Open seating vs seating assignment

newvalley · September 2014

Marriage celebration party is casual, under 50 people, 6-7pm cocktails, 7pm buffet dinner, then dancing and shindig. No wedding trappings or traditions. His family/friends are big and loud and fun party people (!). My family is not coming, a few friends are but none will no each other. After lurking and reading, it would seem that assigned seating is preferred however, in a casual setting where I think his family will sit wherever they want anyway, is it necessary? I don't want to waste $ on cute doodads for seating/charts or force people to sit somewhere else when they wanna sit by cousin Lucy.

Fyi, Indoor/outdoor venue w/ long rectangle tables inside and round tables outside. What I suspect is that my friends will be pushed outside and his family will congregate all together (not by rudeness but just by natural order of things). Any suggestions so my handful of friends are not isolated? I've read plenty of people comment that they don't want to sit w/ people they don't know-agreed. But my people only know me. Your thoughts and input?

bethsmiles · September 2014

IMO, it would be very rude of people to re-arrange the seating arrangement you set up. But you have another problem you need to figure out. No one should be segregated at your reception. You can't just sit some people outside. You really need to figure out a way to fit everyone in the same room. If that can't be done you need a new venue.

AddieCake · September 2014

Ditto Beth. Your guests should respect any seating arrangement you make. If they don't, they're jerks.No real way to prevent that, I guess, since you won't want to make a fuss on site if it does happen.

And you really should not have seating in and outside. I confess I ended up having to do that. I put some of my my former students outside. They all knew each other and were friends, so I didn't think it would be an issue, but they DID comment to me about it. I apologized profusely and we laughed about it, and they "understood," but even though their comments were joking in nature, I still know in hindsight it was the wrong thing to do and obviously affected them even if just a little.

RebeccaFlower · September 2014

I think you should still assign tables. People will naturally mingle, but it gives them a 'home base' to put their belongings, then they're free to do as the please.

NYCMercedes · September 2014

You don't need doodads. You can pick up escort cards for less than $20. These tell people just which table they should head to and not which chair at the table.

If his family is going to do whatever they want to, then seat your few friends with you and your FI.

Liatris2010 · September 2014

If your people only know you, that is another reason to do assigned seating. Then you can say "Erin, I sat you at the same table as my friend Bill because he is a huge 49ers fan too." Otherwise, poor Erin is looking around for a familiar face, doesn't find any, and ends up at a table where she doesn't have anything in common with anyone. When you make the table arrangements, put people you think would get along together.

lurkergirl · September 2014

Story time!

1. Two of my friends have gotten married at the same venue. This venue DOES NOT have room for everyone inside. The first time, it didn't occur to me because I was in the WP. I figured I would have a seat. Nope. Dragged chairs from the ceremony up to a table outside while other people stayed inside. Second wedding, I was trying to save a table. I was standing AT the table, and 5 people came over, looked at me, and sat down anyway. We got to eat outside in the cold.

2. Another friend who said, "eh, everyone knows each other, no biggie" also gave us a bad experience. FI and I put down our jackets to save two chairs at a table. A jacket on each chair, plus our phones. Clearly two seats. We haul ass to get food. Come back and there is one chair. These people had moved all our shit to one chair. We get back with our food and they stare in silence as we try to gather our things. The only two chairs left are the chair we just left and a chair at another table. We stood, with our coats, drinks, and plates in hand for dinner. I was PISSED, and gave my evil death stare to the assholes who moved our stuff from our original seats.

Basically, open seating is a shit show, and I judge the shit out of it because it has been an awful experience every single time. Please take the time to at least assign tables. And really make sure everyone is in the same area.

allispain · September 2014

Since you have people there who don't know anyone except you, you really should do table assignments. Otherwise, those people will end up sitting by themselves and feeling awkward, sitting with your FI's family and feeling awkward, etc. I know that I personally dislike open seating precisely because of this kind of thing - I'm a shy person, and I hate going up to a table full of people and asking if I can sit with them, especially when they all seem to know each other.

newvalley · September 2014

Typo-can't find the edit function-"none will no each other", obviously meant to say "know" . Thank you for your input. fyi-the venue is a restaurant like party facility at a resort. The venue has large glass doors that open to a large patio where the outdoor tables are. They will be open at all times. October in Arizona is beautiful. In my mind I had people moving in and out as the evening went on to get fresh air or chat away from the music.

