Mom's plus one

busybride2014 · October 2014

My wedding is in 2 weeks, and I found out from my sister, that my mom wants to bring her friend of the opposite sex to my wedding as her plus one. My mom has been widowed for 5 years now, and I think it would be nice if she does bring a "date," but the man that she wants to bring is someone that I totally loathe. He's been her best friend since High School. He's a drunk, and EVERY time I see him, he is stumbling around, slurring his words, and screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs. He's embarrassing, and I'm truly afraid that he will ruin our wedding. (Plus i'm having an open bar)

What should I do? I know my mom will ask me any day now if she can bring this man to my wedding. I'm so afraid he will ruin my day, and hate the thought of him there.... My mom acknowledged the fact that he's a drunk when my sister talked to her about it, but she says she still wants to bring him to my wedding.

How do I handle this? I can't even have happy thoughts about my wedding knowing that there's a possibility that this man may come.

AddieCake · October 2014

You should let your mom bring whomever she wants as her date. Who cares if you don't like him. If you are letting the idea of him being there ruin thoughts of your wedding, you're doing it wrong.

beethery · October 2014

busybride2014 said:

My wedding is in 2 weeks, and I found out from my sister, that my mom wants to bring her friend of the opposite sex to my wedding as her plus one. My mom has been widowed for 5 years now, and I think it would be nice if she does bring a "date," but the man that she wants to bring is someone that I totally loathe. He's been her best friend since High School. He's a drunk, and EVERY time I see him, he is stumbling around, slurring his words, and screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs. He's embarrassing, and I'm truly afraid that he will ruin our wedding. (Plus i'm having an open bar)

What should I do? I know my mom will ask me any day now if she can bring this man to my wedding. I'm so afraid he will ruin my day, and hate the thought of him there.... My mom acknowledged the fact that he's a drunk when my sister talked to her about it, but she says she still wants to bring him to my wedding.

How do I handle this? I can't even have happy thoughts about my wedding knowing that there's a possibility that this man may come.

Let your mom bring him if he makes her happy.

If it really bothers you, you can bother your bartenders to be extra vigilant about cutting people off when they've had too much. They probably will not appreciate it, as bartenders already know how to do their jobs. I can't promise it will go over well.

NYCMercedes · October 2014

Let it go. He's her problem, not yours. Enjoy your FI.

allispain · October 2014

If your mom wants him there as her date, let her bring him. Chances are, you will barely even notice he's there as you will be busy enjoying being married.

I get that you're concerned about him getting and doing/saying something inappropriate. So perhaps you can designate someone to escort him outside if he gets out of hand - a male family member, one of the GM, etc. Or tell your mom that she's responsible for doing so.

Jen4948 · October 2014

Have security available to very firmly remove this guy if he acts up. Then without telling your mother that she can't bring him, ask her if she wants to be escorted by a guy who's going to get thrown out on his ass (you can say that in somewhat nicer language, but you get the idea) if he does this. Make very clear to your mother that it is going to happen should he do so, whether she likes it or not.

Jen4948 · October 2014

allispain said:

If your mom wants him there as her date, let her bring him. Chances are, you will barely even notice he's there as you will be busy enjoying being married.

I think it's impossible to "barely even notice" a guy drunk and screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs no matter how busy one is enjoying being married.

Why do people think "you will barely even notice" people really going out of their way to be noticeable, especially when they're doing it in such an ugly way, just because one is getting married? Getting married doesn't totally distract someone from what's going on nearby-especially if it's happening at top volume and is so disruptive that it requires that the person in question be removed.

Butterflyz419 · October 2014

Jen4948 said:

allispain said:

If your mom wants him there as her date, let her bring him. Chances are, you will barely even notice he's there as you will be busy enjoying being married.
I think it's impossible to "barely even notice" a guy drunk and screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs no matter how busy one is enjoying being married.

