SIL disaster

Brittywest05 · January 2013

I'd like opinions on my choice for bridesmaids dresses.... My MIL and SIL hate the dress, but my other 3 bridesmaids love the dress and think its totally fitting for my venue, a private golf course/hotel at night. My SIL is dropping out of the wedding because she refuses to pay200$ for her dress, even though her mom is buying it. My MIL says that a "Cincinnati-an" (where they are from) wouldn't wear that dress and that she is embarrassed to show her friends any wedding pictures with that dress in it... Thoughts?? Www. Ebridalworld.com/alexia-bridesmaid-2114.html

Jen4948 · January 2013

That's a pretty dress, and your FMIL can go put a sock in it.

Of course, you need to convey that politely, but you can set a boundary: You are not open to negative comments from your FMIL or FSIL that are not constructive or substantive. Your FMIL's comment is neither.

mlg78 · January 2013

I'm not from Cincinnati but I am from Ohio and I think the dress is fine. I do think the price is on the high side though. Did you ask everyone's budget beforehand? It's irrelevant who pays... They still have a budget.

Brittywest05 · January 2013

Thanks ladies! I told my MIL that the dress would likely be around 200$, even at David's bridal their long dresses start at 160$ unless it's clearanced. She's not the kind to worry about finances, it's the fact that her and my SIL don't like the dress, if she liked it the 200$ would be a total different story. It was such a "scam" the way they set it up, she tried the dress on and mentioned her hate for it, it looked great on her and I told her that finalized my choice. She comes back out to watch the guys get fitted for tuxes and the shop we went to, of you pay by check they have you pay for each rental/purchase on a separate check and my MIL had 3 checks, for her my fiancé and their brother. She goes up to the register and goes about getting the price and all and then begins to throw the fit about the cost and how she hates it and isn't paying for it. It just seemed to set up.

mlg78 · January 2013

And what is your fiance's point of view on this? She sounds like she's going to be a JOY to deal with for years to come!

Maggie0829 · January 2013

Did you ask your BMs their budget before picking a dress? That may be the main issue, not the dress itself, which in my opinion is not all that great and reminds me of something that I would have worn to one of my high school homecomings 10 years ago, but that is besides the point.

You can't just pick a dress without discussing budgets first. You said in your second post that you "told your MIL that the dress would likely be around $200." That is completely different then asking her how much she would be willing to spend on the dress. I know you said that finances usually aren't an issue but how do you really know that. I think $200 for a BM dress is on the high side and there are plenty of options out there that are more affordable.

bridalmarch · January 2013

If no one has bought, I'd keep looking and find out what the true budget is. There are plenty of well priced dresses that are appropriate for a country club wedding at night. Truth be told, I don't think that dress is particularly appropriate for that event. I think it's very frumpy and I would be sad to part with $200 for it.

minko1986 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sil-disaster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:08755b8a-311c-4895-95eb-ef3156dcadbcPost:a88ca6df-d49c-4071-8597-dbaffe03b683">Re: SIL disaster</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies! I told my MIL that the dress would likely be around 200$, even at David's bridal their long dresses start at 160$ unless it's clearanced. She's not the kind to worry about finances, it's the fact that her and my SIL don't like the dress, if she liked it the 200$ would be a total different story. It was such a "scam" the way they set it up, she tried the dress on and mentioned her hate for it, it looked great on her and I told her that finalized my choice. She comes back out to watch the guys get fitted for tuxes and the shop we went to, of you pay by check they have you pay for each rental/purchase on a separate check and my MIL had 3 checks, for her my fiancé and their brother. She goes up to the register and goes about getting the price and all and then begins to throw the fit about the cost and how she hates it and isn't paying for it. It just seemed to set up.
Posted by Brittywest05[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I let my BMs choose whatever dress they liked as long as it's floor length and grey. Two of them bought theirs at DB, and they were both not anymore than $120 (including tax). It may have been on sale, but there are still long dresses that are around $100.

