Wedding Etiquette Forum

Rude rude rude rude rude.

2»

Re: Rude rude rude rude rude.

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    I feel your pain!!!  My wedding is also 9 days away, and the only thing saving me from going insane with this constantly changing guest list is the fact that we don't owe our venue the final count until 4 days before the wedding. 

    I have cousins who found the loves of their lives in the last week, people suddenly making other plans despite RSVPing "yes" to the wedding, and local people who don't want to drive 10 minutes by themselves and need a random friend to go with them. 

    Solidarity, Oct 18 brides! We're almost done with this stuff!

    I'm not having these problems, thankfully. We has to call about 15 people to see if they were coming once our RSVP deadline had passed, and we just paid the final balance on the reception. So if anyone tries to pull this shit they will be on their own dime.

    What I have been dealing with is people calling me everyday several times a day and bugging me about shit that isn't even their concern or shit they as adults should be able to figure out without my hand holding.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Mkincaid2014
  • raissyraisraissyrais London member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    jenijoyk said:

    My coworker brought me some herbal tea after I sent him an email that said, "WEDDINGS = SDuIFJhsDuIFHsuHIFSUfhIsDFHYUS."

    I am feeling much calmer now. Deep. Breaths. Deep. Breaths.

     

    That is so rude!

     

    Also, truth be told, when I read that title, I thought that this was another "Knotties are mean" post and I was so confused because you posted it.

    Ha! I like snarky Knotties! I wish I could invite many of them to take up the empty seats at my fancy expensive tables!!! Deep. Breaths. Deep. Breaths.
    Hey I'm not the snarkiest but I'd come to your wedding cause it sounds fantastic! I feel ya with those RSVPs. My deadline is actually today, so we'll see what shit fest is in store for me. SOme things are unavoidable unfortunately. People are assholes and have no compassion for other's time and hard work. Hang in there!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Hey I'll come to your expensive wedding (;
    image
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    That's so rude and frustrating. At least they are letting you know now, though. I know RSVP's were due, but that's a little silver lining. A complete no show would be even worse.

    For our engagement party (which FMIL hosted), we needed an exact headcount because FMIL was paying per person. FI and I had to call a couple of people that never RSVP'd, and FMIL stressed to everyone (e-vites) to please let us know in advance if they would not be attending as we needed an exact headcount.

    On the day of, one of FI's cousins (who tried to get her minor son an invite, despite the fact that FMIL told everyone this was a 21 and up event) totally no-showed. Her sister told FI it was because her other son had come home that day from juvenile detention. Um, I saw the pics SHE posted earlier that week, welcoming him home. 

    Another cousin and her husband also no-showed because they received a new washing machine that day, and apparently both of them needed to be home to sign for it. 

    If anyone is that rude to us like that again for the wedding, they will climb to the top of my shitlist.
                                 Anniversary
    imageimageimage


     

  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    My mom's thought on this is: would your wedding be better if these people attended? If the answer is no, then don't sweat it. Yeah you paid extra for no shows, and your absolutely justified at being annoyed, but it happens to everyone. 

    We had 3 no shows (also all at the same table oops). They all had legitimate reasons, but one was my grandma.
    image
    image

    image


    jenijoyk
  • melbensomelbenso Hoth, apparently member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Last minute cancellations happen.  And they suck.  But I promise you, you won't be worried about it (or the money you spent for their plates) on your wedding day.  We had several cancellations for reasons similar to some of yours: couldn't get a baby-sitter, a break up meant the SO wasn't coming, family emergency, an illness, one who never gave us a reason, and even a wedding party member who had a last minute emergency.

    When I first started getting cancellations, post final numbers to the venue, I was really frustrated. Weddings are expensive and stressful.  But you will be so busy, and excited, and happy on your wedding day, those things won't matter to you then. 

    Congratulations!  Enjoy your wedding day.  I'm sure your wedding will be beautiful and you will have a wonderful time.
    image
    jenijoyk
  • This thread made me chuckle. Not at you, it's just my wedding was on the 4th.  And I 100% understand your pain.  We ended up paying for 7 people who didn't attend the wedding and 2 that didn't attend the rehearsal dinner. 

    My favorite was my uncle.  "I can't commit to coming so I'm just going to say I'm not coming.  But who knows, I might surprise you the day of!  There's about a 50/50 chance I'll surprise you.  So sorry I can't come, but I might!"  This conversation went in circles like this for 20 mins, all while I drank a pumpkin martini. I just kept wanting to go "DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS WORKS!?!" but instead I just kept sipping.