Why do people think "you will barely even notice" people really going out of their way to be noticeable, especially when they're doing it in such an ugly way, just because one is getting married? Getting married doesn't totally distract someone from what's going on nearby-especially if it's happening at top volume and is so disruptive that it requires that the person in question be removed.

This. Especially when that person is not the +1 of Guest #120 but the MOTHER OF THE BRIDE. I think you're going to notice this person. Formal pictures? Special family moments with the mother of the bride on this important day? This guy will not be faded into background but there, hovering for all of that. Yes, that has ruin your wedding potential, ruin your marriage no, but no matter how happy you should be that you just got married to your fiancé, behavior like that could ruin your wedding. You think you'd appreciate going back in ten years to watch a video of your ceremony when some drunk starts screaming obscenities in the middle of it is no big deal?

OP, you need to talk to your mom. I'm not even sure I'd wait and see if she asks you. This guy is a boor and your mother needs to know how you feel about his attendance. Be gentle, be kind, but be honest.

OliveOilsMom · October 2014

Did you offer your mom a guest to bring to the wedding? If you did, then you don't get to choose who your mom gets to bring. If you did not offer a guest to your mom, you can tell her that the invitation was only for her and not a guest too. But she's your mom! If having a guest there will make her feel comfortable, then let her bring who she wants! My MIL was widowed for 7 years at the time of our wedding and if she asked for a guest to bring, I would have happily allowed her to bring whoever she wants. Also, if your mom is helping to pay for any of the wedding, it's pretty awful of you to not let her bring who she wants since she is helping to pay.

This guy doesn't get to be in family photos just because your mom brings him. Tell your venue that if he begins to act out, then he can be escorted from the venue. That will make him look bad.

AddieCake · October 2014

I agree if he makes a fool of himself he should be escorted out, but I wouldn't let it weigh on me leading up to the wedding.

chibiyui · October 2014

If your mom wants to bring him, let her.

Yes it sucks, yes he could act up, let your bartenders know about this guy in particular, have someone who can escort his ass out if needed.

mrs4everhart · October 2014

I really have to agree with PP's. Thinking through potential issues ahead of time is one thing. Actively worrying to the point of obsession and potentially manifesting a dark cloud over your wedding day is another.

We were worried my H's step dad would say or do something douchey while in MX possibly creating discomfort or worse. But after ironing out a couple of solutions just in case, we let it go and enjoyed.

No matter what happens you have to make a choice about how you're going to react. Because your reaction is what is going to make or break your wedding day.

Wedding guests also have an unspoken and uncanny way of really insulating the bride and groom from minor bullshit on their wedding day. So unless this guy gets so hammered he shits his pants and throat punches your Grandma, there's the chance that you'll never know about his antics or they'll be quashed so quickly they'll barely register a blip on your radar. If you purposely insert yourself in to any part of his drama, you'll be there - smack dab in his drama. Don't do it.

It sounds really cliche but attitude is everything because wedding days slip by so fast. It started pouring right after dessert at our outdoor reception. Our DOC was a bit of a dolt and getting the bride an umbrella was going to take a half hour. So me and my dress walked around in the rain. And I decided right then and there that I would make the best out of it because I wasn't going to let a little (a lot) of rain ruin a damn thing. And it didn't. Not by a long shot.

allispain · October 2014

Butterflyz419 said:

Jen4948 said:

allispain said:

If your mom wants him there as her date, let her bring him. Chances are, you will barely even notice he's there as you will be busy enjoying being married.
I think it's impossible to "barely even notice" a guy drunk and screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs no matter how busy one is enjoying being married.

Why do people think "you will barely even notice" people really going out of their way to be noticeable, especially when they're doing it in such an ugly way, just because one is getting married? Getting married doesn't totally distract someone from what's going on nearby-especially if it's happening at top volume and is so disruptive that it requires that the person in question be removed.

