Bouquet Toss

TakerFan1 · September 2014

So I know that it is traditional for the bride to toss the bouquet to the single women at the wedding and for the groom to toss the garter to the single men. I also understand that in some way this is said to bring happy years to the marriage or something (I don't really understand that part). My problem is that I am having a family only wedding so most of my guests over 18 are married leaving me with 3 women and 2 men that would qualify to participate in this tradition. With that being said I don't really want to do this, but I am big on tradition and would still like to do something that more people could participate in. Are there any alternatives that I could do?

Liatris2010 · September 2014

Good riddance to the tosses!

What about inviting couples to the dance floor if they are dating, newlyweds, married less than 10 years, etc. all the way up to those married 50+ years and then present the couple whose been the longest together with a small gift (flowers?).

emmaaa · September 2014

You don't have to do it at all if you don't want to.

However, if you still want to toss the bouquet and your groom toss the garter, you could call all ladies and men (respectively) to the floor. Do the toss like normal but instead of being the next to get married, give the catcher a nice gift or gift card. Someone won a $25 Starbucks gift card at the last one I was at.

climbingsingle · September 2014

I detest the tosses!

How about an anniversary dance?

[Deleted User] · September 2014

We skipped the toss/garter too. We only had handful of single women and I think 3 or 4 guys. My girlfriends who were single asked me if we were doing it and said "probably not" and they said thank you. So I went with that and didn't do it.

slothiegal · September 2014

We also skipped both and also when the route of the anniversary dance. It was a lot of fun and very beautiful, and no one missed the tosses.

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

we skipped the tosses, too.

princessleia22 · September 2014

We skipped them and nobody missed them. Didn't replace them with anything and I'm not sure you really need to have a replacement. I also had the same problem where it was a small wedding. The only unmarried female was engaged and getting married 2 months after me... or under the age of 6. The only unmarried males were a gay uncle and a 12 years old nephew. Although, I think we would have skipped the tossed even if that weren't the case as neither of us are big fans of them.

chasseuse · September 2014

We are skipping the tosses as well, but we are not doing the anniversary dance. Too many of the VIPs have deceased spouses and would be uncomfortable.

Knottie45547263 · September 2014

We just skipped it. You don't have to do it. I think bouquet and garter tosses are tacky. I haven't seem them done at the weddings I've been to lately. I think the tradition is dying - thank goodness.

decembergrl2014 · September 2014

FI and I are doing the anniversary dance.

BlueBirdMB · September 2014

Liatris2010 said:

Good riddance to the tosses!

What about inviting couples to the dance floor if they are dating, newlyweds, married less than 10 years, etc. all the way up to those married 50+ years and then present the couple whose been the longest together with a small gift (flowers?).

This is exactly what we did. The married couple got my bouquet. They were married 56 years and they took pictures of my bouquet in a vase at their house. You certainly can just skip it all without replacing. Personally, I always felt awkward participating in the bouquet toss even when I was single.

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

BlueBirdMB said:
show previous quotes

Liatris2010 said:

Good riddance to the tosses!

What about inviting couples to the dance floor if they are dating, newlyweds, married less than 10 years, etc. all the way up to those married 50+ years and then present the couple whose been the longest together with a small gift (flowers?).

This is exactly what we did. The married couple got my bouquet. They were married 56 years and they took pictures of my bouquet in a vase at their house. You certainly can just skip it all without replacing. Personally, I always felt awkward participating in the bouquet toss even when I was single.

This is what we did, too!

Alikat9614 · September 2014

We did the tosses but invited everyone to the floor, not just the single folk. Each person who caught something got $10 in scratch off lottery tickets. The two that caught the bouquet and garter ended up dancing with each other to the next song, but only because the knew each other, and wanted to, not because it was "mandated."

canadianhearts · September 2014

We're skipping the tosses as well. Not sure what to do with my bouquet yet. I like the idea of gifting it to my mom. My grandparents won't be able to make it to the wedding, because my grandpa is sick and I wish I could send it overseas so they could have a little part of the day with them.

rm17 · September 2014

We're tossing the bouquet and the garter, but we're not having anyone put a garter on anyone else because it creeps me out and discourages people from participating.

Instead, the people who catch them get a gift card!

sarahufl · September 2014

Please, no tosses. They are embarassing!

fwtx5815 · October 2014

We're not doing the traditional tosses either, my fiancé and I both find them tacky and embarrassing for those involved.

A DJ that we considered hiring suggested the following (and this is probably what we'll do since our florist is including a bouquet to toss anyway): when you do your big exit, before getting in the car, toss it right before you leave.

