Opinions on Engagement Ring Shopping Together

leighstar10 · September 2014

Hi ladies! I need some opinions! I am in my early twenties and my boyfriend and I have been dating since we were in middle school. Everyone in our lives knows that engagement is the next step in our lives. I am a very picky person therefore my boyfriend has asked if he can take me ring shopping. I just have mixed feelings about this because I want my proposal to have an element of surprise to it. Is anyone else in the ring shopping phase with their boyfriend or has anyone gone ring shopping with their fiance or now husband? Thanks.

ShallowSeas · September 2014

When my H decided to look at rings, he surprised me and took me ring shopping. I tried on different styles and picked out 5 or 6 that I liked. The lady helping us at the jeweler a wrote down the ring styles I had chosen and H went in a week later and picked one of the styles I had liked. Even though I picked out several styles, it was still a surprise because I didn't know which one H would pick, if any.

FoxandBunny · September 2014

I don't think that ring shopping together will ruin the surprise. You still have no idea when he's going to propose, or possibly what the ring looks like. If you still want a total surprise, you can pick multiple rings and have him choose the one he gets, or just try rings on and tell him things you like (ex. round stone, white gold, thin band, ect.).

BF and I have gone ring shopping and I actually fell in love with a particular ring. I personally don't care about the proposal being a surprise, but it will still be one because I have no idea what so ever when it will happen.

I also think women should be involved in picking out their ring because it's something they have to wear every day so they should love it. BF knows my taste in jewelry well, but I still wanted to be a part of the process because I can be picky sometimes and I also really enjoy looking at rings. Trying them on is super fun!

bethsmiles · September 2014

BF and I looked at so many rings together. It gave him a good idea of what I like (I'm not picky!) but I still have no idea what he picked. If you are picky it might be a good idea for you to be 3-4 rings that you really love and let him surprise you with one of those.

I know that movies/television/pop culture really push the idea of a surprise proposal being the most romantic thing ever, but in reality if a proposal is a complete surprise to you then your relationship probably needs some work with communication!

Just because you look at rings together doesn't mean there won't be any element of surprise - you won't know what it's coming, you won't know where, you won't know how, and most likely you won't know the exact ring. That seems like more than enough surprise to me.

cu97tiger · September 2014

Do it. Even if you know exactly what your ring looks like, there will still be a surprise as you won't know when and how he's going to ask.

If you really want the appearance of the ring to be a surprise, you can still go ring shopping for the shape of the stone and general feel of the ring. Trust me, there is a big difference between a round diamond solitaire, vs a round diamond with pave diamonds on the shank, vs a round diamond in a bezel set. So knowing, for example, that your BF will be choosing a round diamond still leaves quite a bit of room for surprise.

Enjoy the process! I'm actually jealous, as my DH and I pretty much skipped that step.

Dignity100 · September 2014

I shopped with my FI. In fact, I picked every piece of my ring out. When the ring came in, I went to pick it up with FI, he ended up just handing it to me in front of the shop owner - the shop owner laughed and said her husband did the same thing and they've been married over 30 years. I only mention this because even though I didn't have the big elaborate surprise proposal, it doesn't make me any less engaged.

If you ring shop with your BF, you can always pick out several rings that you like and let him pick from those. I think you should go try on rings because you never know what's going to look good. I always thought I wanted a 3-stone ring, but they didn't look right on me.

Swazzle · September 2014

Ditto PPs. Even if you know exactly what the ring is going to look like, you don't have to know when exactly he plans to propose so there will definitely still be some surprise to it.

I always said I wanted a princess cut diamond in a solitaire setting. Guess what? We shopped for my ring together and I realized I hated how that looked on my hand. I narrowed it down to a few styles and ultimately, he made the choice. My ring is a cushion cut diamond with a halo and pave band. Huge, huge difference from what I thought I wanted and what he probably would have gotten for me had we not browsed together. I was still completely surprised when he proposed to me since it was a random Tuesday afternoon and we were in our bedroom.

lmcooper86 · September 2014

Another vote for what PPs have said. Even if you know exactly what the ring looks like his proposal will still be a surprise! You won't know the when and where, and you won't know what he'll say...plus seeing the ring that's YOURS is still super exciting!