This. Especially when that person is not the +1 of Guest #120 but the MOTHER OF THE BRIDE. I think you're going to notice this person. Formal pictures? Special family moments with the mother of the bride on this important day? This guy will not be faded into background but there, hovering for all of that. Yes, that has ruin your wedding potential, ruin your marriage no, but no matter how happy you should be that you just got married to your fiancé, behavior like that could ruin your wedding. You think you'd appreciate going back in ten years to watch a video of your ceremony when some drunk starts screaming obscenities in the middle of it is no big deal?

OP, you need to talk to your mom. I'm not even sure I'd wait and see if she asks you. This guy is a boor and your mother needs to know how you feel about his attendance. Be gentle, be kind, but be honest.

I gave the same advice above that I've seen given to many posters over the years when they've raised concerns about a GM's GF who gets drunk and inappropriate, the crazy uncle, etc. I don't see why the mother's date should be treated any differently. I also highly doubt that this man will start shouting obscenities in the middle of the ceremony - yes, OP said that every time she's seen him he's been an obnoxious drunk, I get that. Yes, maybe I'm wrong about this. But I don't think she should be too concerned about this beyond coming up with a plan like the one I mentioned above (which multiple other PPs have reiterated). Her own mother wants to bring this friend as her date. Unless the man is likely to commit assault against another guest, I don't think she should deny her mother that comfort.

Jen4948 · October 2014

allispain said:

Butterflyz419 said:

Jen4948 said:

allispain said:

If your mom wants him there as her date, let her bring him. Chances are, you will barely even notice he's there as you will be busy enjoying being married.
I think it's impossible to "barely even notice" a guy drunk and screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs no matter how busy one is enjoying being married.

Why do people think "you will barely even notice" people really going out of their way to be noticeable, especially when they're doing it in such an ugly way, just because one is getting married? Getting married doesn't totally distract someone from what's going on nearby-especially if it's happening at top volume and is so disruptive that it requires that the person in question be removed.

This. Especially when that person is not the +1 of Guest #120 but the MOTHER OF THE BRIDE. I think you're going to notice this person. Formal pictures? Special family moments with the mother of the bride on this important day? This guy will not be faded into background but there, hovering for all of that. Yes, that has ruin your wedding potential, ruin your marriage no, but no matter how happy you should be that you just got married to your fiancé, behavior like that could ruin your wedding. You think you'd appreciate going back in ten years to watch a video of your ceremony when some drunk starts screaming obscenities in the middle of it is no big deal?

OP, you need to talk to your mom. I'm not even sure I'd wait and see if she asks you. This guy is a boor and your mother needs to know how you feel about his attendance. Be gentle, be kind, but be honest.

I gave the same advice above that I've seen given to many posters over the years when they've raised concerns about a GM's GF who gets drunk and inappropriate, the crazy uncle, etc. I don't see why the mother's date should be treated any differently. I also highly doubt that this man will start shouting obscenities in the middle of the ceremony - yes, OP said that every time she's seen him he's been an obnoxious drunk, I get that. Yes, maybe I'm wrong about this. But I don't think she should be too concerned about this beyond coming up with a plan like the one I mentioned above (which multiple other PPs have reiterated). Her own mother wants to bring this friend as her date. Unless the man is likely to commit assault against another guest, I don't think she should deny her mother that comfort.

BS. Committing physical assault is not the only criteria for deciding that someone should not be invited. Getting drunk and screaming at the top of one's lungs disrupts the day for everyone, not just the bride and groom, and it makes things even worse when it's one of the parents of the principals or their date's doing it.

