Spin off poll: Wedding Roles - offended or not

Kauris · October 2014

What is a house party member??

It's hell on earth. Where you are charged with tasks and possibly buying a particular dress but not the actual honor of standing up with the bride/groom.

Sugargirl1019 · October 2014

House Party: basically a title given to a group of girls who are close to the bride and assist in the wedding day, I.e. doing a reading, helping pass out communion, programs, tending to the gifts, cutting cake. They typically sit in the first two rows in the ceremony, not actually standing next to the bride. They are frequently included in bridal party pictures with the bridesmaids, and sometimes given bouquets or corsages. Names are listed specifically in the program, too.

I can see a lot of girls on here going "why the hell would I want to do that?" /shrug us southern brides have some crazy ideas

flantastic · October 2014

One time, I was asked to sing a song at a wedding because it was a particular song and I had a particular connection to the place where the bride had learned it: Honor.

Finding out later that I was intended to be the unpaid ceremony cantor (which I discovered when the organist called me to practice and said "Okay, so X song, then I guess we'll just need 3 or 4 more for preludes - what's in your repertoire?": No longer an honor.

afox007 · October 2014

When my bio dad and step mom got married I got assigned guest book duty. I was 8 I assumed I would be the flower girl. Nope, her niece and nephew were the flower girl and ring bearer and apparently there can be only one of each "since it has to be even" and I guess niece trumps daughter.

At that point I would rather have spent the time before the ceremony hanging with my grandparents or playing with my cousin. Instead I stood there pissed off practically stabbing people with the pen and snapping they had to sign the damn picture frame.

Did I handle it poorly? Yes, but 16 years later I'm still offended that such an "honor" was bestowed on me. Even at 8 I knew it was a bullshit job.

thisismynickname2 · October 2014

I chose just BM or guest. Having a "responsibility" is stressful but usher or reader is fine. I was asked to play music once and I was honored, but it didn't work out. Guest book is a bullshit job. "Tasks" ehhhhh.

That being said I have no problem offering help, should I see them in need. For example, I really didn't know what to do with our purses before the ceremony and one BM's FI saw my dad carrying our big tote of purses and took it from him to stow for us. I really appreciated that.

penguin44 · October 2014

sarahufl said:

I am at the point where all I want to do is show up at your wedding and observe. Then drink and dance till I am sweaty and tired. That is all I want to do.

That said, I have been to about 50 weddings (no, that is not an exaggeration- 10 this year alone) and have been MOH twice, BM 9 times. I no longer want any role whatsoever in a wedding.

I am happy to help you with your programs, or stuff welcome bags. I have been happy to decorate and help clean up (but your ass better be grateful for it) in fact, I often have fun doing that stuff if other friends/family are also there to help. I would not mind reading, bringing up the gifts, bringing you a drink, ushering. If I could sing or play the guitar, I would be happy to do that.

What I would mind is the following: being in your house party, manning your guest book, serving your cake, or any other task that you should be paying a qualified person to do.

People who insist on "finding an honorary role" for their fringe friends are often incorrect in thinking that the fringe friends want any sort of role other than just being there. One of my very best friends is about to get married and I am playing zero "official" roles. And I could not be happier. I can't wait to just watch her get married and then have a blast at her reception.

My cousin has been in so many weddings, that she got ordained so that she could be the officiant instead. She would rather not buy another bridesmaid dress.

sarahufl · October 2014

penguin44 said:

sarahufl said:

I am at the point where all I want to do is show up at your wedding and observe. Then drink and dance till I am sweaty and tired. That is all I want to do.

That said, I have been to about 50 weddings (no, that is not an exaggeration- 10 this year alone) and have been MOH twice, BM 9 times. I no longer want any role whatsoever in a wedding.

I am happy to help you with your programs, or stuff welcome bags. I have been happy to decorate and help clean up (but your ass better be grateful for it) in fact, I often have fun doing that stuff if other friends/family are also there to help. I would not mind reading, bringing up the gifts, bringing you a drink, ushering. If I could sing or play the guitar, I would be happy to do that.

What I would mind is the following: being in your house party, manning your guest book, serving your cake, or any other task that you should be paying a qualified person to do.