</div>

SJM7538 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sil-disaster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:08755b8a-311c-4895-95eb-ef3156dcadbcPost:e775afd0-749b-4455-8045-035d23a2adbf">SIL disaster</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd like opinions on my choice for bridesmaids dresses.... My MIL and SIL hate the dress, but my other 3 bridesmaids love the dress and think its totally fitting for my venue, a private golf course/hotel at night. My SIL is dropping out of the wedding because she refuses to pay200$ for her dress, even though her mom is buying it. <strong>My MIL says that a "Cincinnati-an" (where they are from) wouldn't wear that dress and that she is embarrassed to show her friends any wedding pictures with that dress in it...</strong> Thoughts?? Www. Ebridalworld.com/alexia-bridesmaid-2114.html
Posted by Brittywest05[/QUOTE]

So my first thought is that your MIL and SIL are being a bit dramatic about just how ugly the dress is. And she is also being a bit dramatic by dropping out of the wedding over a dress. But I also think you are being a little bit selfish. Would you want to drop $200 on a dress that you didn't particularly care for. Yes I understand your SIL is not paying for it and your MIL is but it still isn't your money.

And yes I understand that this is your day and you get the final say but you should take your BMs feelings into consideration. She has to wear the dress all night and then it has to sit in her closet for years to come. Personally, it's not my taste and I would not spend $200 on it either.

In short neither of you are right here.

Jager1219 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sil-disaster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:08755b8a-311c-4895-95eb-ef3156dcadbcPost:88ac561c-37a6-4dbc-9418-b109fd045fcd">Re: SIL disaster</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to SIL disaster : So my first thought is that your MIL and SIL are being a bit dramatic about just how ugly the dress is. And she is also being a bit dramatic by dropping out of the wedding over a dress. But I also think you are being a little bit selfish. Would you want to drop $200 on a dress that you didn't particularly care for. Yes I understand your SIL is not paying for it and your MIL is but it still isn't your money. And yes I understand that this is your day and you get the final say but you should take your BMs feelings into consideration. She has to wear the dress all night and then it has to sit in her closet for years to come. Personally, it's not my taste and I would not spend $200 on it either. In short neither of you are right here.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]
I completely agree. It's not my personal taste, but if I was a BM and the rest of the girls liked it and it was in the my budget, I would probably just suck it up. Chances are she's using the budget as an excuse because she doesn't like the dress. Many girls are actually giving that very advice to a MOH with a bride who picked out horrid dresses and didn't ask for the budget. Like PP suggested, start by privately asking the girls what their budget is. If SHE says $200, then have her look for other suggestions with a criteria (I'm guessing you want floor length and that color). See what she comes up with and be open to other suggestions.

Brittywest05 · January 2013

Sorry I didn't clarify in ,y previous post, in one of my initial conversations with my MIL about the BM dresses, she told me that she could spend whatever on the dress, that she wasn't concerned about the cost etc. I talked to my other girls who said their max would be 250$ so this dress came in under budget for all of my girls. And to be honest, it's not a dress I would of picked personally, but it looks good on all 4 of my girls who vary hugely in shape, from a 2-20. I don't care what they wear other than long and red, the dress is up to them they are the ones wearing it.

Jager1219 · January 2013

Got it. So then I'd say have the ones who don't like it bring in suggestions that fit the criteria (under 250, long, and red). Then have the girls vote. Majority wins.

Also - did you consider doing the same designer/color/fabric and different styles? That may solve your problem as well.

jlm9113 · January 2013

Just a suggestion, but I found this dress: http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Satin-Strapless-Gown-with-Side-Drape-and-Brooch-F44079_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses

Similar to what you have linked but (I think anyway) a lot more stylish and a lot less expensive.

MrsMuq · January 2013

I kind of find the whole "I wouldn't pay for a dress that was re-wearable or that I hated" thing funny. I've been in 6 weddings, hated all but 1 of the dresses, never re-wore any of them, and still paid for them without complaining to the bride. And this is common in my family/circle of friends.

That being said, the dress isn't my style, but it isn't ugly. It looks maybe a little matronly? Your FMIL and FSIL are being overly dramatic.

If she doesn't want to be in your bridal party because of a dress, don't worry about it. Just please don't try to replace her for the sake of replacing her or to have an even bridal party.

GoodLuckBear14 · January 2013

Just out of curiosity OP, in what neighborhood (or parish) in Cincinnati is your MIL? I grew up there and "Cincinnatian" runs the gamut from tacky white trash to elegant high society. Pesronally, I would never want to wear that dress but I know people who would be okay with it.

Brittywest05 · January 2013

Goodluckbear, they are from Anderson township, not white trash, but far from high class either. As far as mismatched dresses, I know it's the trend right now and I did try it with a few combinations of dresses and I didn't feel it was right for my wedding. And just my opinion, no offense to anyone who has done this, but I feel I paid far too much for my dress for my bridesmaids to look like mismatches slobs, ESP when even the guys tuxes will be matching and our parents are coordinating. That dress from David's is beautiful, I wish they had a more tolerable color of red, the "apple" color they have is not cute

Jager1219 · January 2013

I really think it depends on how it's done. I would agree with you if it was really different dresses. But if you're doing the same fabric & same designer, chances are they will look like they belong together and not looked mismatched. It would be akin to your groom having a little different colored tie compared to the GM to stand out.

