Hey knotties! First time poster here, but I've been lurking for a bit. Hope you all can help me think clearly about this situation, and possibly help my FI and I out with some advice.
Background: FBIL and FMIL had a huge falling out around Christmas.
Both of them behaved immaturely, and the end result is that FBIL won’t
return FMIL’s calls, etc, and hasn’t for months. This isn’t likely to
change anytime soon. She’s been hounding him non-stop since Christmas,
and has come close to driving cross-country to surprise/confront him.
She doesn’t think she was wrong about anything she did or said during
the drama (she was), and is NOT looking to apologize, but rather to
demand apologies.
FI and FBIL have a decent relationship. FMIL has been seriously
upset/hurt that FBIL will still talk to FI and not to her. FI’s
relationship with FMIL has always been a bit strained.
Recently, FI and FMIL had dinner. She asked him if he would be
inviting FBIL to the wedding, and he replied “of course I will”. She
then said that if she and FBIL hadn’t resolved their issues by then,
that she just might not come. FI stared at her in disbelief. She then
said “would you hold that against me?” FI said “Are you crazy? Of course
I would.” She dug in her heels, and indicated that because FI eloped a
decade ago (when he was in college, tumbling into a foolish marriage
that didn’t last a year) that she felt like she had every right to ditch
our wedding with impunity.
He’s furious, and honestly hurt. I’m appalled. Not sure how exactly to move forward. (There's zero chance of FI *not* inviting his brother, don't worry - that's not on the table.)
There's a part of us (FI and I) that feels like 'if you're going to behave this atrociously, this far out from the event in question, then maybe you just don't need to be invited'. But I realize that's nuclear.
How would you respond?