Wedding Etiquette Forum

So I followed etiquette and invited both my bosses....

I work in a very small office & there are only 3 of us. One Big Mega Boss and one Assistant Mega Boss. I wanted to invite Assistant Mega Boss because she and I get along very well and work together all the time. My Big Mega Boss however, I don't see eye to eye on. Nothing that interferes with work, he just likes to push it in my face as much as possible that he makes 10x what I do in a year. It sucks that one of his paychecks could literally wipe out 75% of my credit card and student loan debt, but I digress (and bitterly digress!). Anyway, FMIL will be paying for about 90% of the wedding. I am marring her only child and she wants this wedding to be fabulous, so we paid our promised part and she will take care of the rest. I talked to her today about the guest list since invites went out last week and she asked about my bosses. I told her I only wanted to invite one, but since that is against etiquette and playing favorites and could possibly cause some awkward conversation later on, I just decided to not invite either of them. It was an all or nothing decision. She told me to invite them since I have been working there for almost 3 years. She also mentioned that our wedding is close to the time that the Big Mega Boss decides on year end bonuses and not inviting him might reflect negatively on that. So I bit the bullet and now they both are excited to come. Since I have been working there almost 3 years, I've had bad days and talked to friends and family about how to handle these work place situations. So they know how much of a prick my boss is. And he is. I am so scared now that someone might accidentally slip and say "Oh are you the boss that she hates or the one she likes?" I know it sounds a litlte melodramatic, but you know what happens when people drink from our open bar of beer and wine. People sometimes lose their filter and I don't want anything said that could effect my job, even by accident. What would you do in this situation? And yes, I think I might be crazy!

Re: So I followed etiquette and invited both my bosses....

  • kshahan88 said:
    I work in a very small office & there are only 3 of us. One Big Mega Boss and one Assistant Mega Boss. I wanted to invite Assistant Mega Boss because she and I get along very well and work together all the time. My Big Mega Boss however, I don't see eye to eye on. Nothing that interferes with work, he just likes to push it in my face as much as possible that he makes 10x what I do in a year. It sucks that one of his paychecks could literally wipe out 75% of my credit card and student loan debt, but I digress (and bitterly digress!). Anyway, FMIL will be paying for about 90% of the wedding. I am marring her only child and she wants this wedding to be fabulous, so we paid our promised part and she will take care of the rest. I talked to her today about the guest list since invites went out last week and she asked about my bosses. I told her I only wanted to invite one, but since that is against etiquette and playing favorites and could possibly cause some awkward conversation later on, I just decided to not invite either of them. It was an all or nothing decision. She told me to invite them since I have been working there for almost 3 years. She also mentioned that our wedding is close to the time that the Big Mega Boss decides on year end bonuses and not inviting him might reflect negatively on that. So I bit the bullet and now they both are excited to come. Since I have been working there almost 3 years, I've had bad days and talked to friends and family about how to handle these work place situations. So they know how much of a prick my boss is. And he is. I am so scared now that someone might accidentally slip and say "Oh are you the boss that she hates or the one she likes?" I know it sounds a litlte melodramatic, but you know what happens when people drink from our open bar of beer and wine. People sometimes lose their filter and I don't want anything said that could effect my job, even by accident. What would you do in this situation? And yes, I think I might be crazy!
    You can't control what others say, and I'd like to hope that grown adults know how to make small talk without saying something that blatantly tacky. I think you are over-thinking this. And I agree with your FMIL that an office of 3 is an all-or-nothing deal.
  • Your not crazy. I wouldn't have invited any bosses. Not much help I know since you already invited your bosses. I would be less worried about what other guests might say. I just wouldn't want to feel like I am at work on my wedding day - seeing coworkers or bosses outside of work.
  • I don't think you're crazy. If my boss made me feel like I'm walking on eggshells, I wouldn't want to invite him to my wedding either. That said, I do think it would be awkward around the office to invite one but not both people you work with. I wouldn't have invited either one.
  • Maybe you could think about who you sit them with and keep them near people who you know will be polite or who you haven't vented to.
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  • I don't think you're crazy. But I would try not to worry about this. After all, if someone is drunk enough to say something that dumb, they are drunk enough to blame it on the alcohol.
  • No one is going to say anything like that! Stop borrowing trouble.
  • You are worrying too much.  Unless every other guest at your wedding will be a 14-year-old girl from some movie about high school, you will be just fine.  ;)
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  • edited September 2014
    Seat them with people you can trust - you know your nice polite friends, not the catty gossipy ones. It's highly likely they won't be meeting and mingling with all the other guests, if you do have dim-witted friends who would say something so crass. 

