What TK Taught Me

peachy13 · October 2014

So many things. Thank you TK and thank you knotties!

I wasn't going to do a cash bar anyway but I didn't realize how rude it is to make your guests open their purses and wallets for anything during your wedding. Also including tacky dollar dances and things like that, which I don't like anyway but never really saw it as "rude" before.

Almost did do this but TK stopped me: putting something about attire on the invitation. (eek, the horror)

And I didn't realize TK hates all the stupid crap on Pinterest. The Pinterest world LOVES mason jars and burlap and I love that it gets mocked on TK.

theycallmelinz · October 2014

peachy13 said:

So many things. Thank you TK and thank you knotties!

I wasn't going to do a cash bar anyway but I didn't realize how rude it is to make your guests open their purses and wallets for anything during your wedding. Also including tacky dollar dances and things like that, which I don't like anyway but never really saw it as "rude" before.

Almost did do this but TK stopped me: putting something about attire on the invitation. (eek, the horror)

And I didn't realize TK hates all the stupid crap on Pinterest. The Pinterest world LOVES mason jars and burlap and I love that it gets mocked on TK.

True story. I rarely log onto Pinterest now but you should see my mandatory "Wedding" board that is pre-TK. Nothing but paper lanterns and barns and burlap haha

flantastic · October 2014

Gaps. Everyone had them (big ones too - Catholics with afternoon weddings and evening receptions), and I seriously thought that people were being nice in suggesting ideas on their websites for ways to spend the gap time...

...until you ladies helped it occur to me that perhaps they could just have figured out a way not to have the gap, and it would still be a real wedding reception if they had made it happen in the afternoon.

NYCMercedes · October 2014

I learned always, always, always to think of the guests comfort first. Thank you for that!

larrygaga · October 2014

Where I come from, cash bars are common. I didn't realize they were rude nor did I ever mind. I still don't really mind.It's annoying but as long as I'm fed I'm happy. I'll just leave early to go drink somewhere else, usually.

I always intended on an open bar, even before I knew cash bars were bad.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · October 2014

TK has taught me that I am not alone in my planning woes. Chances are, someone has encountered a similar problem.

TK has also taught me the word "Douche Canoe".

WinstonsGirl · October 2014

I learned that what is common in my circle doesn't equal etiquette. Up here, every wedding has a 3-4 hour gap, twoonie bar and registry inserts. I used to think it was ok cos everyone here does it and I'd need heard complaints. Not at my wedding though.

I also learned which "etiquette" things really matter. When I started posting, if you talked here about your invite labels, you were run off the board with a new asshole. The idea was that writing out addresses showed you were willing to put into the effort of addressing the envelops. I used clear labels. If you knew how much time I spent trying to get those little motherfuckers to print properly, it was a lot longer that writing out invites. But really, it's not going against guest comfort so who really cares. I'll take those any day over cash bar/PPD/etc.

levieenrose · October 2014

Thanks, TK, for information about cash bars! We drink so infrequently that if I hadn't lurked a lot, we probably would have chosen a cash bar thinking that we were being thoughtful. We dodged a bullet and properly hosted (and yes, there was good booze and a variety of it), thanks to that one!

I'm pretty forgiving and sometimes naive, so I'd experienced [without realizing it] bad etiquette, but just thought those weren't "options" I wanted at my wedding (ie: dollar dances, dictating minutiae to the wedding party, asking for money, legally getting married before the ceremony, asking for services from friends/family).

Slowly getting out of the habit of being a serial lurker. It saved me a lot of drama in the early days (my questions or points had all been raised and I didn't want to mess with some of the stronger personalities on the boards), but now that my "happily ever after" has begun, I actually feel like I have an opinion to offer.

themuffinman16 · October 2014

I learned that you get one day. Just because you are getting married does not mean the earth stops rotating around the sun and starts rotating around you. (This I all ready knew, but needed an intervention when I lost my shit and went crazypants.)

I learned why honeyfunds are so rude. I learned that it is nice for your bridesmaids to attend your parties but it is not a subpoena. I learned that no one has to have a bridal shower or a bachelorette party. I learned that, come rain or shine, if the absolute worst happens on your wedding day, you will still be married, and that's all that matters. And I learned that there are some cool ass ladies, in here.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · October 2014

I learned that NO ONE is as excited or involved in my wedding as I am, and to be aware of this fact at all times.

KatieinBkln · October 2014

I learned about cash bars, for sure. I never intended to have one (it's not my scene and not actually allowed at my venue), but they are very, very common in my area.

