slight S/O: Showing PDA in the home

Sugargirl1019 · October 2014

I have had friends say they love remembering how dad would kiss mom really passionately every day coming home from work, or dad hitting moms butt, or that seeing mom and dad cuddling on the couch made them happy, because they knew their parents loved each other.

Mine, growing up, never did anything but say I love you and a peck on the cheek. My parents did not want us to be exposed to kissing and touching. Now that we are grown, they give massages and kiss and hug in front of us. I never thought my parents didn't love each other though.

How important is it to you that you show PDA in front of your kids?

sarawifenow · October 2014

FI and I have never had a problem with PDA. It's not like we will grope each other in front of people but we will kiss, cuddle, shoulder rub, butt slap--that sorta thing. I see no reason for that to change when we have kids.

birdybride2014 · October 2014

My parents never, ever, ever have shown affection to each other. Do I think they love one another? Sure...but they never showed it. I really want to be affectionate toward FH around our kids some day. I think I missed out on something, and I've had to work on my own showing of affection as a result of how I was raised.

Like, I HATE hugs from other people. Hate 'em, and I don't like that I'm this way but I think it is because it just wasn't something I experienced when I was young. It didn't mess me up or anything, I'm just not a physical person now because of it. I want my kids to know and see that FH and I clearly and obviously love one another, and that physical affection is a good thing and a good way to show love.

edited: for clarity

princessofgenovia · October 2014

We both grew up with parents who freely touched in front of us. Hugging, kissing, cuddling with each other. All normal. I figure we'll be the same way in front of our future kids.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

My parents didn't show a lot of affection, just the usual peck on the lips and a hug every now and then. As a kid (as I think with most kids) any PDA would result in a "eww gross!" Now that they are older they still don't show a lot of PDA, but I don't think the lack of PDA was ever because they didn't want to expose us to anything but that is just how they were/are. There was no question that they loved each other a ridiculous amount and still do, they just never seemed to have to go crazy on each other all the time so express that love.

Sugargirl1019 · October 2014

I remember as a child, if I was over at a friends house and saw their parents kiss or the dad would get all playful with his wife, I would be all grossed out and feel uncomfortable.

I'm a very "show affection" kind of person despite not seeing it in my home. I love hugs, I hug strangers, and I am not any about giving DH any kind of affection. I will say though that I hate getting massages in public or a long French kiss in public (I'll pull away). This is probably I was called out in high school by adults because my then boyfriend had his arm around my shoulders sitting during church and kept leaning his head into my ear to talk. People came up to me and told me it wasn't appropriate for him to be acting that way, he needs to keep his hands to himself, and that they were made to feel uncomfortable.

I felt horrible and have been scarred ever since by PDA.

bethsmiles · October 2014

My parents were like yours, not much PDA. SO's parents aren't especially affectionate with each other either. I just want us to be natural in front of our kids - so we'll cuddle on the couch, kiss each other sometimes but we aren't huge into PDA in the first place so probably no long passionate kisses in front of the kids. But I'm not too worried about it.

Inkdancer · October 2014

I think it's important for parents to hug/kiss/cuddle. It teaches kids about acceptable boundaries, and lets them know they're in a loving environment. I also think it's important to hug and cuddle your children.

H grew up with parents who never, ever show affection, even in their own home. I have never seen them hug or kiss one another. It took H almost 9 months to be comfortable holding hands with me in public, because he thought it was "too showy". That's not normal.

littlemushroom · October 2014

My parents weren't super affectionate in front of us, and it did make me question their relationship when I was growing up. That was especially true when they would go through a rough patch, or fight with each other. There wasn't something to think back on where they overtly showed their love and affection for each other. I wondered a few times if they were just staying together for us kids. The times I remember them being affectionate always seemed life such a relief because there was finally something to point to that they actually loved each other and weren't just putting on a show of civility until we were grown. I always knew that just because people say something, doesn't make it true. Sure, they said they loved each other, but when behavior was more of friends/roommates in front of us kids, I noticed.

They are much more affectionate towards each other now, and I wish that had always been the case. I am not saying parents need to make out or take it too far, but cuddling, a kiss hello or goodbye/just because, hugging, etc, don't seem like things kids need to be shielded from. It's part of a healthy adult relationship.

l9i · October 2014

birdybride2014 said:

My parents never, ever, ever have shown affection to each other. Do I think they love one another? Sure...but they never showed it. I really want to be affectionate toward FH around our kids some day. I think I missed out on something, and I've had to work on my own showing of affection as a result of how I was raised.

Like, I HATE hugs from other people. Hate 'em, and I don't like that I'm this way but I think it is because it just wasn't something I experienced when I was young. It didn't mess me up or anything, I'm just not a physical person now because of it. I want my kids to know and see that FH and I clearly and obviously love one another, and that physical affection is a good thing and a good way to show love.

edited: for clarity

This. I was the same. I've always been very low on the PDA, but I've gotten better. My inlaws are comfortable with it and it was weird the first time I was over and looked to see them kissing, I wasn't sure what to do because my parents don't do that!

