Thursday Night Wedding ???

Alesiakn0wzbest · September 2014

Hello Knotties!!!! I am considering a Thursday night wedding, my parents and fiancès parents hate that idea, However they are all pitching in for wedding expenses. I've already found a venue I love! If we choose thursday we can save 50pp!!! They think having a wedding on a thursday is asinine! But they also don't want to spend much money which I understand! So why are they so upset at a Thursday wedding ? I need all of your opinions especially people who have attended a thursday wedding or had their weddings on a thursday. I also want you guys to keep in my wedding is two years away!!!!!!!! I think thats more than enough time to accommodate most people. The wedding will be in CT which about 60-65% of the people live in CT and a 15% of people will be coming from NY which is about an hour away and 15% from North Carolina which is far. My North Carolina Family will have to take at least one day off anyways If the wedding is on a saturday they would leave from NC friday and probably go back home on a sunday. Opinions Please!!!

lilacck28 · September 2014

If your parents and your fiance's parents are contributing to your wedding, then you need to take their opinions into account.

Thursday weddings are.... rough. I live in CT. If a friend of mine had a wedding on a Thursday night, I would probably go, but man I'd be exhausted and kind of peeved. I'd also probably be late, depending on when the wedding started and how far away from me the wedding was. I get home from work around 6 on most nights. And then I'd need time to get ready. So, I'd leave the house at 6:30.... add in travel time, and a 7-9pm wedding ceremony start time is necessary for me to get there in time (there's tons of traffic around then, and there are tons of places in CT that take an hour or two to get there). I would also probably leave early. I still have work the next day. I would NOT take time off of work for anyone unless they were a very close friend or family member, even if I knew about the wedding two years in advance.

If you really want to get married on a Thursday, and your parents and your fiance's parents and your other VIPS get on board and are willing to come, then go for it. But be ready for a lot of declines.

crackktheskyy · September 2014

There is nothing inherently wrong with having a wedding on a Thursday.

That being said, if your parents and FILs are paying for the wedding, they definitely get a say. Are there other venues that you can look at that are more in budget that can also accommodate a weekend ceremony/reception?

Also, I would definitely be prepared to receive some declines. Even knowing my cousin's wedding date 1 1/2 years in advance, I still could not attend her OOT weekday wedding. For OOT family that works during the week, taking off one day (Friday) or even flying Friday night after work is far different than taking off Wednesday for traveling, Thursday for the wedding, and Friday to travel back home.

As a full time grad student, I wasn't able to do that because we only have classes once a week, so each class is a week's worth of school. I would have missed a week's worth of 3 classes to attend my cousins weekday OOT wedding.

Sure, others will definitely be able to attend, but I'm just saying that I wouldn't assume that giving the date far in advance will enable everyone to go.

MairePoppy · September 2014

I most likely wouldn't attend a Thurs wedding, unless it was someone from my immediate family. Even then, I'd be leaving right after dinner because we'd have to get up for work the next day. I would guess you'll get a lot of declines for a Thurs wedding. If you and both sets of parents (since they're paying) are okay with that, then go for it. There's a reason those places slash prices to 50 % off, KWIM? Two years notice to your guests, on your date, doesn't change the amount of time they'll have to take off from work and school. There's a reason that those places offer 50% discount on week nights, KWIM?

I'm also in CT. My DD got a wonderful discount on her dream venue, by booking one of their left over dates six months, rather than a year out and by booking a Sunday afternoon.

MNVegas · September 2014

If you decide to do a Thursday wedding be prepared for a lot of declines. It doesn't matter how much notice you give your guests they will still be inconvenienced by a Thursday night wedding.

Agree with others who said since your parents & FILs are contributing you need to take what they want into consideration. Otherwise you need to decline their offer of financial help and pay for the wedding yourselves.

lyndausvi · September 2014

I have a flexible schedule, yet would be annoyed at a Thursday wedding. The people from NC would have to take off Wed, Thursday AND Friday. Not something I would be comfortable asking my guests to do. Like others said, there isn't anything wrong per se, but I find it not to be a good idea.

I'm assuming your NY people are actually in or around the NYC area. Traveling from that area to certain parts of CT is a bitch on a normal weekend, can be down right hell during rush hour mid-week. That hour and easily turn into much longer.

Cookie Pusher · September 2014

I attended a Thursday wedding once, and I was... not totally happy. It was for a dear, dear friend of mine so not attending didn't feel right. DH and I had to take all of Thursday off from work as the ceremony was starting smack in the middle of rush hour (we had to travel one state over, in the same direction rush hour traffic flows). Normally, the trip would take about an hour and a half, but because of the start time, we had to leave nearly 3 hours before the start to make sure we'd be there in time (and we just BARELY made it). The reception went until about 11, so we wouldn't be getting home until well after midnight. DH would have had less than 4 hours of sleep before he had to get up for work, so yea, not happening considering he works a highly dangerous job.