People who insist on "finding an honorary role" for their fringe friends are often incorrect in thinking that the fringe friends want any sort of role other than just being there. One of my very best friends is about to get married and I am playing zero "official" roles. And I could not be happier. I can't wait to just watch her get married and then have a blast at her reception.

My cousin has been in so many weddings, that she got ordained so that she could be the officiant instead. She would rather not buy another bridesmaid dress.

I love supporting my friends, I truly do. It is why I spend so much money and time going to their weddings.

But I absolutely DO NOT want to ever be a bridesmaid again.

holyguacamole79 · October 2014

sarahufl. I have no desire to be a BM again.

sophhabobopha · October 2014

Yeah I'd rather be a guest than anything else.

esstee33 · October 2014

Sugargirl1019 said:

House Party: basically a title given to a group of girls who are close to the bride and assist in the wedding day, I.e. doing a reading, helping pass out communion, programs, tending to the gifts, cutting cake. They typically sit in the first two rows in the ceremony, not actually standing next to the bride. They are frequently included in bridal party pictures with the bridesmaids, and sometimes given bouquets or corsages. Names are listed specifically in the program, too. I can see a lot of girls on here going "why the hell would I want to do that?" /shrug us southern brides have some crazy ideas

Uh, yeah, I would definitely not be down for that insanity. Doing a reading is one thing, but the rest of that? Yeah, no thanks.

mrscomposer · October 2014

I wouldn't mind being an usher, but I WOULD mind being a house party member.

MGP · October 2014

kasmith1 said:

What is a house party member??
It's hell on earth. Where you are charged with tasks and possibly buying a particular dress but not the actual honor of standing up with the bride/groom.

When I was asked to be a house party bridal bitch in a friend's wedding some people tried to tell me that I was the one being offensive by declining because "it was a nice gesture" that the bride was trying to include me. Please take note that she had 22 people in her bridal party but apparently no room for me.

My response? "Nice gestures don't come with a to do list and a bill". I thank my lucky stars every day I got out when I did.

lovesclimbing · October 2014

I chose would not be offended to be any of the above or gift table or guest book attendant. However that's not entirely true. I would probably be offended to be in the house party, because usually that means she wants all the help of BMs and buying dresses without actually being a BM.

But I have no problem with a person asking me to help with the guest book, and I've done it before without being offended. I know I'm not close enough to be a BM, but I still don't mind helping out really quick. It's usually maybe 10-15 minutes before the wedding, that's it.

Gift table, I wouldn't be as happy with because that might include actually hauling big gifts around or keeping an eye on it throughout the reception.

hellohkb · October 2014

I would much prefer to be a guest than be a BM or any other role.

raissyrais · October 2014

While I wouldn't be offended with any role really, I'm okay participating, I would much rather sit back and enjoy the whole thing as a guest.

cafarrie · October 2014

Overall, I wouldn't be offended to do any "duty" at a wedding but I also agree with PP's that say it depends on your relationship with the Bride and Groom. Yes, no one NEEDS a guest book attendant, but if they're going as far as making up jobs for me because they want me involved, I'll smile and do my best, although at that point, I'd rather be a guest.

TKzilla · October 2014

I think I'd rather just be a guest.

BUT STORY TIME

I knew this one crazy chick who got her panties in a twist because her sister asked her to be a MOH, but didn't like the dress she'd looked at. The bride hadn't CHOSEN it yet, just suggested it/looked at it. So the girl starts causing ALL this drama over it, posting about it all over the internet and just in general being a whiny little shit about it. So she backs out of the wedding and offers/volunteers to be a reader instead. The bride accepted it. End of story right?

WRONG

After some "soul searching" the sister decided that actually… never mind, I want to be MOH again. She talks to the bride about it, and understandably the bride is reluctant to agree to this since the sister already flaked once and made a big fucking deal about it. THIS pisses off the sister even more, to the point that the crazy woman is talking SUICIDE because she just CAN'T DEAL

Meanwhile, she's STILL blasting the bride all over the internet and social media. After awhile, the drama llama became more irritating than entertaining and I just kinda let that "friendship" drop.

