Cocktail Reception

ap31414 · September 2014

Have any of you been to a cocktail reception wedding?! If so, how was it?

My SO & I have decided to have a city hall wedding with just our immediate family & handful of friends (the 4 that will be traveling from out-of-state & happen to be our bffs) in attendance. The following evening we're hosting a "cocktail reception" to celebrate our marriage with our friends (approx. 50-55 people). We plan on having heavy hors d'oeuvres, cocktails, & dancing. My SO & I love this idea (we've always thought the cocktail hour & dancing at weddings we've attended were the best parts!) and the few people we've shared our plans with seem to like this idea, too, but being a compulsive planner I want to get some idea of what the hiccups or issues could be so I can plan to avoid them. So please - weigh in!

- Our invites will specify "Join us to celebrate our marriage with hors d'oeuvres, cocktails, & dancing."

- Time: 8-11pm (so it's after the normal mealtime). 8-9:00pm standard cocktail hour; 9:00pm quick "thank you/love you," few words from best guy/girl friends; 9:05-11pm dancing!

- Passed hors d'oeuvres for 2 hours (8-10pm). They have a pretty diverse menu, so I'm thinking if I do a mix of hearty (sliders, kabobs, etc.) & lighter options - it'll be enough food.

- We could also do a stationary item, like a charcuterie board, but I don't know if that'll be necessary. I'm also contemplating having cake. Still not sure if I want to do cake AND an edible favor, or just an edible favor.

- Bar: selection of wines, beer & 2 signature cocktails. & obviously non-alcoholic selections.

- Instead of a dj which will take up space (& let's be honest, a dj set up isn't very aesthetically pleasing) we're leaning towards using an ipod. Since this is most like a party instead of an actual wedding, we're not doing bridal party or bride/groom introductions, first dances, parent/kid dances, bouquet toss, etc. we figured we could get away with not having a dj, who really helps with all those transitions. This is the part that I'm most worried could turn out badly...advice welcomed!

- We'll have small tables and seating for 1/2 of our guests. (98% of our guests are in their late 20s/early 30s & will be mingling or dancing, so we figure if we have seating for 1/2 of 'em, we'll be ok. There is a coat check, so people will have a place to hang coats/store purses if they choose.)

- Even though we're not doing the tradition wedding reception, I still think I want a guest book of sorts - maybe a signed globe or something to have to remember our friends who celebrated with us.

Alright - so how's this sound? Does this sound like a wedding celebration you'd want to attend & you'd have a great time at? Are you offended that you weren't invited to the city hall ceremony, which would require you to take time off work & would last just 12 minutes?

Thanks in advance for the feedback!

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

ap31414 said:

Have any of you been to a cocktail reception wedding?! If so, how was it?
My SO & I have decided to have a city hall wedding with just our immediate family & handful of friends (the 4 that will be traveling from out-of-state & happen to be our bffs) in attendance. The following evening we're hosting a "cocktail reception" to celebrate our marriage with our friends (approx. 50-55 people). We plan on having heavy hors d'oeuvres, cocktails, & dancing. My SO & I love this idea (we've always thought the cocktail hour & dancing at weddings we've attended were the best parts!) and the few people we've shared our plans with seem to like this idea, too, but being a compulsive planner I want to get some idea of what the hiccups or issues could be so I can plan to avoid them. So please - weigh in!
- Our invites will specify "Join us to celebrate our marriage with hors d'oeuvres, cocktails, & dancing."
- Time: 8-11pm (so it's after the normal mealtime). 8-9:00pm standard cocktail hour; 9:00pm quick "thank you/love you," few words from best guy/girl friends; 9:05-11pm dancing!
- Passed hors d'oeuvres for 2 hours (8-10pm). They have a pretty diverse menu, so I'm thinking if I do a mix of hearty (sliders, kabobs, etc.) & lighter options - it'll be enough food.
- We could also do a stationary item, like a charcuterie board, but I don't know if that'll be necessary. I'm also contemplating having cake. Still not sure if I want to do cake AND an edible favor, or just an edible favor.
- Bar: selection of wines, beer & 2 signature cocktails. & obviously non-alcoholic selections.
- Instead of a dj which will take up space (& let's be honest, a dj set up isn't very aesthetically pleasing) we're leaning towards using an ipod. Since this is most like a party instead of an actual wedding, we're not doing bridal party or bride/groom introductions, first dances, parent/kid dances, bouquet toss, etc. we figured we could get away with not having a dj, who really helps with all those transitions. This is the part that I'm most worried could turn out badly...advice welcomed!
- We'll have small tables and seating for 1/2 of our guests. (98% of our guests are in their late 20s/early 30s & will be mingling or dancing, so we figure if we have seating for 1/2 of 'em, we'll be ok. There is a coat check, so people will have a place to hang coats/store purses if they choose.)
- Even though we're not doing the tradition wedding reception, I still think I want a guest book of sorts - maybe a signed globe or something to have to remember our friends who celebrated with us.
Alright - so how's this sound? Does this sound like a wedding celebration you'd want to attend & you'd have a great time at? Are you offended that you weren't invited to the city hall ceremony, which would require you to take time off work & would last just 12 minutes?
Thanks in advance for the feedback!

