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Wedding Woes
KylieMatt718
member
Fiances Mother died........this is no fun anymore.
in Wedding Woes
Maybe I just need to vent here. Maybe vent is the wrong word. I want to scream and cry...Maybe I am just selfish. My fiances mother died in November. 5 days before my 25th birthday. I canceled my birthday. I was not up for celebrating and did not want him to have to try to muster up anything. Was the same day I was getting my dress. Sucked! With that said and done I p have been as strong as possible to help him get through this. It was sudden..unexpected and gruesome. He is now left with terrible images embedded in his head for the rest of his life. It is truly so sad. He was a mama's boy. His father is almost non-exsistant. Through the past few months we have struggled with many things including possibly adopting his 13 year old sister. I just feel like I am drowning. I have taken on ALL responsibility for the wedding. I work and am in school. It just really stinks. What use to be the happiest guy in the world is now someone who has to fight to being a normal human being today. He has lost all excitement for the wedding. He has lost all excitement for life. I know it will not always be this way but why oh why does it have to be this way now? It is really discouraging to see him not excited. I UNDERSTAND. I do....but it does not mean it is any easier on my shoulders. I swear I am doing the best that I can.I do not let him know how much it sucks....or how discouraged I am This is suppose to be the happiest time of our lives and it a complete disaster. I knwo we both DO want to get married...............just wish I knew a way to make it not such a sad thing now. I wish I had someone to vent to that didn't just throw in my face that his mother died. I KNOW. It hurts me to see him this way. Does not mean that I am not BEYOND stressed out doing everything on my own. Does anyone have good advice? Does it get better? Is there a light at the end of this tunnel?
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Re: Fiances Mother died........this is no fun anymore.
IF/Baby Blog
2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
Best of luck to you! I hope the light at the end of the tunnel comes quick.
[QUOTE]I am not sure why I evem write on here because alot of the responses I get are rude ones. I OFFERED to postpone it. He said absolutely not. I already did these things. Maybe I should have a put a biography about myself and how I am the only one keeping everyone together. so please......if you are going to make me feel worse...do not reply. I am already drowning here. Berespectful. I am a human being too. Also, I wrote I AM DOING IT all. I am not putting any stress on him with the wedding what so ever. I do not ask him to do a single thing. I am doing the best I can here. Lizzie- I apppreciate youre response. Just won't work :0/
Posted by KylieMatt718[/QUOTE]
<div>Dude, we can only go by what you wrote.</div><div>By what you wrote?</div><div>you and yoru relationship need WAY MORE than a message board can give.</div><div>
</div><div>If either of you ahs an EAP through work (helpnet, things like that) call them. Today.</div><div>If neither of you has an EAP through work, call a family therapist and make an appointment for the 2 of you.</div><div>(and that's not 'snarky' advice. "you need professional help" isn't saying 'you're a lost cause' it's saying 'dude, this is to big for you to ask complete strangers about. A professional can help you naviage this)</div><div>
</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiances Mother died........this is no fun anymore. : Dude, we can only go by what you wrote. By what you wrote? you and yoru relationship need WAY MORE than a message board can give. If either of you ahs an EAP through work (helpnet, things like that) call them. Today. If neither of you has an EAP through work, call a family therapist and make an appointment for the 2 of you. (and that's not 'snarky' advice. "you need professional help" isn't saying 'you're a lost cause' it's saying 'dude, this is to big for you to ask complete strangers about. A professional can help you naviage this)
Posted by GBCK[/QUOTE]
This.
"I had to cancel my birthday."
"I have taken ALL the responsibility for the wedding."
"He has lost all excitement for the wedding."
^ All of that, plus the overall tone of your post is what people are reacting to.
This dude has lost his mother and may become a surrogate father in a very short period of time. While it sounds like you care about your FI, you're coming across as being very concerned about the fact that things aren't as 'fun' as they used to be and how that's not 'fair' to you.
Please take GBCK's advice to get some help for both of you to work through this.
