Allergies and Invitations

Knottie98016869 · September 2014

So, I am SEVERELY allergic to things that are scented, i.e. perfumes and colognes, to the point that I have to carry an Epi-pen because of anaphylactic reactions. Most of my family is aware of this but I know that there are going to be friends and other family members coming who don't. How do I ask them to refrain from wearing anything scented like that in the invitations? If they do wear something scented I won't be able to hug them because it will linger on my dress and cause at the bare minimum a severe head and stomach ache. I would appreciate any help! Thank you!

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

Knottie98016869 said:

So, I am SEVERELY allergic to things that are scented, i.e. perfumes and colognes, to the point that I have to carry an Epi-pen because of anaphylactic reactions. Most of my family is aware of this but I know that there are going to be friends and other family members coming who don't. How do I ask them to refrain from wearing anything scented like that in the invitations? If they do wear something scented I won't be able to hug them because it will linger on my dress and cause at the bare minimum a severe head and stomach ache. I would appreciate any help! Thank you!

You really shouldn't say anything on the invitation regarding this. Your best bet is to spread this request via word of mouth.

I'm sincerely curious - how do you "survive" day-to-day? I imagine people in your workplace wear perfume, and it can't be avoided in public places. I'm not doubting you ... I'm just curious.

Knottie98016869 · September 2014

I'm very fortunate that the people I work with go out of their way to accommodate me. It hasn't always been that way though. I've gone into anaphylaxis on the bus before and then several times during class when I was in college because of it. It's just really not fun. I also carry a lot of benadryl and get allergy shots to help with seasonal allergies to make my tolerance of the chemical stuff higher. It's not fun

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

Yuck, that bites. I'd enlist family / friends who are aware of your condition to politely tell other guests that you know will be attending.

JaxInBlue · September 2014

I agree with Sarah. In order to do this in the most careful way, and to be sure the message is clear to your guests, I think you, FI and anyone else involved in the guest list need to be willing to have reach out more personally. For the people who do know about your allergy, I think just a gentle reminder is going to be fine but for those who know you less well, once they've accepted your invitation, I think someone could reach out. Your script could be something like "We're excited you're joining us for the wedding! I know this is an awkward request to make of guests, but Bride is severely allergic to chemical scents. I hate to ask, but it would be great if you could avoid using perfume/cologne/scented lotion/whatever else on the wedding day. Bride and Groom will really appreciate it."

Then, I think you need to be super prepared for yourself. Someone will follow their routine and forget to skip the perfume or cologne step. Someone will over-use a product. The message will not be passed to a +1. Make sure your emergency kit is well-stocked and consider what other precautions you might want to take, such as a clean shirt for FI in case people are hugging him or if you want to stow a change of clothes for yourself. Short of a smell-test on each guest as they arrive, I'm not sure you'll be able to know who might be problematic for you.

kmmssg · September 2014

Being married to someone who is easily sent into headaches and nausea by perfumes and other aromas I can sympathize. Here is what Miss Manners has to say

Dear Miss Manners: I am the mother of a groom, and I’m looking forward to my son’s wedding to a lovely lady.

However, I have one concern: I am allergic to perfumes, cologne and fragrances. I will get throbbing headaches if I am with people who wear it, and that will ruin my pleasure.

Is there a polite and cordial way to indicate on the wedding invitation or enclosure that refraining from wearing perfume or the like will be greatly appreciated?

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners is afraid that even the mother of the groom has limited power over the guests. Curiously enough, they may set the standard for dress on the invitation but not for the use of toiletries.

Nevertheless, Miss Manners sympathizes with your problem, as she trusts your son and the lovely lady do, too. It would be particularly nice of them to spread the word among their guests, by word of mouth or separate notes, that they would deeply appreciate special cooperation in protecting you from your allergy problem.

If Miss Manners says you can put a separate note in the invitation then you are good to go.

kmmssg · September 2014

Also - have you ever been in a situation before where you would be hugging a lot of people? How have you handled that in the past? I am thinking it might be best for you to forego a receiving line and do table visits where you might head off the hugs of well meaning guests.

Can you get your FI's mom, g'ma, whoever to start spreading the word in the family about the severity of your allergy? I really do sympathize with you as I carry an epipen for asthma attacks and if I get close to dogs.

MobKaz · September 2014

Have you spoken to your venue about this? Will they have floral or plant arrangements you need to worry about? (I assume you are not using flowers in your ceremony or reception decor.). They may need to notify their waitstaff as well.

huskypuppy14 · September 2014

This sounds like a post from last year.....

wrigleyville · September 2014

huskypuppy14 said:

This sounds like a post from last year.....

I've seen a few posts on this over the past couple of years. Perfume allergies are common. I not only have allergy symptoms (sneezing, itchy throat, watery eyes), but I also have an asthma attack to go along with it. I sympathize with the OP.