FWIW - this is the designer that we used for my BM dresses. I did have them all chose different styles in the same fabric. And all the dresses can be ordered in all 3 lengths (short, tea, and long).

http://www.jasminebridal.com/ugC_Product.asp?hidP_kind=Bridesmaids&hidP_style=Jasmine&hidj_line_order=3&hidP_Style_ID=P49004

SJM7538 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sil-disaster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:08755b8a-311c-4895-95eb-ef3156dcadbcPost:3b8837d7-1ae2-4e18-bbe3-90cba3568307">Re: SIL disaster</a>:
[QUOTE]Goodluckbear, they are from Anderson township, not white trash, but far from high class either. As far as mismatched dresses, I know it's the trend right now and I did try it with a few combinations of dresses and I didn't feel it was right for my wedding. And just my opinion, no offense to anyone who has done this, <strong>but I feel I paid far too much for my dress for my bridesmaids to look like mismatches slobs,</strong> ESP when even the guys tuxes will be matching and our parents are coordinating. That dress from David's is beautiful, I wish they had a more tolerable color of red, the "apple" color they have is not cute :/
Posted by Brittywest05[/QUOTE]

I don't get how they would look like slobs? Unless they show up with their hair and makeup a mess and in fiithy clothes?

I have no problem with brides who want their girls dresses to match - to each their own. Both my sister and SIL did this and it was fine. But I also think their BMs feelings, style and comfort factor should be taken into account. Why make them wear something they don't like?

Maggie0829 · January 2013

I think your statement of "mismatched slobs" is a bit harsh. If they are all well dressed and have their hair and make done well then I doubt they will look like "mismatched slobs."

I have been in a wedding before where I absolutely hated the dress. We had no say over it but were just told, here is the dress, now buy it and wear it. You could tell all over my face in pretty much every picture that I was not happy. Did I try to hide the fact that I felt ugly and uncomfortable? Sure. I smiled and laughed, but when you feel like you look hideous and are uncomfortable in what you are wearing it showe through the facade.

Anywhoo, here is a link to Alfred Angelo. I narrowed the search result down to "cherry" (the only bright red they had), satin, and long. I could probably find 3-5 dresses from the selection that could go well together without them all being the same.

jlm9113 · January 2013

Have you tried Amanda's Bridal in Arvada?

Brittywest05 · January 2013

Like I said early, sorry if I offended anyone with the mismatched slobs comment. My thought comes from several weddings I have attended in the past few years and the BMs were mismatched and my attention was more on them instead of the bride and groom, where the attention should be. My girls have tried on tons of dresses, I'd say over 60 dresses, from tons of various designers. From alfred Angelo, to dresses at Macy's and Dillard's, we have literally been all over town. JLM, we have been to Amanda's, ebridals, David's, wedding treasures, and some other place off beleview. Literally it feels like everywhere, also all of the major department stores.

Jager1219 · January 2013

OK - in that case, I think this is becoming a bigger issue than it has to be. Since the BM have looked at so many dresses and you don't care unless it's long, red, and within their budget, what are the runner's up that SIL likes? There must be something that she likes? Have the girls pick their favorites as contendors, vote, and that is that. If SIL is going to be stubborn and not go with the majority, then she can choose not to be in the WP. But under no circumstances can you replace her. So you just may have an uneven WP.

SJM7538 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sil-disaster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:08755b8a-311c-4895-95eb-ef3156dcadbcPost:e91b75ea-c51b-46d6-9b2a-ae9e1bc6537a">Re: SIL disaster</a>:
[QUOTE]Like I said early, sorry if I offended anyone with the mismatched slobs comment. My thought comes from several weddings I have attended in the past few years and the BMs were mismatched and my attention was more on them instead of the bride and groom, where the attention should be. My girls have tried on tons of dresses, <strong>I'd say over 60 dresses, from tons of various designers. From alfred Angelo, to dresses at Macy's and Dillard's, we have literally been all over town. JLM, we have been to Amanda's, ebridals, David's, wedding treasures, and some other place off beleview. Literally it feels like everywhere, also all of the major department stores.
</strong>Posted by Brittywest05[/QUOTE]

Ok I will agree with you here. I would be totally frustrated as well. I didnt realize your SIL has had so many other options to choose from. From the first post it just seemed like she was told "here is the dress now buy it."