The bolded is the only problem I see. You need to have a seat for every butt. Because of your style, I think the cocktail tables are a good idea, but these would be in addition to the seated tables you must have to accommodate people. I went to an event like this where there weren't enough seats and lots of people left early. It was a very young crowd, too.

You will have people hurt they weren't invited to the ceremony. But it sounds like you're keeping it intimate enough (6 or so people) where I wouldn't side-eye it.

Otherwise, your invitations would be worded right (people know you're already married and just having a celebratory party), it's at a non-meal time, you're hosting properly, etc.

Re. the DJ, if you can afford it, I'd do it. Their profession is reading the crowd and getting people on the dance floor. If you can't afford it, just make a great play list.

graciegra · September 2014

I disagree about seats. Maybe you can bump it up to over half but especially with passed hors d'oeuvres people will sit less. If the apps are mostly set up buffet style and people get plates, that's when they want to sit. Adding some standing cocktail tables also helps as long as people can set up food/drinks.

I'm most worried about the lack of dj. If you want dancing, make sure the iPod set up can play loud enough and carefully think through a party mix. Make it much longer than the event so people can scroll through to find the right tempo song for the moment.

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

graciegra said:

I disagree about seats. Maybe you can bump it up to over half but especially with passed hors d'oeuvres people will sit less. If the apps are mostly set up buffet style and people get plates, that's when they want to sit. Adding some standing cocktail tables also helps as long as people can set up food/drinks.

I'm most worried about the lack of dj. If you want dancing, make sure the iPod set up can play loud enough and carefully think through a party mix. Make it much longer than the event so people can scroll through to find the right tempo song for the moment.

It's against etiquette to not have a seat for every guest. This is as basic as having food at an event - it's non-negotiable.

There are lots of ways to get creative, but chairs are just one of those things that are not optional.

Lauderdale Pink · September 2014

other than the seat issue, it sounds perfect. Wish I was going.

ap31414 · September 2014

ok, so it sounds like possible the possible problem areas could be:

1) no dj

2) lack of seating

I appreciate the varying perspectives! I do think the tides are changing (& have been) re: wedding etiquette, so I'm not sure a seat is needed for every guest...most of the blogs I've read suggest 50-75%. I guess I am also drawing from weddings I've attended where most people mingled, stood at high tops, danced and only sat during the meal.

Re: the DJ, I wouldn't say it's totally out of budget, I guess I just wonder what value I'd be getting for a DJ that costs $1,500 or whatever to essentially do what an ipod/computer, some mindful playlist curating, rented equipment, & a friend acting as our "DJ" could do. I think I need to talk to more people who've gone the ipod route to figure out if it was successful and what they'd do differently before I make a final decision. I've been to weddings where I walked away thinking "wow, the music stunk!" and I just don't want that to happen with my guests...hence my back & forth over dj or ipod.

NYCMercedes · September 2014

When do you need my address for the invitation? Sounds great, except for the seats.

ap31414 · September 2014

NYCMercedes said:

When do you need my address for the invitation? Sounds great, except for the seats.

