Is an appetizer and dessert reception ok in the evening?

tarah413 · June 2014

We can't afford the traditional full dinner...but we want the appetizers and desserts and dance/party atmosphere....but if it starts at 7 will people still want dinner?

banana468 · June 2014

If the appetizers and desserts won't add up to a full meal I'd push the ceremony to 8 with reception to follow.

Jen4948 · June 2014

If you're going to start at 7pm, then you need to serve, if not dinner, then the equivalent amount of appetizers that people are going to feel full. I agree with @banana468 that if you just want to serve appetizers and desserts without worrying about serving a meal, I'd move back the start time to about 8pm.

Maggie0829 · June 2014

I agree with pushing the ceremony to 8pm. 7pm is still in the "you need to serve dinner or an equivalent of a meal in apps (which can take a lot of apps)" area.

Lauderdale Pink · June 2014

When you say appetizers, are you talking about passed or tables that people can go to, sort of buffet style? I will say that one of the best "bangs for your buck" is an antipasto salad display. There is meat, cheese, and assorted salad items, is usually very pretty and very filling. Lots of small desserts and, of course, cupcakes, often got a long was as well. Unless you are going with a "black tie" you could even include your plans in the invitations, say something like "cocktail reception to follow".

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

Ditto the vote to move it to 8. I'm not a fan of "enough apps to count as a meal" for a wedding dinner, and I would expect a meal for a 7:00 event.

QueerFemme · June 2014

7pm ceremony, means people are starting to get ready around 5pm, and leaving their homes probably between 5:30-6:00pm. You should feed them enough to make a full meal.

LondonLisa · June 2014

I agree- ceremony at 8, apps and dessert at 8:30/9ish

I would definitely expect a full meal at 7pm

AddieCake · June 2014

Another vote for pushing it back. If you are trying to have enough apps to constitute a meal at meal time, you might find it to be just as expensive as trying to pay for a meal. So later is probably better in this case.

bmydesigner · June 2014

Definitely go for later.

I like to eat, and if you don't have enough apps for me to consider it a meal at a meal time I'm not going to be happy.

leelabear · June 2014

Most people who attend weddings will expect a full meal. If you decide not to change the time or provide enough food to call it dinner, you can give your guests a heads up on the invite by saying 'Dancing, Appetizers, and Desserts to Follow' instead of the usual 'Reception to Follow'. Let your parents, his parents, and wedding party know there wont be dinner so they can spread the word

Jen4948 · June 2014

leelabear said:

Most people who attend weddings will expect a full meal. If you decide not to change the time or provide enough food to call it dinner, you can give your guests a heads up on the invite by saying 'Dancing, Appetizers, and Desserts to Follow' instead of the usual 'Reception to Follow'. Let your parents, his parents, and wedding party know there wont be dinner so they can spread the word

You can give an informal, word-of-mouth heads-up, and I agree with letting family and wedding party members know to spread the word, but the heads-up shouldn't be by announcing on the invitation what kind of hospitality you are giving. That's why the wording "Reception to follow" is used in the first place and not "Dancing/Dinner/Appetizers etc." Being more specific invites judgment.

lyndausvi · June 2014

I know I'm in the minority, but I would expect a full meal for any evening weddings regardless of the start time. Well I guess maybe not after 10 pm, but I'm not one to stay out late, so I would decline a wedding that late anyway.

OwningAHome1981 · June 2014

tarah413 said:

We can't afford the traditional full dinner...but we want the appetizers and desserts and dance/party atmosphere....but if it starts at 7 will people still want dinner?

Depends. Are you serving alcohol? I think if you are, then people will want more than apps & desserts. I also think that for 7pm you really need to serve a meal. If you want to do apps & desserts, do a lunchtime/AM wedding. Nighttime weddings generally entail a meal - and if you decide not to serve one, you should let your guests know what IS being served. I think most people would be expecting some type of a meal.

