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Wedding Party
Knottie69279121
member
Thinking of backing out...and feeling horrible.
In the spring, my friend asked me to be his woman-of-honor in his wedding. Without hesitating (and without discussing with my significant other), I said YES!! very excitedly, wanting to support him. Then, I realized, it was a New Year's Eve wedding. and was 1000+ miles away, across the country, not near any airport. Awkwardly, a few months ago, I was already given some jewelry as thank you for being in the wedding. I have already gotten an awesome dress for super cheap (YES!). We are now 3 months away from the wedding, and the reality of the cost of this whole ordeal is adding up. Between plane tickets, hotel, car rental, dog boarding, food, wedding gift, etc.. .it's going to be approximately $2600 (if I go sans car and try to hitch rides, it'll knock down to about $2100).
I'm a fiercely loyal friend, and feel totally sick that I am considering backing out... but I am not sure how I can afford this. To add to the "fun," I have since become engaged, and now have my own wedding and honeymoon and moving in together to pay for.
Sigh. I don't know what to do. All signs are pointing to me needing to back out, but I don't want to let anyone down. I feel like the worst friend of the year.
I'm a fiercely loyal friend, and feel totally sick that I am considering backing out... but I am not sure how I can afford this. To add to the "fun," I have since become engaged, and now have my own wedding and honeymoon and moving in together to pay for.
Sigh. I don't know what to do. All signs are pointing to me needing to back out, but I don't want to let anyone down. I feel like the worst friend of the year.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Thinking of backing out...and feeling horrible.
You should spend the next few days trying to think of ways to make this work. Could you go to the wedding alone and have your fi care for the dog? Cuts cost to half, right there. Could you shorten your stay? Can you save on air fare by adjusting the dates you fly in and out? Stay with friend or share the hotel room with another guest? If you can't come up with ways to cut your cost, call your friend and ask for suggestions.
After trying your hardest to come up with a way to be there, if you can't afford to go, you should let your friend know asap.
What your own wedding plans are really doesn't matter here at all.
No one called you an asshole. We are trying to suggest options.
Would I want to spend NYE without my husband? No, but if I made a commitment, I would honor it. You can celebrate NY another night. NYE isn't a one time event, you will have many NYEs together.
PP is right. High air fares, especially during the holidays, shouldn't be such a big surprise. The first thing I do when I'm planning a trip is check the fares. When I find what I think will be the best deal, I charge it to my credit card and pay it off asap.
I hope you're able to work something out so you can be there for your friend. If you can't, you can't. But I would only back out, as a last resort.
However, I don't understand why, after accepting to be in the wedding, you didn't sit down and stat figuring out what the costs would entail? And why did you wait until 3 months out to decide you couldn't afford it?
I think these are the things people are responding to so bluntly and honestly, because at this point backing out of his wedding because you didn't financially prepare properly is a shitty thing to do. That's the truth of the matter, whether you like that truth or not.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Honestly, I think you're going to either have to put it on a credit card (not the worst thing in the world, btw) or go alone. Maybe both. Regardless, none of the suggestions that others have mentioned are THAT big of a deal. You can spend 1-2 nights without your FI (yes, even NYE). It's not preferable, but you're going to feel a lot less shitty if you just suck it up and go. I promise you, you will regret not going.
Going by yourself is a pretty easy way to save money too. Will you be a little less happy? Yes. Will you be better for showing up? Absolutely.
And you waiting so long is part of the reason plane tickets are so expensive. Is there a particular reason you didn't get plane tickets right around when you accepted?
To put this in perspective. Some of FHs family, who's daughter was supposed to be a flower girl put off buying plane tickets and they jumped and then they all backed out pretty last minute. He is ridiculously hurt that their poor planning has made them back out.
The number one comment that people have in response to hearing about this has been "When you accept being in a wedding, you accept the financial responsibility. Don't people realize this?" Other members of his family are hard core judging. Not because they could not afford it. But because they basically said they could by accepting, than because of poor planning, went back on their word.
When she was first informed of the date and location, she should have told her bf that she couldn't afford to be in the wedding party. She has let her bf assume for months that she will be his WOH.
FTR, if a bride or groom came here and bitched that her/his friend was backing out because of monetary reasons, we would suggest that she/ he be gracious and understand that anyone's financial situation can change unexpectedly. We even tell brides and grooms to help out financially if it's important to have that person there. But this isn't what happened, here. There were no unexpected financial hardships mentioned.
You're spending $100-200 on food for three days???
Is it just me or is that an awful lot?
Do you typically spend $1,000-2,000 a month on just food?
On an extravagant month I spend maybe £150 ($300 roughly) on food... For myself and my son... What are you planning on eating?
I don't really understand when people factor food costs into holidays... You'd be eating at home anyway, right? Sure, you may eat meals out more on holiday, especially if meals aren't a part of the hotel offering, but still...
Are you paying for your own plate at the rehearsal dinner and reception?
I realise this is pretty much irrelevant to your OP, and even then, not the biggest money saving, but still... That really stood out to me.