'll probably end up talking about Star Trek and theology.
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  • rosecoloredglasses81rosecoloredglasses81 member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its

    I know how you feel! We've discussed getting married and I know he has already asked for my father's blessing, which he gave.  My  boyfriend even told me he plans on proposing around Christmas time when the whole family is around. Too bad I have to work Christmas day. My boyfriend has even been complaining about how expensive a nice ring is and society expects you to spend 3 months salary, blah, blah, blah.  We talk about it almost everyday so its hard not anticipating.

     

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  • dizzylizzy213dizzylizzy213 member
    Tenth Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    I sympathize!  My boyfriend and picked out a ring in March of 2013 and I have been waiting ever since!  It gets easier to put it out of your mind, and I really do want it to be a complete surprise.  I went through a phase of a couple of months of pushing and it really just frustrated both of us, so I have accepted that it will happen when the time is right.

    We have been dating for 5 years so a few months more will not hurt anything!
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  • meganxx29meganxx29 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    You're all so helpful! I'm glad I'm not the only one who is anxiously awaiting a proposal. I'm going to begin a new workout regime, like many of you have suggested. This past week, I've been feeling much more at ease, likely because I know it's coming so soon. It's just surreal to know that after so many years of dating (circa 2008), it's going to happen any day now. He told me he's speaking to my father this week, which makes me that much more excited. I'm so ready to begin this next chapter!

    Once he proposes, I'll update you all. :)
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Starting a new work-out regime is a great idea! What are you going to do? I'm going to start swimming as soon as I figure out which gym has the best price/hours. I looked at the local rec. center and they wanted $55 a month and had really crappy lap hours!

    Stick around if you want. We have lots of fun here and it can be a good distraction from going crazy while you wait!


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