Bridesmaids from HELL

nyiri89 · October 2014

This is going to be a long one - so please bear with me here. My sister is my MOH and a friend from college is in the bridal party. They never hung out before, but it has become clear that they're like oil and vinegar as time has gone on. I was hoping they could be adults for my sake, but evidently this is beyond the both of them.

My sister has decided to send me photos of texting wars she and my friend in question have had. Not only does this stress me out, but it puts me in an awkward position. I've spoken to my friend about how she speaks to my sister and made it clear that this will not be tolerated. And my sister is always about getting the last word in. Even after said friend apologizes, my sister ccontinues to be nothing but nasty so as to "give it right back to her". I can't deal. And then, when i tell my sister she is wrong for how she handles the apology/situation, well i'm just the worst person/sister/bride ever. And ungrateful. Yeah that too.

I'm stressed out beyond belief. No matter what i do i'm wrong. For even saying to my sister she could have handled something better, didn't need to be snarky, etc.,. she threatens to quit as MOH. My wedding is in March and I cry almost every night from all of the stress. I've even thought about disbanding the bridal party because these two make it so miserable.

please please please help

Maggie0829 · October 2014

eb1916 said:

This is going to be a long one - so please bear with me here. My sister is my MOH and a friend from college is in the bridal party. They never hung out before, but it has become clear that they're like oil and vinegar as time has gone on. I was hoping they could be adults for my sake, but evidently this is beyond the both of them.

My sister has decided to send me photos of texting wars she and my friend in question have had. Not only does this stress me out, but it puts me in an awkward position. I've spoken to my friend about how she speaks to my sister and made it clear that this will not be tolerated. And my sister is always about getting the last word in. Even after said friend apologizes, my sister ccontinues to be nothing but nasty so as to "give it right back to her". I can't deal. And then, when i tell my sister she is wrong for how she handles the apology/situation, well i'm just the worst person/sister/bride ever. And ungrateful. Yeah that too.
I'm stressed out beyond belief. No matter what i do i'm wrong. For even saying to my sister she could have handled something better, didn't need to be snarky, etc.,. she threatens to quit as MOH. My wedding is in March and I cry almost every night from all of the stress. I've even thought about disbanding the bridal party because these two make it so miserable.

please please please help

My recommendation is to stay out of it from this point on. They are both adults and if they have issues with each other they should deal with it on their own instead of trying to get you involved. I would tell your sister that you don't want to hear anything more about them butting heads. If either of them bring up the other to you, tell them that you don't want to get involved and then change the subject.

Do not let this stress you out for one more second. It is immature drama and the two people who can't seem to get along need to grow and up and deal with it.

holyguacamole79 · October 2014

Agree with Maggie. Stay out of it, and firmly tell your sister and friend that you will not be involved. Good luck!

Kauris · October 2014

Every time you get a new text message thread delete it. Then say you didn't get it,nor do you need to get them anymore. Anything between them will have to be worked out between them.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

scribe95 said:

Stop reading them and tell each one the minute they start talking that you aren't listening/don't want to be in it.

Also, why the heck are they communicating if they don't like each other? There is no reason for them to. Just leave each other alone.

Yes! Why are they texting each other at all? Let alone having text wars? They have no reason to speak. Tell them that the next time they call you to put you in the middle of it. "You guys are adults. Deal with it yourselves. Or just stop talking to each other. You only have to behave around each other at any parties and at the wedding. You don't even have to speak to each other at any of these events, but you will not fight."

Oh, and next time your sister decides to threaten to leave the bridal party, call her bluff. Let her leave. Her decision. Stop stressing.

abbyj700 · October 2014

Yeah...I was really wondering if they really dislike each other so much - why in the heck are they even talking?

How old are these girls? This sounds like high school crap to me.

AddieCake · October 2014

What are they even fighting about?

birdybride2014 · October 2014

That sucks, and if I were you, then I too would be feeling the stress from their unnecessary fighting. PPs are right, just step back and say you are no longer involved. If they wish to fight, so be it, but it doesn't need to include yourself.

ohannabelle · October 2014

Best advice I received as a young woman- you can't control anybody else's behavior. You can only control how you respond to it.

Time for you to say enough, and mean it. You can't stop these girls from behaving like assholes, and they are, and they should be ashamed.

You can refuse to hear another word of it, or about it.

If that means you have to stand up and leave the room, and drive home, you do it.

Not your problem, not your behavior, not your stress.

It feels good to take control. It becomes a good habit.

LondonLisa · October 2014

Don't get involved. Don't engage. Don't let them suck you into it. Everytime they call/ text you just say "I do not want to be involved with this issue at all and I refuse to take sides". Lather, rinse, repeat as necessary. Do not get pulled into it, just repeat that phrase. If they won't drop it, end the conversation.

