Wedding Venue and Family Drama HELP!

bahamabride2015 · August 2014

Just looking for a little advice here because I come from an easy "no drama" family and I don't know how to deal with this nonsense (and my fiancé isn't proving to be much help with his own family) To make a long story short, we live in the Bahamas and had originally booked a venue and a long weekend style wedding at a small resort on another (close) island but due to some logistical issues and staffing changes at the resort we have decided to move to wedding here to Nassau where we and about half of the guests live. The other half will be my family coming from Canada. Anyway, I have been searching for months for the perfect venue that isn't a zillion dollars as everything here tends to be quite expensive and I'm not into the idea of spending a ton on a single day. I was getting super frustrated and nervous as I was having no luck and the wedding is getting closer (supposed to be March 7th) and my guests want to book their trip. Well, my finance's aunt and uncle very graciously offered their gorgeous vacation home which is in a very exclusive gated community for us as a free wedding venue and we are dying to take them up on their offer but the problem is his mother doesn't get along with her brother (who owns the house) and is making an issue out of it. The brother and his wife have said they don't feel comfortable attending the wedding because of the drama but would like to make it up to us by letting us use the house. My fiancé is of the mindset that we should just do what we want and his mother will have to get over it because it is our day and this will essentially solve all of our current planning issues and allow us to firm up our date for out of town guests but I am really nervous that she is going to make this into a big issue which will cause a blow up. Has anyone here had a similar issue or just have some advice? Thanks!

msuprincess04 · August 2014

Hm. If you are planning and paying for your wedding yourselves, then you get to make these choices. That said, if FI's aunt and uncle are letting you use their house, you should still invite them. Adults should be able to suck it up for family for a day, and hopefully his mom will hopefully let it go and enjoy the day for what it is.

bahamabride2015 · August 2014

We are paying for the wedding ourselves in combination with a generous chunk from MY parents. They Aunt and Uncle are 100% invited and we have begged them to come no matter where we end up having the wedding but they don't want FI's mother to be uncomfortable at her son's wedding because of their presence.

Jen4948 · August 2014

I would reassure them that while you understand their reservations about her comfort, you want them to attend no matter what and regardless of his mother's reaction. Your FMIL needs to grow up and get over it and be there for her son. Hopefully she will do that.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

Your FMIL is a drama queen. If she can't suck it up for one day and get along with her brother, she should seek counseling and work on her unresolved issues.

I think it'd be REALLY awkward to have an event in someone's home where the homeowners don't even feel comfortable attending. It's their damn house. They should absolutely feel comfortable being there. Maybe work on a seating chart and show them they will barely even see FMIL if they don't want to, etc.

loveislouder · August 2014

I think if your FMIL has a problem with it, she can pony up the cash to get a different venue.

Knottie98479982 · August 2014

FMIL is an adult and can suck it up and deal with it for a day if you and FI decide to take up the offer on the house. Unless she wants to pitch in with money, she has no say.

bahamabride2015 · August 2014

Thanks everyone. There has been way too much drama for my taste but my fiance had a chat with her today and after she called me to say that she promises to behave at the wedding and wants to make an effort to make peace with her brother in the months she has before the wedding. Fingers and toes crossed.

bahamabride2015 · August 2014

Update: I guess the cease fire is over because she just called and started ranting about how things have gotten worse again and how I should probably look for a new venue... !??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I'm THIS close to cancelling this stupid wedding and eloping. She's ruining this for me and my FI and acting like she is the victim here when she is the one stirring things up.

I just called FI and told him to deal with it because my last nerve is shot.

NYCMercedes · August 2014

bahamabride2015 said:

Update: I guess the cease fire is over because she just called and started ranting about how things have gotten worse again and how I should probably look for a new venue... !??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I'm THIS close to cancelling this stupid wedding and eloping. She's ruining this for me and my FI and acting like she is the victim here when she is the one stirring things up.

I just called FI and told him to deal with it because my last nerve is shot.

