HELP! Save the Dates VS. Invites!

AdrianaR04 · September 2014

Ok, so I know that STDs come first and then Invites...but here's my dilemma.

We just ordered our STDs which had basic information - names, date, location, website and "formal invitation to follow"
On the website, it gives all the necessary information including hotel accommodations and directions to the venue. I was also going to put on what attire is expected.

We just realized that we could also put an RSVP link for our guests and it dawned on us....Why would we need formal invites? Literally all of the information is right there.
We have one elderly person coming (his grandfather) and he would obviously be taken care of. For food, everyone is essentially getting the same food (all pizza) so we don't need people to pick fish, beef or chicken.

What else could possibly go in the Formal Invitations hat we aren't covering and are they actually necessary for us if everything is on the website?

Thanks!

JennyColada · September 2014

Your wedding is a formal event, it's not just any other backyard party. You don't need super fancy invites, but I think that having a physical invite just lends itself to the situation.

MyNameIsNot · September 2014

AdrianaR04 said:

Ok, so I know that STDs come first and then Invites...but here's my dilemma.

We just ordered our STDs which had basic information - names, date, location, website and "formal invitation to follow"
On the website, it gives all the necessary information including hotel accommodations and directions to the venue. I was also going to put on what attire is expected.

We just realized that we could also put an RSVP link for our guests and it dawned on us....Why would we need formal invites? Literally all of the information is right there.
We have one elderly person coming (his grandfather) and he would obviously be taken care of. For food, everyone is essentially getting the same food (all pizza) so we don't need people to pick fish, beef or chicken.

What else could possibly go in the Formal Invitations hat we aren't covering and are they actually necessary for us if everything is on the website?

Thanks!

Unless your wedding is a backyard BBQ, you should go through the formality of sending out a real invitation. Online invitations are for casual events, not weddings. Also, your STD says that the formal invitation will follow. People will be looking for it and will assume they aren't invited if they don't receive one.

It's extremely rude to put attire expectations on the invitation or website. Your guests are not children.

AddieCake · September 2014

Your wedding deserves more formal correspondence than an online invitation.

AdrianaR04 · September 2014

Thank you for your responses. After talking with a couple family members too, I think we plan on doing the formal invitation with a card containing the accommodations nnumbers and response cards. I think i'm going to omit doing online RSVPs AND paper RSVPs and just stick with paper.

Now I just don't know if we should send the STDs in November or January... I don't want them to get lost in all the December holiday mail.

CMGragain · September 2014

You MUST send formal invitations! STDs are optional, but if you are going to send them, I would send them out 6 months before the wedding.

AdrianaR04 · September 2014

@CMGragain - Do you think it would be better to send them around the beginning of December or right at the beginning of January? Our wedding is June 27th and a majority of the guests will be doing at least 3-6 hours of driving to get to the destination.

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

Unless your venue has a specific requirement, you don't list any attire "expectations" on your invite, website, or save the date.

AdrianaR04 · September 2014

It was more to just tell people to dress light because it might be hot/since it's at a barn, high heels may not be ideal.

Knottie36491512 · September 2014

If you have send your save the dates already, then your guests have been intimated about your wedding details. You can send your formal invitations 6-8 months before, depending on how soon you expect the RSVP from them. Getting the correct no. of headcounts in time is helpful for your wedding planning.

jacques27 · September 2014

AdrianaR04 said:

It was more to just tell people to dress light because it might be hot/since it's at a barn, high heels may not be ideal.

I have never gone to anyone's wedding website. Ever. In fact most of my friends didn't bother making them because it's just more work and all the information that is really needed exists in the invite. Weddings are not that hard to attend. The invite has the date, time, and place. It also likely has hotel block information on an insert. I'm also a smart gal - I can ascertain how to dress based on time of year, time of the wedding, style of the invite, and location. I don't need you to tell me. If your invite tells me your wedding is at a farm in the middle of summer, I can figure out that I shouldn't wear my wool pantsuit.

Maggie0829 · September 2014

Knottie36491512 said:

If you have send your save the dates already, then your guests have been intimated about your wedding details. You can send your formal invitations 6-8 months before, depending on how soon you expect the RSVP from them. Getting the correct no. of headcounts in time is helpful for your wedding planning.

What? No. That is not correct. Formal invitations should not be sent any earlier then 2 months before the wedding date.