We did have a great time at the wedding, but it was a huge inconvenience for us. I would expect that many of your guests would feel the same way.

Viczaesar · September 2014

I wouldn't attend a Thursday night wedding.

climbingsingle · September 2014

I live in the NY metro area. Getting to CT on a weeknight evening could be a total nightmare. So unless you were a close relative or a best friend, I'd decline. I wouldn't want to have to take a day off of work and if I didn't, I'd probably be exhausted.

OliveOilsMom · September 2014

I wouldn't attend a Thursday night wedding unless it was my sibling or BFF. As others have pointed out your family in NC would need at least 2 vacation days assuming they could fly up to CT on Thursday morning early enough to attend your wedding. And since both sets of parents are helping to pay, since they don't want to have the wedding on a Thursday, their voices could for whatever percent they are contributing.

Have you looked into a Sunday wedding? They are cheaper than a Saturday night too.

LadyMillil · September 2014

OliveOilsMom said:

I wouldn't attend a Thursday night wedding unless it was my sibling or BFF. As others have pointed out your family in NC would need at least 2 vacation days assuming they could fly up to CT on Thursday morning early enough to attend your wedding. And since both sets of parents are helping to pay, since they don't want to have the wedding on a Thursday, their voices could for whatever percent they are contributing.

Have you looked into a Sunday wedding? They are cheaper than a Saturday night too.

I saved a ton of money on my wedding by having it on a Saturday at the very end of the off-season for my region. My venue waved all set up and rental fees and the cake cutting fee because it was the off season and they'd rather have some one using the ballroom and paying for food and drinks than an empty ballroom.

I wouldn't go to an OOT wedding for anyone on a weeknight because it will use up too much of my very limited time off for travel. If it was a local wedding I could make it work depending on the timing of everything. 2pm ceremony? I can't leave work that early. 8pm dinner? I'm probably going to leave after the ceremony because I have very early mornings. 4pm ceremony with reception immediately following? I can work late the other days that week and get ready at work to make it on time.

jdluvr06 · September 2014

I wouldn't go to a Thursday night wedding unless it was my bff or my sister.

jacques27 · September 2014

Well, you'll actually save way more than 50 pp because you'll have a lot of declines. There's nothing inherently wrong with a Thursday wedding, but I think that weekday weddings lend themselves to a smaller, more intimate affair - say 20-30 people maximum with a simple dinner at a restaurant.

So if your Saturday wedding was going to be a full on evening wedding with dinner and a DJ and dancing and you're thinking you will just do the same on a Thursday...it's not happening. Between getting off work at 5 (or having to use vacation time to leave early), getting ready, and traveling (even in town) during rush hour traffic which can sometimes take 45-60+ minutes to go 8-10 miles, and having to work the next morning, I would either decline altogether or show up, but be extremely pissy about the hassle and then leave immediately after dinner so I can get to bed on time.

But if you're cool with a potentially higher decline rate and/or your guests needing to leave early, then have at it. But there are other ways to save money - you could do a brunch or luncheon wedding and/or have it on a Sunday. You could do a cocktail reception or a cake and punch reception earlier in the day. You could have your wedding much later in the evening and do a dessert reception after the traditional dinner hour. You could scale down your guest list and have a more intimate affair. You could choose a less formal venue that allows outside catering and have a local restaurant cater instead.

ETA: Also, keep in mind that even with two years notice, most people only get a limited amount of vacation time. Some people have jobs where only a few people can have the day off at any given time and it may go by seniority (healthcare industry is notorious for this). Some people may not get vacation time, but are commission based and lost time = lost income. And some people may have jobs where huge projects come up without significant warning with deadlines beyond their control making taking leave impossible (this is my current situation with a wedding I was supposed to attend in November and now will have to decline).

Alesiakn0wzbest · September 2014

Thanks for all the advice I have a lot to consider!!! A very hard decision...

RebeccaFlower · September 2014

I also wouldn't attend a Thursday wedding for anyone but my brother.

JoanE2012 · September 2014

I would not attend a Thursday wedding. I'd probably get there late trying to get ready after work and leave early because of work the next day. As a guest, it's too much of a hassle. Sorry.

MobKaz · September 2014

My brother married on a Thursday night. I had 2 young children at the time. It was almost impossible to find a babysitter on a school night. When I finally did, I had to pledge and promise to be home on time to get the sitter home by 10:00 PM. We obviously had to basically dine and dash. We also spent a good portion of our dinner watching the clock. It was difficult to enjoy the evening.

jnrsgirl · September 2014

Weekday weddings are great for me, but that is because my work schedule covers the weekends which are a huge PITA to get free. I would be prepared for alot of declines though. Not everyone wants to dress up after work for a wedding when the may have to go back to work the next morning.