I'll be wearing a garter but no garter toss because ew.

The oldest guests in attendance will be our grandparents who are either widow(er)s or can't bring their spouse due to illness. We come from divorced families so we don't want to highlight that aspect. I really like the idea of the anniversary dance, just wouldn't work for our crowd.

ETA: clarification

chibiyui · October 2014

We did a bouquet toss and a companion cube toss. The winners got booze. It was successful.

sarahufl · October 2014

chibiyui said:

We did a bouquet toss and a companion cube toss. The winners got booze. It was successful.

SITB:

What is that?

rajahmd · October 2014

We did both tosses, but not the traditional plan. We invited all the females to come up for the bouquet and the males for the garter. And we really only split it up by gender because the dance floor wasn't big enough for everyone at once. The winner of each toss got a 25 dollar gift card (one was starbucks, one was best buy). Everyone really enjoyed it. In fact, the winner of the garter toss wore the garter on his head for the rest of the night. Thankfully, that garter never touched my leg. I wore a completely different one that only DH saw.

One note of caution about the anniversary dances: please take stock of your guest list before deciding on it. If there are any recent divorces or deaths among VIP's or ones that would have been longer marriages, I would avoid it as it could be really upsetting to those people. Also, I would consider opening it up to all couples, not just married. There are plenty of couples that have remained committed for decades, but aren't married or can't get married. This may not apply to OP's situation, but it's something lurkers should think about.

chibiyui · October 2014

sarahufl said:

show previous quotes

chibiyui said:

We did a bouquet toss and a companion cube toss. The winners got booze. It was successful.

SITB:

What is that?

ohannabelle · October 2014

RajahBMFD said:

We did both tosses, but not the traditional plan. We invited all the females to come up for the bouquet and the males for the garter. And we really only split it up by gender because the dance floor wasn't big enough for everyone at once. The winner of each toss got a 25 dollar gift card (one was starbucks, one was best buy). Everyone really enjoyed it. In fact, the winner of the garter toss wore the garter on his head for the rest of the night. Thankfully, that garter never touched my leg. I wore a completely different one that only DH saw.

One note of caution about the anniversary dances: please take stock of your guest list before deciding on it. If there are any recent divorces or deaths among VIP's or ones that would have been longer marriages, I would avoid it as it could be really upsetting to those people. Also, I would consider opening it up to all couples, not just married. There are plenty of couples that have remained committed for decades, but aren't married or can't get married. This may not apply to OP's situation, but it's something lurkers should think about.

This. There's nothing like watching your friends and relatives take to the dance floor while you're banished to the sidelines because things went very wrong in your life. An awkward reminder nobody needs.

LittlePeachBlossom · October 2014

Not personally a fan of anniversary dances. I like the idea of opening the bouquet and garter toss to everyone not just singles.

CMGragain · October 2014

I skipped the bouquet toss for one good reason - everybody at my wedding was already married.

Nymeru · October 2014

We did the anniversary dance. I felt bad not tossing my bouquet because I knew my sister really wanted to catch it, but we had so few non-married people there (and those that weren't married were in long-term relationships), that it felt weird to do for all of 7 people. Instead, my H's grandparents got my toss bouquet for being married for 67 years. His grandma cried when she got the bouquet because she felt so happy to be acknowledged, and then gave me a flower from the bouquet for my hair so that we would have as happy as a marriage as they've had. It was lovely.

oxfordcomma14 · October 2014

Just skip it. There is no reason to have a replacement, especially with a group that small. Just enjoy being with everyone and celebrating.

weddingcactus · October 2014

Don't do a bouquet toss or garter toss unless you're sure you have numerous interested participants. It's not necessary and I know in the past I always felt they were embarrassing and contrived when I felt pressured to participate.

redheadbride15 · November 2014

No tossing will occur at my wedding. Come to think of it, I can't recall if a toss has happened at ANY of the weddings I've been to in recent years. Personally, I think some traditions are okay to let go of, especially if it doesn't feel right to you.

msuprincess04 · November 2014

There was one at my friend's wedding a few weeks ago. I was surprised so many people got involved, though I think most of them were talked into it by the bride. We skipped it, and no one seemed to notice. I didn't wear a garter, and my bouquet (which was silk anyway) is in a decorative vase in my living room.

kristenone · November 2014

We aren't doing a garter toss because I think it's gross. We are (as of now) doing a bouquet toss that is open to everyone, but I may decide against it. My florist makes a toss bouquet that is actually three separate tiny bouquets so more than one person can get the bouquet. Still, I may scrap the whole thing.

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