OP I personally don't get the whole "not wanting it to get lost in all the holiday mail" thinking. I am sure your guests, as with most people, go through all their mail even during the holidays so I doubt they will miss your STDs. But with that said you can wait until the beginning of January to send them but I wouldn't send them any later then that. Honestly, if you already have them printed then I would just send them now. Just remember that whoever gets a STD must also get an invitation so be absolutely sure about who you are sending them to.

Maggie0829 · September 2014

jacques27 said:

AdrianaR04 said:

It was more to just tell people to dress light because it might be hot/since it's at a barn, high heels may not be ideal.

I have never gone to anyone's wedding website. Ever. In fact most of my friends didn't bother making them because it's just more work and all the information that is really needed exists in the invite. Weddings are not that hard to attend. The invite has the date, time, and place. It also likely has hotel block information on an insert. I'm also a smart gal - I can ascertain how to dress based on time of year, time of the wedding, style of the invite, and location. I don't need you to tell me. If your invite tells me your wedding is at a farm in the middle of summer, I can figure out that I shouldn't wear my wool pantsuit.

Also, all of this.

I can pretty much figure out what to wear based on location and date of wedding.

misshart00 · September 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie36491512 said:

If you have send your save the dates already, then your guests have been intimated about your wedding details. You can send your formal invitations 6-8 months before, depending on how soon you expect the RSVP from them. Getting the correct no. of headcounts in time is helpful for your wedding planning.

What? No. That is not correct. Formal invitations should not be sent any earlier then 2 months before the wedding date.

OP I personally don't get the whole "not wanting it to get lost in all the holiday mail" thinking. I am sure your guests, as with most people, go through all their mail even during the holidays so I doubt they will miss your STDs. But with that said you can wait until the beginning of January to send them but I wouldn't send them any later then that. Honestly, if you already have them printed then I would just send them now. Just remember that whoever gets a STD must also get an invitation so be absolutely sure about who you are sending them to.

I assumed (hoped) that was a typo and she meant 6-8 weeks.

AdrianaR04 · September 2014

jacques27 - I guess it just depends on the person. I always go to wedding websites. always. They've taken the time to make them and some have been pretty awesome. Oh well.

While I agree that weddings are not that hard to attend, a lot of people can also have a hard time actually reading things, too.

Also, I don't think it's ever safe to assume that everyone is as smart - case and point, we had a family friend that had their wedding on a farm and they wanted everyone to be in cocktail attire - with mud boots - because they weren't getting a floor put down and rain was expected.. Sometimes attire suggestions can be helpful

CMGragain · September 2014

AdrianaR04 said:

I guess it just depends on the person. I always go to wedding websites. always. They've taken the time to make them and some have been pretty awesome. Oh well.

While I agree that weddings are not that hard to attend, a lot of people can also have a hard time actually reading things, too.

Also, I don't think it's ever safe to assume that everyone is as smart - case and point, we had a family friend that had their wedding on a farm and they wanted everyone to be in cocktail attire - with mud boots - because they weren't getting a floor put down and rain was expected.. Sometimes attire suggestions can be helpful

Helpful, perhaps - but RUDE? It is rude to tell your guests what to wear. You are assuming that they don't have the common sense to dress themselves.
As for the internet, you can find internet sites that tell you the world is flat. That doesn't make it good advice. Just because you know someone who did it, doesn't make it correct.

AdrianaR04 · September 2014

Maggie0829
I see what you mean about the STDs, while I was trying to search about them a lot of people just mentioned the holiday timing and it made me nervous but coming down to it, I really think early December would be the best time to send them. You're right, January would be the absolute latest so maybe even November could be a possibility. We've ordered them early just in the interest of time (having to handwrite the addresses and return address) so I wanted to be sure that it wouldn't have to be rushed. Everyone that's getting a STD is going to be invited no matter what so we're confident.

Viczaesar · September 2014

AdrianaR04 said:

jacques27 - I guess it just depends on the person. I always go to wedding websites. always. They've taken the time to make them and some have been pretty awesome. Oh well.

While I agree that weddings are not that hard to attend, a lot of people can also have a hard time actually reading things, too.

Also, I don't think it's ever safe to assume that everyone is as smart - case and point, we had a family friend that had their wedding on a farm and they wanted everyone to be in cocktail attire - with mud boots - because they weren't getting a floor put down and rain was expected.. Sometimes attire suggestions can be helpful

Well that was stupid of them.

jacques27 · September 2014

AdrianaR04 said:

jacques27 - I guess it just depends on the person. I always go to wedding websites. always. They've taken the time to make them and some have been pretty awesome. Oh well.

