Location, Location

mjk5415 · October 2014

My Fiance and I are getting married in 1 year, we just began looking at venues and I've fallen in LOVE (well from what I've seen and read online) with one. We want our ceremony and reception at the same venue and this place offers that but is an hour away from our home. The travel time would be approx. an hour for all guests and my fiance feels that is too far. He is worried about people leaving early or not being able to "let loose, drink and have fun" due to the drive. Is there "rules" on choosing a location?

thisismynickname2 · October 2014

mjk5415 said:

My Fiance and I are getting married in 1 year, we just began looking at venues and I've fallen in LOVE (well from what I've seen and read online) with one. We want our ceremony and reception at the same venue and this place offers that but is an hour away from our home. The travel time would be approx. an hour for all guests and my fiance feels that is too far. He is worried about people leaving early or not being able to "let loose, drink and have fun" due to the drive. Is there "rules" on choosing a location?

Stuck in the box.
Honestly, I think we need more information. There are no rules per se, just considerations of your area and who your guests are. There are people who have forgone city weddings because of expensive parking. There are people who relocated their wedding far away from home just to accommodate valued, but travel-challenged guests (grandmothers or the like).
As far as letting loose, are there hotels near the venue? Cabs? Can you rent a shuttle bus to get people from hotel to venue?

thisismynickname2 · October 2014

I'll also add, "letting loose" due to a drive.... That makes no difference if someone has to drive five minutes or 1 hour or five hours. Drunk driving is drunk driving. People either need DDs or cabs, period, if they want to let loose.

cowgirl8238 · October 2014

Congrats!!!!

I think it is best to find something closer to you if you can. Of course, that isn't always possible. Since you want everything to be in the same location I wouldn't side eye a 1 hour drive to the site...but then again my Hubby and I drive four hours each way everytime we visit most of friends/families back home so that may be a bit biased.

I would start by checking out the place in person though...I have seen venues online that looked impressive but arrived to find out they were borded by a housing development like 5 feet behind the ceremony location/smelt like sewage/were musty inside/were a lot smaller than the capacity said it was etc...On the flip side, the place we got married had possibly the worst website EVER for a wedding venue. It just looked so weird, but when we went in person the place was great!!! So don't fall in love with the pictures too fast

novella1186 · October 2014

My venue is an hour from my hometown, an hour from where FI and I live now, and 2 hours from where is parents live. None of our relatives are around here, so they would have had to travel no matter what (they're scattered from coast to coast, Canada to the deep south). We're all either renting houses or getting a hotel room.

Usually when I go to a wedding, I'd rather get a hotel room anyway that's close by so that I don't have to drive at all and can make it into a bit of a mini-vacation/ fun weekend kind of thing.

I don't think having a wedding an hour away is the end of the world, as long as you consider things like hotel accommodations for people who won't feel like driving home, and a shuttle as PP mentioned.

mjk5415 · October 2014

ok... more info. Sorry first time posting!! We live about 30 mins East of Pittsburgh, PA and our families and friends (except a few out of staters, all live within 1 hour of us). The venue I am interested in is a farm near Washington, PA. I need to do more digging into hotels etc in the area, I'm sure there are things near by and I explained this to my fiance but he still feels that I should look into places closer to home. I just don't want the same old wedding that his sister or our friends had, at the same locations everyones been.

cowgirl8238 · October 2014

I thought of one other thing as well...keep in mind that you will probably have to travel to the venue a few times between your first tour and your wedding day. And agree with the PP's about local/near by accomodations.

peachy13 · October 2014

I don't think an hour drive is that bad, especially since you're having your ceremony and reception at the same location which really makes things more convenient. If I was a guest though I would definitely want to know about overnight options. Check with the venue about getting discounted hotel rooms nearby.

lyndausvi · October 2014

I am one who gets annoyed at places an hour out unless there was some true connection to the location (i.e. one of your childhood homes). I do like to "let loose". A closer venue often means easier access to taxis and such. An hour seems to close to get a hotel. I doubt there are taxis going to/from Washington to where others live. If there are I'm sure it costs more than a hotel room.

I would not say it's a deal breaker, but I'm with your FI that I would not party like I would if it was closer. You can provide shuttles for your guests. I went to a wedding not long ago that was 40-50 minutes from most of the guests. They had shuttles for people back to the main area people were at.