I learned that no one wants to hear, "well, if your family does it that way then your family is tacky." But that doesn't mean it isn't true.

I learned what a PPD is, and shot my FI down right quick when he semi-jokingly suggested running to the courthouse but then going through with our planned wedding anyway.

I learned that it's okay to give a shit about wedding planning--I was that person who pointedly did not have a Pinterest board about weddings or a TK account before I was engaged. I thought (and still think, to a certain extent) that obsessing over wedding stuff before you get engaged is putting the cart before the horse (and the party before the relationship) so I never really engaged in any real pre-planning, or even that much daydreaming. So when the time came to actually, ya know, plan the wedding, it took me a minute to "allow" myself to dive in. TK helped in that I found a group of like-minded, no-nonsense women who were really into this stuff, so I felt less awkward and "unlike myself" about planning when I came here.

steph861 · October 2014

There are a lot of things on here that I never really gave a second thought about (cash bars, PPDs, honeyfunds, dress codes, etc). The first three still wouldn't bother me if I attended a wedding that included them, although I'd like to know upfront if it's a PPD.

There are other things that I'd never even heard of before TK, and they just blow my mind (jack and jills being the most egregious one).

Not having been to many weddings before, I wasn't really aware of what was and wasn't considered rude. I didn't like that one wedding I went to had an unhosted gap, but I also didn't know that cocktail hours were a thing.

charlieyankee03 · October 2014

I learned to keep all things wedding-related off Facebook. I posted a picture after the engagement, but have not mentioned the wedding beyond that. I always thought it was rude to post updates regarding RSVP's and hotel blocks, but I probably would have mentioned things like finding the dress and the venue. Thanks to you ladies, I'll be keeping my mouth shut!

Also, open seating is not okay. I was planning on doing this until I lurked a bit and realized how uncomfortable it makes people. The only wedding I've been to that had it was my brother's and I sat with my family so I didn't think about the people that didn't know anyone else. I'd rather take on the stress of figuring out who goes at which table than have my guests stressing out about sitting with randos.

ahyatt87 · October 2014

Every wedding I have attended has had an unhosted gap (varying in length of time from one hour to three hours). I thought they were normal and expected, and DH and I were planning on having a 90 minute gap. After a lot of lurking on here, I realized how awful that is to do that your family and loved ones, so we did not have an unhosted gap.

I also thought it was normal to not have partners/significant others sitting with the members of the wedding party, because this was not something that happened in all the other weddings I had attended. Having been separated from DH while he sits at a headtable, it sucks. Don't do it!

wandajune6 · October 2014

Gaps for me too!

I knew that I hated them but I never thought about how rude they were. It was never going to be a problem but I'm glad I know.

Also, personal WP gifts. I thought it was an expectation that everyone get the same thing. I was actually a bit relieved when I learned it was rude.

raissyrais · October 2014

charlieyankee03 said:

I learned to keep all things wedding-related off Facebook. I posted a picture after the engagement, but have not mentioned the wedding beyond that. I always thought it was rude to post updates regarding RSVP's and hotel blocks, but I probably would have mentioned things like finding the dress and the venue. Thanks to you ladies, I'll be keeping my mouth shut!
Also, open seating is not okay. I was planning on doing this until I lurked a bit and realized how uncomfortable it makes people. The only wedding I've been to that had it was my brother's and I sat with my family so I didn't think about the people that didn't know anyone else. I'd rather take on the stress of figuring out who goes at which table than have my guests stressing out about sitting with randos.

Go tell that to my FSIL. Bitch's stuff is ALL OVER fb. Sometimes I wanna go hide, I am so embarrassed for her. Every single detail is on her page, she farts bubbles, stars and hearts everywhere on social media about her wedding. So unnerving that I hid her from my feed.

huskypuppy14 · October 2014

TK verified that things that I thought were rude actually were (gaps, cash bars, not inviting significant others).

I learned a lot about invitation etiquette.

But the best thing, was learning how to use gifs in a snarky way.

JCbride2015 · October 2014

levieenrose said:
I'm pretty forgiving and sometimes naive, so I'd experienced [without realizing it] bad etiquette, but just thought those weren't "options" I wanted at my wedding (ie: dollar dances, dictating minutiae to the wedding party, asking for money, legally getting married before the ceremony, asking for services from friends/family).

This was me-- I never liked those things, but I mostly thought they were just choices I didn't plan to make.

TK pointed out for me that etiquette doesn't have to be synonymous with stuffiness and tradition, just about putting your guests' comfort first. Once you start thinking of it that way, it's a lot easier to make good decisions without feeling chained to tradition.

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