My FI asked me to show him what styles I liked and we browsed online together; he actually found the design that we ended up going with, and we went to the store twice to try it on just to make sure it was what I really wanted. Then he went to an independent jeweler and had the ring made, so it was slightly different (better) than the one we tried in store.

In addition to helping you find a style that you like, trying on rings will help you see what looks good on your hand as well. I have small fingers and a really big stone would look ridiculous on me; trying on rings helped us figure out what carat size would work. Plus, you should make sure that you like how your (potential) engagement ring looks with a band. It will also give you a better idea of what sort of settings you like, if you're comfortable with a stone that sits up higher off the band, and other details that you might not have thought of.

BaytoSA2013 · September 2014

Definitely go shopping together. Shopping is not buying so even if you know EXACTLY what you are getting, you will still be just as surprised and just as thrilled when he asks. My H and I picked out my exact ring together. I pretty much knew what I wanted but tried on everything under the sun. One of my favorites he didn't care for, so we tried and tried until we found just the right one.

On the other side of this, one of my best friends had the "surprise" ring and proposal. While she doesn't HATE it, she also doesn't love it. She will never tell her hubby that but it's not her style and she doesn't enjoy wearing it and certainly doesn't stare at it with that silly giddy smile.

KeptInStitches · September 2014

Echoing PPs. FI and I shopped for my ring together, and I narrowed it down to 4 settings I liked and let him pick from among those.

Peaseblossom55 · September 2014

H & I didn't shop for rings together, no regrets, especially after the struggle of how long it took to find a wedding band. I looked around online ( I loved playing with blue nile) and would leave up a few hints of styles I liked.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

I think you've gotten a lot of the same responses. I agree with everyone that there's nothing wrong with going with him to shop around! That ring will be with you forever and the last thing you want is to be wearing something you hate only to exchange it down the road. I picked out my ring but left the choosing of the stones to him. When he proposed that ring was still a huge surprise to me and was even more beautiful than I had remembered it! Now we get compliments all the time about how different and beautiful the ring is. Oh and they always ask if he picked it out all on his own and I usually lie and say he did just to give him credit. They all get a kick out of that one!

It's obviously up to you and if it's not a big deal whatever ring he places on your finger then tell him it's not and have him go choose what his heart desires. But just remember that if the ring isn't to your liking you made that decision. One last thing... When we had told a close friend of ours that I was choosing my own ring she thought it was insane. Then she ended up having a nightmare that night about how her boyfriend chose the wrong one for her. Next day they ended up at jewelry store picking out rings!

Dignity100 · September 2014

I just thought I'd bring up a few other points. If you want to be involved in picking out your e-ring; he does not need a ring to propose or he could get a 'loaner'. I know many of the shops I looked at, you could put a deposit down and get the 'loaner' but you'd be limited to that store.

leighstar10 · September 2014

Thank so much everyone for the advice! I feel so much better and we are going to look this weekend and next weekend!

GoldenPenguin · September 2014

I sent my FI the picture of the ring I wanted, and the ring he gave me was identical to the picture. I was still surprised & excited beyond all belief, because it was even more beautiful & perfect when it was on my finger.

phira · September 2014

Just to add my two cents:

I think that when it comes down to it, you have to sort of decide between being 100% surprised and ensuring that you end up wearing a ring that you absolutely love. In your shoes, if you're really picky, I'd do what I call "fake" ring shopping, which is when you and your boyfriend go to a big box jeweler and just try on different rings. Sometimes, what you think you love will look TERRIBLE on you, so this is a great option if you're picky AND unsure.

I was really picky, to be honest. I wanted a blue round sapphire in a bezel setting, in white gold. My partner didn't like any of the rings I'd found because they were too simple, and so we ended up having to design a ring together to make both of us happy. I was STILL surprised when I got my ring, and I absolutely LOVE IT.

NowIamMrsKlein · September 2014

We went shopping together! We discussed budget ahead of time and we had discussed my style (simple and elegant) but my FI really wanted me to be involved since it was something I was going to be wearing for the rest of my life. We made a date out of it, tried on a whole bunch and we both ended up falling in love with the same one. It just looked 'right' on my finger. Like it was meant to be there. We opened a file with the store, they wrote down the ring number and my ring size and my FI contact information. Then we left. Went for dinner, went to a movie and continued on with our lives.