Sometimes the prefect venue on paper isn't really the prefect venue. I would at least hear your FI out and look at places closer. You may find a better location. Or you might find this one is the better option.

photokitty · October 2014

I don't love an hour drive, but I would do it if the wedding ceremony and reception are in the same place. I'd rather be close to home, but I wouldn't side eye your choice of having it an hour out of town. I would probably not go it I had to drive an hour between the ceremony and reception.

You might have more decline than you would if it is in town, but if you have cheeked with your VIPS and they are on board then it's really your choice.

I think if you otherwise properly host your guests, then there is no reason you shouldn't have it at this location assuming it has adequate room, seating, parking and facilities for all your guests. GL!

mjk5415 · October 2014

Thank you all for the advice. I of course will go in person to see any venues we are considering!!

mjk5415 · October 2014

Lyndausvi - Thank you, it was nice to hear from someone with the opposite point of view.. FI doesn't do well wih conveying his thoughts and opinions, so our discussion about this wasn't very detailed.

esstee33 · October 2014

mjk5415 said:

ok... more info. Sorry first time posting!! We live about 30 mins East of Pittsburgh, PA and our families and friends (except a few out of staters, all live within 1 hour of us). The venue I am interested in is a farm near Washington, PA. I need to do more digging into hotels etc in the area, I'm sure there are things near by and I explained this to my fiance but he still feels that I should look into places closer to home. I just don't want the same old wedding that his sister or our friends had, at the same locations everyones been.

**SITB**

I'm moderately familiar with this area, and I don't really think that much of a drive would be that big of a deal. Hell, some days it can take an hour to drive from the North Hills to the South Hills. My concern would be which route they'd need to take, because that's going to make travel times vary wildly. 376 is a parking lot pretty often, so that could add a potentially significant chunk of time to their commute, too, if they need to take that route. There are always other ways, too, though.

CTYankeeBride · October 2014

My first wedding was an hour away from where we (and most of our guests) lived. Traveling to meet with the venue meant a 2 hour drive (we had an initial meeting, a tasting, and a final walk-through), round-trip. Rehearsal dinner was a 2 hour drive, round-trip.

On our wedding day I had to factor in over 3 hours of travel time (the hour there and hour back plus a "Omg there could be traffic on a Saturday" buffer). We really didn't think about the strain this was putting on us or our guests.

Meeting with vendors near the reception meant another 2 hours round-trip, and if we wanted to work with vendors local to us and have them travel that often meant travel charges were factored into their cost. For instance, ordering a cake from a bakery near the venue meant 2 hours round-trip to go the appointment and ordering one from near our home came with a 100$ delivery time.

I'm not saying I'm 100% against it, but I am saying to consider all of the travel involved because it's not just an hour there and an hour back on the day-of. If the ceremony and reception are all in one place that helps minimize the travel, or if you have a sentimental attachment to the area then it might be well worth it to you to do the traveling. Maybe it really is the perfect venue, just definitely factor in all of the travel.

jnissa · October 2014

I grew up in Washington County and live in Pittsburgh (after a cycle around the world

) - and I actually think you're okay. If I didn't know the geography, I might think otherwise - but people in this area are used to drives to get to rustic venues. It's super common, don't you think? We've been to several and haven't thought twice about that distance because there are just so many barn venues about an hour away from the city and people use them a lot.

Plus, it's not like there's nowhere to stay in Washington PA. People can opt to just stay for the night if that's easier, and since it's Washington County it will be cheaper.

daria24 · October 2014

I grew up in Central PA-our families were all over the eastern/central PA area. Nearly all the guests had to travel 60-90 minutes to get to the venue. Nearly everyone got a hotel for the night. Where I grew up, there were very, very few wedding locations in the county-I can only think of 1 hotel, the country club, and some church halls. So people are used to driving to the next counties over for weddings because they know that couples just don't have a whole lot of choices. Now if you were talking about Long Island or NJ where you drive by a wedding venue every few feet, I would be annoyed to drive that far away. Go on your sight visits, if you really love this place, feel it out with your VIPs and see if they are aghast. Our families were like "eh whatevs, we're just happy you aren't getting married in NYC."

daria24 · October 2014

I will also add that where I grew up, it was 45 minutes to the movie theater, the mall was an hour away, etc. So we were always used to having to a significant drive-if the area you live in is that way too, I think people wouldn't side-eye a 1 hour drive for a wedding.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

I live seven miles away from downtown, and it sometimes takes an hour to get downtown. So, no, an hour drive wouldn't bother me. We've often gotten hotel rooms for local weddings so we can 'let loose' for the night, participate in any impromptu after partying, and have hotel sex.

perdonami · October 2014

My wedding was about 1 hour and 45 mins from most of our guests and a bit under 3 hours for others. It was FI's dream to get married on the beach and the venue was absolutely fantastic while still affordable. VIPS said it was fine and so I went with it.

