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I hate keeping secrets

wandajune6wandajune6 member
2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
in Chit Chat
Oh, the drama!

3 of my BMs are going through a lot of pregnancy drama right now: problems TTC, unwanted pregnancies, and pregnancy scares. The ones that know each other don't talk to either other about it- just me. And the ones that don't go straight to me and don't really have others to talk to.

It's exhausting!

I started to blab them all here but erased them, just in case...

Does anyone else have secrets they desperately wish they could blab?
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Re: I hate keeping secrets

  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    One of my good friends is pregnant, too!  She only told me and our one other work bestie, and we are keeping mum until she decides to come out to HR.  It's hard because I'm so excited for her and her H.
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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    That is so tough! I would have a hard time with that scenario.

     

    Currently I am keeping every secret imaginable from FMIL. Our TTC timeline, moving decisions, anything money related. The thing is, now FBandFSIL(s) are starting to keep secrets from FMIL and are telling FI and I. So now I have about 7 sets of secrets! Now I remember why I was grateful being an only child growing up!

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  • Knottie37373131Knottie37373131 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Ugh! I hate secrets!  . . . My parents have been divorced for quite some time now but they do still get along. Well my father had another child a few years ago. My mom was at a hard point in life so my brother decided that we should not tell her and make her feel bad. Well now I have a younger sister and I am unable to tell my mom. I wish we would have just made light of the situation when it happened. I have an almost 3 year old sister and I can't share stories with my own mother. I feel terrible.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    SaraBrideSoon said:
    lolo883 said:
    SaraBrideSoon said:

    That is so tough! I would have a hard time with that scenario.

     

    Currently I am keeping every secret imaginable from FMIL. Our TTC timeline, moving decisions, anything money related. The thing is, now FBandFSIL(s) are starting to keep secrets from FMIL and are telling FI and I. So now I have about 7 sets of secrets! Now I remember why I was grateful being an only child growing up!

    This is the biggest secret I'm trying to keep. I just hate how up in my bidness everybody is about it. Babies were mentioned in the blessing AND both toasts at the reception, everybody asked if we'd have a honeymoon baby, people asked the day I got back if I'm pregnant yet... good GOD people, what if it turns out I can't even get pregnant? Do you realize this is not completely within my control? And even if it was, you don't belong in my uterus so maybe I don't feel like talking to you about what is and is not going on in there? Do you really want me to call you up like "well, we just had sex, fingers crossed!" NO. STOP IT. It's common knowledge that I want kids, I get that. And I know I'm no spring chicken. And all my friends and family say I'll be a great mom. But then when all you can talk about once I got engaged/married was how now babies are imminent, it kinda makes me feel like they think I just see H as a sperm donor, and that's not at all the case. :(

    I feel ya on that! My cousin was married for 5 minutes and people came up and started rubbing her belly (in her wedding dress!) and asked if she was pregnant. She told them that her and her H hadn't gotten a chance to have sex yet that day but that she would be sure to tell them when it happened.
    ...but my mommy told me that when a man and woman love each other very much, they get married and God gives them a baby. So obviously there should be a baby in there by now!
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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I had to keep the E ring for my brother for about 9 months.  I hid it in the kitchen, so I wouldn't forget it, but she wouldn't find it.  

    Currently, my extended family is have a shitty few weeks.  2 family pets were put down and a Grandpa died (not mine, but related through marriage).  My Brother and SIL are also having medical problems with their pregnancy ad will be deciding probably today if they are terminating early or going to try to carry to term.  They've been meeting with various Dr.'s over the last several weeks, but they're running out of time (they're about 21-22 weeks, and the deadline for late termination here is 22w6d).  But only immediate family know, so while my extended family is dealing with the loss of pets and grandparents, they don't know yet about the baby problems.  I almost mentioned all of the family problems (generally) before realizing that they think they're the only ones going through a rough patch at the moment.  

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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    H and I are planning to move cross country in the spring. We're planning to start looking for jobs out there in April or May. I'm SO EXCITED and want to talk about it but obviously I can't at work because I don't want them to replace me before I'm able to find a job. 

    I'm not really talking about it with other people because I really don't want their opinions. People seem to think we're BSC for not wanting to stay in here and that we're like 12 years old and have done no research or planning. 
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  • Peaseblossom55Peaseblossom55 mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    H & I will be TTC soon.  I've only told 1 friend IRL about it.  No one else knows and if people bring it up we say it's a possibility but not for a year or something.  I haven't even shared with my parents or H's it's none of their business.  My parents are already BSC about getting a grandkid from us. 

