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Y'all know all of my randoms will be wedding related, right?

NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
in Wedding Woes

How involved was you mother in the planning?

Ol' girl has the impression that she's been left out of all wedding decisions. Last night I ran to the gym...ran because I just didn't want to have a major discussion about my sister's programs. The programs she did not run by my mother, and the programs that she spent all day trying to write on her own.

12 more days and I will resume my normal posting.:)

 

 

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Re: Y'all know all of my randoms will be wedding related, right?

  • pegasuskatpegasuskat member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    I was very involved in DD wedding planning.  My mom wasn't hardly at all in mine.... We had those kind of relationships though, DD and I are close, me and my mom were not.  I really enjoyed helping her, I hope second DD lets me, I think she will.
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  • DixieNormous330DixieNormous330 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    My mom was less involved than my MIL. But in general our parents weren't too overly involved.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    edited October 2014
    Major stuff...Reception venue, food, dress, invitations, guest list,etc?  Yes.  

    Programs, music, flowers, cake?  Nope

    My mom did my favors because I refused to do them otherwise.  I was not planning on favors and that was pearl-clutch worthy to her.  
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    Peg, I have a feeling you are probably more low key and not so controlling. Plus, your daughter isn't 44. By 44, you kinda know what you want already.

    However, she could have included her more and make her feel like her opinions mattered. Now, mom is ticked and sister doesn't want to talk about the wedding at all with her, and I'm somewhere in the middle trying to keep everyone calm.

     

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  • dharmabunnydharmabunny member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Mom involvement was minimal. She's, like, a 4 hour flight with a layover away. She saw pics of me in dresses, flew in to see the shortlist, cut checks, ran last-week errands and insisted on Chilean sea bass for rehearsal dinner.

    Ok, Ma.
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    mom was very involved. she was in chicago and i was not. the difference was -- we were both on board with the plans, and she was okay when i said "no."
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    I think are of her hurt feeling are because of deeper feelings. Feeling like her relationship with my sister is changing, and not knowing how to deal with it.

    We've been the three muskerteers since my dad died and I think it's hard for her to deal with the change. But it's a good change, so she's going to have to deal.

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  • AuntFloAuntFlo member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    My mom either produced or coordinated all wedding invitations, programs, favors, bubbles, etc. with major input and final decisions from me.  (mom was semi-professional in wedding planning and invitation printing/design for a while there - - and we're both very DIY types)
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
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    my mom went dress shopping with me (i flew to Pittsburgh so we could go together.) She also gave me addresses for various family members to invite. I think that's it. 

    MIL was much more involved, but she and FIL hosted/paid for most of the wedding, so we pretty much gave them free reign. There were a few things we vetoed, but it was a great party, and took a lot of pressure off of us, so I was fine with it. She and FIL had also hosted 2 weddings in the last 2 years, and we were using some of the same vendors, so that made things a lot easier.  
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  • PMeg819PMeg819 member
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    Moderately involved. She was involved with the larger items, but she lived in another state so it wasn't like she helped with everything. That said, I am the type of person that wants to do everything myself because I like control. No surprise when I about had a meltdown the week of because of that.
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  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    She was pretty involved.  We live 90 min apart, so I made it a point to make sure I kept her updated on things.  We've always been really close, she enjoyed the planning, and she understands boundaries, so I had no problem planning with my mom.  I told her what I wanted and she helped me do it.
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
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    edited October 2014
    mrs.conn23 said:
    My mom did my favors because I refused to do them otherwise.  I was not planning on favors and that was pearl-clutch worthy to her. 

    SITB:

    We weren't going to do favors either, and the way my mother carried on, you would have thought we were denying people a meal.  She wouldn't shut up about it and kept suggesting increasingly ridiculous ideas, so I finally just ordered some Godiva hearts in the teeny gold boxes and called it a day.  Plus, we had some extras and a few no-shows, so DH and I got to eat the surplus.  You can't say that about stupid personalized mugs, Mom.

    She and I went dress shopping, and then she went with the BMs and me to shop for their dresses.  And to my great surprise, she bought my dress.  (Thanks, Mom!)  Other than that, she was pretty hands-off.  She asked that she not have to sit next to my dad and his wife, which I thought was fair, and which I wasn't going to do anyway.  That was all.

    ETA:  spelling fix
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
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    sitb is the new fitb.
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
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    Heffalump said:
    mrs.conn23 said:
    My mom did my favors because I refused to do them otherwise.  I was not planning on favors and that was pearl-clutch worthy to her. 

    SITB:

    We weren't going to do favors either, and the way my mother carried on, you would have thought we were denying people a meal.  She wouldn't shut up about it and kept suggesting increasingly ridiculous ideas, so I finally just ordered some Godiva hearts in the teeny gold boxes and called it a day.  Plus, we had some extras and a few no-shows, so DH and I got to eat the surplus.  You can't say that about stupid personalized mugs, Mom.

    She and I went dress shopping, and then she went with the BMs and me to shop for their dresses.  And to my great surprise, she bought my dress.  (Thanks, Mom!)  Other than that, she was pretty hands-off.  She asked that she not have to sit next to my dad and his wife, which I thought was fair, and which I wasn't going to do anyway.  That was all.

    ETA:  spelling fix
    My MIL *redid* one of the favors that DK and I made because we did not count every damn jelly bean that went into them. She bought the favor kits and gave us a few boxes and candy to assemble - so we did. It took all afternoon. She called us that night and we told her that we had finished them. She asked how many jelly beans we used and the response was something like, "I don't know, maybe 50?" She lost it and said that they needed to be redone so all of them had 30 beans. (And people would think it was really unfair if someone got 31 and they only had 30.) She had made one and that was the right number. FFS - we had 3-4 dozen of these things complete. I told DK that if she wanted to redo them, she was welcome, but I wasn't going to waste the time. 

    I don't know why the personalized chocolate bars and massive bowl of personalized candy on each table wasn't enough.... but i sure as all hell was not going to count out 30 jelly beans for 144 favors. 
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