In hindsight, I probably should have explained to my DH that since we are not close enough to the coast, we may not be able to have his sunset beach ceremony. As a lot of folks complained a lot about the location. However, no one declined to attend.

I only had two bridal party attendants that were willing to attend our rehearsal and as a result it was a complete shit show the day of the ceremony that resulted in my officiant yelling at me the day of the wedding. Granted at that point I didn't care, but up to the point of the ceremony during the planning process, relationships became strained.

My SIL refused to have her DD skip school that day and so were not present for our photos. She tried to get me to change the time of the photos but I didnt want to take photos after the ceremony and she didn't complain until it was the day before the ceremony. My other SIL always runs late and explained that she didn't want to get up any earlier than she already planned so she would not be present for the photos at 3PM either. Again, found this out the day of the wedding. My BIL was concerned about missing his first class of the semester and barely made it to the ceremony (he was a groomsmen) found this out a day before the ceremony as well. Our photos as a result were missing DH's family with the exception of my MIL/FIL. Which I am fine with as we all have our own lives to live, but I know that there may have been some hurt feelings being left out so I asked my photographer to take photos of everyone at the reception to try and compensate. Not sure yet how that all worked out.

A few bridal party attendants made it within minutes of the ceremony and were confused as to what was going on. When our officiant asked guests to take a seat so did the bridal party attendants who were not present for the rehearsal. I kind of giggled but it was embarassing for them.

Looking back on it, a lot of it was rather comical but the other part of it was just damn frustrating. It would have saved me a headache for the last month of the planning process if we just chose a venue within the city. So, if you want to use this venue after you check it out I would ensure that you triple-check with your VIPs if they are truly willing and able to travel the distance for this venue. I thought mine were okay with it, but in reality they were not and didn't voice that until it was a week or two before the big day.

SachaBee · October 2014

perdonami said:

My wedding was about 1 hour and 45 mins from most of our guests and a bit under 3 hours for others. It was FI's dream to get married on the beach and the venue was absolutely fantastic while still affordable. VIPS said it was fine and so I went with it.

In hindsight, I probably should have explained to my DH that since we are not close enough to the coast, we may not be able to have his sunset beach ceremony. As a lot of folks complained a lot about the location. However, no one declined to attend.

I only had two bridal party attendants that were willing to attend our rehearsal and as a result it was a complete shit show the day of the ceremony that resulted in my officiant yelling at me the day of the wedding. Granted at that point I didn't care, but up to the point of the ceremony during the planning process, relationships became strained.

My SIL refused to have her DD skip school that day and so were not present for our photos. She tried to get me to change the time of the photos but I didnt want to take photos after the ceremony and she didn't complain until it was the day before the ceremony. My other SIL always runs late and explained that she didn't want to get up any earlier than she already planned so she would not be present for the photos at 3PM either. Again, found this out the day of the wedding. My BIL was concerned about missing his first class of the semester and barely made it to the ceremony (he was a groomsmen) found this out a day before the ceremony as well. Our photos as a result were missing DH's family with the exception of my MIL/FIL. Which I am fine with as we all have our own lives to live, but I know that there may have been some hurt feelings being left out so I asked my photographer to take photos of everyone at the reception to try and compensate. Not sure yet how that all worked out.

A few bridal party attendants made it within minutes of the ceremony and were confused as to what was going on. When our officiant asked guests to take a seat so did the bridal party attendants who were not present for the rehearsal. I kind of giggled but it was embarassing for them.

Looking back on it, a lot of it was rather comical but the other part of it was just damn frustrating. It would have saved me a headache for the last month of the planning process if we just chose a venue within the city. So, if you want to use this venue after you check it out I would ensure that you triple-check with your VIPs if they are truly willing and able to travel the distance for this venue. I thought mine were okay with it, but in reality they were not and didn't voice that until it was a week or two before the big day.