While I agree that weddings are not that hard to attend, a lot of people can also have a hard time actually reading things, too.

Also, I don't think it's ever safe to assume that everyone is as smart - case and point, we had a family friend that had their wedding on a farm and they wanted everyone to be in cocktail attire - with mud boots - because they weren't getting a floor put down and rain was expected.. Sometimes attire suggestions can be helpful

So, what you're saying is you have a family friend who is rude because they wanted to dictate the clothing of their guests to suit their vision even though the attire didn't suit the venue (akin to making people go black tie for a brunch) but they didn't want to spend the money to appropriately accommodate their guests by having appropriate flooring...so therefore you want to be rude and tell your guests what to wear?

Really, it's common sense. Wedding on sand or grass = don't wear heels. Or wear heels if you really really like heels (I have a friend who you will have to pry her stilettos off of her cold dead feet before she'll wear flats and that's her choice). You don't tell other adults how to dress. Even if you mean it in a "I'm just trying to be helpful so you'll be comfortable" kind of way, you can't read tone in writing and putting it on your website will come off as "I want to dictate how you look for my vision." Have more faith that people who have been dressing themselves for years can manage it on your wedding day, too.

JennyColada · September 2014

AdrianaR04 said:
jacques27 - I guess it just depends on the person. I always go to wedding websites. always. They've taken the time to make them and some have been pretty awesome. Oh well.

While I agree that weddings are not that hard to attend, a lot of people can also have a hard time actually reading things, too.

Also, I don't think it's ever safe to assume that everyone is as smart - case and point, we had a family friend that had their wedding on a farm and they wanted everyone to be in cocktail attire - with mud boots - because they weren't getting a floor put down and rain was expected.. Sometimes attire suggestions can be helpful

Um. If I am going to a wedding and need mud boots for any reason then that is a shitty host. If it's expected to rain then THEY need to make proper adjustments and not make that decide my attire. That's absurd.

AdrianaR04 · September 2014

CMGragain and jacques27 - Got it. Chill out. Thank you for your points of views. As someone that hasn't had their wedding yet, I just had a question and wanted some simple feedback so I thought I would go to a message board where other people could possibly help me out. I feel like you're attacking me and assuming I'm an idiot because I'm basing what I've learned off of other peoples websites - I'm not an idiot and I'm doing the best I can. I'm not trying to be rude to my guests. I've just seen other people suggest attire - like a sweater if it get's a little chilly, or shoes that are appropriate for the type of ground.

@ everyone else, yes, I agree what they did with rain and boots was silly. The same muddy place was suggested for my wedding and I knew that it was not something I wanted to do or request of others.

jacques27 · September 2014

AdrianaR04 said:

CMGragain and jacques27 - Got it. Chill out. Thank you for your points of views. As someone that hasn't had their wedding yet, I just had a question and wanted some simple feedback so I thought I would go to a message board where other people could possibly help me out. I feel like you're attacking me and assuming I'm an idiot because I'm basing what I've learned off of other peoples websites - I'm not an idiot and I'm doing the best I can. I'm not trying to be rude to my guests. I've just seen other people suggest attire - like a sweater if it get's a little chilly, or shoes that are appropriate for the type of ground.

@ everyone else, yes, I agree what they did with rain and boots was silly. The same muddy place was suggested for my wedding and I knew that it was not something I wanted to do or request of others.

Thanks for proving my point. I wasn't attacking you. I'm quite "chill" in fact and I think CM's post was perfectly fine, too. Instead of reading my post in the fairly neutral tone in how it was written, you decided to read extra "tone" in it that you were being attacked. And that is exactly what your guests would do - they will read extra "tone" in your website that you think they are morons who can't dress themselves and need to be props to complete your vision if you were to put attire information on your website.

AdrianaR04 · September 2014

Yup, totally neutral. Thank you for your advice.

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

Whenever I get an invite, I Google the venue to get an idea of what dress is appropriate. Word of mouth is also your friend. Last summer, we attended a wedding where the ceremony was outdoors and was on a hill with rocky terrain. The MOB told people about the setting, and I wore a pair of flats.

OP, for the majority of women here, this is their first time planning a wedding. Nobody expects you to know all of this stuff. That's why the old married hags stick around to share wisdom.

AdrianaR04 · September 2014

@Sarahbear31 - Thank you for your input. It's not like we have anything with rocky terrain planned (thank god you wore flats!) but if anything were to happen, word of mouth definitely seems to be the best way. Thanks again!

HELP! Save the Dates VS. Invites!

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