Thank you for your thoughts. I'll do some sort of seating chart to make sure my people are not orphans.

lurkergirl · September 2014

newvalley said:

Typo-can't find the edit function-"none will no each other", obviously meant to say "know" . Thank you for your input. fyi-the venue is a restaurant like party facility at a resort. The venue has large glass doors that open to a large patio where the outdoor tables are. They will be open at all times. October in Arizona is beautiful. In my mind I had people moving in and out as the evening went on to get fresh air or chat away from the music.
Thank you for your thoughts. I'll do some sort of seating chart to make sure my people are not orphans.

Hover over the top right corner of your post to see the little settings icon to edit posts.

Can you have everyone seated either inside or outside? Then maybe have the dance floor in the space where people aren't seated? This is the plan for my wedding, so my hope is people will still move between the spaces but nobody will feel like they were "stuck" outside (or inside if it's a beautiful day), KWIM?

newvalley · September 2014

Thanks, found it. Yes, I'm doing a hard look now to see if I can get all the adults inside and maybe let the teenagers have the outside domain-any issues w/ that?

JCbride2015 · September 2014

newvalley said:

Thanks, found it. Yes, I'm doing a hard look now to see if I can get all the adults inside and maybe let the teenagers have the outside domain-any issues w/ that?

This could work as long as the teenagers are on the older side. And I would probably still run it by the parents to see if they are okay with it.

NYCMercedes · September 2014

We were seated outside (enclosed sun porch addition that led to the patio) at a wedding once. Bride mitigated the situation by putting an auxiliary bar out there. Win!

JBee85 · September 2014

lurkergirl said:

Story time!

2. Another friend who said, "eh, everyone knows each other, no biggie" also gave us a bad experience. FI and I put down our jackets to save two chairs at a table. A jacket on each chair, plus our phones. Clearly two seats. We haul ass to get food. Come back and there is one chair. These people had moved all our shit to one chair. We get back with our food and they stare in silence as we try to gather our things. The only two chairs left are the chair we just left and a chair at another table. We stood, with our coats, drinks, and plates in hand for dinner. I was PISSED, and gave my evil death stare to the assholes who moved our stuff from our original seats.

Basically, open seating is a shit show, and I judge the shit out of it because it has been an awful experience every single time. Please take the time to at least assign tables. And really make sure everyone is in the same area.

I would of said something to them than just standing there and staring at them. If I noticed guest standing during my dinner rehearsal as a bride, I would stop and make an announcement about it. In fact those kind of people wouldn't be a friend of mine and my fiancés. I am having open seat and have a small wedding party at a restaurant. I think to have open seating really depends on the size of your guest list. Criticize you like :P

lurkergirl · September 2014

Sorry @jbee85 I really disagree. I think calling people out on their rude behavior is rude. And no good would have come of it other than stirring up drama. And if a bride made an announcement like that I would probably side eye her even more than the seat stealers. See, if you just assign tables you can avoid all that drama. Easy peasy.

syoun1nj · September 2014

I attended a PPD where they had about 15 chairs at tables and a bar with maybe 20 bar stools for 80 people. We got there early, set our stuff down at a table and mingled. When we came back, our stuff was all over the place. We probably shouldn't have assumed it'd be safe, but, we then snagged a couple bar stools and all had to take turns eating on the bar (cash bar btw!). Assigned tables are so wonderful assuming the bride and groom take a little time. I had one friend contact me one to tell me she stuck my husband and I at the table with her coworkers instead of people we knew because they had some late declines and needed even tables. But she knew I'd be fine cause I'm so friendly! Lady, I'm an introvert and and not all that friendly. But I just said okay! wonderful! can't wait! At least I had a seat...and open bar that time!!

AddieCake · September 2014

Yeah, I think I would side eye a bride who publicly called people out at the reception. Were they assholes? Yes. But that doesn't mean the bride should publicly shame them.

lightningsnow · September 2014

The only wedding I have ever attended that did not have assigned tables was my brother's wedding. I was the MOH and had a seat at the head table until the dance floor opened then I had not seat. My SIL was supposed to make up a seating chart but it wasn't even begun on the day of the wedding and we tried to get it down before the wedding started. Didn't happen. Not sure how well it went over as I ended up leaving about half way through because I apparently embarrassed the bride by being a playful 19 year old and slapping her ass. She had no issues prior to that but then she pulled my mother aside and told her to tell me that she was uncomfortable that I did so. FTR, I was not the only person acting that way that night. Have had a rocky relationship since.