    I just kept reminding myself, "hey as long as the groom and the officiant show up, I'll be married by the end of it..." lol

    jenijoyknewvalley
  •  
    jerkyanne said:

    This thread made me chuckle. Not at you, it's just my wedding was on the 4th.  And I 100% understand your pain.  We ended up paying for 7 people who didn't attend the wedding and 2 that didn't attend the rehearsal dinner. 

    My favorite was my uncle.  "I can't commit to coming so I'm just going to say I'm not coming.  But who knows, I might surprise you the day of!  There's about a 50/50 chance I'll surprise you.  So sorry I can't come, but I might!"  This conversation went in circles like this for 20 mins, all while I drank a pumpkin martini. I just kept wanting to go "DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS WORKS!?!" but instead I just kept sipping.

    I just kept reminding myself, "hey as long as the groom and the officiant show up, I'll be married by the end of it..." lol


    Hahahahaha! Oh my god.
  • jenijoyk said:
     
    jerkyanne said:

    This thread made me chuckle. Not at you, it's just my wedding was on the 4th.  And I 100% understand your pain.  We ended up paying for 7 people who didn't attend the wedding and 2 that didn't attend the rehearsal dinner. 

    My favorite was my uncle.  "I can't commit to coming so I'm just going to say I'm not coming.  But who knows, I might surprise you the day of!  There's about a 50/50 chance I'll surprise you.  So sorry I can't come, but I might!"  This conversation went in circles like this for 20 mins, all while I drank a pumpkin martini. I just kept wanting to go "DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS WORKS!?!" but instead I just kept sipping.

    I just kept reminding myself, "hey as long as the groom and the officiant show up, I'll be married by the end of it..." lol


    Hahahahaha! Oh my god.
    Tell me more of this pumpkin martini.

    Achievement Unlocked: Survived Your Wedding! 
    levioosaslothiegalsarawifenowplainjane0415
  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    jerkyanne said:

    This thread made me chuckle. Not at you, it's just my wedding was on the 4th.  And I 100% understand your pain.  We ended up paying for 7 people who didn't attend the wedding and 2 that didn't attend the rehearsal dinner. 

    My favorite was my uncle.  "I can't commit to coming so I'm just going to say I'm not coming.  But who knows, I might surprise you the day of!  There's about a 50/50 chance I'll surprise you.  So sorry I can't come, but I might!"  This conversation went in circles like this for 20 mins, all while I drank a pumpkin martini. I just kept wanting to go "DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS WORKS!?!" but instead I just kept sipping.

    I just kept reminding myself, "hey as long as the groom and the officiant show up, I'll be married by the end of it..." lol

    Oh my god. Etiquette be damned, if one of my own family members was saying that to me, I would get fed up and say "You know weddings are paid for per plate, right?"

    But I am the worst and have no patience for anyone, ever, so I don't advocate this as a correct response.
    image
    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MegEn1 said:
    jenijoyk said:
     
    jerkyanne said:

    This thread made me chuckle. Not at you, it's just my wedding was on the 4th.  And I 100% understand your pain.  We ended up paying for 7 people who didn't attend the wedding and 2 that didn't attend the rehearsal dinner. 

    My favorite was my uncle.  "I can't commit to coming so I'm just going to say I'm not coming.  But who knows, I might surprise you the day of!  There's about a 50/50 chance I'll surprise you.  So sorry I can't come, but I might!"  This conversation went in circles like this for 20 mins, all while I drank a pumpkin martini. I just kept wanting to go "DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS WORKS!?!" but instead I just kept sipping.

    I just kept reminding myself, "hey as long as the groom and the officiant show up, I'll be married by the end of it..." lol


    Hahahahaha! Oh my god.
    Tell me more of this pumpkin martini.
    Yes, please do tell...



    image
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    jerkyanne said:

    This thread made me chuckle. Not at you, it's just my wedding was on the 4th.  And I 100% understand your pain.  We ended up paying for 7 people who didn't attend the wedding and 2 that didn't attend the rehearsal dinner. 

    My favorite was my uncle.  "I can't commit to coming so I'm just going to say I'm not coming.  But who knows, I might surprise you the day of!  There's about a 50/50 chance I'll surprise you.  So sorry I can't come, but I might!"  This conversation went in circles like this for 20 mins, all while I drank a pumpkin martini. I just kept wanting to go "DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS WORKS!?!" but instead I just kept sipping.