I don't understand why people get so bent out of shape about fucking wedding parties.

rajahmd · October 2014

TKzilla said:

I think I'd rather just be a guest.

BUT STORY TIME

I knew this one crazy chick who got her panties in a twist because her sister asked her to be a MOH, but didn't like the dress she'd looked at. The bride hadn't CHOSEN it yet, just suggested it/looked at it. So the girl starts causing ALL this drama over it, posting about it all over the internet and just in general being a whiny little shit about it. So she backs out of the wedding and offers/volunteers to be a reader instead. The bride accepted it. End of story right?

WRONG

After some "soul searching" the sister decided that actually… never mind, I want to be MOH again. She talks to the bride about it, and understandably the bride is reluctant to agree to this since the sister already flaked once and made a big fucking deal about it. THIS pisses off the sister even more, to the point that the crazy woman is talking SUICIDE because she just CAN'T DEAL

Meanwhile, she's STILL blasting the bride all over the internet and social media. After awhile, the drama llama became more irritating than entertaining and I just kinda let that "friendship" drop.

I don't understand why people get so bent out of shape about fucking wedding parties.

Damn. What got her knickers in a twist?

PrettyGirlLost · October 2014

I've been a BM like 10 times now and I think I'm kinda over it. . . at this point I just want to be a guest ;-)

@sarahufl- I have been in/to 30+ weddings at this point, so I feel you!

QueerFemme · October 2014

TKzilla said:

I think I'd rather just be a guest.

BUT STORY TIME

I knew this one crazy chick who got her panties in a twist because her sister asked her to be a MOH, but didn't like the dress she'd looked at. The bride hadn't CHOSEN it yet, just suggested it/looked at it. So the girl starts causing ALL this drama over it, posting about it all over the internet and just in general being a whiny little shit about it. So she backs out of the wedding and offers/volunteers to be a reader instead. The bride accepted it. End of story right?

WRONG

After some "soul searching" the sister decided that actually… never mind, I want to be MOH again. She talks to the bride about it, and understandably the bride is reluctant to agree to this since the sister already flaked once and made a big fucking deal about it. THIS pisses off the sister even more, to the point that the crazy woman is talking SUICIDE because she just CAN'T DEAL

Meanwhile, she's STILL blasting the bride all over the internet and social media. After awhile, the drama llama became more irritating than entertaining and I just kinda let that "friendship" drop.

I don't understand why people get so bent out of shape about fucking wedding parties.

OMG. I totally remember her! She was BSC.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2014

lc07 said:

Well I guess we will agree to disagree on this one.

Not trying to be argumentative, just really want to understand your POV. I could be off base. But would you not feel like you were in a lesser position, though still being honored, if your BFF chose other people to be bridesmaids and you to be a reader? I would.

I've never seen a reader get ready with the bride before the wedding, or be given flowers, or walk in the processional, or be included in wedding party pictures.

I was in one wedding once where one of the close friends of the bride was asked to officiate. So she technically wasn't a bridesmaid because she was the officiant, but she was given flowers, included in getting ready, in the processional, and in all wedding party pictures as if she was a bridesmaid. I see that as an equal honor.

Anyone who participates in your wedding ceremony should be given a boutonniere or a corsage- that is standard etiquette in my circle, and at all of the weddings I have ever been to/in. BM's and GM's obviously have bouquets/bouts, and then your ushers, all of your readers, those who present the gifts, and any other guests of honor you wish to acknowledge get corsages or bouts.

Regarding ushers, I have never, ever, in all of my life been to a wedding where these were hired persons. They have always been the GM's and or other relatives. In my circle being an usher is an honor, just like doing a reading. And it's not really that arduous a task to help greet and seat people. . . it's nothing akin to being asked to man the guestbook.

southernbelle0915 · October 2014

I'd be fine with doing a reading, but definitely NOT fine with a house party, passing out programs, tending the guest book (i.e. standing around and being annoying), etc.

And if it was obvious someone didn't include me because "even sides" or something else stupid, I'd be pretty hurt and probably decline. Thanks, but no thanks.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

I'd be fine with doing a reading, but definitely NOT fine with a house party, passing out programs, tending the guest book (i.e. standing around and being annoying), etc.

