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PPD BS

kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My cousin is still referring to his wife as his "fiance" (dude, everyone knows), and now she is contacting me for "wedding planning advice" because she wants to come to New Orleans to throw an "authentic New Orleans wedding" complete with second line. What do I do? Do I pretend to be too busy until the "big day"? Do I bean dip? I don't know how long I can keep this dog under the porch before I shoot my mouth off.
My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

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Re: PPD BS

  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited September 2014
    It's supposed to be a secret, but he made the mistake of telling our grandmother. MOUTH OF THE SOUTH, I'LL TELL YOU WHUT. We all know, but we don't "know". Frankly, I think she's making an effort to include me to be "nice" and I'm not sure if she even likes me at all. We have nothing in common. She is a salad with no dressing kind of girl. Bleh. Maybe if I ignore her, she'll go away.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
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  • twitterbirdtwitterbird member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its

    Tell her you're really busy and send her the name of some local wedding planners

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  • Teddy917Teddy917 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Since she's asked you for advice tell her to head over here. And tell her that the secrets out.
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  • SachaBeeSachaBee member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    yeah, I would just let them know that the truth has been told!! I mean they are going to look so stupid pretending to get married in front of people who KNOW they are pretending and feel like they can't say anything. Just be honest. 
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  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited September 2014
    @scribe95 I know...I haven't had to think about it for a while, since he was deployed and she was in California. Now they're back in town, and everyone's tiptoeing around it and it's super awkward. I think I'm just gonna tell her I think it's tacky and please stop calling me for advice, cause I'm really bad at keeping my mouth shut. She's sent me like 5 emails this week, and I've just sent her contact info for wedding planners, hoping she'd get the hint. I guess to keep the peace, I should just STFU, stay as uninvolved as possible, and show my face like a grownup on the big day. Sorry if I'm coming off as whiny. She's putting pressure on me, and I'm bad at being assertive and telling people "no".
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
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  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited September 2014
    Okay, I confronted her. I just told her that keeping people in the dark and having a huge wedding when you are already married is dishonest. She cited that I had a big wedding, but I mentioned that my wedding was my wedding. I got married to my husband at my ceremony, and it took a year engagement and planning to pull it off. We were not in a hurry because we knew we only had one shot at it, and we told everyone when and where it was so they could celebrate with us instead of hearing about it through the grapevine! Sure, there were things about it that were maybe not so great, but it was a beautiful day and I wouldn't do it over. So her wedding was rushed and performed by the JOP... it's still a real wedding. My parents were married by the JOP in a friend's yard. My aunts were married in a civil ceremony when gay marriage became legal in CA. If you sign the paper before witnesses, it's legit and it's a wedding.

    She still has not abandoned her plan of having not one, but two ceremonies (one with a catholic priest, and one Muslim ceremony), and says it's fine because "they'll think it's our real wedding... nobody knows."

    I told her everyone already knows. She had no response. I don't think I'll go.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    edited September 2014
    mrshutzler said:
    Okay, I confronted her. I just told her that keeping people in the dark and having a huge wedding when you are already married is dishonest. She cited that I had a big wedding, but I mentioned that my wedding was my wedding. I got married to my husband at my ceremony, and it took a year engagement and planning to pull it off. We were not in a hurry because we knew we only had one shot at it, and we told everyone when and where it was so they could celebrate with us instead of hearing about it through the grapevine! Sure, there were things about it that were maybe not so great, but it was a beautiful day and I wouldn't do it over. So her wedding was rushed and performed by the JOP... it's still a real wedding. My parents were married by the JOP in a friend's yard. My aunts were married in a civil ceremony when gay marriage became legal in CA. If you sign the paper before witnesses, it's legit and it's a wedding.

    She still has not abandoned her plan of having not one, but two ceremonies (one with a catholic priest, and one Muslim ceremony), and says it's fine because "they'll think it's our real wedding... nobody knows."

    I told her everyone already knows. She had no response. I don't think I'll go.
    This is great!


    ETF: I asked what she said but it looks like she just said "The sky is green!" so that is a bit of a letdown. :/
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    And what was her response?  I would have probably flat out told her that the family already knows she's actually married and they aren't really thrilled with her farcical wedding.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper

    KatieinBkln said:
    mrshutzler said:
    Okay, I confronted her. I just told her that keeping people in the dark and having a huge wedding when you are already married is dishonest. She cited that I had a big wedding, but I mentioned that my wedding was my wedding. I got married to my husband at my ceremony, and it took a year engagement and planning to pull it off. We were not in a hurry because we knew we only had one shot at it, and we told everyone when and where it was so they could celebrate with us instead of hearing about it through the grapevine! Sure, there were things about it that were maybe not so great, but it was a beautiful day and I wouldn't do it over. So her wedding was rushed and performed by the JOP... it's still a real wedding. My parents were married by the JOP in a friend's yard. My aunts were married in a civil ceremony when gay marriage became legal in CA. If you sign the paper before witnesses, it's legit and it's a wedding.

    She still has not abandoned her plan of having not one, but two ceremonies (one with a catholic priest, and one Muslim ceremony), and says it's fine because "they'll think it's our real wedding... nobody knows."

    I told her everyone already knows. She had no response. I don't think I'll go.
    This is great!


    ETF: I asked what she said but it looks like she just said "The sky is green!" so that is a bit of a letdown. :/
    I know I have a bit of a mouth on me, but I feel so much better now that I've shot my mouth off. This has been bothering me since I found out. I honestly was very hurt at not being told directly, and I told her that it was hurtful to hear about my favorite cousin's wedding through the grapevine and that I cannot fathom why she is still keeping it a secret especially when all the important people already know. If your immediate family, cousins, etc already know, then what is the point of keeping it a secret? She even said she's not planning on announcing a date for the "wedding" for 6 months to a year.... that's a long time. Lots more people will find out between now and then. It's so infuriating and ridiculous... I'm washing my hands of it. I never liked her anyway, but I blame my cousin for being super lame and going along with it. In fact, it might have even been his idea.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
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  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    And what was her response?  I would have probably flat out told her that the family already knows she's actually married and they aren't really thrilled with her farcical wedding.
    I got nowhere with her. She just said "what's done is done", which I didn't understand because she hasn't done anything truly shitty yet. Yeah, it's kindof shitty to get married and not tell your friends and family, but they haven't had the fake wedding yet. There's plenty of time to avoid doing that. An entire year, in fact. I think she means that she's made her mistake (that is done), but she wants to pretend that she didn't make it because she WILL have a big wedding, regardless. I'm sure the wedding will put mine to shame, but at least mine was real.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    Well, it's good you finally got off your chest the "you're married, this is ridiculous" stuff. Obviously, she still thinks playing dress up and make believe is fun. Odd for an adult...

    The only thing I'd be left still wondering is whether she plans to tell people. I'd guess that some family know and some really don't. Does everyone in your family know? Like everyone? If not, I'd be using every avenue to fit it into conversation when the opportunity presents itself... "SO exciting that John and Jane are married now!" or "I know... it must be so exciting that they can finally call each other husband and wife!" or "We are still deciding whether to go - they were married 6 months ago, so we may just send a gift."
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