"You have chosen to not receive Thank You Cards"

gladyscf · September 2014

WTF?!

I just purchased a wedding gift from a registry for my FI's nephew from Crate and Barrel.

There was a section to "Help Registrant manage Thank You Cards by indicating which address to send yours to." The options are 1. I prefer not to participate 2. My billing address and 3. An address other than my billing address.

I chose 1. because they have my address and should know to send a thank you. I get to the order summary page and it says under the Thank You Card section, "You have chosen to not receive Thank You Cards."

Guess we'll see how this plays out.

allisoneliz · September 2014

Wow. That's bizarre.

Bubblegum5586 · September 2014

JCbride2015 · September 2014

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

sarawifenow · September 2014

That is so weird. Hopefully they know better and will send the thank you note!

mimivac · September 2014

Unless the couple doesn't know this is included in their registry, I doubt you will be receiving a thank you card. This might be latest, greatest way for people to "manage" their thank-yous (i.e. get out of sending them).

gladyscf · September 2014

mimivac said:

Unless the couple doesn't know this is included in their registry, I doubt you will be receiving a thank you card. This might be latest, greatest way for people to "manage" their thank-yous (i.e. get out of sending them).

I'll be Judgy McJudgerpants for the rest of my life if that is the case.

mimivac · September 2014

msstaticfancypants said:

mimivac said:

Unless the couple doesn't know this is included in their registry, I doubt you will be receiving a thank you card. This might be latest, greatest way for people to "manage" their thank-yous (i.e. get out of sending them).

I'll be Judgy McJudgerpants for the rest of my life if that is the case.

Well, I hope they don't do this! But, I've read too much on here to have faith in matters like this!

levioosa · September 2014

That is so stupid. Talk about enabling rudeness.

novella1186 · September 2014

Wow. Shame on you, Crate & Barrel. Why is that store spreading rude habits around? Ugh. So gross.

loveislouder · September 2014

I hope they send you one! I think this is a great way to get addresses though.

larrygaga · September 2014

Now I know not to register there, I would be so embarassed.

gladyscf · September 2014

scribe95 said:

I find it odd but why would you purposely hit the first option? I don't understand why you didn't say billing address and move on.

SIB:
Because I equate this to being bad form. Kind of like having those present at a shower address their own thank you card envelope.

lyndausvi · September 2014

That is just crazy.

Now I'm wondering if you picked the other 2 options would a generic TY note from the company on behalf of the coupe is sent?

LakeR2014 · September 2014

On a side note....I was having a drink with my friend the other day. She commented on how they went to a wedding this summer - great, fun times.   A few weeks later they were out with this couple when the groom mentioned the thank yous came from the photographer, bride of couple was ecstatic.

Flash forward a few days...friend gets an envelope in the mail and opens it up. It's a photograph of the couple and typed on the back 'Thank You for sharing our day with us. Love, Mr & Mrs. Smith.'   (Nothing hand written, no 'Dear Friend and BF,' nothing.)

She was complaining about it to me about how tacky and insincere it was and finished off her rather snarky story saying '....And they couldn't even write our f*ing address, that was typed on too!.'

Her face was priceless.   Yes, yes people will talk about your lazy rudeness.

traditionallyuntraditional · September 2014

I wouldn't be surprise if you don't get a thank you card. The company may just not tell the couple who it's from since you "choose not to participate" or it may actually tell them you have asked not to receive a thank you card. Hopefully they do neither and just send it to the bride and groom as normal but it's likely they would do one or the other. If I received a gift and was told they didn't want a thank you card I'd pick up the phone and call so as to honor their wishes but still thank the couple. Is it proper etiquette? No but if you are told not to send a card and believe that is the persons wishes I don't think it would be proper to disregard their wishes and send it anyway.

Sounds like a crappy situation...

lyndausvi · September 2014

I had a wonderful "thank you" system tracking also. Actually a few.

It was called called writing out a TY as soon as the gift arrived.

For the shower it was called get your BF to write down who gave what on a piece of paper and then write the TY on the flight home.

After the wedding it was pile up all the cards and write a TY note.

