Lower Cost Ring and Wedding = successful marriage?

Jells2dot0 · October 2014

That's what a new study says and I'm destined for another divorce. LOL

http://www.today.com/style/what-cost-your-engagement-ring-may-say-about-your-marriage-2D80202658

luckya23 · October 2014

Well, that ring is worth it!

holyguacamole79 · October 2014

I hate articles like these. I don't know how much my engagement ring cost, but I'm sure it puts us in the "danger zone". And our wedding + reception doesn't help, either. But ya know what, my brother spent a fraction of what we did, and he and his wife separated after 5 months of marriage. So, the people who wrote this study can SUCK IT.

Jells2dot0 · October 2014

@sarahbear31. I agree. These studies are super meaningless. There is no way to predict the success of a marriage based off of cost. Of course, the less you spend, the less likely you are to go into debt and then less likely to argue about said debt.

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

They talked about this on the radio this morning and it really pissed me off. No mention of adjusting those numbers to people's actual income. Yeah, our wedding cost more than most. But we make good money and paid cash, no debt to argue about. Shove it.

rooz103 · October 2014

Studies like this drive me crazy since news outlets always infer wayyyy too much from the data given just to get a catchier headline. Even the researchers weren't trying to say that X causes Y, and they actually state that their point was the following:

"Our findings provide little evidence to support the validity of the wedding industry’s general message that connects expensive weddings with positive marital outcomes."

No mention of causality whatsoever, although I think most knotties would concur with their concluding statement.

Cookie Pusher · October 2014

I saw that article earlier today and I almost fell out of my chair laughing. It doesn't say anything about what the divorce rate is for people who have rings that cost more than 4k. And spending less than 1k on your wedding means you're less likely to get divorced - but you have to invite everyone you know because high attendance means you'll stay married longer!

kat1114 · October 2014

And in other news, 100% of people who drink water and breathe oxygen die. Gah, I wish these articles would focus on actual causation instead of correlation.

amelisha · October 2014

I think all this likely means (provided there is actually causation, rather than just correlation) is that financial burdens are hard on relationships, and as an extension a lot of people do have weddings they can't afford and are therefore subject to financial burden.

I don't think it's anything to get defensive about, though (unless you are having a wedding that's putting you into debt...and in that case, yeah, judging you.)

FutureMrsN3312 · October 2014

People have too much time on their hands. Add me to the "danger zone" list. :: eye roll eye roll::

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

amelisha said:
I think all this likely means (provided there is actually causation, rather than just correlation) is that financial burdens are hard on relationships, and as an extension a lot of people do have weddings they can't afford and are therefore subject to financial burden.

I don't think it's anything to get defensive about, though (unless you are having a wedding that's putting you into debt...and in that case, yeah, judging you.)

It is something to get defensive about though, because it's shit like this that causes other people to get judgmental about shit they don't know shit about. Shit.

I'm trying to teach my new phone that I swear a lot so it stops correcting to sit and ducking.

afox007 · October 2014

Hmmm well FI has a super cheap and tacky wedding (cash bar, not enough seating, gave friends jobs) the first time around and he's divorced. So if we have to shoot for cheaper than that I need one of you ladies to get ordained and meet me at McDonalds.

Jells2dot0 · October 2014

amelisha said:

I think all this likely means (provided there is actually causation, rather than just correlation) is that financial burdens are hard on relationships, and as an extension a lot of people do have weddings they can't afford and are therefore subject to financial burden.

I don't think it's anything to get defensive about, though (unless you are having a wedding that's putting you into debt...and in that case, yeah, judging you.)

So, according to the article, my marriage will fail for a variety of reasons. But, as lolo mentioned, it doesn't take income into account. We may have spent a lot on my ring and the wedding, but in proportion to our incomes, it wasn't much of a stretch to do so. We were never in any debt over it so there was no potential argument to be had.

In fact, we may have had less stress and drama and less potential for argument because we DIDN'T invite the world.

amelisha · October 2014

lolo883 said:

I think all this likely means (provided there is actually causation, rather than just correlation) is that financial burdens are hard on relationships, and as an extension a lot of people do have weddings they can't afford and are therefore subject to financial burden.

I don't think it's anything to get defensive about, though (unless you are having a wedding that's putting you into debt...and in that case, yeah, judging you.)
It is something to get defensive about though, because it's shit like this that causes other people to get judgmental about shit they don't know shit about. Shit. I'm trying to teach my new phone that I swear a lot so it stops correcting to sit and ducking.

Lol to the last part, but I still don't think this is the kind of thing worth worrying about. I'd just counter if with "Well, to me that sounds like a good reason to only have a wedding you can afford, like I did. Did you see that article about the skateboarding dog?" Anyone dumb enough to confuse correlation and causation or to miss the point that was being made (that an expensive wedding isn't important for a happy marriage) isn't smart enough to listen to your arguments anyway, right?

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

lolo883 said:

I think all this likely means (provided there is actually causation, rather than just correlation) is that financial burdens are hard on relationships, and as an extension a lot of people do have weddings they can't afford and are therefore subject to financial burden.

I don't think it's anything to get defensive about, though (unless you are having a wedding that's putting you into debt...and in that case, yeah, judging you.)
It is something to get defensive about though, because it's shit like this that causes other people to get judgmental about shit they don't know shit about. Shit. I'm trying to teach my new phone that I swear a lot so it stops correcting to sit and ducking.