Obviously in my own home I have no problem with showing some love and I don't want that to stop just because of kids. If my parents had I think I'd be much more open to my personal space with friends etc and more comfortable with playful PDA in public or around friends, family, etc.

vulpiepop · October 2014

I think it's important. My parents never showed any kind of affection to each other around me when I was growing up. I was under the impression that it's inappropriate to do things like kiss so it took me a long time to be comfortable doing anything like that when I grew up and started dating.

Aside from dating the wrong guys, that definitely played a big part of how those relationships fell apart. More importantly, the attributes that I ended up looking for in a relationship didn't involve any kind of physical contact or even "I love yous" and ended up in some bad ones in which it was remarkably clear that the person I was dating didn't care about me in the slightest. It wasn't until FI that I realized how nice it felt to be kissed and cuddled, etc.

I don't think it's necessary to do all the PDA stuff in front of your kids but it's not good to make it seem like it's wrong like my parents did.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

I'm not married, nor do I have kids, but any affection between my parents was unusual. Much of this is the result of my dad in particular not being an affectionate person at all (any time I receive a hug from him feels weird because of this, as I'm so not used to it). If they were affectionate towards one another regularly, I'd feel accustomed to it by this point.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

I can't remember my parents being affectionate at all during their marriage (they are now separated). It was pretty telling of what was going on in their relationship. Obviously this isn't always the case.

FI and I are very comfortable about hugging/kissing/cuddling in front of/with our son (he's 2, so obviously not at the age to be grossed out by it yet). Just kind of comes naturally, as we're showing affection to each other and to him! Would never think to hide that or hold back (within reason of course)

Ditto to what @Inkdancer said. I think it sets a good example for our son to see how we treat each other. I think the affection towards your kids and what the observe really does influence how they model their future relationships.

falsara · October 2014

My parents were really affectionate to each other while I was growing up. I remember that when I was a teen I would walk into the living room to find them making out on the couch. The running joke was "get a room" to which my parents always replied "we have a whole house."

I think that touching and hugging and cuddles and pecks are important for kids to see. But parents also have to keep it age appropriate. My parents really only showed age appropriate affection.

Kinda like when I was five it was mostly just pecks and hugs and cuddles. It was only when me and my sister were in HS and MS, after we had had the sex talk, that they were more about the butt touching and full on french kissing.

jenna8984 · October 2014

@birdybride2014 Same here. My parents never did hugs with us or each other so I get very awkward when I go to DH's and his aunts and parents are all trying to hug me goodbye. I'm like you're all weirdos, I can say goodbye without your body on me.

My parents have been together 36 years and I can tell they are still in love but they don't say it to each other nor to us growing up. They definitely got it from their parents because when I say goodbye to any of my grandparents on the phone, if I say I love you, they get all flustered and say "yup bye" and that's EXACTLY what my parents do. It's bizarre.

My parents were always so "the world is tough, you gotta be tough" so I had a heart of ice when I was a teen. Me and girlfriends would go see a movie and they'd all be crying (when Jack died in Titanic) and I'd be like what are you babies crying about? Or my cat would die and my friends would be like aren't you sad? And I'd say no, it's god damn cat, who cares. Because that's just how I was raised. Then when I was 18 and fell in love for the first time, it shattered my ice layer and I became the one crying at everything. Very glad that happened and I have a heart now lol.

In conclusion, I think hugs and kisses and I love yous should be in the home!

hellosweetie1015 · October 2014

...my parents were not big on the overt affection displays when I was young. And by the time I noticed signs of affection between them it had become much more fighting than loving that we saw anyway. So there's that.

They did stay together for the kids. Frankly it was the worst decision they ever made.

I want my kids to know that their mom and dad love each other, so that when we do fight (because it's kind of inevitable, everyone argues at some point in their lives), they understand that it doesn't mean we don't love each other, it just means we are currently disagreeing with the other, and that's OK because we'll work it out.

gladyscf · October 2014

I have a 22 and 19 year old. The 19 year old lived with us for a year before moving out on his own and the 22 year old is back home during his transition from military life to civilian life.

My FI is not their father but we still show PDA. We don't make out in front of them or anything but we hug and kiss when one of us gets home, we hug and kiss whenever we pass by each other in the house, and we cuddle on the couch together. FI does slap my butt from time to time but never in front of them. That is where our line is I suppose.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · October 2014

My parents never show affection. We weren't huggers or kissers. My parents would tuck me in at night and give a kiss on the cheek. We just were't openly affectionate as a family like that.

My FI is very comfortable with PDA, and has been patient with me. I feel I'm much better at expressing physical affection now. I still hate hugging people I don't know well

I never doubted my parents love for each other. I see them as a unified team. One would be lost without the other.

Jells2dot0 · October 2014

My parents fucking hate each other. So, no love there!

