Wedding Etiquette Forum

For your enjoyment

Hi all,

I attended a disaster of a wedding last weekend, and just have to share.

To begin with, I was invited on facebook. In a comment. On the event page for their engagement party, when I sent my regrets. A week later I did get a private message, and so was a little less insulted (had been assuming I was a last-minute invite, either forgotten or b-listed). Eventually they created a fb event for their wedding. BYOB, and requesting cash gifts. Semi-formal to formal dress. Do they understand that formal is black-tie?

My expectations weren't very high. But, I know that I'm more of a planner than most, and understand that they are unconventional people, working with a very small budget. Given that, I asked whether there was anything I could bring. As they'd mentioned BYOB, I was thinking maybe a bottle or two of liquor for the bar.

The day before the wedding (OOT for me) I got a note from the bride, asking whether I might bring a few "things to nibble on" for the "time between the ceremony and dinner". For 100+ people.

So, Fi and I showed up for their 2pm wedding, and discovered that it was being held outside. In October. We had both worn business casual, which was fairly appropriate, but my stockinged legs were regrettable. Most guests had gone with a similar level of formality, except for one poor young man, who wore white tails. The other guests were pre-gaming to stay warm (a predictable consequence of a BYOB wedding, I suppose), and after waiting an hour, we cracked open a bottle of wine ourselves. The bridal party showed up at 4pm. Without apology.

The reception took place in an unheated barn. I had brought a cheese board, 2 platters of crudites, and 2 of charcuterie - all of which were gone within minutes. Perhaps because it was freezing, and everyone had been drinking for hours. Dinner arrived 2 hours later, which ran out after about 70 guests (buffet style, and people were hungry).

But at least we were there for their wedding day, to celebrate the beginning of their shared lives, right? That's what we thought, until a friend let us in on the secret, that they'd actually eloped nearly a year prior.

I don't think they'll make the guest list for ours next summer.


«1

Re: For your enjoyment

  • So much gross!
  • O_o 

    wtf? I don't understand people... 
  • What in the hell? Holy shit. 
  • I could not help but laugh.    What a shit show.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • This week's winner. Gross. 
    image
  • A barn, and not enough food? Were guests supposed to graze on hay?
    ________________________________


  • Hi all,

    I attended a disaster of a wedding last weekend, and just have to share.

    To begin with, I was invited on facebook. In a comment. On the event page for their engagement party, when I sent my regrets. A week later I did get a private message, and so was a little less insulted (had been assuming I was a last-minute invite, either forgotten or b-listed). Eventually they created a fb event for their wedding. BYOB, and requesting cash gifts. Semi-formal to formal dress. Do they understand that formal is black-tie?

    My expectations weren't very high. But, I know that I'm more of a planner than most, and understand that they are unconventional people, working with a very small budget. Given that, I asked whether there was anything I could bring. As they'd mentioned BYOB, I was thinking maybe a bottle or two of liquor for the bar.

    The day before the wedding (OOT for me) I got a note from the bride, asking whether I might bring a few "things to nibble on" for the "time between the ceremony and dinner". For 100+ people.

    So, Fi and I showed up for their 2pm wedding, and discovered that it was being held outside. In October. We had both worn business casual, which was fairly appropriate, but my stockinged legs were regrettable. Most guests had gone with a similar level of formality, except for one poor young man, who wore white tails. The other guests were pre-gaming to stay warm (a predictable consequence of a BYOB wedding, I suppose), and after waiting an hour, we cracked open a bottle of wine ourselves. The bridal party showed up at 4pm. Without apology.

    The reception took place in an unheated barn. I had brought a cheese board, 2 platters of crudites, and 2 of charcuterie - all of which were gone within minutes. Perhaps because it was freezing, and everyone had been drinking for hours. Dinner arrived 2 hours later, which ran out after about 70 guests (buffet style, and people were hungry).

    But at least we were there for their wedding day, to celebrate the beginning of their shared lives, right? That's what we thought, until a friend let us in on the secret, that they'd actually eloped nearly a year prior.

    I don't think they'll make the guest list for ours next summer.


    omg/wtf to all of this, but this one really hurt
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


  • This would be enough reason for a break up in the friendship.  Gross fucking people.
  • What a clusterfuck.  At least you had the wine.  


    image
  • But you guuuyyyzzzz- everyone DESERVES to feel like a princess and wear the big white dress even at the expense of their loved one's comfort. I mean it's her constitutional right! <<sarcasm>>
  • If you're that big of an asshole that you need to have a PPD to show off, at least show off well. Rub your booze, food, and fancy dress in everyone's face. Geez! Lol
    Right? I find a PPD much more tolerable and bordering acceptable if a) they're honest about it, and b) they're good hosts. Food, booze, party. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'll assume they had a PPD because they couldn't afford their "dream wedding" in the first place.