I think this mother definitely needs to be deprived of that comfort if by exercising the right to bring an escort of her choice she's going to deprive everyone else of their comfort. Being the MOB does not mean that the guests' (let alone the bride and groom for crying out loud!)'s need not to have to deal with that kind of crap should not be taken into consideration. If this guy is going to act like he doesn't belong, Mom shouldn't be allowed to invite him as her escort. Being allowed to bring a date "of one's choice" shouldn't mean that one can bring someone one can be sure won't follow the rules and make everyone else uncomfortable just so she can be comfortable. Her personal comfort can't come at everyone else's expense.

chibiyui · October 2014

Jen4948 said:

allispain said:

Butterflyz419 said:

Jen4948 said:

allispain said:

If your mom wants him there as her date, let her bring him. Chances are, you will barely even notice he's there as you will be busy enjoying being married.
I think it's impossible to "barely even notice" a guy drunk and screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs no matter how busy one is enjoying being married.

Why do people think "you will barely even notice" people really going out of their way to be noticeable, especially when they're doing it in such an ugly way, just because one is getting married? Getting married doesn't totally distract someone from what's going on nearby-especially if it's happening at top volume and is so disruptive that it requires that the person in question be removed.

This. Especially when that person is not the +1 of Guest #120 but the MOTHER OF THE BRIDE. I think you're going to notice this person. Formal pictures? Special family moments with the mother of the bride on this important day? This guy will not be faded into background but there, hovering for all of that. Yes, that has ruin your wedding potential, ruin your marriage no, but no matter how happy you should be that you just got married to your fiancé, behavior like that could ruin your wedding. You think you'd appreciate going back in ten years to watch a video of your ceremony when some drunk starts screaming obscenities in the middle of it is no big deal?

OP, you need to talk to your mom. I'm not even sure I'd wait and see if she asks you. This guy is a boor and your mother needs to know how you feel about his attendance. Be gentle, be kind, but be honest.

I gave the same advice above that I've seen given to many posters over the years when they've raised concerns about a GM's GF who gets drunk and inappropriate, the crazy uncle, etc. I don't see why the mother's date should be treated any differently. I also highly doubt that this man will start shouting obscenities in the middle of the ceremony - yes, OP said that every time she's seen him he's been an obnoxious drunk, I get that. Yes, maybe I'm wrong about this. But I don't think she should be too concerned about this beyond coming up with a plan like the one I mentioned above (which multiple other PPs have reiterated). Her own mother wants to bring this friend as her date. Unless the man is likely to commit assault against another guest, I don't think she should deny her mother that comfort.

BS. Committing physical assault is not the only criteria for deciding that someone should not be invited. Getting drunk and screaming at the top of one's lungs disrupts the day for everyone, not just the bride and groom, and it makes things even worse when it's one of the parents of the principals or their date's doing it.

I think this mother definitely needs to be deprived of that comfort if by exercising the right to bring an escort of her choice she's going to deprive everyone else of their comfort. Being the MOB does not mean that the guests' (let alone the bride and groom for crying out loud!)'s need not to have to deal with that kind of crap should not be taken into consideration. If this guy is going to act like he doesn't belong, Mom shouldn't be allowed to invite him as her escort. Being allowed to bring a date "of one's choice" shouldn't mean that one can bring someone one can be sure won't follow the rules and make everyone else uncomfortable just so she can be comfortable. Her personal comfort can't come at everyone else's expense.

Should anyone bring a guest they know is a loud obnoxious drunk anywhere? No.

Should the OP tell her mom she can't bring this guy ? No.

Plenty of people show up with terrible guests to weddings. I didn't know my SILs long time boyfriend was going to be a drunkard at my wedding, but he was. Drunks happen. Have a plan for if someone gets out of line and stop worrying.

Butterflyz419 · October 2014

There are consequences of being a drunken boor, maybe not with the law, but with social interactions. It means you don't get invited to places where being a drunken boor ruins an event for everyone else. Saying, oh, well, just tell someone to escort him out or warn the bartender...you think this guy is going to wait for the reception to start drinking?? Is he going to escort the mom down the aisle? Be seated in the front row? Oh hell no. By the time he gets escorted out, it's too late.