Sorry to go off topic there. There was so much that went wrong with that wedding.

rajahmd · September 2014

lightningsnow said:
The only wedding I have ever attended that did not have assigned tables was my brother's wedding. I was the MOH and had a seat at the head table until the dance floor opened then I had not seat. My SIL was supposed to make up a seating chart but it wasn't even begun on the day of the wedding and we tried to get it down before the wedding started. Didn't happen. Not sure how well it went over as I ended up leaving about half way through because I apparently embarrassed the bride by being a playful 19 year old and slapping her ass. She had no issues prior to that but then she pulled my mother aside and told her to tell me that she was uncomfortable that I did so. FTR, I was not the only person acting that way that night. Have had a rocky relationship since.

Sorry to go off topic there. There was so much that went wrong with that wedding.

Wait, you sexual assaulted your SIL at their wedding by slapping her on the ass and you're surprised she doesn't like you?

Shocking.

lightningsnow · September 2014

RajahBMFD said:

The only wedding I have ever attended that did not have assigned tables was my brother's wedding. I was the MOH and had a seat at the head table until the dance floor opened then I had not seat. My SIL was supposed to make up a seating chart but it wasn't even begun on the day of the wedding and we tried to get it down before the wedding started. Didn't happen. Not sure how well it went over as I ended up leaving about half way through because I apparently embarrassed the bride by being a playful 19 year old and slapping her ass. She had no issues prior to that but then she pulled my mother aside and told her to tell me that she was uncomfortable that I did so. FTR, I was not the only person acting that way that night. Have had a rocky relationship since.

Sorry to go off topic there. There was so much that went wrong with that wedding.
Wait, you sexual assaulted your SIL at their wedding by slapping her on the ass and you're surprised she doesn't like you? Shocking.

I was not the only one who did so. One of the other bridesmaid's also did so. It was done in a playful manner which she had no problem with any other time. She also said to my brother that I was trying to take her away from him. That is all I am saying on this matter. This has nothing to do with the topic at hand. If you wish to continue this conversation, please feel free to PM or just talk about me behind my back on the TH like usual.

lightningsnow · September 2014

snippet17 said:

lightningsnow said:

The only wedding I have ever attended that did not have assigned tables was my brother's wedding. I was the MOH and had a seat at the head table until the dance floor opened then I had not seat. My SIL was supposed to make up a seating chart but it wasn't even begun on the day of the wedding and we tried to get it down before the wedding started. Didn't happen. Not sure how well it went over as I ended up leaving about half way through because I apparently embarrassed the bride by being a playful 19 year old and slapping her ass. She had no issues prior to that but then she pulled my mother aside and told her to tell me that she was uncomfortable that I did so. FTR, I was not the only person acting that way that night. Have had a rocky relationship since.

Sorry to go off topic there. There was so much that went wrong with that wedding.

I am so happy that you left the treehouse. You think hitting someone is an okay thing to do? Are you really that dense?

I did not hit on her. As stated in my above post, it was done in a playful manner and I was not the only member of the bridal party to do so. Months later, she then accused me of trying to steal her away from my brother. She's so not my type. She likes to stir up drama behind people's backs.

Again, not the topic at hand. So if you want to continue this conversation, PM me or don't and talk about me behind my back on TH.

AddieCake · September 2014

Snippet didn't say hitting ON. She said hitting.

rajahmd · September 2014

lightningsnow said:

RajahBMFD said:

lightningsnow said:
The only wedding I have ever attended that did not have assigned tables was my brother's wedding. I was the MOH and had a seat at the head table until the dance floor opened then I had not seat. My SIL was supposed to make up a seating chart but it wasn't even begun on the day of the wedding and we tried to get it down before the wedding started. Didn't happen. Not sure how well it went over as I ended up leaving about half way through because I apparently embarrassed the bride by being a playful 19 year old and slapping her ass. She had no issues prior to that but then she pulled my mother aside and told her to tell me that she was uncomfortable that I did so. FTR, I was not the only person acting that way that night. Have had a rocky relationship since.