OP, we spread it through word of mouth. Most people I know are aware of my allergy, though. Still, I was glad I had a ballgown, as it prevented people from hugging me closely. Most people just patted my hand because they didn't want to step toward me and accidentally step on my dress.

MobKaz · September 2014

huskypuppy14 said:

This sounds like a post from last year.....

Not only did I think this very thing, but I could swear it is verbatim from a post I read on TK in the past.

Knottie98016869 · September 2014

I normally just won't hug people who are wearing a lot of scented things. If I absolutely can't get out of it then I just hope I'm wearing a sweater that I can take off after they've left so it won't make too sick. We had already planned on doing table visits instead of a receiving line and this is just another reason why I shouldn't attempt to hug everyone. When we do Christmas with FI's family this year I'll work on starting to spread the word with his side of the family. I would just really prefer to not have a severe asthma attack or have to use my epi on my wedding day.

CMGragain · September 2014

At daughter's wedding, one of the ushers who has this issue came in contact with a lady who was over-perfumed. We almost had to call 911 for him. Put in the little note.

Knottie98016869 · September 2014

MobKaz said:

Have you spoken to your venue about this? Will they have floral or plant arrangements you need to worry about? (I assume you are not using flowers in your ceremony or reception decor.). They may need to notify their waitstaff as well.

Luckily I'm not allergic to a ton of flowers so the floral stuff shouldn't be a problem. However, when we spoke with their coordinator I made sure to let them know about the chemical allergies because it effects their cleaning products. Unfortunately, it's not just scented perfumes and things it's also quite a few cleaning chemicals. I'm just glad I don't have any food allergies!

Jen4948 · September 2014

Well, there's no gracious way to word your invitations themselves to make this request, but I agree that you could use word-of-mouth to make it, and if you put notes about it in your invitations, then I won't side eye it.

cowgirl8238 · September 2014

I think word of mouth is the best way to go about this. I personally wouldn't mind an insert in the invite either, but I can't promise how your guests would react. Unfortunately it sounds like you're best to prepare for this as much as you can. Make sure you have your epi pen, avoid the hugging when possible (sounds like this shouldn't be too hard since you are only doing table visits) and just hope not too many people wear anything with too much scent.

wrigleyville · September 2014

In a thread a couple of years ago, someone said if they received word the bride was allergic to perfume and requesting people not wear it, they would make it a point to wear EXTRA perfume that day.

I thought that was a pretty bitchy move, considering it's a medical condition, not some special snowflake request to wear a certain color.

Maggie0829 · September 2014

JaxInBlue said:

I agree with Sarah. In order to do this in the most careful way, and to be sure the message is clear to your guests, I think you, FI and anyone else involved in the guest list need to be willing to have reach out more personally. For the people who do know about your allergy, I think just a gentle reminder is going to be fine but for those who know you less well, once they've accepted your invitation, I think someone could reach out. Your script could be something like "We're excited you're joining us for the wedding! I know this is an awkward request to make of guests, but Bride is severely allergic to chemical scents. I hate to ask, but it would be great if you could avoid using perfume/cologne/scented lotion/whatever else on the wedding day. Bride and Groom will really appreciate it."

Then, I think you need to be super prepared for yourself. Someone will follow their routine and forget to skip the perfume or cologne step. Someone will over-use a product. The message will not be passed to a +1. Make sure your emergency kit is well-stocked and consider what other precautions you might want to take, such as a clean shirt for FI in case people are hugging him or if you want to stow a change of clothes for yourself. Short of a smell-test on each guest as they arrive, I'm not sure you'll be able to know who might be problematic for you.

This. But I really want to emphasize the second paragraph. You need to be overly prepared in the event that someone does wear perfume or cologne, because like PP said, someone may forget or some people spray on perfume/cologne as part of their daily routine and don't even think twice.

To remove yourself from hugs make sure you make the first move by sticking out your hand for a nice handshake.

What kind of venue do you have? Is it an enclosed space or a space that you can open doors and have fresh air blowing in? The more fresh air flow you get the less likely you may have an issue.

Knottie98016869 · September 2014

Wrigleyville - That is super rude! I would never do something like that to another person! If someone tells me that they have a severe allergy I do my best to respect that even if I think they might be fibbing. I just don't think gambling with someone's health/life is worth it!

