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I don't even know what to call this... but it's definitely a rant.

loveislouderloveislouder member
First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
edited September 2014 in Chit Chat
My sister is 18. Just went to University, finally meeting boys.

Well... her and a male friend turned her dorm room into a giant blanket fort, and they were watching a movie. He put the moves on her, and she was like... Hey, you're awesome but I'm not ready to have sex. Maybe we could go on a date or something? What does he say?

"Are you fucking kidding? I'm not dating a cow like you. I'm entitled to have sex with you, I helped you make this fort!" 

She was like... haha, so funny. (Thinking he was kidding.)

He was DEAD serious.  His exact words were "As a woman, you should give me sex whenever I tell you to."

Well, lets just say she told him to get the eff out and told him he was never allowed back. So he spread a rumor that she was a "dirty slut."

I do not understand.  Anyone have any words of wisdom I can give her?  I told her that sex is her decision, and no one is "entitled" to it. Not your boyfriend, not your husband, and certainly not some guy that helped you build a blanket fort.


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Re: I don't even know what to call this... but it's definitely a rant.

  • lurkergirllurkergirl member
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    CaitTDid23 said:
    Report him for sexual harassment. To the school, to the cops, to whoever. 

    If that doesn't work, I second @ElcaB.
    This is what I was thinking.  Even if nothing comes of it since he did leave, there is at least a trail started for when he inevitably does the same thing, or worse, to the next girl.




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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    Just tell her that you are proud of her for sticking up for herself and kicking his ass out.  As for the rumor he started, let her know that she just needs to continue to hold her head high and act like she has been acting.  Those who decide to believe the rumor are not worth her time.  She needs to show to herself and to others that this d-bag is just that and that his words have no bearing on her whatsoever.

    And if all that doesn't work then plan b should be what Elca suggested.

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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 member
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    edited September 2014
    lurkergirl said:
    CaitTDid23 said:
    Report him for sexual harassment. To the school, to the cops, to whoever. 

    If that doesn't work, I second @ElcaB.
    This is what I was thinking.  Even if nothing comes of it since he did leave, there is at least a trail started for when he inevitably does the same thing, or worse, to the next girl.
    Well, I mean, Elca's suggestion would prevent it entirely. Maybe. 

    If nothing comes of reporting sexual harassment, just-plain-harassment would be my follow up. Followed possibly by slander (? I dunno, I'm making this one up as I go along) if he's spreading untrue rumors. Followed by a permanent restraining order if you can get it. I'd be talking to a lawyer about the second and third, and I'd be doing it now.

    ETA: Okay full disclosure. If this were my sister, I'd be at the university hunting this asshole down and teaching him a very unladylike lesson for treating ANY girl this way. But I'm trying to give the OP some actual advice, as opposed to perpetuating my poor decision making.
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  • flyingfoxesflyingfoxes member
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    What a douche.  Hopefully he'll get shut down by ALL the womens at that university.  His hand can be the only thing that *has* to have sex with him.
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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
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    I suggest burying him alive.
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
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    Holy shit! She was so right to get him out of her room. If she hasn't reported him to the RA already, she should. This kid is a rapist waiting to happen, if he isn't one already.

    Just keep affirming your sister. Let her know not all guys are like that, of course, but she has learned the valuable lesson that some are, and she has every right to keep people at a safe distance/avoid hanging out with guys she doesn't know well one-on-one, etc. 
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  • gladyscfgladyscf member
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    Too bad they weren't making hairspray torches. She could have turned it on him.

    What a dick. 

    Please tell her how amazing she is for not falling under his pressure and sticking up for herself. She acted in an incredibly strong and empowering way!
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  • melbensomelbenso member
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    1. Your sister is awesome.  Good for her for not letting some jackass pressure her into something she didn't want to do.

    2. He is, quite obviously, a jackass in need of attention, be it positive or negative.  I'm just thankful that he responded by spreading nasty rumors instead of trying to physically force her into something.

    That's really all I've got.  College is tough, especially early on.  The rumors will fade in a week or so. Talking about it with the RA isn't a bad idea.  She might want to see if the university would offer training on consent and date rape issues to incoming freshman.  But other than that, she should ignore him and go about her business, get an education, make wonderful friends, and revel in the fact that she is a million times cooler than he is.
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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 member
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    SaraBrideSoon said:

    Send us.

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    QFT
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    KILL HIM.