FutureMrsLokerson · October 2014

Hi! I am having exactly that, a cocktail reception. We are having a 5:00 ceremony followed by cocktail hour and of course the reception to follow. The way that I am getting around all of these "hungry" people is to have appetizers served in individual dishes. They present more like a meal and are slightly larger than just a single shrimp or hot dog. They will be displayed on tables (sort of family style) as well as having a few stations around the room. There will be no shortage of food and variety. I am definitely giving people a heads up so that everyone knows what to expect. I don't want anyone "going light" on the apps bc they are saving room for dinner. I chose to do this because I don't like the lull that is caused by a sit down dinner. This is a celebration and I want my guest and I to enjoy every minute of it! I hope this encourages you to do what you want and can afford. After all this is your wedding!

Knottie20598515 · October 2014

I was just at a wedding with a huge amount of food at cocktail hour, I never ate my dinner. Most people didn't. It's all about what appetizers you are serving...

MobKaz · October 2014

FutureMrsLokerson said:

Hi! I am having exactly that, a cocktail reception. We are having a 5:00 ceremony followed by cocktail hour and of course the reception to follow. The way that I am getting around all of these "hungry" people is to have appetizers served in individual dishes. They present more like a meal and are slightly larger than just a single shrimp or hot dog. They will be displayed on tables (sort of family style) as well as having a few stations around the room. There will be no shortage of food and variety. I am definitely giving people a heads up so that everyone knows what to expect. I don't want anyone "going light" on the apps bc they are saving room for dinner. I chose to do this because I don't like the lull that is caused by a sit down dinner. This is a celebration and I want my guest and I to enjoy every minute of it! I hope this encourages you to do what you want and can afford. After all this is your wedding!

Even at a cocktail reception, there should be a place for each guest to sit. So how does that change your attempt to avoid a "lull"? They will be sitting to enjoy their appetizers just as they would a sit down dinner.

I hope you did not scrimp on the hospitality of your guests for budgetary reasons. Appetizers at dinner time should NOT be served in lieu of a dinner, unless you are serving enough heavy/hot appetizers to be the equivalent of a meal. Saying "this is your wedding" is no excuse for not hosting properly.

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

FutureMrsLokerson said:

Hi! I am having exactly that, a cocktail reception. We are having a 5:00 ceremony followed by cocktail hour and of course the reception to follow. The way that I am getting around all of these "hungry" people is to have appetizers served in individual dishes. They present more like a meal and are slightly larger than just a single shrimp or hot dog. They will be displayed on tables (sort of family style) as well as having a few stations around the room. There will be no shortage of food and variety. I am definitely giving people a heads up so that everyone knows what to expect. I don't want anyone "going light" on the apps bc they are saving room for dinner. I chose to do this because I don't like the lull that is caused by a sit down dinner. This is a celebration and I want my guest and I to enjoy every minute of it! I hope this encourages you to do what you want and can afford. After all this is your wedding!

Even at a cocktail reception, there should be a place for each guest to sit. So how does that change your attempt to avoid a "lull"? They will be sitting to enjoy their appetizers just as they would a sit down dinner.

I hope you did not scrimp on the hospitality of your guests for budgetary reasons. Appetizers at dinner time should NOT be served in lieu of a dinner, unless you are serving enough heavy/hot appetizers to be the equivalent of a meal. Saying "this is your wedding" is no excuse for not hosting properly.

All this, and why the quotation marks around "hungry?" Yes, your guests will be legitimately hungry because it's dinner time.

esstee33 · October 2014

MobKaz · October 2014

MobKaz said:

FutureMrsLokerson said:

Hi! I am having exactly that, a cocktail reception. We are having a 5:00 ceremony followed by cocktail hour and of course the reception to follow. The way that I am getting around all of these "hungry" people is to have appetizers served in individual dishes. They present more like a meal and are slightly larger than just a single shrimp or hot dog. They will be displayed on tables (sort of family style) as well as having a few stations around the room. There will be no shortage of food and variety. I am definitely giving people a heads up so that everyone knows what to expect. I don't want anyone "going light" on the apps bc they are saving room for dinner. I chose to do this because I don't like the lull that is caused by a sit down dinner. This is a celebration and I want my guest and I to enjoy every minute of it! I hope this encourages you to do what you want and can afford. After all this is your wedding!

Even at a cocktail reception, there should be a place for each guest to sit. So how does that change your attempt to avoid a "lull"? They will be sitting to enjoy their appetizers just as they would a sit down dinner.