Oh no. I was hoping for a happy family reunion for you. (((( )))) Hugs

bahamabride2015 · August 2014

Thanks NYCMercedes , I was hoping for everyone to just be cool. FI called her and told her she crossed the line and that this has gone far enough.

He says everything is going to be fine now but I'm not holding out that much hope.

Excuse me while I scour the internet for a "Don't F*ck with the Bride" t-shirt.

Jen4948 · August 2014

bahamabride2015 said:

Update: I guess the cease fire is over because she just called and started ranting about how things have gotten worse again and how I should probably look for a new venue... !??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I'm THIS close to cancelling this stupid wedding and eloping. She's ruining this for me and my FI and acting like she is the victim here when she is the one stirring things up.

I just called FI and told him to deal with it because my last nerve is shot.

I'm sorry to hear this. Best of luck to you!

Viczaesar · August 2014

I don't have any advice, but good luck deciding what to do. Sounds very frustrating.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

My personal philosophy throughout my wedding planning (mine is just 2 months after yours!) is that while i appreciate all of my guests' attendance, IT STILL ISN'T THEIR WEDDING and if anyone has such an issue with how i plan this wedding they can either keep it to themselves or they don't have to be there. I want everyone to attend but i won't plan my event around a whiny guest.

blondeej · September 2014

My FMIL is cut from the same cloth as yours... dealt with similar hissy fits. It came down the point FI and I had a sit down and said straighten up or ship out. As in you will not be in our lives let alone at our wedding. It's play ball or get to walkin. She's shaped up well since then and has since figured out that being an adult and treating others with respect makes lives go much more smoothly.

Your FI needs to step up to your FMIL and lay the law down. It was never my position to do so but I never ceased stressing to my FI that this is HIS JOB to get HIS MOM under control.

These women will continue to run free with rampant drama unless scolded like children and put into place. TRUST me, been there done that!

Best of luck to you. And for what it's worth - ELOPE. We were supposed to and were guilted into staying here and I 150% regret it.

bahamabride2015 · September 2014

"These women"... I feel ya!

She was put in her place by my FI, his brother and their father so she seems to be on good behavior again (for now) though I have no doubt that it will blow up again 5 more times before the wedding.

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

blondeej said:

My FMIL is cut from the same cloth as yours... dealt with similar hissy fits. It came down the point FI and I had a sit down and said straighten up or ship out. As in you will not be in our lives let alone at our wedding. It's play ball or get to walkin. She's shaped up well since then and has since figured out that being an adult and treating others with respect makes lives go much more smoothly.

Your FI needs to step up to your FMIL and lay the law down. It was never my position to do so but I never ceased stressing to my FI that this is HIS JOB to get HIS MOM under control.

These women will continue to run free with rampant drama unless scolded like children and put into place. TRUST me, been there done that!

Best of luck to you. And for what it's worth - ELOPE. We were supposed to and were guilted into staying here and I 150% regret it.

Wow. This is a little harsh. You want to be treated like an adult/equal and your approach is to scold another adult like a child and "put (her) into place"? Even adults who suck still need to be treated like adults. Take the high road.

bahamabride2015 · September 2014

When dealing with someone who doesn't listen to reason (like a child) sometimes people need to be told that this isn't their day and them not agreeing with the plan isn't your problem. Sorry but I call that putting them in their place. And yes, some people thrive on drama and drawing all of the attention to themselves with a victim mentality (if you don't do it my way, you're doing it to hurt me) This site is full of FMIL stories like that.

blondeej · September 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

blondeej said:

My FMIL is cut from the same cloth as yours... dealt with similar hissy fits. It came down the point FI and I had a sit down and said straighten up or ship out. As in you will not be in our lives let alone at our wedding. It's play ball or get to walkin. She's shaped up well since then and has since figured out that being an adult and treating others with respect makes lives go much more smoothly.

Your FI needs to step up to your FMIL and lay the law down. It was never my position to do so but I never ceased stressing to my FI that this is HIS JOB to get HIS MOM under control.