Sorry to go off topic there. There was so much that went wrong with that wedding.
Wait, you sexual assaulted your SIL at their wedding by slapping her on the ass and you're surprised she doesn't like you?

Shocking.

I was not the only one who did so. One of the other bridesmaid's also did so. It was done in a playful manner which she had no problem with any other time. She also said to my brother that I was trying to take her away from him. That is all I am saying on this matter. This has nothing to do with the topic at hand. If you wish to continue this conversation, please feel free to PM or just talk about me behind my back on the TH like usual.

Just because someone else did it, doesn't mean it was ok for you to do it. My own SIL was in my wedding party. I would not have felt comfortable if she did what you did, but there are other bridesmaids who wouldn't have bothered me if they did it. I'm not surprised your relationship was rocky from the wedding onward given that you're still acting like you did nothing wrong (and I'm guessing never apologized).

AddieCake · September 2014

The bride may not mind the butt slaps other times, but doing it at her wedding, where other guests might find it inappropriate, was out of line, both on your part and anyone else's part who did it. It's not hard to figure out when certain behaviors are not publicly appropriate.

lightningsnow · September 2014

snippet17 said:

AddieCake said:

Snippet didn't say hitting ON. She said hitting.

Thanks! I thought maybe I made a typo.

I apologize then. My reading composition skills need to be worked on. A bit tired today. I do however stand by what I said. My SIL has proven in the last year or so that she is not trustworthy. Again, this has nothing to do with this topic. Feel free to PM me to continue. I will not be engaging any further.

lightningsnow · September 2014

RajahBMFD said:

RajahBMFD said:

The only wedding I have ever attended that did not have assigned tables was my brother's wedding. I was the MOH and had a seat at the head table until the dance floor opened then I had not seat. My SIL was supposed to make up a seating chart but it wasn't even begun on the day of the wedding and we tried to get it down before the wedding started. Didn't happen. Not sure how well it went over as I ended up leaving about half way through because I apparently embarrassed the bride by being a playful 19 year old and slapping her ass. She had no issues prior to that but then she pulled my mother aside and told her to tell me that she was uncomfortable that I did so. FTR, I was not the only person acting that way that night. Have had a rocky relationship since.

Sorry to go off topic there. There was so much that went wrong with that wedding.
Wait, you sexual assaulted your SIL at their wedding by slapping her on the ass and you're surprised she doesn't like you? Shocking.

I was not the only one who did so. One of the other bridesmaid's also did so. It was done in a playful manner which she had no problem with any other time. She also said to my brother that I was trying to take her away from him. That is all I am saying on this matter. This has nothing to do with the topic at hand. If you wish to continue this conversation, please feel free to PM or just talk about me behind my back on the TH like usual.
Just because someone else did it, doesn't mean it was ok for you to do it. My own SIL was in my wedding party. I would not have felt comfortable if she did what you did, but there are other bridesmaids who wouldn't have bothered me if they did it. I'm not surprised your relationship was rocky from the wedding onward given that you're still acting like you did nothing wrong (and I'm guessing never apologized).

I did apologize before I left. But she has done other things lately that proven she is not trustworthy. She also accused me of trying to steal her away from my brother. She was perfectly fine in the months prior to the wedding joking and playfully flirting with me, in front of my brother nonetheless. How about we get back to the topic on hand? I'm sure the OP doesn't like their thread being jacked because you don't like me.

OP I'm sorry this is happening in your thread. I apologize for going off topic in the first place.

rajahmd · September 2014

lightningsnow said:

RajahBMFD said:

lightningsnow said:

RajahBMFD said:

lightningsnow said:
The only wedding I have ever attended that did not have assigned tables was my brother's wedding. I was the MOH and had a seat at the head table until the dance floor opened then I had not seat. My SIL was supposed to make up a seating chart but it wasn't even begun on the day of the wedding and we tried to get it down before the wedding started. Didn't happen. Not sure how well it went over as I ended up leaving about half way through because I apparently embarrassed the bride by being a playful 19 year old and slapping her ass. She had no issues prior to that but then she pulled my mother aside and told her to tell me that she was uncomfortable that I did so. FTR, I was not the only person acting that way that night. Have had a rocky relationship since.