JennyColada · September 2014

In every wedding I've been at during my 20s (haven't been to any in my 30s yet) 100% of the people sat at some point outside of the meal. Dancing gets tiring, and a lot of people just don't dance a lot. Plus it's nice to sit and chat with a beverage.

Even though your guests are "younger", I'd still seriously recommend more seating than just 1/2. I'd do at LEAST 75% (although 100% is obviously my preference). It's considered good etiquette for a reason.

JoanE2012 · September 2014

I love it all, except for the seating issue. And I'd hire a DJ. Considering dancing is a big focus of your evening, I think it's important. A good DJ can read a crowd to ensure you'll always have a packed dance floor. We paid just under 1k and we're in a high COL area.

JCbride2015 · September 2014

I am 26 and would be really annoyed if there wasn't a seat for every butt. I don't think this is something that changes with the "tides--" it's a human comfort issue and that will never change.

Other than the seats, I think this sounds super fun.

MobKaz · September 2014

I attended a reception like this. The food and drinks were awesome. The problem was that it was difficult to enjoy the food and drink without sufficient seating. Some of the apps required fork and knife. Try to stand and juggle a plate, drink, utensils and clutch. A lack of seating really spoiled the fun.

BlueBirdMB · September 2014

I have said it before and I will say it again: "traditions" change, "etiquette" does not. Etiquette is simply how to make your guests feel the most comfortable and comfort does not change with the times. Types of food or methods of serving that food is a tradition but having enough food for everyone and enough seats for everyone is etiquette. You definitely need enough seats for every butt. Even with a cocktail reception, there will be a time when most people will want to sit, especially if you don't have a DJ. I agree with the above, you can't really eat a ton of food without sitting. Otherwise, I'm totally fine with a cocktail reception- this is very similar to what I wanted, but marriage is compromise...

hales2010 · September 2014

I love reading about Cocktail receptions because that it what mine is going to be. Mine is just an afternoon one. I would agree on the seating. We are still having enough seating for everyone even if they all do not sit down at once. We are also doing the Ipod way because of our budget so I am also looking to see if anyone else has done this.

ap31414 · September 2014

alright, alright - got it, add more seating. I don't think I'll go enough for 100% of the guests, but maybe the space can swing 75%. This also means I will have to nix a DJ (as they take up space).

The space holds 65 for a reception, 50 for a seated event. Maybe if I opt for benches along the perimeter of the room & some chairs vs a bunch of chairs all over the place. Hopefully the space can allow for that.

Thanks everyone!

JoanE2012 said:

I love it all, except for the seating issue. And I'd hire a DJ. Considering dancing is a big focus of your evening, I think it's important. A good DJ can read a crowd to ensure you'll always have a packed dance floor. We paid just under 1k and we're in a high COL area.

How on earth did you pay less than $1k?! All the quotes I've had are well over. What city are you located in?

JennyColada · September 2014

I think based on your above comment that you might just want to re-think the venue.

Obviously this venue is not of a correct size to be able to adequately host your event.

cafarrie · September 2014

We did an ipod for our traditional reception with 200 people and it worked great!!! Just make sure you have some sort of sound equipment that will amplify your music more than an ihome or computer or people won't dance!

lyndausvi · September 2014

A standard 1-1.5 hour cocktail party with only 50% seating if fine. A 3 hour cocktail hour without 100% seating is NOT.

Seats can come in the form of regular or bistro tables and chairs, benches, sofas, overstuffed chairs (think living room setting), high top tables with bar height chairs or any combination. Something that you can put a but on.

tammym1001 · September 2014

ap31414 said:

ok, so it sounds like possible the possible problem areas could be:
1) no dj
2) lack of seating

I appreciate the varying perspectives! I do think the tides are changing (& have been) re: wedding etiquette, so I'm not sure a seat is needed for every guest...most of the blogs I've read suggest 50-75%. I guess I am also drawing from weddings I've attended where most people mingled, stood at high tops, danced and only sat during the meal.