These women will continue to run free with rampant drama unless scolded like children and put into place. TRUST me, been there done that!

Best of luck to you. And for what it's worth - ELOPE. We were supposed to and were guilted into staying here and I 150% regret it.

Wow. This is a little harsh. You want to be treated like an adult/equal and your approach is to scold another adult like a child and "put (her) into place"? Even adults who suck still need to be treated like adults. Take the high road.

OH MissSouthernBelle - bless your heart you've obviously never had to deal with women like this! Lucky you! The high road is the only one I travel dear.

bahamabride2015 · September 2014

Lol when I was lamenting to a friend at work about what a terrible experience this has been, she laughed and said "Thankfully my boyfriend's mother is long dead so I don't have to worry about that!"

THAT, my dear, is what you would call harsh... I have to say though, I did have a little laugh and said "yeah, I guess you're off scot-free with that one"

I'll give her this, she's honest!

Viczaesar · September 2014

crk9112twp said:

My personal philosophy throughout my wedding planning (mine is just 2 months after yours!) is that while i appreciate all of my guests' attendance, IT STILL ISN'T THEIR WEDDING and if anyone has such an issue with how i plan this wedding they can either keep it to themselves or they don't have to be there. I want everyone to attend but i won't plan my event around a whiny guest.

Speaking of planning your wedding, [name removed], if you are the [names removed] getting married in May whose wedding website I just found, you should not be having a gap between your ceremony and reception. Your guests need to be hosted from start to finish. If you want an hour in between for pictures then you need to host a cocktail hour for your guests, not just tell them not to show up to the reception before an hour has passed. That is rude and poor hosting.

You also might want to change your screen name; I googled it to see if that was your full name so I could advise you to change it, but you probably don't want people finding your wedding website like I did either.

ETA: Also, your gigantic, bolded, underlined, and caps sign saying that no alcohol other than champagne is allowed is inappropriate. You don't have to host alcohol, but yelling to your guests about it is offputting.

ETAA: Oh dear. Your whole section on dress code needs to be deleted, pronto. So not okay. Assuming that this is your website, of course.

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

blondeej said:

southernbelle0915 said:

blondeej said:

My FMIL is cut from the same cloth as yours... dealt with similar hissy fits. It came down the point FI and I had a sit down and said straighten up or ship out. As in you will not be in our lives let alone at our wedding. It's play ball or get to walkin. She's shaped up well since then and has since figured out that being an adult and treating others with respect makes lives go much more smoothly.

Your FI needs to step up to your FMIL and lay the law down. It was never my position to do so but I never ceased stressing to my FI that this is HIS JOB to get HIS MOM under control.

These women will continue to run free with rampant drama unless scolded like children and put into place. TRUST me, been there done that!

Best of luck to you. And for what it's worth - ELOPE. We were supposed to and were guilted into staying here and I 150% regret it.

Wow. This is a little harsh. You want to be treated like an adult/equal and your approach is to scold another adult like a child and "put (her) into place"? Even adults who suck still need to be treated like adults. Take the high road.

OH MissSouthernBelle - bless your heart you've obviously never had to deal with women like this! Lucky you! The high road is the only one I travel dear.

Bless your little heart, honey. I sure have dealt with women like this, I just don't treat adults like children and attempt to 'put them in their place'. I'm firm in what I'll tolerate but respectful at the same time. That's the high road, dear.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

Viczaesar said:

crk9112twp said:

My personal philosophy throughout my wedding planning (mine is just 2 months after yours!) is that while i appreciate all of my guests' attendance, IT STILL ISN'T THEIR WEDDING and if anyone has such an issue with how i plan this wedding they can either keep it to themselves or they don't have to be there. I want everyone to attend but i won't plan my event around a whiny guest.

Speaking of planning your wedding, [names removed], if you are the [names removed] getting married in May whose wedding website I just found, you should not be having a gap between your ceremony and reception. Your guests need to be hosted from start to finish. If you want an hour in between for pictures then you need to host a cocktail hour for your guests, not just tell them not to show up to the reception before an hour has passed. That is rude and poor hosting.