This all brings up a good point. If you are already worried about having an out-of-town wedding, DO NOT exacerbate that by having it on a weekday. Fridays count. I would stick to Saturday, or perhaps a Sunday brunch.

(perdonami--not sure if that applies to you, but the bolded makes it seem so.)

I would not be put out by driving an hour, personally. But definitely expect that most people will not take time off work/school just to drive to the next county.

iloveotters2014 · October 2014

My parents moved to Pittsburgh a few years ago and I have to say....it takes kind of an hour to get anywhere out there hahaha. So I honestly feel like you are ok. I would just look into hotels in the area and shuttle options.

rsbloom · October 2014

I like staying in hotels nearby for weddings, to make a mini-vacay out of it. However, I would not drive an hour to a weekday wedding, unless it was for immediate family.

huskypuppy14 · October 2014

My wedding was between 45 minutes and an 1 1/2 hours for most people. That's not including obviously the people who flew in. Plus it was 20 minutes from my husband's hometown.

Our wedding, reception, and hotel was all in one place which made it easy. But this was picking a venue that was somewhat equidistant to most people.

Location of venue is not always the most important. We didn't want to have our wedding in Boston, because of cost, parking and traffic, and cost even though it may have been convenient for many people.

Most wedding guests don't live in the same place so some group will have to travel. I think an hour is fine.

The important thing is that you and your FI agree, and your VIPs are ok with the distance.

chibiyui · October 2014

Most of my guests drove 45 minutes to 2 hours to get to my wedding. We have family all over PA and MD, so everybody had to drive.

As long as there are hotel options nearby, I think you're alright.

JBee85 · October 2014

Most of my guests live an hour or two away from my venue... I still got high acceptance RSVPs back.

mjk5415 · October 2014

I will definitely be checking with the VIPs, most are in our area but my mom, her husband and my half siblings who just moved out of state and the same for my FMIL, her husband and his half sister. They of course will be staying with family while here, but we would definitely plan for a Saturday wedding since we want to get married in Oct.

We are just beginning to look at venues so I am not settling on this one, I do have a few closer to home that I am planning to check out.

SP29 · October 2014

I would be fine with this, but make sure there are nearby hotels and taxi services available.

I also agree, if most guests will need to drive some distance, make sure it's on a weekend date.

XrebeccaX · October 2014

I don't think an hour is a big deal at all if, like PPs have said, your guests will have options if they want or need a ride back to their hotel or home.

The city I live in is not even all that big, and sometimes getting from one side of town to the other takes 45 minutes. An hour is really nothing as long as your guests are comfortable.

badbnagdway · October 2014

I think in that part of the country (PA) an hour is not that far. People are more than likely used to commuting 30 minutes or more to work. At the same time, the hour is kind of a nuisance unless you can provide some good options for people, for example, if there are decent hotels that you can block rooms at and also offer a shuttle. The shuttle to me is key.

The point another poster made about letting loose not being contingent on a five minute or 60 minute drive misses something, which is that a cab ride to and from a destination within 5 miles of my house is very affordable, whereas a cab ride 60 miles from my house or staying at a hotel is much more expensive. So the choice in that case, if money was tight, might be to not drink and leave early as opposed to spend over $100 on a cab or hotel.

aurianna · October 2014

Personally as a wedding guest I would grumble to myself and husband and possibly friends about having to drive an hour away for an evening wedding when everyone lives local.
Its only being an hour away makes paying for a hotel seem like a waste of money.
But it also means we won't be getting back home until super late and that we'll definitely need a DD since it's too long for a cab.
It just sounds annoying.

BUT...
1. Just because it would annoy me doesn't mean it's rude
2. If if the reception ended at an earlier hour it wouldn't be so bad.
example: 3pm ceremony, 3:30pm cocktail hour, 4:30 dinner, out the door no later than 8pm... ok. I could swing that and would probably find it less annoying than driving home for an hour through deer country at 11pm with my husband drunk or asleep next to me.

ETA:
I live in St. Louis and can get anywhere I need to go in less than 30 minutes. If guests are used to things being long and spread out then it's probably fine.

lavenderfields13 · October 2014

Personally I wouldn't think anything of travelling an hour away for a wedding. We always book a hotel unless the wedding locations is 20 mins or less away from our home. I don't see why someone should be limited to have their wedding within a certain radius from their home just to avoid annoying guests. If guests (regular guests, not VIPS) don't want to travel then no one's forcing them to.

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