Lol to the last part, but I still don't think this is the kind of thing worth worrying about. I'd just counter if with "Well, to me that sounds like a good reason to only have a wedding you can afford, like I did. Did you see that article about the skateboarding dog?" Anyone dumb enough to confuse correlation and causation or to miss the point that was being made (that an expensive wedding isn't important for a happy marriage) isn't smart enough to listen to your arguments anyway, right?

Yeah it's just hard to logic away the rage when people (real people, not internet article people) tell you you're stupid for "wasting so much money on a wedding." Worry about your own damn selves, people.

decembergrl2014 · October 2014

This is bullshit. Yes, a lot of marriages break up over money. It was a big reason why mine did. The idiots that put this article together fail to mention that there are A LOT of other reasons why marriages fall apart. To just mention a nice ring and a big wedding doesn't scratch the surface.

HaileyDancingbear · October 2014

I love how articles like this will literally blame anything other than crappy relationships for divorce. Maybe just so special snowflakes can over-analyze everything other than their issues that actually need to be fixed- "Oh, we broke up because my RING was expensive! I'm sure it had nothing to do with me fucking five other people. Nope, totally the ring's fault. Stupid ring."

Good relationship=good marriage, bad relationship=bad marriage. It's not rocket science.

Cookie Pusher · October 2014

afox007 said:

Hmmm well FI has a super cheap and tacky wedding (cash bar, not enough seating, gave friends jobs) the first time around and he's divorced. So if we have to shoot for cheaper than that I need one of you ladies to get ordained and meet me at McDonalds.

I'll do it - but only if you get me a Big Mac AND the extra large fries!

amelisha · October 2014

Not gonna lie, I might use this whenever someone gives me crap about my small, not-diamond ring. Because that's rude and making me kinda irritated too.

But seriously, ladies, if your wedding is not a significant source of economic stress, I don't think whether you spent $1000 or $100000 makes a difference to your marriage.

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

amelisha said:
Not gonna lie, I might use this whenever someone gives me crap about my small, not-diamond ring. Because that's rude and making me kinda irritated too.

But seriously, ladies, if your wedding is not a significant source of economic stress, I don't think whether you spent $1000 or $100000 makes a difference to your marriage.

I don't think any of us thinks it does either. I have no regrets about my wedding or doubts about my marriage. I hate bad analytics and people who believe bad analytics and take them as justification to make unfounded comments about my wedding and marriage.

steph861 · October 2014

Don't even get me started on how the media reports on academic studies. It makes my blood boil.

sophhabobopha · October 2014

Oh good I'm safe.

//sarcasm

huskypuppy14 · October 2014

Nothing about couple's who have rings over $4000....?

Kauris · October 2014

We're doomed!

raissyrais · October 2014

Pfff well, considering my three rings came at $1700 and the whole wedding at $18 000, if that's true I'm free of all concern regarding a potential divorce then am I? Those studies are silly. Your marriage will work if you are compatible and if you work hard at making it safe! Not because some dumb study told you it would!

emmaaa · October 2014

lolo883 said:

They talked about this on the radio this morning and it really pissed me off. No mention of adjusting those numbers to people's actual income. Yeah, our wedding cost more than most. But we make good money and paid cash, no debt to argue about. Shove it.

I think this is a good point. I think it is more the ratio of income versus what you spend on the ring/wedding. Meaning that being in debt causes burden and stress to the marriage and could lead to a divorce.

I will restate my science and math teachers from high school: correlation does not mean causation.

blabla89 · October 2014

Quoting from the wise ladies over at NEY:

lennonkdc said:

"Our findings provide little evidence to support the validity of the wedding industry’s general message that connects expensive weddings with positive marital outcomes."

Pretty much.

wedding =/= marriage; ring size =/= love; engagement =/= valid relationship

I didn't really need a study to tell me what NEY has been saying for years.

lacqueredlover · October 2014

Ridiculous. Not everyone who has an expensive ring/wedding goes into debt for it, you can be successful enough to actually afford it. And so does this mean that if you have a cheap ring and wedding you dont' have to be worried about making your marriage work?

I call bullshit.

LittlePeachBlossom · October 2014

This is just a ridiculous article. Of course I've had it trending on my FB newsfeed. Guess by who? Only by those whom I know had no wedding reception or have (seemingly) less costly rings. I think these specific people sharing it are self conscious and feel they have to validate themselves.

To me, it is like saying hahaha see you there with your fancy ring and fancy wedding, it's all for nothing because you'll be ending up in divorce, I know because it's PROVEN now. Like, yeah thanks for wishing me a divorce.

My first marriage ended in divorce despite the better odds predicted by this criteria.

jynxiie · October 2014

I definitely think debt must play a part in this. If you're going $30,000 in debt for a wedding... There's your problem.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · October 2014

I read this on Jezebel. The comments were interesting. A lot of women from NYC were commenting that the numbers werent realistic and their budget is higher than other places.

I find the numbers to be pretty unforgiving. NYC gals pay more than gals from Yellowknife NWT. A wedding in Toronto will cost more than in my hometown, etc. So how does that factor into the article? They never elaborate just say "Yeah XXXX amount of dollars spent = divorce. No income brackets, no inflation, not standard of living, nothing. Just a number. Ummm, no.

I think the 'Stay out of debt' message is a good one though. As we learned from the bride and groom that were robbed (and the brother set up a GoFundMe page to beg for money from strangers) we shouldn't buy what we cannot afford.

Lower Cost Ring and Wedding = successful marriage?

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