Sorry to go off topic there. There was so much that went wrong with that wedding.
Wait, you sexual assaulted your SIL at their wedding by slapping her on the ass and you're surprised she doesn't like you?

Shocking.

I was not the only one who did so. One of the other bridesmaid's also did so. It was done in a playful manner which she had no problem with any other time. She also said to my brother that I was trying to take her away from him. That is all I am saying on this matter. This has nothing to do with the topic at hand. If you wish to continue this conversation, please feel free to PM or just talk about me behind my back on the TH like usual.
Just because someone else did it, doesn't mean it was ok for you to do it. My own SIL was in my wedding party. I would not have felt comfortable if she did what you did, but there are other bridesmaids who wouldn't have bothered me if they did it. I'm not surprised your relationship was rocky from the wedding onward given that you're still acting like you did nothing wrong (and I'm guessing never apologized).

I did apologize before I left. But she has done other things lately that proven she is not trustworthy. She also accused me of trying to steal her away from my brother. She was perfectly fine in the months prior to the wedding joking and playfully flirting with me, in front of my brother nonetheless. How about we get back to the topic on hand? I'm sure the OP doesn't like their thread being jacked because you don't like me.

OP I'm sorry this is happening in your thread. I apologize for going off topic in the first place.

1) I'm on mobile, where PMing sucks.
2) You don't get to tell others how to post. You mentioned it, so it's fair game to discuss.

1) & 2) together mean that I won't be using PM. Also, this has nothing to do with whether I like you or not. If someone touches someone else in a way that makes them uncomfortable, it's worth mentioning regardless of who they are.

newvalley · September 2014

Nope, it's a hoot reading how these things spin out of control. It's funny how we don't know that something done in jest or w/o malice is perceived by others until we get anonymous feedback that our behavior is not acceptable-and it hurts to be rebuked even in semi-anonymous public behind an avatar. So is the lesson to select words carefully so our forum does not spank us or is the lesson to think twice about our actions in public and their affect on others? Our perception vs others' reality?

I'm firming up my head count and working out the dynamics of how to work in my 7 people w/ his people in a seating chart. I'm hoping for a casual get together that is fluid and w/o drama and where we have fun. The good news is that w/ the lower head count we can afford a well ho$ted bar. Thanks for the input.

indianaalum · September 2014

lightningsnow said:

The only wedding I have ever attended that did not have assigned tables was my brother's wedding. I was the MOH and had a seat at the head table until the dance floor opened then I had not seat. My SIL was supposed to make up a seating chart but it wasn't even begun on the day of the wedding and we tried to get it down before the wedding started. Didn't happen. Not sure how well it went over as I ended up leaving about half way through because I apparently embarrassed the bride by being a playful 19 year old and slapping her ass. She had no issues prior to that but then she pulled my mother aside and told her to tell me that she was uncomfortable that I did so. FTR, I was not the only person acting that way that night. Have had a rocky relationship since.

Sorry to go off topic there. There was so much that went wrong with that wedding.

Why would you think this is typical? Most 19 year olds don't go up to brides and slap them in the butt. It WAS inappropriate

PrettyGirlLost · September 2014

We aren't doing assigned seating either at our reception. Our venue doesn't have the room for traditional 60" rounds for the amount of people we are having. So we are having a cocktail style reception with different types of seating throughout the venue. . .There will be a chair for each butt, no worries.

JBee85 · September 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

We aren't doing assigned seating either at our reception. Our venue doesn't have the room for traditional 60" rounds for the amount of people we are having. So we are having a cocktail style reception with different types of seating throughout the venue. . .There will be a chair for each butt, no worries.

Yep, same with mine. There is no room to add chairs to a table at my reception. Again, this really depends on your venue.

This thread did make me think a little bit and I might end up using "reserved" tables for family as opposed to "assigned" tables. friends are given freedom to choose wherever to sit. My fiancés family are coming from a different country and don't speak English well, so they will appreciate getting a table reserved for them and their family members.

@lurkergirl. Your must be that type who can't stand up for herself. Gotcha. Then again the bride messed up by not providing enough seating for everyone.

Open seating vs seating assignment

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