And if it was obvious someone didn't include me because "even sides" or something else stupid, I'd be pretty hurt and probably decline. Thanks, but no thanks.

Hazzuh to your MOFY sig. . . that episode was hilarious.

oxfordcomma14 · October 2014

Sugargirl1019 said:

House Party: basically a title given to a group of girls who are close to the bride and assist in the wedding day, I.e. doing a reading, helping pass out communion, programs, tending to the gifts, cutting cake. They typically sit in the first two rows in the ceremony, not actually standing next to the bride. They are frequently included in bridal party pictures with the bridesmaids, and sometimes given bouquets or corsages. Names are listed specifically in the program, too. I can see a lot of girls on here going "why the hell would I want to do that?" /shrug us southern brides have some crazy ideas

Please don't blame that on being southern. I'm about as southern as they come, and I have never seen a 'house party' and think that it's horse manure to call it an honor to hand out programs/cut the cake/etc. We had people who did those sorts of things because they loved us and offered. We didn't pretend it was an honor for them, we were very understanding that it was a favor for US and appropriately grateful.

sarahufl · October 2014

oxfordcomma14 said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

House Party: basically a title given to a group of girls who are close to the bride and assist in the wedding day, I.e. doing a reading, helping pass out communion, programs, tending to the gifts, cutting cake. They typically sit in the first two rows in the ceremony, not actually standing next to the bride. They are frequently included in bridal party pictures with the bridesmaids, and sometimes given bouquets or corsages. Names are listed specifically in the program, too. I can see a lot of girls on here going "why the hell would I want to do that?" /shrug us southern brides have some crazy ideas

Please don't blame that on being southern. I'm about as southern as they come, and I have never seen a 'house party' and think that it's horse manure to call it an honor to hand out programs/cut the cake/etc. We had people who did those sorts of things because they loved us and offered. We didn't pretend it was an honor for them, we were very understanding that it was a favor for US and appropriately grateful.

QFT. I am southern myself and have never heard of a house party till TK. I think it may be very regionally specific.

TKzilla · October 2014

RajahBMFD said:

TKzilla said:

I think I'd rather just be a guest.

BUT STORY TIME

I knew this one crazy chick who got her panties in a twist because her sister asked her to be a MOH, but didn't like the dress she'd looked at. The bride hadn't CHOSEN it yet, just suggested it/looked at it. So the girl starts causing ALL this drama over it, posting about it all over the internet and just in general being a whiny little shit about it. So she backs out of the wedding and offers/volunteers to be a reader instead. The bride accepted it. End of story right?

WRONG

After some "soul searching" the sister decided that actually… never mind, I want to be MOH again. She talks to the bride about it, and understandably the bride is reluctant to agree to this since the sister already flaked once and made a big fucking deal about it. THIS pisses off the sister even more, to the point that the crazy woman is talking SUICIDE because she just CAN'T DEAL

Meanwhile, she's STILL blasting the bride all over the internet and social media. After awhile, the drama llama became more irritating than entertaining and I just kinda let that "friendship" drop.

I don't understand why people get so bent out of shape about fucking wedding parties.

Damn. What got her knickers in a twist?

Dude, I don't even know. She took crazy all the way to 11.

huskypuppy14 · October 2014

I think ushers should not be on the same level as house party. First I have never seen a "house party", so I'm not really sure who does these, but they are not done in any weddings I've been to.

I think ushers and readers are an honor. No one is entitled to be a bridesmaid. If you are offended at being asked to be a reader and not a bridesmaid, then decline. Some people don't have bridesmaids, some people only have a best man and MOH. Some people only have family be in their wedding party, so they have their best friend be a reader.

beethery · October 2014

I am so late but I love that I LIKE TURTLES was included. This is good.

photokitty · October 2014

beethery said:
I am so late but I love that I LIKE TURTLES was included. This is good.

@beethery‌ "I like turtles" is a quintessential party of any pk poll

danamw · October 2014

After being a MOH once, I swore I would only be a guest at any wedding of anyone I ever knew, who was getting married, ever.

And that is the way it has been. I am a guest. A generous one, zero trouble, perfect behavior.

Spin off poll: Wedding Roles - offended or not

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