Knottie98016869 · September 2014

Maggie0829 - Luckily our ceremony is outside and our venue also has a wraparound porch that we will be using for the entire evening. People will be going in and out all evening and the fresh mountain air will be very helpful. I'm not sure what to do about a change of clothes though. I want to be able to wear my dress all night! Especially because I'm not going to be wearing it again and it was fairly expensive! I think FI's change of clothes will be easier to accommodate though and I'll definitely plan on getting him an extra shirt to change into. I'll have to look into my mom getting an extra shirt for my Dad as well for the same reason and because my mother has the same allergies.

kmmssg · September 2014

cowgirl8238 said:

I think word of mouth is the best way to go about this. I personally wouldn't mind an insert in the invite either, but I can't promise how your guests would react. Unfortunately it sounds like you're best to prepare for this as much as you can. Make sure you have your epi pen, avoid the hugging when possible (sounds like this shouldn't be too hard since you are only doing table visits) and just hope not too many people wear anything with too much scent.

Epi-pens are to help you get to the hospital, they aren't a treatment so you can continue on with your day. If she uses an epi-pen, she will be on her way to ER. Because we are talking about anaphylactis here I think it needs more than word of mouth.

ShesSoCold · September 2014

kmmssg said:

cowgirl8238 said:

I think word of mouth is the best way to go about this. I personally wouldn't mind an insert in the invite either, but I can't promise how your guests would react. Unfortunately it sounds like you're best to prepare for this as much as you can. Make sure you have your epi pen, avoid the hugging when possible (sounds like this shouldn't be too hard since you are only doing table visits) and just hope not too many people wear anything with too much scent.

Epi-pens are to help you get to the hospital, they aren't a treatment so you can continue on with your day. If she uses an epi-pen, she will be on her way to ER. Because we are talking about anaphylactis here I think it needs more than word of mouth.

I agree.

Also that poster from the previous conversation - holy cow. I couldn't imagine intentionally harming someone like that! Especially assuming it's a family member or friend. "I have a severe allergy" is SO different than "I don't like citrus smells". Is this same person going to slather their kid in peanut butter when she gets a letter from the teacher saying there's a peanut allergy in the class? Dear lord.

Maggie0829 · September 2014

kmmssg said:

cowgirl8238 said:

I think word of mouth is the best way to go about this. I personally wouldn't mind an insert in the invite either, but I can't promise how your guests would react. Unfortunately it sounds like you're best to prepare for this as much as you can. Make sure you have your epi pen, avoid the hugging when possible (sounds like this shouldn't be too hard since you are only doing table visits) and just hope not too many people wear anything with too much scent.

Epi-pens are to help you get to the hospital, they aren't a treatment so you can continue on with your day. If she uses an epi-pen, she will be on her way to ER. Because we are talking about anaphylactis here I think it needs more than word of mouth.

I don't think cowgirl was saying that she can just use her epi-pen and then go about her night.

Maggie0829 · September 2014

Knottie98016869 said:

Maggie0829 - Luckily our ceremony is outside and our venue also has a wraparound porch that we will be using for the entire evening. People will be going in and out all evening and the fresh mountain air will be very helpful. I'm not sure what to do about a change of clothes though. I want to be able to wear my dress all night! Especially because I'm not going to be wearing it again and it was fairly expensive! I think FI's change of clothes will be easier to accommodate though and I'll definitely plan on getting him an extra shirt to change into. I'll have to look into my mom getting an extra shirt for my Dad as well for the same reason and because my mother has the same allergies.

Well hopefully the fresh air flow will help diffuse any smells that may potentially cause an attack. I also think it is a good idea to have a change of shirt for your FI and for your Dad.

For this type of thing word of mouth is really the best bet. I think waiting until the RSVPs get in and then you, your FI or your Mom/Dad calls up the individuals who are coming, tell them you can't wait to see them, but that you ask them not to wear X, Y, and Z due to the brides severe allergy.

I feel an insert in the invitation will just get lost with whatever other inserts you have, and easily dismissed. But a phone call from the main players in the wedding would get my attention. And since RSVPs tend to be due pretty close to the wedding date, then a call from you 2 weeks out would be something I remember rather then being told a few months out or reading it on a little card when I first get your invite.

NowIamMrsKlein · September 2014

I'm interested in this topic too. My FMIL is very allergic to scents. Not just chemical. We're doing fake flowers to help accommodate this but the hairspray/gel/perfume aspect has got me a little flustered.

When we go to visit her, my FI have a stash of unscented items we use such as deoderant, shampoo and lotions. and we avoid perfume/cologne and we dont do our hair while we are there to avoid hair products. However, while risking sounding snowflaky, on my wedding day we are going to be doing our hair lol.

Our plan is for wedding party, to just get our hair done as early in the morning as possible so that by the time the ceremony has arrived the smell will have dissipated. We are going to mention by word of mouth that the FMIL has this allergy and ask people to avoid perfumes and colognes. We wont be asking them to avoid all scents, just avoiding dousing themselves in anything aboive and beyond.