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  • flyingfoxesflyingfoxes member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper

    It depends on the secret.  I know I can't tell my oldest sister or mother anything, because neither of them can keep their mouths shut.  My mother loves to stir the pot whenever she can.

    I also have kept it pretty close to the vest about FI and my family plans.  I still go back and forth on it.  He would have to have a vasectomy reversal (which he's totally willing to do!), but I'll be 39 and he'll be 44...we're about 6 years out from having his kids out of the house, so do I want the freedom, or do I want the baby?  I just don't know yet.  I don't tell anybody about any of it because I don't want to hear their opinions or have them poking in my business.  What if the vasectomy reversal doesn't pan out?  I've been dealing with high-grade HPV for 5 years now, what if that's causing some issues?  Who knows. 

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  • kat1114kat1114 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    One of my bridesmaids is pregnant (about 3-4 months), and FI and I are one of only a handful of friends that know.None of the other bridesmaids know. I'm secretly hoping she will be showing soon, because my wedding is in a month, and while the bridesmaids dresses are flowy, I don't know if it would hide a bump. Then I wouldn't have to keep this secret anymore!
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  • SmileDamnitSmileDamnit member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Keeping Baby Bean a secret has been a daily struggle, particularly considering I'm starting to show and it's not yet cool enough for big ol' comfy sweaters. I had hoped we'd be able to keep mum through the 12 week appointment on the 6th, but I'm likely going to have to out myself to my boss before then. 
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    SmileDamnit said:
    Keeping Baby Bean a secret has been a daily struggle, particularly considering I'm starting to show and it's not yet cool enough for big ol' comfy sweaters. I had hoped we'd be able to keep mum through the 12 week appointment on the 6th, but I'm likely going to have to out myself to my boss before then. 
    You can do this! Go get this tank top in all 3 colors. It's super flowy and cute with a cardigan. :) Not that I'm hiding a baby, but I, uh, eat a lot. The navy one is the most-worn item in my closet right now.
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  • chibiyuichibiyui member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    One of my coworkers is pregnant, so I'm keeping that one. Otherwise, no secrets. I usually talk to people if I have a problem/dilemma so, I usually don't have secrets of my own.

    I am three days late period wise, so I've mentioned that to a friend or two and have cause usually with my period, it comes right after I start freaking out.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    lolo883 said:
    SaraBrideSoon said:
    lolo883 said:
    SaraBrideSoon said:

    That is so tough! I would have a hard time with that scenario.

     

    Currently I am keeping every secret imaginable from FMIL. Our TTC timeline, moving decisions, anything money related. The thing is, now FBandFSIL(s) are starting to keep secrets from FMIL and are telling FI and I. So now I have about 7 sets of secrets! Now I remember why I was grateful being an only child growing up!

    This is the biggest secret I'm trying to keep. I just hate how up in my bidness everybody is about it. Babies were mentioned in the blessing AND both toasts at the reception, everybody asked if we'd have a honeymoon baby, people asked the day I got back if I'm pregnant yet... good GOD people, what if it turns out I can't even get pregnant? Do you realize this is not completely within my control? And even if it was, you don't belong in my uterus so maybe I don't feel like talking to you about what is and is not going on in there? Do you really want me to call you up like "well, we just had sex, fingers crossed!" NO. STOP IT. It's common knowledge that I want kids, I get that. And I know I'm no spring chicken. And all my friends and family say I'll be a great mom. But then when all you can talk about once I got engaged/married was how now babies are imminent, it kinda makes me feel like they think I just see H as a sperm donor, and that's not at all the case. :(

    I feel ya on that! My cousin was married for 5 minutes and people came up and started rubbing her belly (in her wedding dress!) and asked if she was pregnant. She told them that her and her H hadn't gotten a chance to have sex yet that day but that she would be sure to tell them when it happened.
    ...but my mommy told me that when a man and woman love each other very much, they get married and God gives them a baby. So obviously there should be a baby in there by now!

    I get the baby stuff A LOT. One of my friends is super Evangelical NAND she took it upon herself to pray over me with our families. It was a kind gesture, but it got a bit personal at time.

    I actually had surgery in March on my ovaries.  The cysts were so bad that I went 2 years without having a period (except for when I took progesterone supplements).  It's no secret what kind of procedure I had, but people keep asking if the surgery worked and if I'm pregnant yet.  Um, no.  I finally had to tell my mom to nix the grandchild talk because it just got to be too much.  She would make comments about how her Goddaughter is pregnant and how her Goddaughter's baby will be her pseudo-grandchild for now.  Thanks, mom.

