Wedding Etiquette Forum

Rude rude rude rude rude.

Our final head count was due last week. Since then, about SEVEN people have let us know that they won't be able to make it. It is so f'ing frustrating and thank god we are doing consumption bar so I haven't already paid these people's booze. But not only have I paid for these people's food, 7 people is almost an entire extra table. I could have rented an entire table less.

The last straw was the email I got just now.

The excuse: Wife now can't make it, because they decided to get soccor tickets for the next day, which for some reason now means they need to bring their kids with them on this trip to our wedding, and since we are having a no kids wedding, she'll need to stay in the hotel with the kids during our reception. So basically, hey, I RSVPed a couple weeks ago, but decided now that it would be more fun to instead go to a soccor game.

The BEST part of the email was this: "Just wanted to let you know ASAP so if there was someone you wanted to invite in her place, you'd have time."

OUR WEDDING IS IN NINE DAYS. ALSO, WHAT?

I can't take it with these people. Also, every single person who has flaked in the past week is from FIs side, which makes me even angrier. I realize I am being completely insane right now, but I am so frustrated and want to punch things.

bnwright0721
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Re: Rude rude rude rude rude.

  • Wow. That's lame, I'm sorry. I don't get why a married guy would be that rude. He had a wedding, does he not get how it works? 

    We know some people that would do this type of crap... I'm already trying to mentally prepare myself for it lol. 

    I also have to keep an eye on my mom, who suggested the other day that I ask the host of my bridal shower to invite every single woman who's invited to the wedding, even the ones who live way on the other side of the country and couldn't possibly fly all the way here just for a shower right before they fly all the way here for the wedding, "just to get them to send gifts." Ugh. No no no no no!

     Unfortunately it seems like an alarming number of people just don't get it.  
    image
    jenijoyk[Deleted User]
  • I know I need to not take this personally. I know I need to accept that for whatever reason, in FI's circles b-listing, and adding people, and never bothering to RSVP are all completely acceptable. Why? I have no f-ing idea. Maybe because most of their wedding are held in backyards and people are served pizza out of the box. Which is fine! No shade! You do you! But we are paying a bajillion dollars for our wedding, and we are not serving pizza, and we are renting fancy ass tables and chairs for your butts to sit in. So just freaking show up.
  • Other post-RSVP deadline "Oh now we're not coming" excuses we have gotten: Wife won't be coming, we couldn't find a babysitter. (Ok. Sure. Things happen. Apparently a week ago you thought you could. Fine.) Husband won't be coming, we are having marital problems. (What? Between last week when you RSVPed yes, and this week you have decided you are incapable of being in the same room together?) Wife won't be coming because we are in the middle of "sleep training" our 1 year old (we invited babies 1 year and younger) and she needs to go to bed at 7. (Ok - but then you COULD HAVE JUST RSVPed FOR ONE!) I mean, I don't actually know any of these spouses so I'm not actually hurt none of them are coming. That's fine! No worries! Just why did you have to wait until 15 or fewer days before my wedding to let us know you RSVPed for too many? SOOOOOOO FRUSTRAAATTTTTEEEEEDDDDDD.
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    That is so rude!

     

    Also, truth be told, when I read that title, I thought that this was another "Knotties are mean" post and I was so confused because you posted it.

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    jenijoykslothiegal
  • jenijoykjenijoyk member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited October 2014

    My coworker brought me some herbal tea after I sent him an email that said, "WEDDINGS = SDuIFJhsDuIFHsuHIFSUfhIsDFHYUS."

    I am feeling much calmer now. Deep. Breaths. Deep. Breaths.

     

    That is so rude!

     

    Also, truth be told, when I read that title, I thought that this was another "Knotties are mean" post and I was so confused because you posted it.

    Ha! I like snarky Knotties! I wish I could invite many of them to take up the empty seats at my fancy expensive tables!!! Deep. Breaths. Deep. Breaths.
    sarawifenownewvalleyjaprincess24
  • Not that you have to, but would it be a big deal if you just invited the whole family??  I totally get how rude it is, and I had five people no-show on us after we had to pay for them!!!  Also, as a PP mentioned you can always extend plus-ones to people if you didn't already.