FMIL will be stocked with medication and will not be part of the receiving line in hopes of keeping her feeling as best as possible.

cowgirl8238 · September 2014

kmmssg said:

cowgirl8238 said:

I think word of mouth is the best way to go about this. I personally wouldn't mind an insert in the invite either, but I can't promise how your guests would react. Unfortunately it sounds like you're best to prepare for this as much as you can. Make sure you have your epi pen, avoid the hugging when possible (sounds like this shouldn't be too hard since you are only doing table visits) and just hope not too many people wear anything with too much scent.

Epi-pens are to help you get to the hospital, they aren't a treatment so you can continue on with your day. If she uses an epi-pen, she will be on her way to ER. Because we are talking about anaphylactis here I think it needs more than word of mouth.

Im sorry if I gave off the impression that an epi pen is just some quick-fix...It was more of a sperate thought in being prepared...as in make sure you have it with you in case you need it. I admittedly don't have any severe allergies, but I can sympathize with those who do. And I'm sorry if that came across the wrong way.

MairePoppy · September 2014

MobKaz said:

huskypuppy14 said:

This sounds like a post from last year.....

Not only did I think this very thing, but I could swear it is verbatim from a post I read on TK in the past.

You may be thinking about the bride who wanted to ask her MOH and mother not to smoke the day of the wedding, because smoke odor on clothing made her sick to her stomach. She bought them nicotine gum and e-cigs for the big day. She didn't receive a favorable response.

OP, you have a documented medical condition. It's fine to put a little card in your invitations asking the guests to go scent free. Expect some people will forget and plan your seating arrangements accordingly.

kmmssg · September 2014

cowgirl8238 said:

kmmssg said:

cowgirl8238 said:

I think word of mouth is the best way to go about this. I personally wouldn't mind an insert in the invite either, but I can't promise how your guests would react. Unfortunately it sounds like you're best to prepare for this as much as you can. Make sure you have your epi pen, avoid the hugging when possible (sounds like this shouldn't be too hard since you are only doing table visits) and just hope not too many people wear anything with too much scent.

Epi-pens are to help you get to the hospital, they aren't a treatment so you can continue on with your day. If she uses an epi-pen, she will be on her way to ER. Because we are talking about anaphylactis here I think it needs more than word of mouth.

Im sorry if I gave off the impression that an epi pen is just some quick-fix...It was more of a sperate thought in being prepared...as in make sure you have it with you in case you need it. I admittedly don't have any severe allergies, but I can sympathize with those who do. And I'm sorry if that came across the wrong way.

Hey, I am sorry too. I remembered the 2 posts about this over the last year and someone had posted about their BF using his epi-pens like that. Shouldn't have automatically taken your post in that direction. My apologies.

littlestmonkey · September 2014

Personally I would put an insert into the invitations with something as serious as this - as a guest it would definitely make me take note and make me more likely to remember on the day itself, especially as we often take invitations with us for directions etc so I would look at it again the morning of.

If you're going to do word-of-mouth then I really think it needs to be personal phone calls from you or FI to everyone - that's the only way to guarantee that the correct message gets through. If I'm a guest that doesn't know about your condition and I hear from the groom's mother/sister/friend that the bride would rather people not wear scents, I'd forget that very quickly and likely put on my perfume as normal.

cowgirl8238 · September 2014

kmmssg said:

cowgirl8238 said:

kmmssg said:

cowgirl8238 said:

I think word of mouth is the best way to go about this. I personally wouldn't mind an insert in the invite either, but I can't promise how your guests would react. Unfortunately it sounds like you're best to prepare for this as much as you can. Make sure you have your epi pen, avoid the hugging when possible (sounds like this shouldn't be too hard since you are only doing table visits) and just hope not too many people wear anything with too much scent.

Epi-pens are to help you get to the hospital, they aren't a treatment so you can continue on with your day. If she uses an epi-pen, she will be on her way to ER. Because we are talking about anaphylactis here I think it needs more than word of mouth.

Im sorry if I gave off the impression that an epi pen is just some quick-fix...It was more of a sperate thought in being prepared...as in make sure you have it with you in case you need it. I admittedly don't have any severe allergies, but I can sympathize with those who do. And I'm sorry if that came across the wrong way.

Hey, I am sorry too. I remembered the 2 posts about this over the last year and someone had posted about their BF using his epi-pens like that. Shouldn't have automatically taken your post in that direction. My apologies.

Hey no biggie

traditionallyuntraditional · September 2014

Since this is a severe medical condition that could cause death I would include a small personal note or insert, just not on the main invite itself, regarding this. Which would you rather have a few possibly offended guests or an ambulance ride to the hospital on your wedding day?! Make the note as short yet informative as possible and leave it at that don't write a paragraph. Do make sure you get the severity of the condition into the note or people may think you are batty or a "special snowflake".

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