You also might want to change your screen name; I googled it to see if that was your full name so I could advise you to change it, but you probably don't want people finding your wedding website like I did either.

ETA: Also, your gigantic, bolded, underlined, and caps sign saying that no alcohol other than champagne is allowed is inappropriate. You don't have to host alcohol, but yelling to your guests about it is offputting.

ETAA: Oh dear. Your whole section on dress code needs to be deleted, pronto. So not okay. Assuming that this is your website, of course.

There is a reason for the gap between ceremony and reception so no it's not rude. There is a reason for each thing on MY website. I have had no complaints about MY website from any of MY guests. I will plan my wedding for what is appropriate for me and my guests. The universal "etiquette" doesn't apply to every situation. So thanks, I'll be making my website private now so as to avoid the unwanted opinions of total strangers.

Viczaesar · September 2014

crk9112twp said:

Viczaesar said:

crk9112twp said:

My personal philosophy throughout my wedding planning (mine is just 2 months after yours!) is that while i appreciate all of my guests' attendance, IT STILL ISN'T THEIR WEDDING and if anyone has such an issue with how i plan this wedding they can either keep it to themselves or they don't have to be there. I want everyone to attend but i won't plan my event around a whiny guest.

Speaking of planning your wedding, [name removed], if you are the [names removed] getting married in May whose wedding website I just found, you should not be having a gap between your ceremony and reception. Your guests need to be hosted from start to finish. If you want an hour in between for pictures then you need to host a cocktail hour for your guests, not just tell them not to show up to the reception before an hour has passed. That is rude and poor hosting.

You also might want to change your screen name; I googled it to see if that was your full name so I could advise you to change it, but you probably don't want people finding your wedding website like I did either.

ETA: Also, your gigantic, bolded, underlined, and caps sign saying that no alcohol other than champagne is allowed is inappropriate. You don't have to host alcohol, but yelling to your guests about it is offputting.

ETAA: Oh dear. Your whole section on dress code needs to be deleted, pronto. So not okay. Assuming that this is your website, of course.

There is a reason for the gap between ceremony and reception so no it's not rude. There is a reason for each thing on MY website. I have had no complaints about MY website from any of MY guests. I will plan my wedding for what is appropriate for me and my guests. The universal "etiquette" doesn't apply to every situation. So thanks, I'll be making my website private now so as to avoid the unwanted opinions of total strangers.

Wrong. A gap is rude, period. You must host something. This is exactly what cocktail hours were invented for! And yes, universal etiquette applies to every situation. That's why it's universal.

Of course your guests aren't telling you that you're acting like a rude bridezilla. That's not exactly a shocker, hon. Strangers can give you the unvarnished truth and tell you what your guests are thinking but not saying.

You don't seem to understand the point of the reception. It's not to celebrate the awesomeness of you. It's to thank and properly host your guests for coming to your wedding ceremony. Their comfort should be at the forefront of your mind when planning your reception. No gaps, where you expect your guests to stand around somewhere waiting for you to take pictures. No trying to control how your honored guests dress. No virtual yelling at them about the absence of alcohol. Please, for the sake of your guests, rethink your plans.

BlueBirdMB · September 2014

crk9112twp said:

Viczaesar said:

crk9112twp said:

My personal philosophy throughout my wedding planning (mine is just 2 months after yours!) is that while i appreciate all of my guests' attendance, IT STILL ISN'T THEIR WEDDING and if anyone has such an issue with how i plan this wedding they can either keep it to themselves or they don't have to be there. I want everyone to attend but i won't plan my event around a whiny guest.

Speaking of planning your wedding, [name removed], if you are the [names removed] getting married in May whose wedding website I just found, you should not be having a gap between your ceremony and reception. Your guests need to be hosted from start to finish. If you want an hour in between for pictures then you need to host a cocktail hour for your guests, not just tell them not to show up to the reception before an hour has passed. That is rude and poor hosting.