One has to wonder how I was able to figure this out without a computer?

lyndausvi · September 2014

scribe95 said:

I just don't get how this is rude. I mean maybe the bride and groom just get a nice printout with addresses reminding them to send thank you's.

What is wrong with that? But you said you didn't want a thank you and now are mad you might not get a thank you? And it's not the same as filling out your own thank you card at a shower. You clicked one thing either way. No one knows whether these are auto filled thank yous.

one should not need a reminder to send out TY notes. One should not need to have a list sent to them.

It's tacky to ask the gift giver if they want a TY note or not. Would you ask in person? If no, then you should not have a 3rd party asking either.

chibiyui · September 2014

I registered at Crate and Barrel. I didn't use the thank you manager, I just wrote thank you notes like normal. You don't get an option to opt out of the thank you manager as a registrant.

I agree with scribe95. This isn't a big deal, unless the registrant chooses not to send a thank you card. I don't think it's a crime against etiquette for a company that offers a wedding registry service to also try to collect addresses for thank you cards. You don't have to participate, and as evidenced by me, it's perfectly possible to send thank yous without the list.

It can however, make it easier to track down who gave a certain gift if they forget to include a card. I was unable to find out who bought a certain gift from Target, and as such they didn't receive a thank you card. If Target had a service like Crate and Barrel, I might have been able to.

lyndausvi · September 2014

chibiyui said:

I registered at Crate and Barrel. I didn't use the thank you manager, I just wrote thank you notes like normal. You don't get an option to opt out of the thank you manager as a registrant. I agree with scribe95. This isn't a big deal, unless the registrant chooses not to send a thank you card. I don't think it's a crime against etiquette for a company that offers a wedding registry service to also try to collect addresses for thank you cards. You don't have to participate, and as evidenced by me, it's perfectly possible to send thank yous without the list. It can however, make it easier to track down who gave a certain gift if they forget to include a card. I was unable to find out who bought a certain gift from Target, and as such they didn't receive a thank you card. If Target had a service like Crate and Barrel, I might have been able to.

How would you feel if at a shower the bride went up to you and said "would you like me to send you an TY note? If yes, please tell what address I should send the TY note?". It's tacky. Just because a 3rd party is doing the asking doesn't matter.

And lets face it, they are not getting your info to be nice. I'm sure they are keeping the info for marketing purposes.

Now if they give you a list to make sure you received all the gifts, then that is fine. They don't need your address to give you that information. A simple Mrs Smith sent you "x" gift. I do not like the disguise it as a TY note tool.

indianaalum · September 2014

martha1818 said:

chibiyui said:

I registered at Crate and Barrel. I didn't use the thank you manager, I just wrote thank you notes like normal. You don't get an option to opt out of the thank you manager as a registrant. I agree with scribe95. This isn't a big deal, unless the registrant chooses not to send a thank you card. I don't think it's a crime against etiquette for a company that offers a wedding registry service to also try to collect addresses for thank you cards. You don't have to participate, and as evidenced by me, it's perfectly possible to send thank yous without the list. It can however, make it easier to track down who gave a certain gift if they forget to include a card. I was unable to find out who bought a certain gift from Target, and as such they didn't receive a thank you card. If Target had a service like Crate and Barrel, I might have been able to.

How is that possible though? Seems strange they had absolutely no info?

if you pay cash, there is no connection to the buyer and the registry

chibiyui · September 2014

lyndausvi said:

chibiyui said:

I registered at Crate and Barrel. I didn't use the thank you manager, I just wrote thank you notes like normal. You don't get an option to opt out of the thank you manager as a registrant.

I agree with scribe95. This isn't a big deal, unless the registrant chooses not to send a thank you card. I don't think it's a crime against etiquette for a company that offers a wedding registry service to also try to collect addresses for thank you cards. You don't have to participate, and as evidenced by me, it's perfectly possible to send thank yous without the list.

It can however, make it easier to track down who gave a certain gift if they forget to include a card. I was unable to find out who bought a certain gift from Target, and as such they didn't receive a thank you card. If Target had a service like Crate and Barrel, I might have been able to.

How would you feel if at a shower the bride went up to you and said "would you like me to send you an TY note? If yes, please tell what address I should send the TY note?". It's tacky. Just because a 3rd party is doing the asking doesn't matter.