    Soooo...they have a PPD a year later to "make up for this"...yet apparently still can't afford their dream wedding.  Just doubly eye rolling.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I forgot to say I would not be waiting by the mailbox for a thank you note for feeding the other guests.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I just can't...I mean a PPD without enough food?  BYOB?  Lack of climate control (really any time of year this is bad)?  I would not be friends with these people after this honestly.  What they did was beyond rude.  One or two of the things on the list...I might have said meh poor planning, whatever, but all of this in one wedding?????
  • saacjw said:
    If you're that big of an asshole that you need to have a PPD to show off, at least show off well. Rub your booze, food, and fancy dress in everyone's face. Geez! Lol
    Right? I find a PPD much more tolerable and bordering acceptable if a) they're honest about it, and b) they're good hosts. Food, booze, party. 
    Seriously. I'll still roll my eyes at your AWing, but I'll let it slide overall if you show me that you care about whether I'll enjoy your grand AW party.
  • Oh HELL no 

    image.
                                 Anniversary
    imageimageimage


     

  • Hi all,

    I attended a disaster of a wedding last weekend, and just have to share.

    To begin with, I was invited on facebook. In a comment. On the event page for their engagement party, when I sent my regrets. A week later I did get a private message, and so was a little less insulted (had been assuming I was a last-minute invite, either forgotten or b-listed). Eventually they created a fb event for their wedding. BYOB, and requesting cash gifts. Semi-formal to formal dress. Do they understand that formal is black-tie?

    My expectations weren't very high. But, I know that I'm more of a planner than most, and understand that they are unconventional people, working with a very small budget. Given that, I asked whether there was anything I could bring. As they'd mentioned BYOB, I was thinking maybe a bottle or two of liquor for the bar.

    The day before the wedding (OOT for me) I got a note from the bride, asking whether I might bring a few "things to nibble on" for the "time between the ceremony and dinner". For 100+ people.

    So, Fi and I showed up for their 2pm wedding, and discovered that it was being held outside. In October. We had both worn business casual, which was fairly appropriate, but my stockinged legs were regrettable. Most guests had gone with a similar level of formality, except for one poor young man, who wore white tails. The other guests were pre-gaming to stay warm (a predictable consequence of a BYOB wedding, I suppose), and after waiting an hour, we cracked open a bottle of wine ourselves. The bridal party showed up at 4pm. Without apology.

    The reception took place in an unheated barn. I had brought a cheese board, 2 platters of crudites, and 2 of charcuterie - all of which were gone within minutes. Perhaps because it was freezing, and everyone had been drinking for hours. Dinner arrived 2 hours later, which ran out after about 70 guests (buffet style, and people were hungry).

    But at least we were there for their wedding day, to celebrate the beginning of their shared lives, right? That's what we thought, until a friend let us in on the secret, that they'd actually eloped nearly a year prior.

    I don't think they'll make the guest list for ours next summer.


    This had me cracking up!

    Was the poor guy genuinely thinking that a BYOB/FB invite wedding would call for white tails or did he do it to make a point? I love people who dress ironically.
    image
  • Right?

    I honestly don't have a huge problem with PPDs, if they're open about it, and especially if they treat it as a celebration of their marriage, and leave out the ceremony. But this was done so inconsiderately, and so falsely, that it felt like guests were only invited for the (cash only, please) gifts.
  • bizzy592bizzy592 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    Re: "Most guests had gone with a similar level of formality, except for one poor young man, who wore white tails." After speaking with him briefly, I think he took their dress code literally due to lack of experience..
  • I went to a PPD once. I actually had zero issue with it. It was a military couple who had a PPD for the same reason most in the military do.

    They were super up front about it and had a big-ass, nice party. He is Cuban and his father provided some of the best Cuban food I have ever had. They had a very nice open bar. It was a good time.

    But this? WTF? That is horrifying.

    Also, you provided a TON of food for them. I can't believe you brought all that, especially being OOT. You are a better person than I am. But yeah, I wouldn't expect a thank you.
    image
  • A barn, and not enough food? Were guests supposed to graze on hay?
    Love.
    image
  • Re: "Most guests had gone with a similar level of formality, except for one poor young man, who wore white tails." After speaking with him briefly, I think he took their dress code literally due to lack of experience..
    Formal does not always = black tie. Tails is white tie. Who thinks a facebook invite wedding that is BYOB is white tie?  
    image
    image

    image


  • the part about the guy in tails had me cracking up
  • I recently went to a walk-through at a friend's reception venue and the wedding coordinator shared her plans for her upcoming wedding: "We're already married through - he is in the military so we had to. It's a huge secret though, no one knows."

  • But at least we were there for their wedding day, to celebrate the beginning of their shared lives, right? That's what we thought, until a friend let us in on the secret, that they'd actually eloped nearly a year prior.



    Ouch ouch ouch....that's the last straw. Poor you! Poor guests...yuck.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • XrebeccaX said:

    I recently went to a walk-through at a friend's reception venue and the wedding coordinator shared her plans for her upcoming wedding: "We're already married through - he is in the military so we had to. It's a huge secret though, no one knows."

    Except she's telling total strangers? What?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • I recently went to a walk-through at a friend's reception venue and the wedding coordinator shared her plans for her upcoming wedding: "We're already married through - he is in the military so we had to. It's a huge secret though, no one knows."
    Except she's telling total strangers? What?
    I know. I keep wondering if she's perusing these boards somewhere actually.
  • Anytime i see a potluck wedding or a bring your own whatever I always think you and the person you're with should run and grab some nice ass food and sit directly in front of the bride and groom and eat it...unapologetically loud complete with "mmm this food is soooo goooood!"
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