You also might want to change your screen name; I googled it to see if that was your full name so I could advise you to change it, but you probably don't want people finding your wedding website like I did either.

ETA: Also, your gigantic, bolded, underlined, and caps sign saying that no alcohol other than champagne is allowed is inappropriate. You don't have to host alcohol, but yelling to your guests about it is offputting.

ETAA: Oh dear. Your whole section on dress code needs to be deleted, pronto. So not okay. Assuming that this is your website, of course.

There is a reason for the gap between ceremony and reception so no it's not rude. There is a reason for each thing on MY website. I have had no complaints about MY website from any of MY guests. I will plan my wedding for what is appropriate for me and my guests. The universal "etiquette" doesn't apply to every situation. So thanks, I'll be making my website private now so as to avoid the unwanted opinions of total strangers.

Nobody will tell you that you are being rude. Being polite means that if you have nothing nice to say, you don't say anything at all. I was once a bridesmaid in a relatives wedding and she had major bridezilla moments throughout the planning process and logistically at the wedding. People grumbled and made comments about how "inconvenient" things were, but they never said anything to the bride or groom.

Do what's best in regards to your guests to make them comfortable or don't have guests at your wedding. The moment you invite guests, the wedding stops being just about you. Gaps should be hosted with cocktail hours so that your guests don't have to awkwardly find a place to put themselves for an hour.

I too think it's bizarre to put the alcohol subject bolded. You can host whatever type of bar you'd prefer, but you don't have to yell it at them.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

Viczaesar said:

crk9112twp said:

Viczaesar said:

crk9112twp said:

My personal philosophy throughout my wedding planning (mine is just 2 months after yours!) is that while i appreciate all of my guests' attendance, IT STILL ISN'T THEIR WEDDING and if anyone has such an issue with how i plan this wedding they can either keep it to themselves or they don't have to be there. I want everyone to attend but i won't plan my event around a whiny guest.

Speaking of planning your wedding, [name removed], if you are the [names removed] getting married in May whose wedding website I just found, you should not be having a gap between your ceremony and reception. Your guests need to be hosted from start to finish. If you want an hour in between for pictures then you need to host a cocktail hour for your guests, not just tell them not to show up to the reception before an hour has passed. That is rude and poor hosting.

You also might want to change your screen name; I googled it to see if that was your full name so I could advise you to change it, but you probably don't want people finding your wedding website like I did either.

ETA: Also, your gigantic, bolded, underlined, and caps sign saying that no alcohol other than champagne is allowed is inappropriate. You don't have to host alcohol, but yelling to your guests about it is offputting.

ETAA: Oh dear. Your whole section on dress code needs to be deleted, pronto. So not okay. Assuming that this is your website, of course.

There is a reason for the gap between ceremony and reception so no it's not rude. There is a reason for each thing on MY website. I have had no complaints about MY website from any of MY guests. I will plan my wedding for what is appropriate for me and my guests. The universal "etiquette" doesn't apply to every situation. So thanks, I'll be making my website private now so as to avoid the unwanted opinions of total strangers.

Wrong. A gap is rude, period. You must host something. This is exactly what cocktail hours were invented for! And yes, universal etiquette applies to every situation. That's why it's universal.

Of course your guests aren't telling you that you're acting like a rude bridezilla. That's not exactly a shocker, hon. Strangers can give you the unvarnished truth and tell you what your guests are thinking but not saying.

You don't seem to understand the point of the reception. It's not to celebrate the awesomeness of you. It's to thank and properly host your guests for coming to your wedding ceremony. Their comfort should be at the forefront of your mind when planning your reception. No gaps, where you expect your guests to stand around somewhere waiting for you to take pictures. No trying to control how your honored guests dress. No virtual yelling at them about the absence of alcohol. Please, for the sake of your guests, rethink your plans.