If your girls have tried on this many dresses and they all finally agree on this one with the exception of your MIL and SIL then I would say just go with it. You can't make everyone happy all of the time.

jlm9113 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sil-disaster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:08755b8a-311c-4895-95eb-ef3156dcadbcPost:e91b75ea-c51b-46d6-9b2a-ae9e1bc6537a">Re: SIL disaster</a>:
[QUOTE]Like I said early, sorry if I offended anyone with the mismatched slobs comment. My thought comes from several weddings I have attended in the past few years and the BMs were mismatched and my attention was more on them instead of the bride and groom, where the attention should be. My girls have tried on tons of dresses, I'd say over 60 dresses, from tons of various designers. From alfred Angelo, to dresses at Macy's and Dillard's, we have literally been all over town. <strong>JLM, we have been to Amanda's, ebridals, David's, wedding treasures, and some other place off beleview. Literally it feels like everywhere, also all of the major department stores.</strong>
Posted by Brittywest05[/QUOTE]

That I completely understand. For some reason, I've found the stores around here to be slim pickings.

getaclue44 · January 2013

That dress is much better than what I had to wear for my sister's. I was the only one in her party and she insisted on me wearing a shiny champagne colored dress with ruffles. It was from Nordstrom's and over $300. I was honest and did tell her I didn't like the style/color and she didn't really care. My DH has never seen a picture of me in the dress and never will. It was hideous.

ashleyjgetsmarried · January 2013

Have you thought of a convertible dress?

http://www.dessy.com/dresses/twist-long/#.UPYARCeMBTI

My girls are doing this, in the short version. It has the uniformity you're looking for, and each bridesmaid can have an individual style by twisting the top.

undercvrbride · July 2013

Um, as a born-and-raised Cincinnatian, I think it's fine. I don't know or understand WTH they are talking about. They sound like a bunch of troublemakers if you ask me. I have learned from being in past weddings as a BM, you should Know Your Roll and Shut Your Mouth. Period. I do however understand that the price may be a bit much for some people. Long dresses typically are a bit more expensive though, and you may have a hard time finding something that is much cheaper than like $150 that you like as much as this one.

Bottom line, if they are being difficult with several other wedding items, they need to know that they can drop out if they are not up to it, or just because of the price of the dress, if that is the one you really have your heart set on. I recommend that you all sit down and talk it out rationally. They need to be reminded also, that as your WP, they should be trying their best to support you, not cause ridiculous fights. --Without sacrificing the things that are seriously important to them, of course. Dress style should not be that important, unless you were asking them to wear something backless or really low cut or short --that would be different. I think the price is a real issue, and the only real issue that they can claim here. So keep that in mind dear and good luck

AddieCake · July 2013

This thread is 6 months old, so I'd say she got it worked out by now.

Viczaesar · July 2013

undercvrbride said:

Um, as a born-and-raised Cincinnatian, I think it's fine. I don't know or understand WTH they are talking about. They sound like a bunch of troublemakers if you ask me. I have learned from being in past weddings as a BM, you should Know Your Roll and Shut Your Mouth. Period. I do however understand that the price may be a bit much for some people. Long dresses typically are a bit more expensive though, and you may have a hard time finding something that is much cheaper than like $150 that you like as much as this one.
Bottom line, if they are being difficult with several other wedding items, they need to know that they can drop out if they are not up to it, or just because of the price of the dress, if that is the one you really have your heart set on. I recommend that you all sit down and talk it out rationally. They need to be reminded also, that as your WP, they should be trying their best to support you, not cause ridiculous fights. --Without sacrificing the things that are seriously important to them, of course. Dress style should not be that important, unless you were asking them to wear something backless or really low cut or short --that would be different. I think the price is a real issue, and the only real issue that they can claim here. So keep that in mind dear and good luck

I know this is a zombie thread, but I just have to point out to you, undercvrbride, that the bolded makes no sense, and is a stupid philosophy to boot. In addition, who are you to say that dress style should not be important?

Ajuliana · July 2013

ETA: DAMN IT! Screwed by the zombie thread phenomenon again. And I always thought I'd last so much longer when the pandemic hit...

Dreamergirl8812 · July 2013

RetreadBride said:

"Know your roll"???? WTF?

Is she spelling-challenged or ghetto?

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