I hope you did not scrimp on the hospitality of your guests for budgetary reasons. Appetizers at dinner time should NOT be served in lieu of a dinner, unless you are serving enough heavy/hot appetizers to be the equivalent of a meal. Saying "this is your wedding" is no excuse for not hosting properly.

ETA.......I'm not sure what you think the average IQ of your guests might be, but I can assure you that I would NOT be "fooled" into thinking that I was being served a meal simply because you tossed my token shrimp skewer on a plate.

Sparklespaz · December 2014

Wow I know I'm super late and you probably already had your wedding, but I happened to run across this board in Google. These comments are catty opinions. It is YOUR wedding and YOUR budget. Serve what you want. People are coming to see you and your love get married. As a guest of many weddings I didn't care what was served. I've been to a cake and punch only wedding, a cold cut sandwich wedding you name it. I'm also a bride on a budget and we are having a candy buffet, dessert and cake table and heavy appetizers. Perfectly under budget and printed on the reception card. Do not change your time if it's set. Mine is at 5pm. Don't worry about what people will think. The only ones that matter are you and your FH.

dcbride86 · December 2014

Sparklespaz said:

Wow I know I'm super late and you probably already had your wedding, but I happened to run across this board in Google. These comments are catty opinions. It is YOUR wedding and YOUR budget. Serve what you want. People are coming to see you and your love get married. As a guest of many weddings I didn't care what was served. I've been to a cake and punch only wedding, a cold cut sandwich wedding you name it. I'm also a bride on a budget and we are having a candy buffet, dessert and cake table and heavy appetizers. Perfectly under budget and printed on the reception card. Do not change your time if it's set. Mine is at 5pm. Don't worry about what people will think. The only ones that matter are you and your FH.

@sparklespaz - I'm sorry, but no.

The wedding ceremony is for you. The reception is a thank you for your GUESTS. Therefore the "serve what you want" mentality isn't proper. The only people who "matter" are not you and your FI - if that's truly how you feel then you should get married by the JOP, and avoid hosting a reception altogether.

Yes, you should select the entrees, and you will likely do that in part based on your personal taste, but you should also remember that you must properly host your guests. This means you need to have appropriate food for the time of the wedding. If you're having an afternoon wedding, than cake and punch is perfectly appropriate. However, if you are have a reception at DINNERtime, then you need to serve your guests DINNER. Not a candy buffet - without a proper meal, just sugar would make me feel so sick. You clearly don't care that much about the comfort of your guests, but I just thought you should know that some might be sick.

Also, do your guests know that the appetizers will be their only chance to eat real food? I often forgo appetizers because I don't want to be too full for dinner. However, if I knew those were actually a substitute for an actual meal, I would eat them. So you also need to let your guests know that you don't plan on hosting them properly.

wrigleyville · December 2014

Sparklespaz said:

Wow I know I'm super late and you probably already had your wedding, but I happened to run across this board in Google. These comments are catty opinions. It is YOUR wedding and YOUR budget. Serve what you want. People are coming to see you and your love get married. As a guest of many weddings I didn't care what was served. I've been to a cake and punch only wedding, a cold cut sandwich wedding you name it. I'm also a bride on a budget and we are having a candy buffet, dessert and cake table and heavy appetizers. Perfectly under budget and printed on the reception card. Do not change your time if it's set. Mine is at 5pm. Don't worry about what people will think. The only ones that matter are you and your FH.

Well aren't you just a precious, special snowflake. I'm sure your "honored" guests would love to know you have this attitude about them.

sjuerjens · December 2014

If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all!!! It's your wedding so do what you want and what's in your budget. Don't let the negative attitudes of others influence what you want on your special day. Appetizers and desserts would be plenty for me. As long as you put information in your invitations and on your wedding website so guests are aware that only appetizers and desserts will be served, they will be prepared. If they have a problem with it then they don't have to come and they weren't really there for you and your future husband anyway. The cost of weddings have gotten so out of control and it's okay to tone that back. It's a celebration of your love and it's okay if that looks different from someone else's!!!!

lyndausvi · December 2014

sjuerjens said:

If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all!!! It's your wedding so do what you want and what's in your budget. Don't let the negative attitudes of others influence what you want on your special day. Appetizers and desserts would be plenty for me. As long as you put information in your invitations and on your wedding website so guests are aware that only appetizers and desserts will be served, they will be prepared. If they have a problem with it then they don't have to come and they weren't really there for you and your future husband anyway. The cost of weddings have gotten so out of control and it's okay to tone that back. It's a celebration of your love and it's okay if that looks different from someone else's!!!!