Etiquette is great when you're dealing with people with whom you have a limited personal relationship, but it seems that some of you are using it as a crutch or a shield to use in place of personal and direct and honest communication between a mother and a daughter. Just because etiquette says you don't get to dictate plus ones, doesn't mean that you're supposed to just ignore what you know will be a problem instead of speaking up in the first place, especially when we're talking about your mother, not cousin you haven't spoken to in 2 years. Being open and honest and direct is way better for dealing with those we love and are close to then just blindly following general etiquette books at the expense of real communication.

chibiyui · October 2014

Butterflyz419 said:
There are consequences of being a drunken boor, maybe not with the law, but with social interactions. It means you don't get invited to places where being a drunken boor ruins an event for everyone else. Saying, oh, well, just tell someone to escort him out or warn the bartender...you think this guy is going to wait for the reception to start drinking?? Is he going to escort the mom down the aisle? Be seated in the front row? Oh hell no. By the time he gets escorted out, it's too late.

Etiquette is great when you're dealing with people with whom you have a limited personal relationship, but it seems that some of you are using it as a crutch or a shield to use in place of personal and direct and honest communication between a mother and a daughter. Just because etiquette says you don't get to dictate plus ones, doesn't mean that you're supposed to just ignore what you know will be a problem instead of speaking up in the first place, especially when we're talking about your mother, not cousin you haven't spoken to in 2 years. Being open and honest and direct is way better for dealing with those we love and are close to then just blindly following general etiquette books at the expense of real communication.

It's a plus 1. The OP isn't inviting him.

What does the OP do if she tells her mom he can't come, and she brings him anyway?

At least this way the OP can make plans.

mrsmagicgeek · October 2014

So you should treat your mother worse than a cousin you haven't seen on two years?

Butterflyz419 · October 2014

I'm going to hope that the mother is somewhat reasonable and that a real discussion on the matter will illuminate why bringing this man is a very inappropriate idea. Maybe the mom is feeling sad about being single at her daughter's wedding and is grasping at a solution to that without really considering how mortifying it will be for her as MOB if her date acts up at the wedding. This needs to be an honest and open discussion, not just, hey bride, suck it up and keep your mouth shut, etiquette says she can bring whoever she wants. That's an empty way to interact with those you supposedly love.

Butterflyz419 · October 2014

mrsmagicgeek said:

So you should treat your mother worse than a cousin you haven't seen on two years?

No, you shouldn't hide behind etiquette books with your mother. If you can't be honest with her on something so important then you have no relationship worth anything.

Jen4948 · October 2014

Yeah, drunks happen at weddings, and the way to deal with it is to hire security.

All the same, we often advise people not to invite people if they or their SOs have histories of inappropriate behavior and tI here is every reason to believe they will act up. The fact that such a person is the person that the MOB wants to bring does, I agree, make the situation more sensitive, but it also makes it even more necessary that this guy not be allowed to behave inappropriately.

I think a fair way to handle it is to have the necessary people on hand to very firmly remove this guy if he needs to be removed, and if mom asks about bringing him, let her know that if he needs to be removed that it's going to happen, just as it would if any other guest needed removal.

Jen4948 · October 2014

mrsmagicgeek said:
So you should treat your mother worse than a cousin you haven't seen on two years?

I don't think that not letting her escort get away with acting like a loud, drunk jackass is "treating her worse than a cousin you haven't seen in two years." Being the MOB does not give someone the automatic right to expect to bring someone who has to be removed for the comfort and safety of everyone else. It isn't treating her badly at all to make it clear to her that this will happen if necessary.

mrsmagicgeek · October 2014

Jen4948 said:

mrsmagicgeek said:
So you should treat your mother worse than a cousin you haven't seen on two years?

I don't think that not letting her escort get away with acting like a loud, drunk jackass is "treating her worse than a cousin you haven't seen in two years." Being the MOB does not give someone the automatic right to expect to bring someone who has to be removed for the comfort and safety of everyone else. It isn't treating her badly at all to make it clear to her that this will happen if necessary.