     

    jenijoyk
  • It probably would, because we have a no kids rule, and I wouldn't want other people (polite people, who RSVPed appropriately, and who we are much closer with) see this random dude's kids there and wonder why theirs weren't invited. Oh well! It's fine. I think I'm just stressed over the whole thing and this is my T-9 days freak out. Honestly, what's a couple hundred bucks in the scheme of an entire wedding. Unfortunately, not that much.
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    If our wedding wasn't on the same day, I would totally come to your wedding. Just sayin...
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    jenijoyk
  • If our wedding wasn't on the same day, I would totally come to your wedding. Just sayin...
    Lol! Love it. I wish you full fulfillment of your yes RSVPs, my friend! 9 days!!!
    sarawifenow
  • I had people cancelling on me the day before and finally my BM just took my phone away so I wouldn't see any more. We had 92 people RSVP yes, and 80 showed up. It's sucky but it happens. I'm sorry these people are being sucky. I hope you still have a wonderful, beautiful wedding day!
    jenijoyk
  • falsarafalsara Northside of Chicago member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer

    I'll come to your wedding!!!!!.  J/K  =)  I'm sorry people are being buttheads.  Wine for you!!!!


    Threads like these are what make me super scared for the month leading up to my date, but hey also help me be prepared. 

     image

                                               

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

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    jenijoyk
  • falsara said:

    I'll come to your wedding!!!!!.  J/K  =)  I'm sorry people are being buttheads.  Wine for you!!!!


    Threads like these are what make me super scared for the month leading up to my date, but hey also help me be prepared. 

     image

    I held it together until this week, I swear! :)
  • jenijoyk said:

    Our final head count was due last week. Since then, about SEVEN people have let us know that they won't be able to make it. It is so f'ing frustrating and thank god we are doing consumption bar so I haven't already paid these people's booze. But not only have I paid for these people's food, 7 people is almost an entire extra table. I could have rented an entire table less.

    The last straw was the email I got just now.

    The excuse: Wife now can't make it, because they decided to get soccor tickets for the next day, which for some reason now means they need to bring their kids with them on this trip to our wedding, and since we are having a no kids wedding, she'll need to stay in the hotel with the kids during our reception. So basically, hey, I RSVPed a couple weeks ago, but decided now that it would be more fun to instead go to a soccor game.

    The BEST part of the email was this: "Just wanted to let you know ASAP so if there was someone you wanted to invite in her place, you'd have time."

    OUR WEDDING IS IN NINE DAYS. ALSO, WHAT?

    I can't take it with these people. Also, every single person who has flaked in the past week is from FIs side, which makes me even angrier. I realize I am being completely insane right now, but I am so frustrated and want to punch things.


    You're a better person than I am. I'd just reply via email that you said yes and now you're blowing me off for a soccer game!?!? I'd tell them those are mighty expensive tickets when you factor in the $200 I already spent on your meal!
    What are you talking about? He was SO NICE to let us know ASAP so that I can invite someone else!!!
    [Deleted User]NYCMercedescowgirl8238
  • That is correct. That. Is. Correct.

  • Although in his defense (???) HE will still be coming to the wedding. His WIFE is now not coming to the wedding, because they decided at the last minute to bring their kids because they wanted to go to a soccor game. Soccer? I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO SPELL IT, that is how not important this sport is that you are now ditching my wedding for.

    (Kidding. I'm just bitter. I'm sure watching a GALAXY game will be uber exciting.) (Just kidding about kidding. I can't even write that with a straight face.)

    OliveOilsMomHeatherKatcowgirl8238MommyKristin88
  • penguin44penguin44 Kansas City member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    That stinks!! 

    I had a family of six "surprise" everyone. They RSVPed no thinking they couldn't come, and then when they figured out they could make it, just showed up the night before. It was SO much fun to figure that out. 

