Wedding Crashers

primafaba15 · September 2014

SiguenzaWedding2015 said:

It's your wedding. Have it on a Friday if you want. If you have "friends" that are going to be petty like that, then they aren't really friends at all.

Yes, I agree. True, Friday may not be convenient for everyone, but I don't think you should feel bad about it. For a big wedding, it can be impossible to accommodate everyone. I wouldn't expect everyone to be able to attend a Friday wedding, but there's a huge difference between being unable to attend and making a big deal about it being 'rude' (and it sounds like you're dealing with the latter).

One of my good friends is getting married within a week of my wedding on the other side of the country, because that's when it worked out with work schedules. Will I be attending? Nope. Will she attend my wedding? Nope. Are either of us butt-hurt about the proximity of wedding dates? Nope, you gotta book when you gotta book, only so many Saturdays and Fridays are definitely cheaper. Due to my entire family living hundreds of miles away, we were unable to do anything but a Saturday and it cost us a lot more money, but I wish we could have done another time.

tmcook94 · September 2014

I'd hire security with an RSVP guest list. If the guest is not on the list (and you need to include an escort or reception card in your invitations for this purpose), I'd have security give them two options: (1) tell them politely they are not included on the attendee list but to wait in a cordoned off area and someone will check with the bride/groom/venue attendant once everyone who is on the guest list has been admitted and seated. If there are some no shows, the uninvited guest(s) will be allowed to be seated (you're paying for it anyway at most venues) after all of invited guests have been seated. If there is no room and every RSVP shows up, security will nicely tell them there is no additional seating, apologize for the bride and groom and ask them to leave.

(2) tell the uninvited guest that seating but not food or drink provisions have been made for those who did not RSVP or were left off of the guest list for financial reasons, and that after all invited guests have arrived, they will be seated, but the cost for the reception is $50 (or whatever you're paying) per person - cash only. Since most people aren't walking around with that much on them for a wedding, they'll most likely leave on their own. If not, they should be escorted off the premises by security.

This is not rude, it is a practical way to deal with people who are. It is extremely rude for anyone to show up at a function to which they have not been invited. It is rude for an invited guest to bring an uninvited guest(s) to a wedding or reception. Unless the inner envelope says: John Smith and GUEST, John Smith and Nancy Jones, or John Smith and Matthew Johnson, John needs to come alone. Of course, it is equally rude of the bride and groom to NOT include persons with whom their guests have long term relationships (living together or dating for a number of years and are obviously a long standing couple) with the invited party, or the spouse of an invited party, whether you like those individuals or not, so make sure you're not guilty of committing that faux paz. Additionally, it is rude to ask people to the ceremony (or to a wedding shower), but NOT invite them to the reception. Asking people to attend the ceremony requires them to at least spend the money and time to send a congratulatory card, if nothing else, and tradition dictates that they send a gift as well. Same for the wedding shower. If you can't afford to have everyone you asked to the wedding ceremony at your reception, then CUT YOUR GUEST LIST. I had a co-worker do that to some of his co-workers and not others years ago - I was one of the ones invited to the ceremony but not to the reception. I sent a card with my congratulations, but I didn't send a gift. I also did not go to the ceremony.

If you don't want children at your wedding, a card needs to be included in your invitation which politely but clearly states that the ceremony and reception are adults only events because alcohol is being served (always a good excuse - if you're not, just state adults only). If you can afford to hire a sitter for a couple of hours close to, but off the property, spend the little extra it will cost for that, and send children under the age of 12 to the sitter, even if they are part of the wedding party as well. People who show up with their little ones in tow need to be told that a sitter has been provided for their youngsters and told where to take them before entering the reception area. Additionally, THINK HARD about having your young flower girls and ring bearers taken to the sitter you're providing. All kids under the age of seven still need a nap in the afternoon and need to eat dinner around 5:00 p.m., most are very picky about food - and are not going to eat $50 worth of beef wellington or wild salmon that you're going to pay for them to eat since most venues charge per head - age is not often a factor. Sleepy, hungry children are cranky, whiny, and give the parents headaches as well. It's no fun for the kids, their parents (who are not part of the wedding party, but their children are), and it can mar your enjoyment of one of the biggest days of your life.

There's also the random, but foreseeable unfortunate mishap that can happen with small children. Sticking fingers in the wedding cake or cupcakes, spilling drinks on the guests' clothing (including their own), turning over table decorations, gulping down a glass of champagne intended for an adult, and then there's always the child who will get sick at just the wrong moment. I just attended a wedding with 200 guests where one of the attendant children had been sick for three days before the wedding and had not quite recovered. She threw up all over the dance floor after dinner, several guests and the bride's gown to boot. It was a mess. You can't count on people to have common sense or to have manners, so it's up to you to have good memories of your special day. There are options. They may sound harsh and you might lose a few acquaintances, but you won't have lost much if they are angry for doing something that is obviously in poor taste. In fact, you've probably unloaded a lot of baggage you didn't need anyway.

beethery · September 2014

(This post was in this week's TK Newsletter)

misshart00 · September 2014

beethery said:
(This post was in this week's TK Newsletter)

Crap.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

I'm sorry, was there a chunk in that big essay that said you need to have special "no kids" cards? Like, a special little rude nugget of stationary?