    I just kept reminding myself, "hey as long as the groom and the officiant show up, I'll be married by the end of it..." lol

     I not only would have snarked that weddings are paid for per plate, I would have probably told them the exact dollar amount if I was that fed up. You want to waste me $xxx? Just commit or don't commit. A surprise isn't worth $xxx.  
    Heck, maybe word would have gotten around how much we paid and more of our traditional cover-your-plate type guests would have coughed up more gift money. 

    KIDDING. Only kidding.  
    ________________________________


  • jerkyannejerkyanne member
    Seventh Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    levioosa said:


    MegEn1 said:


    jenijoyk said:

     

    jerkyanne said:

    This thread made me chuckle. Not at you, it's just my wedding was on the 4th.  And I 100% understand your pain.  We ended up paying for 7 people who didn't attend the wedding and 2 that didn't attend the rehearsal dinner. 

    My favorite was my uncle.  "I can't commit to coming so I'm just going to say I'm not coming.  But who knows, I might surprise you the day of!  There's about a 50/50 chance I'll surprise you.  So sorry I can't come, but I might!"  This conversation went in circles like this for 20 mins, all while I drank a pumpkin martini. I just kept wanting to go "DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS WORKS!?!" but instead I just kept sipping.

    I just kept reminding myself, "hey as long as the groom and the officiant show up, I'll be married by the end of it..." lol



    Hahahahaha! Oh my god.

    Tell me more of this pumpkin martini.



    Yes, please do tell...



    --------ETA:whydoboxeshatemelately-------

    2 parts pumpkin pie vodka, 1 part Irish cream, slash of half and half. Shake. Pour. Put a sprinkle of unsweetened pumpkin pie spice on top. Enjoy.
    levioosanovella1186bumbletiger88

  • jerkyanne said:

    This thread made me chuckle. Not at you, it's just my wedding was on the 4th.  And I 100% understand your pain.  We ended up paying for 7 people who didn't attend the wedding and 2 that didn't attend the rehearsal dinner. 

    My favorite was my uncle.  "I can't commit to coming so I'm just going to say I'm not coming.  But who knows, I might surprise you the day of!  There's about a 50/50 chance I'll surprise you.  So sorry I can't come, but I might!"  This conversation went in circles like this for 20 mins, all while I drank a pumpkin martini. I just kept wanting to go "DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS WORKS!?!" but instead I just kept sipping.

    I just kept reminding myself, "hey as long as the groom and the officiant show up, I'll be married by the end of it..." lol


    Oh my god. Etiquette be damned, if one of my own family members was saying that to me, I would get fed up and say "You know weddings are paid for per plate, right?"

    But I am the worst and have no patience for anyone, ever, so I don't advocate this as a correct response.






    The sad thing is, he got married fairly recently so I definitely know he knows. But, I just basically paid for one plate with no name tag and put it at a random table and whichever of my non answers or my uncle and his maybe could have it. This way I only paid for one
    KatieinBkln
  • jenijoyk said:

    Other post-RSVP deadline "Oh now we're not coming" excuses we have gotten:

    Wife won't be coming, we couldn't find a babysitter. (Ok. Sure. Things happen. Apparently a week ago you thought you could. Fine.)

    Husband won't be coming, we are having marital problems. (What? Between last week when you RSVPed yes, and this week you have decided you are incapable of being in the same room together?)

    Wife won't be coming because we are in the middle of "sleep training" our 1 year old (we invited babies 1 year and younger) and she needs to go to bed at 7. (Ok - but then you COULD HAVE JUST RSVPed FOR ONE!)

    I mean, I don't actually know any of these spouses so I'm not actually hurt none of them are coming. That's fine! No worries! Just why did you have to wait until 15 or fewer days before my wedding to let us know you RSVPed for too many?

    SOOOOOOO FRUSTRAAATTTTTEEEEEDDDDDD.

    I hear ya! One of DH's friends rsvpd yes and then the day before emailed to say he had a big work project due and couldn't make it. Which would be understandable...if attending the wedding didn't require a plane ticket. I find it hard to believe that a work project would cause someone to eat the cost of a flight but hey, maybe he did really book a flight on advance and was planning on coming. I had to change a wedding RSVP at the last minute to "no" before...but that was because I got diagnosed with cancer right before the wedding. I just don't think folks are used to events with RSVP requirements anymore and don't really understand how rudely it comes off to not take the deadline into consideration.
  • That is beyond rude. Like dude you're an adult you made a commitment to be at wedding you don't then go and make plans that conflict with that commitment! This is the part of wedding planning that FI and I are dreading. We already had RVSP drama when it came to the engagement party our parents threw for us. I can only imagine how much worse it will be for the actual wedding. 
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards