Crimes against chairs

ohannabelle · September 2014

First, the standard "improvement." Meh. If you've seen it once, you've seen it 20,0000 times. Boring, messy. Not an improvement.

Next, the spandex option. Yuck. Congratulations, your chairs are wearing control top underpants.

Putting a bow on it improves nothing.

There's always burlap. Big WTF here.

Very expensive options include the below bizarre greenness, for those doing a cabbage theme.

Then there's this. A whole lot happening here. My theory is this is art. It represents an ostrich carrying a bouquet to a wedding. The ostrich was kidnapped, tied to a chair, and a dusty sage green sheet wrapped over it's head. It is symbolic. Yes.

ohannabelle · September 2014

Chairs are not people. They don't need clothing.

They aren't getting married.

These chairs think they're bridesmaids:

These chairs are going to the disco, later:

Here we see a group of Roman senators on their way to a wedding:

This chair wants to be a ballerina when she grows up:

No idea at all.

These chairs are a chorus line of can can girls:

This chair will be performing the part of Anna Karenina:

This chair has been found guilty, and is awaiting execution:

AddieCake · September 2014

JFC

[Deleted User] · September 2014

HaileyDancingbear · September 2014

This thread makes me feel better about giving zero fucks whatsoever about chairs. There will probably just be picnic benches at whatever venue I choose. I know there is at my top choice.

huskypuppy14 · September 2014

The bows on the folding chairs are ugly, but at least there are chairs for the ceremony.

Agree with pinkrevenge, why oh why would you cover chiavari chairs? Those disco chairs were pretty underneath that ugly fabric.

I hate chair covers in general.

Inkdancer · September 2014

My venue had folding chairs. But they were made of a dark wood with ivory satin seats. They were gorgeous. Why would I cover that???

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · September 2014

Why can't a chair just be somewhere to park your ass? Why does it need decorating??

jacques27 · September 2014

Let me get dressed up for your wedding so I can get rug burn sitting in your burlap covered chair. Ugh. I hate the first person who went "Gee...this bag I'm carrying my potatoes in is gosh-durn pretty I'm a-gonna class up my wedding durn nice with a whole buncha these bags."

jenajjthr · September 2014

My venue had fugly banquet chairs. They needed covers. They didn't provide them, but gave me a recommendation of a vendor they used. Went and looked at their showroom. The cheapest cover and bow was the prettiest. And they could do the bow in various ways, so I didn't have to have what looked like the giant bow in the back. Sometimes covers are worth it. But the above picks, eeewww. Too much. I love the term KISS, keep it simple silly.

theartistformerlyknownas · September 2014

I love you @ohannabelle‌. This made my morning.

Unfortunately my chairs had control top underpants. They came with the venue and I had no fucks or dollars left to devote to changing them. Certainly wasn't going to make it any worse by slapping a bow on them, and at least they stayed put and didn't trip anyone.

ohannabelle · September 2014

lolo883 said:

I love you @ohannabelle‌. This made my morning. Unfortunately my chairs had control top underpants. They came with the venue and I had no fucks or dollars left to devote to changing them. Certainly wasn't going to make it any worse by slapping a bow on them, and at least they stayed put and didn't trip anyone.

I love you, too.

I don't expect anyone else to give a damn about chairs the way I do. Confession- Daughter and I had two major falling outs during the year long process.

Both involved chairs. I lost the first battle, (The Battle of Chiavari) and still am a little wounded.

I won the second and third.

Yep, third. I just remembered the lounge area. That wasn't much of a fight though. I showed her an armchair, she caved.

Here is another terrible secret. I was looking at these horrible chairs because I have received a request for two. I may have to put a frikking plumed curly tail and jewelry on a chair, and possibly even signage. I'm a little queasy. I feel dirty. I'm about to commit chair abuse for money.

This concerns me on many levels.

ohannabelle · September 2014

And god help me, the girl wants the chairs labled Mr and Mrs, or Bride and Groom, or "something like that."

I have been wake for three hours trying to think of "something like that" that doesn't make my ass ache. Help me.

theartistformerlyknownas · September 2014

ohannabelle said:
And god help me, the girl wants the chairs labled Mr and Mrs, or Bride and Groom, or "something like that."
I have been wake for three hours trying to think of "something like that" that doesn't make my ass ache. Help me.

Oops, looks like those will get left behind completely on accident.

ohannabelle · September 2014

lolo883 said:

show previous quotes
And god help me, the girl wants the chairs labled Mr and Mrs, or Bride and Groom, or "something like that."
I have been wake for three hours trying to think of "something like that" that doesn't make my ass ache. Help me.
Oops, looks like those will get left behind completely on accident.

I would love to do that. And if it was family, yep. But a paying client. Ouch. Can't do it. And there really is no polite way to say, nope, because it's stoopid. I tried a few gentle and kind persuasions..not really my aesthetic, afraid it will look overdone (no shit) etc., all to no purpose.

doeydo · September 2014

You could do pictures of them: http://cdn.trustedpartner.com/images/library/WeddingsIllustrated2010/News & Blogs/Details/Floral_Decor/Chair Decor/picture-frame-bride-groom-chair-decor.jpg

Silhouettes:

http://www.xoedge.com/ImageStage/Objects/0003/0127504/image475x475.jpg

Their initials:

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/68/84/c0/6884c062fa3beba90e8c63677560498b.jpg

http://thesecretlifeofinvites.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/chairs1.jpeg

Or a "just married" sign:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-faUkthk36d4/Tuoj1WXzZtI/AAAAAAAAA6k/PM2NzxubUfw/s1600/beachwedding5.jpg

His and Hers:

http://www.societybride.com/assets/hishers.jpg

Or skip the signs altogether and go with some pretty flowers or something:

http://room-decorating-ideas.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/creative-bride-n-groom-chairs.jpg

theartistformerlyknownas · September 2014

ohannabelle said:

show previous quotes

lolo883 said:

And god help me, the girl wants the chairs labled Mr and Mrs, or Bride and Groom, or "something like that."
I have been wake for three hours trying to think of "something like that" that doesn't make my ass ache. Help me.
Oops, looks like those will get left behind completely on accident.