SachaBee · September 2014

I would go to a Thursday wedding if it is in town (or maybe an actual hour, not "an hour without traffic", out of town), but I don't need that much sleep so I wouldn't mind. But I wouldn't travel unless for someone very close. So consider how important those NC guests are. If they are cousins and distant relations, then maybe it doesn't matter if they decline. But your reason of saving money to invite more people would probably be moot in any case.

wrigleyville · September 2014

I would only go to a Thursday wedding if it were a sibling or my very best friend. Even then, I'd be pretty upset (internally) because it's such a pain. Also, if it's out of town, that means I have to take two vacation days instead of one.

I don't blame the VIPs for saying no to a Thursday wedding.

AddieCake · September 2014

A weekday wedding would be difficult for me to attend. I had a hard enough time making it to my cousin's Friday night wedding years ago. Weekdays before Friday would be really difficult.

bethsmiles · September 2014

If I had to travel I wouldn't go to a Thursday wedding unless it was my brother or best friend getting married. If it was in town I'd probably only go to the ceremony or leave the reception pretty early. Honestly, I don't think it's a great idea. It's really inconvenient for a lot of people.

larrygaga · September 2014

Nothing wrong with a thursday wedding, but I would probably not go. There are always other venues that are much cheaper.

SP29 · September 2014

Nothing inherently wrong with a Thursday wedding, but be prepared for more declines and for people who are coming to leave early.

Those who have to travel will need to take at least Wed-Thurs-Fri off. Those who are local will likely need the Thursday off and probably leave early to go back to work on Friday (or take more time off).

You can absolutely do it- but not everyone will like it.

Because your parents and ILs are paying, please consider their wishes.

If you are wanting to save money, consider a Friday (people will need the Thurs- Fri off) or a Sunday (guests will only need the Monday off) wedding.

JCbride2015 · September 2014

Thursday nights are sort of an extension of the weekend here in NYC, so if the wedding was local, I would go (work schedule permitting). But I would never take off Wed-Fri to travel to an OOT wedding on a Thursday night.

downtondiva · September 2014

Even if it was fairly local, for me a Thursday night wedding would still be pretty inconvenient and disruptive to work, etc. It wouldn't be worth it unless I was really close with the couple.

ETA: Have you considered having your wedding on a Sunday?

APDSS22 · September 2014

I have been to a Thursday wedding. The bride's parents were covering everything and in their family, everyone gets married on a certain date. They didn't want to wait a year to make it a Friday so they got married on a Thursday.

My friend group that managed to attend STILL talk about it. It was horribly inconvenient and one of the cars (that had to drive through the night to make it to this wedding) got in a wreck and almost couldn't make it anyway. There were a lot of hurt feelings. It didn't help that after the ceremony they forced all their guests to stand out in the heat outside with nothing but alcohol to drink and no where to sit.

I would strongly advise against a Thursday wedding. You will get tons of declines and you will probably end up with a lot of latecomers/early leavers.

ohmrs2014 · September 2014

You can have your wedding on any day you like.

That said, I agree with PP on the high decline rate.

I personally wouldn't attend a Thursday wedding unless you were my sister or close friend, and even then I would be a little frustrated.

I attended a Sunday evening wedding and while it was still slightly inconvenient, I would prefer that.

schellzinator · September 2014

Like others have said - nothing technically wrong with a Thursday wedding. However, I would not be attending a Thursday wedding. If it were my BFF or sister - I'd probably talk them out of it and help them look for another affordable venue for a weekend (F-S) time. If your wedding is two years away still - I'd recommend finding another venue that is more affordable or increase your saving so you can afford the wedding that you want.

HaileyDancingbear · September 2014

He who pays, gets a say- so if your parents and fiance's parents HATE the idea, it's best to just skip it. Even though there's nothing wrong with Thursday in terms of etiquette. It's just a pain.

If you end up with a thursday night wedding, you should expect WAY more declines than you would get for a weekend wedding. That is probably why your parents and step parents are so against it.

I personally would not go to a thursday night wedding. I would be guaranteed to have work on both thursday and friday (And I assume many of your guests would be in this boat too, since thursday and friday are both usually days people have work) so that would mean having to get ready right after work, when I'm already tired from a full day of work, then try to leave early enough so I can get enough sleep for the next day. And that's assuming I live near the venue- any of your guests that live even an hour drive away from the venue are going to be very inconvenienced by the timing. Weekends are best because worrying about work gets more or less taken out of the equation.

kmmssg · September 2014

I think everyone has hit the nail on the head. OP, you mentioned giving everyone a lot of advance notice so they can plan accordingly. Here is where I would be with that - I get 13 vacation days a year. It doesn't matter how much advance notice you give me, I get 13 days and I am not going to use almost a quarter of my annual leave to attend a Thursday wedding (assuming I would have to travel).

If it was local and a late ceremony we might attend but we would be outta there right after dinner.

Thursday Night Wedding ???

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