And you don't seem to understand BOUNDARIES that you keep crossing. If i wanted you to tell me how to plan my wedding i would have asked. Bridezilla? No not even close. Like I said THERE IS A REASON FOR THE GAP and it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. And I know all of my guests very well, IF they had a problem with how I am planning they would speak up. Each problem a guest has had they have brought to my attention and it's either been resolved or I have explained why it is being done this way. Every wedding is different. I won't stand by and be told that I must follow the "etiquette" determined by strangers for MY wedding. I am not following every tradition. I am seeing my fiance the night before, my father is NOT walking me down the aisle, any plans or etiquette I choose to ignore or follow is my business. So no, I wont rethink my plans because a STRANGER thinks I should. I'm not a part of this website to get advice from people who don't know me or my family (who are all happy with how I am planning fyi). I am only a part of this website for the wedding planning tools. So kindly keep your nose out my wedding and that is that.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

BlueBirdMB said:

crk9112twp said:

Viczaesar said:

crk9112twp said:

My personal philosophy throughout my wedding planning (mine is just 2 months after yours!) is that while i appreciate all of my guests' attendance, IT STILL ISN'T THEIR WEDDING and if anyone has such an issue with how i plan this wedding they can either keep it to themselves or they don't have to be there. I want everyone to attend but i won't plan my event around a whiny guest.

Speaking of planning your wedding, [name removed], if you are the [names removed] getting married in May whose wedding website I just found, you should not be having a gap between your ceremony and reception. Your guests need to be hosted from start to finish. If you want an hour in between for pictures then you need to host a cocktail hour for your guests, not just tell them not to show up to the reception before an hour has passed. That is rude and poor hosting.

You also might want to change your screen name; I googled it to see if that was your full name so I could advise you to change it, but you probably don't want people finding your wedding website like I did either.

ETA: Also, your gigantic, bolded, underlined, and caps sign saying that no alcohol other than champagne is allowed is inappropriate. You don't have to host alcohol, but yelling to your guests about it is offputting.

ETAA: Oh dear. Your whole section on dress code needs to be deleted, pronto. So not okay. Assuming that this is your website, of course.

There is a reason for the gap between ceremony and reception so no it's not rude. There is a reason for each thing on MY website. I have had no complaints about MY website from any of MY guests. I will plan my wedding for what is appropriate for me and my guests. The universal "etiquette" doesn't apply to every situation. So thanks, I'll be making my website private now so as to avoid the unwanted opinions of total strangers.

Nobody will tell you that you are being rude. Being polite means that if you have nothing nice to say, you don't say anything at all. I was once a bridesmaid in a relatives wedding and she had major bridezilla moments throughout the planning process and logistically at the wedding. People grumbled and made comments about how "inconvenient" things were, but they never said anything to the bride or groom.

Do what's best in regards to your guests to make them comfortable or don't have guests at your wedding. The moment you invite guests, the wedding stops being just about you. Gaps should be hosted with cocktail hours so that your guests don't have to awkwardly find a place to put themselves for an hour.

I too think it's bizarre to put the alcohol subject bolded. You can host whatever type of bar you'd prefer, but you don't have to yell it at them.

Ok let me clear this up so that every stranger out there trying to plan my wedding for me understands... I am not yelling about the alcohol. I am making a memorable point to the guests that may be likely to bring their own alcohol because there are a couple possibilities and I have a 0 tolerance policy for alcohol. I didn't even want champagne but the FI and I agreed it was fine only for toasts. The gap is because there are some set up things that will have to be done between the ceremony and reception that can only be done then. We are debating a cocktail hour (minus the alcohol) but we are still figuring out what to do. But HEY thanks to everyone who ignored the "its there for a reason" and jumped to conclusions. I am literally working night and day on these plans to try to please my guests so before you assume I am not worried about their comfort either think again or keep your nose out of my plans.

wrigleyville · September 2014

"Etiquette" and "traditions" are not the same. It is tradition not to see your groom and have your dad walk you down the aisle. You can ignore tradition. That is fine.

Unfortunately, you cannot ignore etiquette. Etiquette means doing what is best for your guests, as you are supposed to be a gracious hostess.