Re: the DJ, I wouldn't say it's totally out of budget, I guess I just wonder what value I'd be getting for a DJ that costs $1,500 or whatever to essentially do what an ipod/computer, some mindful playlist curating, rented equipment, & a friend acting as our "DJ" could do. I think I need to talk to more people who've gone the ipod route to figure out if it was successful and what they'd do differently before I make a final decision. I've been to weddings where I walked away thinking "wow, the music stunk!" and I just don't want that to happen with my guests...hence my back & forth over dj or ipod.

We didn't do any traditional stuff at our wedding like first dances or tosses or anything so we didn't think we needed a DJ. We used live musicians for our ceremony and cocktail hour and switched to an iPod for dinner and dancing. Our venue had an amazing sound system that sounded way better than anything a DJ could have brought with them. I put together a playlist based on songs that are normally played at weddings and songs that I knew my friends liked. We only had 35 people at our wedding and we still had about half the guest list on the dance floor most of the evening. It worked out great!

It was more of a space and usefulness issue for us rather than a budget issue, but I'm glad we went the iPod route. It allowed me to be able to control all the music that was played and tailor it specifically to our crowd. Someone did get a hold of the iPod and switch it to a few songs that people had asked about but I didn't mind that at all.

peachy13 · September 2014

I went to a cocktail reception a few months back that was also an at-home reception for a couple who got married out of the country.

There was a cash bar (and a jerk of a bartender but that's not the point), not enough seating for everyone, a card box, a bad DJ, and like, 7 minutes of passed hors d'oeuvres. Everyone left early and has bitching about the whole thing since.

It sounds like what you have is fine, but as PPs said, make sure everyone gets a seat (even cocktail tables are fine).

JoanE2012 · September 2014

ap31414 said:

alright, alright - got it, add more seating. I don't think I'll go enough for 100% of the guests, but maybe the space can swing 75%. This also means I will have to nix a DJ (as they take up space).

The space holds 65 for a reception, 50 for a seated event. Maybe if I opt for benches along the perimeter of the room & some chairs vs a bunch of chairs all over the place. Hopefully the space can allow for that.

Thanks everyone!

JoanE2012 said:

I love it all, except for the seating issue. And I'd hire a DJ. Considering dancing is a big focus of your evening, I think it's important. A good DJ can read a crowd to ensure you'll always have a packed dance floor. We paid just under 1k and we're in a high COL area.

How on earth did you pay less than $1k?! All the quotes I've had are well over. What city are you located in?

We are in NJ, about 45 min outside of NYC. We didn't have any uplighting, no props. Just a DJ who played good music and made announcements when appropriate. 4 hours was just a smidge under 1k.

ohannabelle · September 2014

I think it sounds excellent, now that you've added chairs.

My daughter just did a 50 person reception, no DJ, just a playlist her H put together, and it was great.

I think everything you've planned sounds good.

I vote for cake. Hell yes, cake.

ap31414 · September 2014

tammym1001 said:
We didn't do any traditional stuff at our wedding like first dances or tosses or anything so we didn't think we needed a DJ. We used live musicians for our ceremony and cocktail hour and switched to an iPod for dinner and dancing. Our venue had an amazing sound system that sounded way better than anything a DJ could have brought with them. I put together a playlist based on songs that are normally played at weddings and songs that I knew my friends liked. We only had 35 people at our wedding and we still had about half the guest list on the dance floor most of the evening. It worked out great!

It was more of a space and usefulness issue for us rather than a budget issue, but I'm glad we went the iPod route. It allowed me to be able to control all the music that was played and tailor it specifically to our crowd. Someone did get a hold of the iPod and switch it to a few songs that people had asked about but I didn't mind that at all.

ohannabelle said:

I think it sounds excellent, now that you've added chairs.

My daughter just did a 50 person reception, no DJ, just a playlist her H put together, and it was great.
I think everything you've planned sounds good.

I vote for cake. Hell yes, cake.

Thanks for sharing your iPod success stories! I was starting to 2nd guess myself so I appreciate hearing that you had similar receptions to what I'm envisioning and the iPod more than met your needs!

ap31414 · September 2014

peachy13 said:

I went to a cocktail reception a few months back that was also an at-home reception for a couple who got married out of the country.