    The most fun I ever had keeping a secret was several years ago.  The women who worked at my dad's office surprised him & my mom with tickets to Trans Siberian Orchestra for Christmas.  They know how busy their schedule is, so they asked me to make plans with them on that date so they wouldn't plan anything else.  My parents knew I knew what they were getting them (mostly because the women at the office would ask what they wanted, and their reply was "call Sarah and ask her."). So, whenthey opened   the gift with the tickets, they declined them because of the fake plans with me.  They finally had to get me in on the phone to tell them that our plans were bogus and just a cover up for the surprise date night.  

    I have also had several people tell me about their pregnancies early on (I knew one fronds pregnancy before she told her parents!). I'm happy to keep those secrets, and I'm flattered because I've been told that they tell me because they know I'll pray for the,.




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  • SmileDamnitSmileDamnit member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    lolo883 said:
    SmileDamnit said:
    Keeping Baby Bean a secret has been a daily struggle, particularly considering I'm starting to show and it's not yet cool enough for big ol' comfy sweaters. I had hoped we'd be able to keep mum through the 12 week appointment on the 6th, but I'm likely going to have to out myself to my boss before then. 
    You can do this! Go get this tank top in all 3 colors. It's super flowy and cute with a cardigan. :) Not that I'm hiding a baby, but I, uh, eat a lot. The navy one is the most-worn item in my closet right now.
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    Love you! I'll now be adding Target visit to my weekend agenda, thank you!

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  • BlergbotBlergbot member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I'm soooo bad at keep secrets, particularly with regard to myself. Most of our friends knew about the pregnancy well before the 12 week mark. I did wait until our 12 week appt to announce on fb. I've been feeling pretty awful, so it was really hard to keep things under wraps. Also, I'm a bit of a lush, so people were wondering why I wasn't drinking. I could have come up with a lie, I guess, but I'm not big on lying to my friends. My general rule was to only tell people who I would tell if something went wrong...but that turned out to be a lot of people!
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    lolo883 said:
    SaraBrideSoon said:

    That is so tough! I would have a hard time with that scenario.

     

    Currently I am keeping every secret imaginable from FMIL. Our TTC timeline, moving decisions, anything money related. The thing is, now FBandFSIL(s) are starting to keep secrets from FMIL and are telling FI and I. So now I have about 7 sets of secrets! Now I remember why I was grateful being an only child growing up!

    This is the biggest secret I'm trying to keep. I just hate how up in my bidness everybody is about it. Babies were mentioned in the blessing AND both toasts at the reception, everybody asked if we'd have a honeymoon baby, people asked the day I got back if I'm pregnant yet... good GOD people, what if it turns out I can't even get pregnant? Do you realize this is not completely within my control? And even if it was, you don't belong in my uterus so maybe I don't feel like talking to you about what is and is not going on in there? Do you really want me to call you up like "well, we just had sex, fingers crossed!" NO. STOP IT. It's common knowledge that I want kids, I get that. And I know I'm no spring chicken. And all my friends and family say I'll be a great mom. But then when all you can talk about once I got engaged/married was how now babies are imminent, it kinda makes me feel like they think I just see H as a sperm donor, and that's not at all the case. :(
    I kind of got into it with Fi when we were reviewing the officiant's ceremony plans and I suggested that she omit something about us starting a family and having children. He was all "BUT DON'T YOU WANT KIDS?!" and I was like "well do we have to talk about it at our WEDDING?!"
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    sarahbear31 said:

    Aaaand I just found out that my sister is pregnant! I'm gonna be an aunt!

    Ahhh congrats! Yay babies!
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  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Depends on the secret.  I know some pretty innocent things that friends just don't want shared.  Ok, whatever.  I don't see the big deal, and even sometimes think sharing those secrets would be BENEFICIAL but I'll keep quiet.

    But I also know things that could make my friends horribly upset if I told others, and could actually severely damage friendships etc. not even because they did anything BAD, but simply because they know a lot of judgmental people. I'd sew my mouth shut if I even felt tempted to share that shit. 
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I used to be the secret keeping person for all of my friends. Fortunately now that we're older, most of my friends don't have a lot of dramatic secrets.

    I do have plenty of friends who are not out to their families. That secret I will take to the grave if they ask me to.
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    sarahbear31 said:
    Aaaand I just found out that my sister is pregnant! I'm gonna be an aunt!
    BEST JOB EVER!!!
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  • lightningsnowlightningsnow member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    I'm constantly worried that I may be pregnant whenever I feel like shit or overly tired. I've taken so many tests at work to ease my own mind. But not many secrets get told to me because I suck at keeping them.
    Formerly known as bubbles053009





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