I cannot think of a single, good reason for a gap that isn't selfish somehow. For example, pictures can be done before the ceremony and during cocktail hour.

BlueBirdMB · September 2014

wrigleyville said:

"Etiquette" and "traditions" are not the same. It is tradition not to see your groom and have your dad walk you down the aisle. You can ignore tradition. That is fine.

Unfortunately, you cannot ignore etiquette. Etiquette means doing what is best for your guests, as you are supposed to be a gracious hostess.

I cannot think of a single, good reason for a gap that isn't selfish somehow. For example, pictures can be done before the ceremony and during cocktail hour.

All of this. And no one jumped to conclusions. We don't care what the reason was- you design your wedding around avoiding a gap or hosting food and beverage during that gap.

As far as the alcohol thing goes, what makes you have a zero tolerance policy while also having a champagne toast? I'm not sure I understand the logic of being really concerned people will bring their own alcohol while also hosting some alcohol at the wedding.

Viczaesar · September 2014

crk9112twp said:

Viczaesar said:

crk9112twp said:

Viczaesar said:

crk9112twp said:

My personal philosophy throughout my wedding planning (mine is just 2 months after yours!) is that while i appreciate all of my guests' attendance, IT STILL ISN'T THEIR WEDDING and if anyone has such an issue with how i plan this wedding they can either keep it to themselves or they don't have to be there. I want everyone to attend but i won't plan my event around a whiny guest.

Speaking of planning your wedding, [name removed], if you are the [names removed] getting married in May whose wedding website I just found, you should not be having a gap between your ceremony and reception. Your guests need to be hosted from start to finish. If you want an hour in between for pictures then you need to host a cocktail hour for your guests, not just tell them not to show up to the reception before an hour has passed. That is rude and poor hosting.

You also might want to change your screen name; I googled it to see if that was your full name so I could advise you to change it, but you probably don't want people finding your wedding website like I did either.

ETA: Also, your gigantic, bolded, underlined, and caps sign saying that no alcohol other than champagne is allowed is inappropriate. You don't have to host alcohol, but yelling to your guests about it is offputting.

ETAA: Oh dear. Your whole section on dress code needs to be deleted, pronto. So not okay. Assuming that this is your website, of course.

There is a reason for the gap between ceremony and reception so no it's not rude. There is a reason for each thing on MY website. I have had no complaints about MY website from any of MY guests. I will plan my wedding for what is appropriate for me and my guests. The universal "etiquette" doesn't apply to every situation. So thanks, I'll be making my website private now so as to avoid the unwanted opinions of total strangers.

Wrong. A gap is rude, period. You must host something. This is exactly what cocktail hours were invented for! And yes, universal etiquette applies to every situation. That's why it's universal.

Of course your guests aren't telling you that you're acting like a rude bridezilla. That's not exactly a shocker, hon. Strangers can give you the unvarnished truth and tell you what your guests are thinking but not saying.

You don't seem to understand the point of the reception. It's not to celebrate the awesomeness of you. It's to thank and properly host your guests for coming to your wedding ceremony. Their comfort should be at the forefront of your mind when planning your reception. No gaps, where you expect your guests to stand around somewhere waiting for you to take pictures. No trying to control how your honored guests dress. No virtual yelling at them about the absence of alcohol. Please, for the sake of your guests, rethink your plans.

And you don't seem to understand BOUNDARIES that you keep crossing. If i wanted you to tell me how to plan my wedding i would have asked. Bridezilla? No not even close. Like I said THERE IS A REASON FOR THE GAP and it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. And I know all of my guests very well, IF they had a problem with how I am planning they would speak up. Each problem a guest has had they have brought to my attention and it's either been resolved or I have explained why it is being done this way. Every wedding is different. I won't stand by and be told that I must follow the "etiquette" determined by strangers for MY wedding. I am not following every tradition. I am seeing my fiance the night before, my father is NOT walking me down the aisle, any plans or etiquette I choose to ignore or follow is my business. So no, I wont rethink my plans because a STRANGER thinks I should. I'm not a part of this website to get advice from people who don't know me or my family (who are all happy with how I am planning fyi). I am only a part of this website for the wedding planning tools. So kindly keep your nose out my wedding and that is that.

