Vow Renewal or PPD

Re: Vow Renewal or PPD

• destinationtake2 member

  

  October 2014

  Here on TK you will likely be reminded that you did have your "wedding" although I understand what you are saying. I actually looked it up in the dictionary after reading so many posts about this! LOL And found: "wedding: a marriage ceremony, especially considered as including the associated celebrations."

  So while it is extremely judged and no one wants to admit it, when someone says they never got to have a wedding we all know what you mean. Some may not like it but we're smart enough to figure it out- You had a marriage ceremony but the festivities that most associate with a traditional wedding weren't a part of it. Some are very happy and satisfied without all of that and that is wonderful but if you're not, you're not.

  ALL of that said-  Just be honest and have a vow renewal. While I just learned what a PPD is like a week ago, I don't think you are supposed to want one. It seems like a term used for someone who has lost sight of the importance of their marriage and what they are celebrating and just wants a wedding for the sake of having one, dressing up, and getting attention, etc.

  The celebration aspect of a "wedding" is what people love and those close to you may enjoy being included in your renewal ceremony. It could be a lovely party and you can enjoy celebrating your marriage with your families and friends. But first, you need to tell them you're married and I don't really have experience or advice with that. Best of luck to you!

  
  

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  October 2014

  mrsdweaver said:

  Hello, I am newly married and I didn't get to have a weeding, or anything close to it. Our families and friends weren't present and to this day, not everyone knows we are married because I wasn't sure if I wanted to have a PPD despite being married already. I was recently considering the idea of a vow renewal after a year of marriage, because our first year has been posing a few issues and we didn't seek counseling before taking this huge step but our love has DEFINITELY grown. My question is: should I go forth and have a PPD (or a wedding ceremony) or should I just send invites to everyone for a one year vow renewal? I know most people don't renew vows after one year and my dad won't really be able to "give me away" (will he) but I want a wedding as my parents never married and neither did my husband's parents. Marriage (without kids) has been a pretty foreign thing in our families until US and I want to celebrate with everyone in breaking that chain! Please help me decide what to do. I want to have SOMETHING so please don't try to tell me to let it all go, but help me figure out the best route to go! I would greatly appreciate any help!
  

  You are married!  Congrats! 

  Vow Renewals after only a few years can be given the side-eye by many people.  No one in your family may tell you to your face, but they will be talking about it behind your backs.

  I would suggest just having a kick ass first anniversary party.  You and your H can dress up in fancy clothes, have a photographer, music, great food, and cake (always have cake!).  Just don't try to dress it up like a wedding reception.  I would also skip any ceremony.  So don't have a first dance, but perhaps you and your H can have a spotlight dance that starts the dancing - just have everyone join you after a minute or so.  Have cake, just don't do the traditional cake cutting and feeding each other.  Skip wedding parties, boutquet tosses and all other typical wedding stuff and you will be good to go!  People will talk about the awesome party you had!
  

  

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• Jells2dot0 mod

  

  October 2014

  destinationtake2 said:

  Here on TK you will likely be reminded that you did have your "wedding" although I understand what you are saying. I actually looked it up in the dictionary after reading so many posts about this! LOL And found: "wedding: a marriage ceremony, especially considered as including the associated celebrations."

  So while it is extremely judged and no one wants to admit it, when someone says they never got to have a wedding we all know what you mean. Some may not like it but we're smart enough to figure it out- You had a marriage ceremony but the festivities that most associate with a traditional wedding weren't a part of it. Some are very happy and satisfied without all of that and that is wonderful but if you're not, you're not.

  ALL of that said-  Just be honest and have a vow renewal. While I just learned what a PPD is like a week ago, I don't think you are supposed to want one. It seems like a term used for someone who has lost sight of the importance of their marriage and what they are celebrating and just wants a wedding for the sake of having one, dressing up, and getting attention, etc.

  The celebration aspect of a "wedding" is what people love and those close to you may enjoy being included in your renewal ceremony. It could be a lovely party and you can enjoy celebrating your marriage with your families and friends. But first, you need to tell them you're married and I don't really have experience or advice with that. Best of luck to you!

  
  

  This is excellent advice.

  
  

  You have to remember that a lot of posters on here purposely had small, private, civil ceremonies. True, it's what they wanted, but that ceremony was a REAL wedding. Of course, there are also those posters on here who can't even have a civil ceremony because their same sex marriage is not legally recognized. So, to even be able to sign papers is a very meaningful event for them.

  
  

  While you can't re-do your wedding, since you are already married and are husband and wife, you can cerrtainly celebrate your current marriage. Especially if you hit some difficult times. You can do this by having a lovely vow renewal. You can say vows in front of those you love to celebrate your past union, your path as a couple, and your planned future together. After renewal, throw an awesome celebration! 

  
  

  I recommend you start letting people know you are married. You don't have to explain why you did what you did, but if someone asks, just say that it felt right at the time and things in life haven't been easy, but getting through them together made it a little easier. People will get it.

  
  

  Then, when inviting people to your renewal, forgo engagement parties, showers, and bachelor/ette parties. These are specific to weddings. Your invitations for your renewal should mention something like "Join us for a celebration of our marriage." @CMGragain has some great wording for this. Maybe she'll pop on by!

  
  

  At the actual party itself, you can have dancing, drinks, food, flowers, and even a photographer. You should forgo tosses and most speeches. You should not have any attendants either. Have a blast and I am sure everyone will be thrilled that even though you are already married, you chose to include them in your celebration. 

  
  

  The key points that you'll see on the forums is that a) do not lie to people about your marital status and b) do not try to re-do. You made your decision, for whatever reason, to marry as you did and when you did. You can celebrate it later on, but you need to be honest about it and not try to pretend like the marriage did not occur. 

   

  

  
  
  
  

  
  
  
  

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• mrsdweaver member

  

  October 2014

  Thank you all for the advice! They were all great tips. I had been hiding the fact of my marriage in the beginning just so I could still have a celebration, but my H wanted to wear a band and I wanted to have conversations with people referring to him correctly as my husband (not my fiancé because I waited for what felt like forever to call him that!). You all were a big help! Thank you.

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• Jells2dot0 mod

  

  October 2014

  mrsdweaver said:

  Thank you all for the advice! They were all great tips. I had been hiding the fact of my marriage in the beginning just so I could still have a celebration, but my H wanted to wear a band and I wanted to have conversations with people referring to him correctly as my husband (not my fiancé because I waited for what felt like forever to call him that!). You all were a big help! Thank you.

  
  

  
  

  SIB

  
  

  No need to hide anything to have a good party!!!!! Let the world know you are married and then have a party to celebrate the special bond that you have. People love a good party, regardless of why it is thrown, but people will love it even more to see two of their loved ones celebrating a successful marriage. 

   

  

  
  
  
  

  
  
  
  

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• Jells2dot0 mod

  

  October 2014

  mrsdweaver said:

  Thank you all for the advice! They were all great tips. I had been hiding the fact of my marriage in the beginning just so I could still have a celebration, but my H wanted to wear a band and I wanted to have conversations with people referring to him correctly as my husband (not my fiancé because I waited for what felt like forever to call him that!). You all were a big help! Thank you.

  
  

  
  

  SIB

  
  

  No need to hide anything to have a good party!!!!! Let the world know you are married and then have a party to celebrate the special bond that you have. People love a good party, regardless of why it is thrown, but people will love it even more to see two of their loved ones celebrating a successful marriage. 

   

  

  
  
  
  

  
  
  
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  October 2014

  The pleasure of your company is requested
  to celebrate the first wedding anniversary of
  Mr. and Mrs. John Already Married
  
  

  

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