    Tell the people you sit them with who they are in advance and say nice things about your bosses and how great things are currently at your job. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • No one is going to say anything like that! Stop borrowing trouble.
    I agree. 

    Also, I've worked at my job for over 6 years. And I didn't invite my bosses. 
  • I would make a point to say hi at the reception, be all nice and smile, and then excuse yourself to greet more guests. That way your behavior to your boss would overshadow any "gossip". But I really don't think anyone would say those things to your boss! They might wonder to themselves and then talk to you about it a few weeks later :)

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  • I work in a family based office, just not my family. It's my boss, his wife, his son, his daughter and two co-workers of mine. Everyone invites everyone from the office to birthday parties, anniversary parties, baby showers - the whole 9 yards. I had no qualms about inviting my boss and everyone else.
  • I actually agree with your FMIL to invite your bosses, since it is such a small office.  I think it will go a long way for goodwill.  The good news is, you will be so busy at your wedding that you will hardly notice the "bad" boss is there.  And I agree with the others, it is highly unlikely someone will say something rude.

    I actually had just a little bit of a similar situation at my wedding, lol.  A former coworker I became friends with used to live in my current city, but she and I had both grown up near each other in CA.  I vented/expressed concern a few times to her about a good friend of mine from CA.  Figuring, it's no harm.  They'll never meet each other.

    Well, lo and behold...coworker friend moves back to CA.  We stay in touch.  Fast forward two years and my FI (now DH) and I decide to get married in my CA hometown instead of where we live.  And both these women will be at the wedding, lol.  Of course, nothing happened, I didn't expect it would.  But I did feel a little guilty about it. 

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  • Thanks everyone for the advice. I think it really is just that I feel guilty for talking trash on him even though he did deserve it, just ask me sometime what he has done and you'll agree. I'm sure everyone will be preoccupied with everything else that is going on that it wont come up. I was just super paranoid because I really expected him to decline or say he'd discuss it with his wife and get back to me. Nope. Within 5 minutes he had the event and time on his calendar! I think he is just in it for the free food and booze.
  • Story time... Years ago when I was in college, I used to complain about my parents all the time with an older co-worker. I knew they'd never meet, so it was safe. Well, a couple years later my dad gets a job at my office. I ended up going in to Kim's office and reminding her that she knew ME first, and that while she can certainly be friends with my dad, she is NOT to blab about my venting.
  • kshahan88 said:
    Thanks everyone for the advice. I think it really is just that I feel guilty for talking trash on him even though he did deserve it, just ask me sometime what he has done and you'll agree. I'm sure everyone will be preoccupied with everything else that is going on that it wont come up. I was just super paranoid because I really expected him to decline or say he'd discuss it with his wife and get back to me. Nope. Within 5 minutes he had the event and time on his calendar! I think he is just in it for the free food and booze.
    I would tell your friends or whoever you are seating this guy with that he is invited and to keep that in mind, and I would reduce or eliminate the trash talking to other parties in the time leading up to the wedding so that your fears of friends spilling something are even less likely to come true. I doubt anyone would say anything anyway and I think you should try to have a positive attitude about this boss just in case for now, even if he doesn't deserve the positive attitude. 
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