    Oh oh, and they didn't even tell me when they flew in. My DH found out through his dad. So they were actually trying to surprise us the day of the wedding.  
    Anniversary

    image
  • I'm totally on your side except for the couple cancelling due to marital issues. You have no idea what went down within that week after they RSVP'ed yes that could change their plans so drastically. Maybe someone discovered the other cheating; I know I could NEVER sit in the same room as my spouse at a wedding knowing that my own marriage may be on the verge of failure. I think you should convince yourself to give that couple a pass. Imagine having to attend a wedding under those circumstances, you know?
    jenijoyk
  • penguin44 said:
    That stinks!! 

    I had a family of six "surprise" everyone. They RSVPed no thinking they couldn't come, and then when they figured out they could make it, just showed up the night before. It was SO much fun to figure that out. 

    Oh oh, and they didn't even tell me when they flew in. My DH found out through his dad. So they were actually trying to surprise us the day of the wedding.  

    Joyous of joys! People are so crazytown!

      

    I'm totally on your side except for the couple cancelling due to marital issues. You have no idea what went down within that week after they RSVP'ed yes that could change their plans so drastically. Maybe someone discovered the other cheating; I know I could NEVER sit in the same room as my spouse at a wedding knowing that my own marriage may be on the verge of failure. I think you should convince yourself to give that couple a pass. Imagine having to attend a wedding under those circumstances, you know?


    I know. I give them all a pass, really. I'm just frustrated with everything today and my general feeling all day long has been "MUST. STAB. SOMEONE." Honestly, any of these people on their own wouldn't have even bothered me. It's just all of them together. Although I'm sure all of them think (if they think, at all, about it being rude) that's it's NBD, I'm probably the only one doing this, what's just one seat?

    Although, when FI's mom told us "X and Y are having marital problems right now, so X won't be coming" FI's response was "MOM. They've been having "marital problems" SINCE I WAS 10." So my understanding is that this couple is just kind of loony toons. But you're right. Who knows. I'm going to medicate myself with high abv beer in about 45 minutes so then I'll stop caring about this all together.

    [Deleted User]huskypuppy14beharringtonShellD13
  • Unless the next email arrives. "Hey guys! Just wanted to let you know I gotta give my dog a bath Saturday night, so I'm not gonna make it! Feel free to give away my seat to your D-listers!"
  • OH MY GOD. FROM MY KEYBOARD TO GOD'S EARS. JUST RECEIVED THIS.

    "oh i hate being this person but wanted to let you know it will just be me coming to the wedding. [XXX] can't get out of work that night as we originally hoped."

     

  • falsarafalsara Northside of Chicago member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Awwww. I'm sorry. HUGS and more WINE

                                               

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

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    jenijoyk
  • We had people inform us they would be attending our night-before supper (we didn't have a rehearsal) about 5 hours before it was actually to take place. And then by the time I had called our venue and arranged things, they called us back to say LOL NOPE J/K NOT COMING AFTER ALL.

    So that was a lot of fun.
  • jenijoykjenijoyk member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited October 2014
    XrebeccaX said:
    We had people inform us they would be attending our night-before supper (we didn't have a rehearsal) about 5 hours before it was actually to take place. And then by the time I had called our venue and arranged things, they called us back to say LOL NOPE J/K NOT COMING AFTER ALL.

    So that was a lot of fun.

    Haha. What happened in that 5 hours??

    People.

    Well, by essentially live blogging my mental breakdown today, I hope that future brides will be more prepared than I was for this. Time to call the caterer and beg for.... something....

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    jenijoyk said:

    OH MY GOD. FROM MY KEYBOARD TO GOD'S EARS. JUST RECEIVED THIS.

    "oh i hate being this person but wanted to let you know it will just be me coming to the wedding. [XXX] can't get out of work that night as we originally hoped."

     


    That's frustrating. But it's kind of hard to argue with work, ya know?
    huskypuppy14
  • I feel your pain!!!  My wedding is also 9 days away, and the only thing saving me from going insane with this constantly changing guest list is the fact that we don't owe our venue the final count until 4 days before the wedding. 

    I have cousins who found the loves of their lives in the last week, people suddenly making other plans despite RSVPing "yes" to the wedding, and local people who don't want to drive 10 minutes by themselves and need a random friend to go with them. 

    Solidarity, Oct 18 brides! We're almost done with this stuff!
    mrscomposerjenijoykabbyj700PhoneCardLady
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