I would love to do that. And if it was family, yep. But a paying client. Ouch. Can't do it. And there really is no polite way to say, nope, because it's stoopid. I tried a few gentle and kind persuasions..not really my aesthetic, afraid it will look overdone (no shit) etc., all to no purpose.

Urgh. Why did they bother hiring someone with such impeccable taste and skill just to ignore your opinion? If they wanted the worst of Pinterest to barf all over the place I'm sure they could handle that on their own.

beethery · September 2014

Am I a bad person for not hating these?

I know the decoration isn't necessary but it still looks nice... Despite being a potential trip hazard.

ohannabelle · September 2014

@beethery: I stopped and looked twice at those on my frouffy chair image search. I liked the woven technique, and the abundance of fabric...because people try to skimp with fabric, ribbon or tulle or chair sash polyester, or whatever, which doesn't ever work. So it's a kind of cool technique they have going on there, and not revolting.

But I looove a pretty Chiavari chair. For classic, elegant design, they can't be improved on.

ohannabelle · September 2014

doeydo said:

You could do pictures of them: http://cdn.trustedpartner.com/images/library/WeddingsIllustrated2010/News & Blogs/Details/Floral_Decor/Chair Decor/picture-frame-bride-groom-chair-decor.jpg
Silhouettes:
http://www.xoedge.com/ImageStage/Objects/0003/0127504/image475x475.jpg
Their initials:
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/68/84/c0/6884c062fa3beba90e8c63677560498b.jpg
http://thesecretlifeofinvites.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/chairs1.jpeg
Or a "just married" sign:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-faUkthk36d4/Tuoj1WXzZtI/AAAAAAAAA6k/PM2NzxubUfw/s1600/beachwedding5.jpg
His and Hers:
http://www.societybride.com/assets/hishers.jpg
Or skip the signs altogether and go with some pretty flowers or something:
http://room-decorating-ideas.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/creative-bride-n-groom-chairs.jpg

They specifically want signs. "Just married" isn't too bad. I could live through that. Not thrilled, but I'll live.

Thanks, Doeydo.

twitterbird · September 2014

My chairs will have control top underpants sadly. I hate covers but hated the chairs at my venue even more lol. They are hard black plastic chairs.

lovesclimbing · September 2014

ohannabelle said:

Next, the spandex option. Yuck. Congratulations, your chairs are wearing control top underpants.

Somebody on here referred to these once as "chair condoms."

[Deleted User] · September 2014

ohannabelle · September 2014

pinkrevenge said:

I like the initial look of that thick, billowy fabric woven into the chiavari chair, but then I think about the logistics of moving the chair and I like it a lot less. That would drag and snag and tear and turn filthy and trip people not half an hour in.

And am I the only bride who had her table pushed into the wall to accommodate all the other stuff, like the cake and the dance floor? Who are these people who have all the space in the world to get behind-the-table pictures?

Stylists at staged photo shoots. I would bet 8 out 10 wedding pictures on the internet never happened. I fell in love with a picture of an ice cream Sundae bar. Looked again, and it would have fed maybe 5 people. Pretty, not real.

JCbride2015 · September 2014

twitterbird said:

My chairs will have control top underpants sadly. I hate covers but hated the chairs at my venue even more lol. They are hard black plastic chairs.

Are you adding a chair pad under there? I just don't see the point of the chair condom to fix the chairs being hard. Honestly, black plastic would probably look just fine.

larrygaga · September 2014

What's worse than any of these things is that the venue will buy heinous chairs and then rent chair covers for 5 bucks a pop. I refused to rent at any of those places.

My venue actually has lovely chairs that don't need any clothes. It's really amazing because nobody does that. I tell you what, if I ran a wedding business I would do it so different.

Cookie Pusher · September 2014

pinkrevenge said:

I like the initial look of that thick, billowy fabric woven into the chiavari chair, but then I think about the logistics of moving the chair and I like it a lot less. That would drag and snag and tear and turn filthy and trip people not half an hour in.

And am I the only bride who had her table pushed into the wall to accommodate all the other stuff, like the cake and the dance floor? Who are these people who have all the space in the world to get behind-the-table pictures?

We had tons of space behind our table! Of course, our venue space had no walls, so...

HaileyDancingbear · September 2014

Not wedding related, but here is an ikea chair crime scene

Maggie0829 · September 2014

HaileyDancingbear said:

Not wedding related, but here is an ikea chair crime scene

LOL! That is what happens when you have put way too much Ikea furniture together. You get delirious and die.

tammym1001 · September 2014

pinkrevenge said:

I like the initial look of that thick, billowy fabric woven into the chiavari chair, but then I think about the logistics of moving the chair and I like it a lot less. That would drag and snag and tear and turn filthy and trip people not half an hour in.

And am I the only bride who had her table pushed into the wall to accommodate all the other stuff, like the cake and the dance floor? Who are these people who have all the space in the world to get behind-the-table pictures?

We had a ton of space behind our table because the dance floor was behind us and I have a behind the table picture. I'm going to post it, but I don't want any judgement about the bows on the chairs. LOL

KatieinBkln · September 2014

Hahahaha, this made my day!

My venue seems to offer wooden chairs. I like both options fine, although the first is clearly nicer:

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