If your sister threatens to quit, call her bluff and say "Well, I'm sorry to hear you would quit over something that has nothing to do with me, but we will miss you at the wedding."

Have they both always been such drama queens?

cowgirl8238 · October 2014

I think the PP have already covered this. There is no reason you need to be involved, so just stop engaging them. If one tries to drag you in, just tell them "I don't want anything to do with this." and move on.

novella1186 · October 2014

I totally agree with PPs. Tell them to quit talking to each other, and when they come to you about this tell them it is not your problem and you don't want to hear it.

It seems like they're enjoying the conflict or something. Why would they continually get into text wars? That's kind of pathetic.

I've learned to say the phrase "not my problem" and it has helped a ton with controlling/avoiding stress. This situation is seriously not your problem. Your sister making that threat and trying to place the burden of her conflict on you is total nonsense and extremely immature. Let her quit if that's how petty and foolish she wants to act.

climbingsingle · October 2014

Yikes. I also agree that you should stay out of it. What are they fighting about??

MairePoppy · October 2014

I just read your older thread on M & M about the problems you've had with your sister. The next time she threatens to quit, accept her resignation.

Ditto the others about telling your sister and your friend not to talk to each other.

HaileyDancingbear · October 2014

FI was dealing with a similar type of crap from his friends recently. Any time his roommate had any problem whatsoever with any of his friends, guess who had to listen to the endless bitching? Any time his roommate was stressed about homework (Which was literally any time he had any homework whatsoever) guess who had to try to calm him down? When their other friend decided driving from her house, to hang out with them, and by hang out I mean watch HIMYM and cry for hours over a recent breakup (THIS HAPPENED A LOT.) Guess who had to deal with coming back to his room and just having a person crying in there for several hours?

Eventually he just flat out told them that he was resigning from the role of being anyone's therapist. There were some panties in a bunch for like five minutes but then they had to just suck it up and stop bothering him.

I recommend you do the same. Just flat out tell both parties that you do not want to hear another word about their arguments or their drama. and when they try to start telling you, or texting you about it, you respond by reminding them that you DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT. They send an image of their text argument, you text back "I don't want to be a part of this. Stop sending me these." They start bitching about "Oh __ said ___ to me" you say "I don't want to be part of it, I don't want to hear about it."

And don't give a single fuck if they get at all upset by that, it's not your problem if they behave like teenagers.

nyiri89 · October 2014

Thanks everyone!

They are fighting because my sister feels as though this friend isn't doing enough to help her. I.e. my sister texts her and said friend never responds. So my sister sent a text message to her and another bridesmaid stating she doesn't feel as though she is getting any help./feedback from them so my sister is just going to do this herself.

To which my friend responded to the effect of "Listen, Princess I have zero sympathy for you".

and that is how the latest saga began. Ugh just shoot me lol

Maggie0829 · October 2014

eb1916 said:

Thanks everyone!

They are fighting because my sister feels as though this friend isn't doing enough to help her. I.e. my sister texts her and said friend never responds. So my sister sent a text message to her and another bridesmaid stating she doesn't feel as though she is getting any help./feedback from them so my sister is just going to do this herself.

To which my friend responded to the effect of "Listen, Princess I have zero sympathy for you".

and that is how the latest saga began. Ugh just shoot me lol

Your sister does realize that these other BMs do not need to help her with planning any shower/party if they don't feel like it right? Not sure if your sister discussed anything with them like their budget and if they even want to help or if she just assumed and is just designating things. But really, grab a glass of wine and ignore any all other forwarded texts.

abbyj700 · October 2014

eb1916 said:

Thanks everyone!

They are fighting because my sister feels as though this friend isn't doing enough to help her. I.e. my sister texts her and said friend never responds. So my sister sent a text message to her and another bridesmaid stating she doesn't feel as though she is getting any help./feedback from them so my sister is just going to do this herself.

To which my friend responded to the effect of "Listen, Princess I have zero sympathy for you".

and that is how the latest saga began. Ugh just shoot me lol

One bridesmaid who is trying to force another to help with things and another who is mature enough to refer to someone as Princess...

Wow...I'm really thankful for the women in my life and my wedding right now.

klk111415 · October 2014

You should stay out of it, as everyone else has said. It will only stress you more.

I had a similar situation in my best friend's wedding. Except I didn't involve the bride. Me and her future sister in-law didn't get along for anything. She was rude, spoke her mind and tore me a new one every second she got. She bitched me out in front of the bride at her bachelorette party that I had worked hard on planning and after that, I decided to stop talking to her and if we did talk, be as pleasant as possible (kill her with kindness technique) On the wedding day we both acted like friends and put our differences aside for the bride. As my fiance said, I didn't have to see her after the wedding day, so suck it up, be pleasant and never speak to her again.