[QUOTE]Not the case at all I am sorry you feel that way. Again I ask that people don't make me feel any worse than I already do. You are all humans. Put yourself in someone else's shoes before responding meanly. I don't get why anyone would even want to do that. If I had the time to explain the situation in its entirety I would and you would probably feel bad saying these things but I don't. I hope you can take the time to understand and not spend you time kicking people that are already down.
Posted by KylieMatt718[/QUOTE]
<div>Oh FFS.</div><div>
</div><div>You need mouch uch more help than we can give you.</div><div>And if you sound like a shiney brat, that's YOUR fault, not ours.</div><div>
</div><div>With the background YOU provided, no one should feel bad for the advice given.</div><div>I hope you can take the time to understand why people responded as they did.</div>
[QUOTE]Not the case at all I am sorry you feel that way. Again I ask that people don't make me feel any worse than I already do. You are all humans. Put yourself in someone else's shoes before responding meanly. I don't get why anyone would even want to do that. If I had the time to explain the situation in its entirety I would and you would probably feel bad saying these things but I don't. I hope you can take the time to understand and not spend you time kicking people that are already down.
Posted by KylieMatt718[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Then maybe you need to see a therapist instead of posting on a public forum. <--Not to be snotty but it sounds like you have some real issues to work out.
</div>
I think that excitement has been replaced by grief for you FI, and that is 100% understandable. It is also understandable, that you would not have wanted to start your new life this way. Of course, you would have given anything to have his mother alive and at the wedding, but things didn't work out that way.
To answer your question, yes things do get better, but it takes time. Would your MIl want you to keep your plans for the wedding? Probably. Would she want everyone to be happy and enjoy themselves? Probably. You knew her and I didn't.
Some people don't hit the hard stuff until they have been married for 12 years and some people hit the hard stuff from the start. My point, is that there will hard times in your marriage and your life as you age. It just is, what it is. I guess what you have to ask yourself is this the man that you want to weather the hard times with. If the answer is yes, then take a deep breath, and continue with your plans.
i can't believe that wedding planning has continued, especially since november was just a few months ago. it's also not a complicated process to plan a wedding, so there's a lot more going on here IMO.
and you both need help. i don;t mean the hired cooprdinator type.
I weep for the future of this country!
[QUOTE]I totaly understand how u must be feeling. This is your big day and the things u imagined would hapn ar not. Its not that u ar selfish or anythn, he nids get up nd b strong and look 2 the future. his got a kid nd a wife to look afta so he has 2 man up am sure thats wat his mother would have wanted. He has to leaarn 2 b strong nd du wats supzd 2 b dne wen ts supzd 2 b dne. u and his sista ar his future if nly he had an active dad in his lyf hu cld help. mayb u cld tlk 2 sme1 huz clos 2 him , so u can help him celebrate the life of his mother throw moving forward. lyk sme1 suggested incorporate the things his mum luvd into d wedn.......
Posted by duchess23[/QUOTE]
dafuq?
IF/Baby Blog
2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
so yes, there is more going on here.
yes, we DON'T know you. we can only go by what you write. and what you wrote comes off as only caring that the wedding planning has become a chore.
so most people advise to STOP planning a wedding, start working on your FI getting his joy back, and then resume planning.
i dont think anyone said you shouldn't get married. maybe you need to read what people wrote. you know, take your own advice.
[QUOTE]I'm starting to wonder if some of you respond out of boredom? So I'm suppose to cancel the wedding against what he wants? A lot more going on here? Hm... First off you don't even know me or him and no there is not alot more going on here. <em>I simply don't have a good support system at the moment and thought as human freaking beings and WOMEN I could let it out and not get bombarded with people who aren't even trying to understand </em>that I've left stuff out or that I've done and continue to do all that one person can. Please stop responding if you're not gonna read that we already started therapy and if you're going to make me out to be a bad person. I certainly hope none of you ever have struggles in which you are treated that way. I am playing the role of wife friend confidant mother father sister for multiple people here. Cut me some freaking slack.
Posted by KylieMatt718[/QUOTE]
So because we all have vaginas (supposedly), we're all supposed to understand, pet your head, and tell you it's going to be OK, and that you should have/deserve a pretty princess day no matter what's going on?
Support sometimes comes in the form of telling you what you *need* to hear.