I know exactly why you're having a gap. You announced it on your website - There will most likely be about 1 hour between the ceremony and reception to give the wedding party time to prepare and take a few pictures.

Sorry, dear, you don't get to control how or what I post. It's really too bad that you won't reconsider your rude and inappropriate plans or think about how to treat your guests better.

Viczaesar · September 2014

crk9112twp said:

BlueBirdMB said:

crk9112twp said:

Viczaesar said:

crk9112twp said:

My personal philosophy throughout my wedding planning (mine is just 2 months after yours!) is that while i appreciate all of my guests' attendance, IT STILL ISN'T THEIR WEDDING and if anyone has such an issue with how i plan this wedding they can either keep it to themselves or they don't have to be there. I want everyone to attend but i won't plan my event around a whiny guest.

Speaking of planning your wedding, [name removed], if you are the [names removed] getting married in May whose wedding website I just found, you should not be having a gap between your ceremony and reception. Your guests need to be hosted from start to finish. If you want an hour in between for pictures then you need to host a cocktail hour for your guests, not just tell them not to show up to the reception before an hour has passed. That is rude and poor hosting.

You also might want to change your screen name; I googled it to see if that was your full name so I could advise you to change it, but you probably don't want people finding your wedding website like I did either.

ETA: Also, your gigantic, bolded, underlined, and caps sign saying that no alcohol other than champagne is allowed is inappropriate. You don't have to host alcohol, but yelling to your guests about it is offputting.

ETAA: Oh dear. Your whole section on dress code needs to be deleted, pronto. So not okay. Assuming that this is your website, of course.

There is a reason for the gap between ceremony and reception so no it's not rude. There is a reason for each thing on MY website. I have had no complaints about MY website from any of MY guests. I will plan my wedding for what is appropriate for me and my guests. The universal "etiquette" doesn't apply to every situation. So thanks, I'll be making my website private now so as to avoid the unwanted opinions of total strangers.

Nobody will tell you that you are being rude. Being polite means that if you have nothing nice to say, you don't say anything at all. I was once a bridesmaid in a relatives wedding and she had major bridezilla moments throughout the planning process and logistically at the wedding. People grumbled and made comments about how "inconvenient" things were, but they never said anything to the bride or groom.

Do what's best in regards to your guests to make them comfortable or don't have guests at your wedding. The moment you invite guests, the wedding stops being just about you. Gaps should be hosted with cocktail hours so that your guests don't have to awkwardly find a place to put themselves for an hour.

I too think it's bizarre to put the alcohol subject bolded. You can host whatever type of bar you'd prefer, but you don't have to yell it at them.

Ok let me clear this up so that every stranger out there trying to plan my wedding for me understands... I am not yelling about the alcohol. I am making a memorable point to the guests that may be likely to bring their own alcohol because there are a couple possibilities and I have a 0 tolerance policy for alcohol. I didn't even want champagne but the FI and I agreed it was fine only for toasts. The gap is because there are some set up things that will have to be done between the ceremony and reception that can only be done then. We are debating a cocktail hour (minus the alcohol) but we are still figuring out what to do. But HEY thanks to everyone who ignored the "its there for a reason" and jumped to conclusions. I am literally working night and day on these plans to try to please my guests so before you assume I am not worried about their comfort either think again or keep your nose out of my plans.

There is no acceptable reason for a gap. Period. If you need to set something up in between the ceremony and reception then you need to host your guests properly somewhere during that time. You do not have to provide alcohol but you do need to provide something to drink and something to snack on.

Typing in bold, capital letters, and underlining is yelling on the internet. Whether or not you intend to yell, you are yelling at your guests. It's memorable, all right, but not in a way that paints you in a positive light.

Wedding Venue and Family Drama HELP!

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