    Okay, but actually, I agree with PPs. She should report this. Even if nothing comes of it, at least it is on record. "I'm entitled to sex" guys always make me worry that they will eventually move on to more rape-y tactics.
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  • loveislouderloveislouder member
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    She's already talked to her RA. I just don't understand the "I'm entitled." What the eff makes you entitled?
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
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    loveislouder said:
    She's already talked to her RA. I just don't understand the "I'm entitled." What the eff makes you entitled?
    I mean, in his defense, literally every single bit of our culture has told him, both implicitly and explicitly, that he is owed every single thing he wants just by virtue of being male, so I can see how he'd be confused. I mean, it's usually considered polite to at least use coded language to express your entitled attitude, but I guess he gets kudos for being honest. /s

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  • loveislouderloveislouder member
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    KatieinBkln said:
    loveislouder said:
    She's already talked to her RA. I just don't understand the "I'm entitled." What the eff makes you entitled?
    I mean, in his defense, literally every single bit of our culture has told him, both implicitly and explicitly, that he is owed every single thing he wants just by virtue of being male, so I can see how he'd be confused. I mean, it's usually considered polite to at least use coded language to express your entitled attitude, but I guess he gets kudos for being honest. /s

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    The bolded. This. Why though? Like, why is our society like that.  I explained that to her yesterday too. But I don't understand it and why it happens. And it pisses me off. And I have my pissed off big sister bitter pants on today.
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  • vulpiepopvulpiepop member
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    Ugh, I got this a lot in my college too. I don't know what it is, but some guys feel that a woman's body is their birthright. 

    Tell her that you're proud of her for sticking up for herself and that she's never required to have sex if she doesn't want to. I don't know how big the university is, but many universities are so big that rumors can't really spread and people don't care to listen to BS gossip from a freshman boy that's still stuck in the high school drama phase.

    She shouldn't hesitate to report it to higher authorities if he talks to her again.

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  • abbyj700abbyj700 member
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    loveislouder said:
    KatieinBkln said:
    loveislouder said:
    She's already talked to her RA. I just don't understand the "I'm entitled." What the eff makes you entitled?
    I mean, in his defense, literally every single bit of our culture has told him, both implicitly and explicitly, that he is owed every single thing he wants just by virtue of being male, so I can see how he'd be confused. I mean, it's usually considered polite to at least use coded language to express your entitled attitude, but I guess he gets kudos for being honest. /s

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    The bolded. This. Why though? Like, why is our society like that.  I explained that to her yesterday too. But I don't understand it and why it happens. And it pisses me off. And I have my pissed off big sister bitter pants on today.
    It's called rape culture. And it sucks.

    And the truth is - it's going to take a lot of work and time to change. Years of "being a man" and sex equating to that have totally screwed us up. 
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  • afox007afox007 member
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    I am so proud of your little sister for both kicking his ass out and reporting it. As far as what to do next honey+fire ants+tiny penis=no one will have to worry about him having sex for quite awhile. 
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  • MegEn1MegEn1 member
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    I used to work on the school paper in college and wrote a lot of op-eds, particularly about sexual harassment in universities. Those papers always accept op-eds even from non-staff, so she should contact the editor and ask about submitting one on her perspectives as a female coed and the existence of rape culture at their school.

    It can be extremely cathartic, but it also should be done very, very carefully. Edit, edit, have some friends edit, and then edit again.

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  • steph861steph861 member
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    I'm furious on your sister's behalf. Who the hell raised this guy to have "values" like that?
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    Rape culture sucks ass.  Your sister is awesome.  I'd tell her to report it and let slip that she couldn't even find his dick, it was so tiny.

    Ahem.  Here's some general info about tort law that is in no way specific to your situation.  Imputing unchastity to a woman falls into a category called "slander per se," meaning the law sees this type of rumor-spreading as so heinous that the plaintiff doesn't need to prove the rumor actually caused her monetary damages.  Damages are presumed, and if it can be shown that the rumor was spread with malice, punitive damages may also be awarded.

    I mean, do you really want to sue this guy?  Probably not.  But maybe if he were aware of how the law looks at jerk wads like him who spread such rumors.... 
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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
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    A guy told me I owed him sex once and I replyed,"That wasn't in the contract." And I called him a fucking creep and advised him to lose my number.
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  • janbride2015janbride2015 member
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    I'm so sorry for your sister.  This guy sucks.  Way to be a supportive sis.

    While it may be tempting to start her own rumors about his "lack of anatomy", I suggest letting her feel empowered by simply telling the truth and telling it to everyone.  Any time she hears this jerks name she should say "oh I know that jerk.  I invited him over to watch a movie and he actually had the nerve to tell me he was then entitled to have sex with me!  I kicked his ass out."

    It could let other women know about him before he can prey on them.  She did nothing wrong and has nothing to be embarrassed about.  Fight lies with truth.
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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
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    edited September 2014
    Your sister is amazing. I hope she always stands up for herself.

    She needs to respond to any rumor conversation, "I said no. He said he was entitled to sex, and I disagreed and kicked him out. Obviously he's angry. Ladies, avoid him."

    I miss college. But ohhhhh I do not miss college.

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