DH and I tried to keep the PDA G-rated as his kids are not our kids. I don't want them to feel uncomfortable with dad kissing another women that isn't their mom. I know that when DH was married to their mom, there wasn't a lot of PDA there, so it may have been too much for them to see any at all. Usually we kept it to a kiss goodbye or a kiss after exchanging b-day or xmas presents. The kids are now adults and don't live at home, so it's not even really an issue anymore. I think it did help them to see that a marriage could contain genuine affection and that marriage isn't just daily chores, fights, and work.

lacqueredlover · October 2014

My FI has 2 kids from a previous marriage (by the time I met the kids, their mom was 1 month away from being engaged and the guy was practically living with them.) About 6 months into me knowing the kids, they knew that I was more than just a friend (they were 4 and 6 at the time) and we started to kiss in front of them. Not like making out, but a quick kiss on the lips. We hold hands a lot and hug and do them same with the kids and it was never weird. We are affectionate, but appropriate.

All that said, growing up my parents would barely peck and just say I love you. It used to upset me because I saw other kids parents holding hands (plus I love seeing really old couples holding hands and wanted my parents to be like that one day.) But I never doubted they loved each other and they are still together after 35 yeas and happy!

afox007 · October 2014

My parents were occasionally affectionate, but mostly since they have been in an unhappy marriage for a long time. FI and I on the other hand are very affectionate and FSS gets grossed out by us regularly.

I wouldn't say we deliberately make out in front of him, but he has walked into the kitchen when FI decided to interupt my cooking with a long awesome kiss and loudly announces "oh look they're making out in the kitchen, you know what's romantic? Soup clearly soup in so romantic you have to make out in the kitchen".

We are definitely saving these conversations as ammo for the first time we catch him making out with any future gfs.

larrygaga · October 2014

My parents don't like each other enough for that.

However, I will be affectionate towards my S/O around my kids because

A. My house, I'm the adult so I do what I want.

B. It's good for them to see love and positiveity

C. I will not shelter them from how PDA works and make them afraid and ashamed of physical love. Little kids benefit from seeing their parents love each other. I have no evidence of this, but it just makes sense to me.

OBVIOUSLY it will be appropriate PDA.

WinstonsGirl · October 2014

My parents showed affection - hugs, kissing, holding hands. I also remember often, my Dad getting home from work, hugging and kissing my Mom (always in the kitchen) and putting his hands down the back of her pants to grab her ass. We always made the "www gross" noises, but it never really bothered us.

We don't have kids, but one day we were babysitting my niece. DH beat me there from work, and I had had a long day. When I got there, we kissed hi and I really needed a good long hug. In the middle, my niece (3yrs) ran over and started hugging both of us around the legs. My Brother/SIL really want their kids to be comfortable with hugs and kisses from family, and she though I want some loving too!! It was pretty cute, so we made a giant hug with all of us.

Ndelible · October 2014

My parents should have never gotten together. I am the only reason. And that's still out for debate. They never showed affection to each other but were very affectionate to me. FH and I are extremely affectionate and are massive PDAers. Grosses the kid out. We love it.

steph861 · October 2014

My parents are affectionate in front of us, but I'd rather not see it :P Often they'll do it just because they know it bugs me and my sister. I'm not a fan of PDA in general, though. Just a personal preference. FI's not much for PDA either, so I highly doubt that we'll be lovey-dovey in front of our future kids.

ETA: I'm not going to go out of my way to not kiss FI or hold his hand. I'll still kiss him before and after work or when I'm heading out. It's generally just a peck anyway, so I don't see that changing.

holyguacamole79 · October 2014

As kids, if we ever said "ew" to our parents' PDAs, they'd say "do you prefer this or for us to divorce? "

steph861 · October 2014

sarahbear31 said:

As kids, if we ever said "ew" to our parents' PDAs, they'd say "do you prefer this or for us to divorce? "

My parents say this too.

SmileDamnit · October 2014

I don't know that I'd consider affection b/w a husband and wife in their own home as PDA. Why, if you have an affectionate relationship, should be curbed just because kids are around?

My parents were definitely NOT affectionate with each other, in the home or otherwise. And they were divorced by the time I was in 5th grade. They were GREAT parents, loved us to death and did a great job raising us...but they were horrible role models for what a healthy & happy marriage should look like. I'd like to say I've finally learned what a healthy & happy marriage should look like after 36 years of life, and I hope that modeling that for our kids will involve showing affection to each other on a regular basis.

lurkergirl · October 2014

My parents were and still are affectionate with each other but not at all with us. I am really close to them, but we very rarely hug and definitely never kiss in any way at all. FI's parents are all about the hugs and cheek kisses. I don't think I will ever not feel weird about it.

lovesclimbing · October 2014

I think some is important for kids to see what a real relationship is like, and that parents are still in love and physical however many years later. Groping, uh-uh. Kissing more than a quick peck, yea, but not full-on with a bunch of tongue. A light butt grab or slap, I think is fine. I actually saw my dad grab my mom's boobs once. I don't think he thought anyone saw. (It was right after he'd come home for a business trip.) That, eh, I wouldn't do.

raissyrais · October 2014

My parents never had PDA in front of us since they were never in love and more of a business for them. But I can see the good feeling and impact it would have on future kids to see some tenderness and affection between parents! Obviously not a full on make-out sesh!

slight S/O: Showing PDA in the home

Re: slight S/O: Showing PDA in the home

Choose Another Board

Search Boards