Several months later FI returned to the store alone, had them open the file and he chose the diamond he wanted to be set into the ring based on our budget and the level of the four C's that were important to him.

I ended up still getting a beautiful ring that we both adored without worrying that he spent an arm and a leg on it and I still got the surprise as I didnt know when he was going to order it. I was actually expecting him to wait a couple more months just to throw me off the scent, but he was impatient and just couldnt wait to propose so he gave it to me the day it came in. (adorable!)

loves2shop4shoes · September 2014

I think the concept of being totally surprised by your ring is sweet, but it's not really practical. This is a ring you'll wear for the rest of the life, and a person's jewelry tastes are very complex and personal. You need to make sure you'll like the ring, and not just HAVE to like it because it's your e-ring.

Go shopping for rings. Show him what you like, what you don't like, and EXPLAIN why you like what you like. I was VERY specific and said, "I want it to be around 1ct, cushion cut, solitaire, with diamonds on the band. And I want the band to be flat enough so the wedding band can sit flush against it. This way, if I ever want to wear JUST the wedding band, it won't be curved and funny looking." He got exactly that.

You can be surprised with exactly when/how he proposes.

luckya23 · September 2014

I was surprised that he wanted to go ring shopping, and that was plenty for me.

I did the rest - I found the stone online so he ordered that, then we shopped around for a setting, but I ended up finding that online too and having the local store order it in for me to see in person.

Alternately, you could ask him to get a cheap placeholder ring and propose with that, and then shop together afterwards.

LabLove86 · September 2014

We went together. I don't wear jewelry, so when I do I am very picky with it.

It depends on what is best for the 2 of you - talk about it and figure out what situation you're both comfortable with.

eilis1228 · September 2014

I overwhelmed FI with all of the different styles I liked (honestly, I loved just about all of them), so he ended up proposing with a placeholder ring and a loose center stone, and we designed a ring together. We'd been talking about rings and the engagement for months and months by the time he did it, and he still surprised me with the proposal. I don't think looking at rings together takes away from the moment of the proposal itself.

bethsmiles · September 2014

@Eilis1228 - I completely overwhelmed BF with all the rings that I liked because I pretty much like everything! It look a lot of looking and rings and discussing what we both like/don't like and I finally narrowed it down to 1 metal (white gold) and one stone (sapphire) and he finally made a decision! I thought giving him so many options would make it easier but apparently it just stressed him out.

GoldenPenguin · September 2014

bethsmiles said:

@Eilis1228 - I completely overwhelmed BF with all the rings that I liked because I pretty much like everything! It look a lot of looking and rings and discussing what we both like/don't like and I finally narrowed it down to 1 metal (white gold) and one stone (sapphire) and he finally made a decision! I thought giving him so many options would make it easier but apparently it just stressed him out.

I can't wait to see your ring, but I'm sad we're not going to be morganite twins!!

eilis1228 · September 2014

bethsmiles said:

@Eilis1228 - I completely overwhelmed BF with all the rings that I liked because I pretty much like everything! It look a lot of looking and rings and discussing what we both like/don't like and I finally narrowed it down to 1 metal (white gold) and one stone (sapphire) and he finally made a decision! I thought giving him so many options would make it easier but apparently it just stressed him out.

LOL I had the same thought process too! I thought he would like basically having carte blanche to get whatever, but it only stressed him out more.

bethsmiles · September 2014

@GoldenPenguin - I know! I really love your ring! The jeweler we decided to go with doesn't do morganite though

GoldenPenguin · September 2014

@bethsmiles - BOOOOOOOOOO!! I'm sure your sapphire will be GORGEOUS!! Now, BethsmilesBF - PUT IT ON HER FINGER!!! (Do you think he heard me??)

eilis1228 · September 2014

@bethsmiles what color sapphire did you guys land on? Pink/peach like a morganite? Blue? Purple? Yellow? All the colors of the rainbow?

bethsmiles · September 2014

@eilis1228 - Blue! We toyed with green for awhile but I really loved the blue color a lot better. The pink ones were too bright of a pink for me.

bethsmiles · September 2014

@GoldenPenguin - Haha...I sure hope he heard you because my patient pants are wearing pretty damn thin!

leighstar10 · September 2014

Thanks ladies! Hope to find something I love this weekend!

phira · September 2014

BLUE SAPPHIRES FOREVER

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