No, but controlling your mother's plus one when you would not do that to a cousin you haven't seen in two years, which is what a PP was saying. I never said someone who was acting inappropriately should not be removed, they absolutely should be.

Jen4948 · October 2014

mrsmagicgeek said:

Jen4948 said:

mrsmagicgeek said:
So you should treat your mother worse than a cousin you haven't seen on two years?

I don't think that not letting her escort get away with acting like a loud, drunk jackass is "treating her worse than a cousin you haven't seen in two years." Being the MOB does not give someone the automatic right to expect to bring someone who has to be removed for the comfort and safety of everyone else. It isn't treating her badly at all to make it clear to her that this will happen if necessary.
No, but controlling your mother's plus one when you would not do that to a cousin you haven't seen in two years, which is what a PP was saying. I never said someone who was acting inappropriately should not be removed, they absolutely should be.

Rights come with responsibilities. Everyone given the right to bring an escort of their choice also has a responsibilty to everyone else to bring someone who will behave appropriately and refrain from inappropriate behavior, including getting drunk and shouting obscenities-in addition, of course, to behaving appropriately oneself. And if one refuses to do those things then they should forfeit the underlying right to attend the wedding in the first place.

Sounds to me like Mom and this guy have repeatedly shirked those responsibilities so they should forfeit those rights. They proved incapable of controlling themselves so they deserve to be "controlled" by Mom's choice of escort being limited somewhat to someone other than this guy or having to let him be escorted out if he needs it.

busybride2014 · October 2014

Hey Ladies, thank you all for your responses!!!

I'm still confused, because it's a small wedding of 50 people and if something happens, everyone will witness it.

The last time 3 times I saw this man, he screamed, "hey dirty dog," at the top of his lungs to greet me. That's his "phrase " that's he loves to yell. He's the type of man that, its so sad to admit, but the type of man that looks like he belongs on a corner with a brown bag in his hand, he just has that drunkard look. And yes, I admit it, I'd be very embarrassed to have to introduce him to people.

I totally get everyone's point. My sister told me that my mother acknowledges the fact that he's a drunk but that she should still be allowed to bring him, and that she will be calling me soon to tell/ask me....

Gosh, I don't know what to do. I dislike this man so much, in general.

Jen4948 · October 2014

Maybe the best way to deal withe subject is to just not discuss it with your mother-especially if she gets defensive about it.

Jen4948 · October 2014

Oh, BTW-it should only be about how he acts-not how he looks.

busybride2014 · October 2014

You are absolutely right about that! It's just that he fits the term to a tee. It would be one thing if I actually could tolerate the man on any given regular day.

She acknowledges that he's a drunk and even has severed her friendship with this man several times because of his behavior. I do agree that you shouldn't limit a person's plus one, but my mother has always maintained that she was coming solo, all the way up until now (2 weeks from the wedding).

I will have the awkward conversation with my mother when/if she asks.

holyguacamole79 · October 2014

busybride2014 said:

Hey Ladies, thank you all for your responses!!! I'm still confused, because it's a small wedding of 50 people and if something happens, everyone will witness it. The last time 3 times I saw this man, he screamed, "hey dirty dog," at the top of his lungs to greet me. That's his "phrase " that's he loves to yell. He's the type of man that, its so sad to admit, but the type of man that looks like he belongs on a corner with a brown bag in his hand, he just has that drunkard look. And yes, I admit it, I'd be very embarrassed to have to introduce him to people. I totally get everyone's point. My sister told me that my mother acknowledges the fact that he's a drunk but that she should still be allowed to bring him, and that she will be calling me soon to tell/ask me.... Gosh, I don't know what to do. I dislike this man so much, in general.

busybride2014 said:

You are absolutely right about that! It's just that he fits the term to a tee. It would be one thing if I actually could tolerate the man on any given regular day. She acknowledges that he's a drunk and even has severed her friendship with this man several times because of his behavior. I do agree that you shouldn't limit a person's plus one, but my mother has always maintained that she was coming solo, all the way up until now (2 weeks from the wedding). I will have the awkward conversation with my mother when/if she asks.