Why did kids even come up in this conversation? Are you guys passing around THC-laced moonshine again?

beethery · September 2014

@tmcook94

That novel is like the Atlas Shrugged of bad hosting. I can't even get through a paragraph without having a twinge.

luckya23 · September 2014

So what happened with the potential crashers, @perdonami??

mrsmagicgeek · September 2014

beethery said:
@tmcook94

That novel is like the Atlas Shrugged of bad hosting. I can't even get through a paragraph without having a twinge.

I did, and there was a whole lot of NO in there, especially in reference to kids (send kids to a sitter even if they were in the wedding party?!?) The OP didn't even ask about kids, so I'm not sure where that quagmire of poor advice came from.

lyndausvi · September 2014

beethery said:

@tmcook94

That novel is like the Atlas Shrugged of bad hosting. I can't even get through a paragraph without having a twinge.

So this.

And where do she get her information from? Alcohol reason not to have kids? My family would bust at laughing if they read that. My family understands not everyone can be invited. They get the concept that their kids might not be invited. The do not even question their kids not being invite. They would be all WTF if they got wind that their kids were not invited because of alcohol. Of course out baby showers, christenings, first birthday and every other event as alcohol. So do I know?

And all kids under 7 need a nap and be fed by 5pm? Yeah, no. In the rare case they do need to be fed there is this thing called a snack to hold them over.

Now the getting sick comment. If the kid was sick for 3 days before the wedding then maybe the mom or dad should have stayed home with the kid. I would say that about an adult also.

There were 55 kids under the age of 12 at yesterday's wedding. No unruly kids, no kids drinking things they were not suppose to, no fingers through the cake, no vomit on the dance floor. They were pretty cute dancing to a Katy Perry song.

misshart00 · September 2014

mrsmagicgeek said:

@tmcook94

That novel is like the Atlas Shrugged of bad hosting. I can't even get through a paragraph without having a twinge.
I did, and there was a whole lot of NO in there, especially in reference to kids (send kids to a sitter even if they were in the wedding party?!?) The OP didn't even ask about kids, so I'm not sure where that quagmire of poor advice came from.

My favorite parts were including the card stating its an adults only affair because alcohol will be served, all kids under 12 need to go to an offsite babysitter, and kids under 7 will need a nap.

beethery · September 2014

@misshart00 I can't believe that shit. As soon as I got a card stating that I'd immediately scrawl "Are you fucking serious with this shit? NO." in my nicest handwriting on the RSVP and loooooool eternally.

Wild from start to finish, I'm tellin ya.

JellyBean52513 · September 2014

If alcohol being served is a reason not to have children present, how do restaurants manage to function?

beethery · September 2014

JellyBean52513 said:

If alcohol being served is a reason not to have children present, how do restaurants manage to function?

Restaurants are not a real thing! Abort! Abort! Abort! lol

perdonami · September 2014

alucky23 said:

So what happened with the potential crashers, @perdonami??

In all honesty, I was unable to get through that one essay comment.. I got lost at kids being required to take naps and eat at certain times.

In regards to @alucky23's question, my brother called me drunk and asked if it was okay if the said wedding crasher (the main subject of the original post) could bring a friend as his date since his wife refused to attend my Friday wedding. I explained that said wedding crasher had already provided me with a decline and therefore I was no longer able to accommodate him or his friend 2 days before the wedding. I tried to explain that I had no extra seats and was unwillingly to re-do my seating chart for a 3rd time just for his friend's last minute change of heart.

My brother hurt by my response, drunkenly begged me to let his two friends come. I begrudgingly agreed but said only if I can figure out a way to not change the seating chart and that only the original guest invited was allowed to attend and not his plus one. Lucky for my brother I had one extra spot at my family's table and since his friend is more like a father to him, I felt it was appropriate to sit him there. Which was a good thing too that I had a space available and didn't count on someone not showing up because I had 100% attendance of those who did RSVP yes.

Wedding crasher thus became an invited guest again and brother promised to personally kick out or stop anyone else who was uninvited attend. Not that I needed him too, had it covered with the venue coordinator who I provided a seating chart and guest list.

ETA: Paragraphs

Wedding Crashers

Re: Wedding Crashers

Choose Another Board

Search Boards