Well isn't that great. But what about your 6 foot 180 lb marathon running male guest who needs more calories? I guess you don't care about them?

Anyway, just because it's your wedding doesn't give you a pass to be a bad host. A good host should provide the proper amount of food for the time of the day. You can always provide more then expected, but never less.

Weddings between 5pm and 8pm should include enough food to be considered a full meal. And no I do not count desserts (I'm not able to eat more than a small piece of cake or my blood sugar goes out of whack).

Now IMO food can come by way of a buffet, sit-down or stations. If you plan on doing heavy apps you should have AT LEAST 15-17 pieces of food per person. And no, 15 carrots does not count. Some of the items need to be on the hearty side.

I say this as a person who has worked in the hospitality business for many, many years. I'm not pulling this out of my ass. This is what people eat during dinnertime. And when a host wants to lower that amount we are the ones that bitch at. They never complain to the hosts, but they complain to other guests and the staff.

If you want to do a cake and punch with light apps go for it, just make your wedding in the afternoon. It's pretty simple and GREAT for the budget.

Maggie0829 · December 2014

Oh no. Was this thread posted in a TK newsletter or something?

sarawifenow · December 2014

Oh dear Lord. Brace yourselves, ladies. I think a snow storm is coming.

dcbride86 · December 2014

sjuerjens said:

If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all!!! It's your wedding so do what you want and what's in your budget. Don't let the negative attitudes of others influence what you want on your special day. Appetizers and desserts would be plenty for me. As long as you put information in your invitations and on your wedding website so guests are aware that only appetizers and desserts will be served, they will be prepared. If they have a problem with it then they don't have to come and they weren't really there for you and your future husband anyway. The cost of weddings have gotten so out of control and it's okay to tone that back. It's a celebration of your love and it's okay if that looks different from someone else's!!!!

But doesn't not caring about the comfort and enjoyment of your guests show that you aren't really "there" for your guests?

redheadbride15 · December 2014

I agree with the PPs who say it would be better to have a full meal if you're having an evening ceremony (regardless of whether it starts at 5 or 6 or 8...) However, I also completely agree with your right to stay in budget. You definitely don't need to serve a 3 course sit-down meal and there are lots of cheap food options out there. A buffet with pasta, barbeque (think burgers) or Mexican is often a good bet. How much have you shopped around for cheap catering options? Try local casual restaurants, etc. My cousin had a local take-out place cater her wedding and it was awesome and very economical. I'm looking into doing something similar.

wrigleyville · December 2014

sjuerjens said:

If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all!!! It's your wedding so do what you want and what's in your budget. Don't let the negative attitudes of others influence what you want on your special day. Appetizers and desserts would be plenty for me. As long as you put information in your invitations and on your wedding website so guests are aware that only appetizers and desserts will be served, they will be prepared. If they have a problem with it then they don't have to come and they weren't really there for you and your future husband anyway. The cost of weddings have gotten so out of control and it's okay to tone that back. It's a celebration of your love and it's okay if that looks different from someone else's!!!!

It's only out of control because people want the perfect Pinterest wedding and don't give a damn about their guests anymore.

If you can't afford to feed people dinner, then you need to scale back on the guest list, invitations, flowers, or other expenses. Serve beer and wine instead of premium liquor. Invite 100 people instead of 150.

Doesn't anyone know how to budget anymore?

wrigleyville · December 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Oh no. Was this thread posted in a TK newsletter or something?

No. Some snowflake dug it up via Google and decided to post, fully acknowledging that this is an old thread and the OP has probably already gotten married.

Is an appetizer and dessert reception ok in the evening?

Re: Is an appetizer and dessert reception ok in the evening?

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