You really can't tell your mother whom she can bring as a date. If he creates a scene, it will reflect poorly on him, not you.

Jen4948 · October 2014

sarahbear31 said:

busybride2014 said:

Hey Ladies, thank you all for your responses!!! I'm still confused, because it's a small wedding of 50 people and if something happens, everyone will witness it. The last time 3 times I saw this man, he screamed, "hey dirty dog," at the top of his lungs to greet me. That's his "phrase " that's he loves to yell. He's the type of man that, its so sad to admit, but the type of man that looks like he belongs on a corner with a brown bag in his hand, he just has that drunkard look. And yes, I admit it, I'd be very embarrassed to have to introduce him to people. I totally get everyone's point. My sister told me that my mother acknowledges the fact that he's a drunk but that she should still be allowed to bring him, and that she will be calling me soon to tell/ask me.... Gosh, I don't know what to do. I dislike this man so much, in general.

busybride2014 said:

You are absolutely right about that! It's just that he fits the term to a tee. It would be one thing if I actually could tolerate the man on any given regular day. She acknowledges that he's a drunk and even has severed her friendship with this man several times because of his behavior. I do agree that you shouldn't limit a person's plus one, but my mother has always maintained that she was coming solo, all the way up until now (2 weeks from the wedding). I will have the awkward conversation with my mother when/if she asks.

You really can't tell your mother whom she can bring as a date. If he creates a scene, it will reflect poorly on him, not you.

Unfortunately, while it may not directly reflect poorly on the OP if this guy behaves badly, people may be bringing it up to her in a "poor you" way for a long time to come. Nobody likes to have the memories of people behaving badly to be the only thing remembered about them or their weddings-"Wasn't that the bride who's mother's date got drunk and went berserk at her wedding? Poor bride!"

banana468 · October 2014

Jen4948 said:

sarahbear31 said:

busybride2014 said:

Hey Ladies, thank you all for your responses!!!

I'm still confused, because it's a small wedding of 50 people and if something happens, everyone will witness it.

The last time 3 times I saw this man, he screamed, "hey dirty dog," at the top of his lungs to greet me. That's his "phrase " that's he loves to yell. He's the type of man that, its so sad to admit, but the type of man that looks like he belongs on a corner with a brown bag in his hand, he just has that drunkard look. And yes, I admit it, I'd be very embarrassed to have to introduce him to people.

I totally get everyone's point. My sister told me that my mother acknowledges the fact that he's a drunk but that she should still be allowed to bring him, and that she will be calling me soon to tell/ask me....

Gosh, I don't know what to do. I dislike this man so much, in general.

busybride2014 said:

You are absolutely right about that! It's just that he fits the term to a tee. It would be one thing if I actually could tolerate the man on any given regular day.

She acknowledges that he's a drunk and even has severed her friendship with this man several times because of his behavior. I do agree that you shouldn't limit a person's plus one, but my mother has always maintained that she was coming solo, all the way up until now (2 weeks from the wedding).

I will have the awkward conversation with my mother when/if she asks.

You really can't tell your mother whom she can bring as a date. If he creates a scene, it will reflect poorly on him, not you.

Unfortunately, while it may not directly reflect poorly on the OP if this guy behaves badly, people may be bringing it up to her in a "poor you" way for a long time to come. Nobody likes to have the memories of people behaving badly to be the only thing remembered about them or their weddings-"Wasn't that the bride who's mother's date got drunk and went berserk at her wedding? Poor bride!"

But that can happen due to anyone! My cousin's wife was a hot mess at our wedding and everyone talked about it. But no one thought it took away from the big day and I didn't get to split up a social unit either.

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