There was a cash bar (and a jerk of a bartender but that's not the point), not enough seating for everyone, a card box, a bad DJ, and like, 7 minutes of passed hors d'oeuvres. Everyone left early and has bitching about the whole thing since.

It sounds like what you have is fine, but as PPs said, make sure everyone gets a seat (even cocktail tables are fine).

yikes! I'm so against cash bars but that's a whole other topic...

obviously I get why the bad dj, lack of food, and no seating bothered you, but what about the card box? did you see it as an expectation for gifts/money and it just seemed inappropriate to you?

reason I ask is because I'm questioning that myself. We don't have an expectation of gifts for people coming to this celebration but I do think some people will come with cards with/without something inside and I'm wondering - what do I do with those? Should I have a small box for cards or should I just assume these people will hand it to us directly and we can stash them in a purse or something?

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

@ap31414 - re. the card box

If you're worried about a card box looking tacky, I would just bring a bigger purse and if anyone hands you a card, just go stash it away in your purse. I could see people leaving gifts/cards at the guest book table.

Knottie76885396 · September 2014

The cocktail reception can be a lot more fun than a typical reception. It's all about how you set it up.

One of my friends got married at City Hall and we met the next day for drinks, food, etc. It was SO fun. We got to be more laid back, meet her family and just have a blast. They have areas set up with pool, karaoke at one point, and all sorts. It was very laid back and super social.

As for the iPod idea, it has its pros and cons. If you have an awesome playlist set up, go for it. But if you have certain songs you want at certain times, make announcements, etc. then it may be a better idea to have a DJ. The iPod idea is perfect if you want things in the background and aren't super concerned with the timing of music.

Bevin8 · September 2014

I went to a couple weddings like this recently. I don't think I had seating at either one and that did not bother me too much (I'm in my 20's). However, I missed some of the traditions at both weddings. One used an IPOD and there were 0 traditions. You wouldn't even have known who the bride and groom were. There were no speeches, dances, cake cutting, etc. I think a lot of traditions are silly and will be skipping them for my upcoming wedding, but I would suggest adding in a couple of little touches to make it feel like a wedding.

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

Bevin8 said:

I went to a couple weddings like this recently. I don't think I had seating at either one and that did not bother me too much (I'm in my 20's). However, I missed some of the traditions at both weddings. One used an IPOD and there were 0 traditions. You wouldn't even have known who the bride and groom were. There were no speeches, dances, cake cutting, etc. I think a lot of traditions are silly and will be skipping them for my upcoming wedding, but I would suggest adding in a couple of little touches to make it feel like a wedding.

I find the bolded hard to believe. Presumably people are invited because they're special to the B&G, so I'd find it interesting if those same people attended the wedding and didn't know who the B&G were....

And also, just because you don't have a problem not having a seat doesn't mean others won't. I'm in my 20s, athletic and have no health problems. I could stand all night, but I don't want to. I like having a "home base" where I can park my stuff and my butt when my feet get tired.

ap31414 · September 2014

southernbelle0915: good call, I'll just bring a large purse to stash cards. I don't want a box to appear tacky.

Bevin8: Oh don't worry - I have a bunch of personal touches in mind that will remind guests that it's not just an everyday cocktail party but one that celebrates our new marriage. I just have never felt personally drawn to some wedding traditions like dances, bouquet toss, etc. so it would feel a little forced to me.

Knottie76885396 - That sounds like my kind of wedding reception! I think casual and frill-free weddings are delightfully underrated!

Bevin8 · September 2014

Dang people on here are sassy! I was the date to the wedding of my finace's coworker. All I was saying was the wedding was so impersonal, that it did not seem very wedding like, but more like a party. The only things related to a wedding were a cake and card box in the corner.

I love personal touches and think that would be great for your wedding! I agree with ditching some of the traditions. We def aren't doing the bouquet dance and some of the dances either. Do what you like!

weddingcactus · October 2014

With the addition of more seating already discussed, it sounds really fun. As long as there are plenty of hors d'oeuvres and beverages, it sounds like my kind of party. I think an iPod would be fine, but a DJ might help keep the energy of the party up with the best choices of music.

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