And lets face it, they are not getting your info to be nice. I'm sure they are keeping the info for marketing purposes.

Now if they give you a list to make sure you received all the gifts, then that is fine. They don't need your address to give you that information. A simple Mrs Smith sent you "x" gift. I do not like the disguise it as a TY note tool.

And it's OK not to like it. I just don't think the actions of a corporation should reflect on the Bride and Groom.

I do agree that the wording is weird. But I wouldn't think the bride and groom were rude because of the crate and barrel website.

chibiyui · September 2014

martha1818 said:

chibiyui said:

I registered at Crate and Barrel. I didn't use the thank you manager, I just wrote thank you notes like normal. You don't get an option to opt out of the thank you manager as a registrant.

I agree with scribe95. This isn't a big deal, unless the registrant chooses not to send a thank you card. I don't think it's a crime against etiquette for a company that offers a wedding registry service to also try to collect addresses for thank you cards. You don't have to participate, and as evidenced by me, it's perfectly possible to send thank yous without the list.

It can however, make it easier to track down who gave a certain gift if they forget to include a card. I was unable to find out who bought a certain gift from Target, and as such they didn't receive a thank you card. If Target had a service like Crate and Barrel, I might have been able to.

How is that possible though? Seems strange they had absolutely no info?

Target is absolutely terrible with registires. They glitch constantly and I had a ton of duplicates and returns were a hassle. I love me some target, but it's really just Walmart with a better ad department and better PR.

gladyscf · September 2014

On the page where you got to mark the three choices, it didn't say anything about declining a thank you card at all. Just that I could chose to let them know what address to send it to. Since I received an invitation, I know they have my address. Since I included a gift card with my purchase, they will know who sent the gift. It wasn't until the final page that it was indicated that I declined a thank you card.

scribe95 Is it a "huge deal?" Probably not. I just found it a bit tacky and thought I'd share it with everyone.

lyndausvi · September 2014

scribe95 said:

I guess it's also rude for someone to keep track of gifts at a shower - a list that is later used to send gift cards. I just think this is kind of over the top criticism.

The person keeping track of the gifts at the shower is not asking if you want a TY note not nor are they collecting addresses.

lyndausvi · September 2014

First your are delusional if you think C&B are doing this for etiquette reasons. There is no reason for them to even collect addresses. Unless it's to benefit themselves. Beside I think it's shitty that our society has gotten so lazy they have to ask a 3rd party to help them with something so silly as a TY card. Seriously, it's ridiculous.

chibiyui · September 2014

lyndausvi said:
First your are delusional if you think C&B are doing this for etiquette reasons. There is no reason for them to even collect addresses. Unless it's to benefit themselves. Beside I think it's shitty that our society has gotten so lazy they have to ask a 3rd party to help them with something so silly as a TY card. Seriously, it's ridiculous.

I don't think they're doing it for etiquette. I do think they advertise it as a convenience. I also don't think they are "enabling rudeness" people who don't send thank you notes are not going to start because of this, but it's not making people who do send thank yous rude.

lyndausvi · September 2014

the fact that not sending a TY is even an option is enabling rudeness. Some newb is going to look at that as a reason not to send a TY.

Just like the same newb takes the little cards they give and puts them in the invitations. They think "well why would they give these to me if it wasn't okay?"

chibiyui · September 2014

lyndausvi said:
the fact that not sending a TY is even an option is enabling rudeness. Some newb is going to look at that as a reason not to send a TY.

Just like the same newb takes the little cards they give and puts them in the invitations. They think "well why would they give these to me if it wasn't okay?"

If a person sees this and decides not to send a thank you, that is not C&B s fault. That is an individual making their own (poor) choice. That would be like saying since Macy's doesn't collect addresses you don't have to send thank you cards.

Some people are just rude. Others are stupid. That's not the retailers fault or concern.

wandajune6 · September 2014

I registered there and had no idea about this. I'm going through my settings now and still don't see it! The Thank You Manager is pretty useless in my mind- it gives names and addresses for a few people but not all. It is nowhere near as useful as the spreadsheet I use to keep track-- on the computer located next to my box of thank you cards.

I'd be embarrassed but know that the people shopping for us there know me better than that.

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