I hope they can both put aside their differences for you.

levioosa · October 2014

kk111415 said:

You should stay out of it, as everyone else has said. It will only stress you more.

I had a similar situation in my best friend's wedding. Except I didn't involve the bride. Me and her future sister in-law didn't get along for anything. She was rude, spoke her mind and tore me a new one every second she got. She bitched me out in front of the bride at her bachelorette party that I had worked hard on planning and after that, I decided to stop talking to her and if we did talk, be as pleasant as possible (kill her with kindness technique) On the wedding day we both acted like friends and put our differences aside for the bride. As my fiance said, I didn't have to see her after the wedding day, so suck it up, be pleasant and never speak to her again.

I hope they can both put aside their differences for you.

Were we in the same wedding?

[Deleted User] · October 2014

I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where I didn't get along with the MOH. We had all gone to college together and were friends back then, but I had developed a backbone in the ensuing years and realized I just didn't like this girl. We looked at each other, knew the feeling was mutual, and got over ourselves. It's been years and I still don't think the bride has any idea of our feelings. That's how hatred is supposed to work when you have a good common friend; silently.

klk111415 · October 2014

levioosa said:

kk111415 said:

You should stay out of it, as everyone else has said. It will only stress you more.

I had a similar situation in my best friend's wedding. Except I didn't involve the bride. Me and her future sister in-law didn't get along for anything. She was rude, spoke her mind and tore me a new one every second she got. She bitched me out in front of the bride at her bachelorette party that I had worked hard on planning and after that, I decided to stop talking to her and if we did talk, be as pleasant as possible (kill her with kindness technique) On the wedding day we both acted like friends and put our differences aside for the bride. As my fiance said, I didn't have to see her after the wedding day, so suck it up, be pleasant and never speak to her again.

I hope they can both put aside their differences for you.

Were we in the same wedding?

Haha... did you have the same experience?

levioosa · October 2014

kk111415 said:

levioosa said:

kk111415 said:

You should stay out of it, as everyone else has said. It will only stress you more.

I had a similar situation in my best friend's wedding. Except I didn't involve the bride. Me and her future sister in-law didn't get along for anything. She was rude, spoke her mind and tore me a new one every second she got. She bitched me out in front of the bride at her bachelorette party that I had worked hard on planning and after that, I decided to stop talking to her and if we did talk, be as pleasant as possible (kill her with kindness technique) On the wedding day we both acted like friends and put our differences aside for the bride. As my fiance said, I didn't have to see her after the wedding day, so suck it up, be pleasant and never speak to her again.

I hope they can both put aside their differences for you.

Were we in the same wedding?

Haha... did you have the same experience?

Omg, wedding experience from hell. MOH hated me. I thought we could be cordial and polite for the wedding (my whole belief is be polite and let bygones be bygones). She apparently did not feel the same way. She sent me several very nasty texts (one of which told me that since she didn't know me--lies, we've known each other for nearly 15 years, I wasn't really part of the wedding party), and also took credit for the bachelorette party that I planned and paid for....which she then canceled without telling me and chewed me out for. She would also snap at me in front of guests (like at the bridal showers) and when no one else was looking. Day of the wedding she wouldn't even look at or acknowledge me. Probably for the best because I was pretty done with all of the bullshit.

I never responded to her texts, because that would have been adding fuel to the fire, and I never brought it to the Bride's attention, but I was so tempted to. I probably will say something in a month or two because of how some things panned out. The whole deal went back to how jealous she was of the Bride's and my friendship (which began when we were 11 years old), but it's been so many years I doubt she even knows why she despises me anymore. I am so eternally grateful the wedding is over and done with. And I never ever have to see her again (*celebration dance*).

It's really unfortunate the OPs BM and sister are including her in these texting wars. And it makes me eternally grateful that I made the right call in not involving the Bride during my fiasco. I don't understand why people can't just be cordial to each other and let it be.

klk111415 · October 2014

Wow, very similar situation. I was actually one of 3 MOHs. Yes, you heard that correct. Bride has two sisters and me, the best friend. It started as one, moved up to 2 and then 3. So this girl was very jealous of the whole not being an MOH. She was pretty trashy, spoke her mind, and told me that I was putting down all of her ideas. I wasn't actually... she wanted to take the bride to a female strip club for her bachelorette. We instead did a cruise to nowhere. So while stuck on the ship, she bitched me out in front of the entire bridal party and her mother who was invited by bride's request. Her mother apologized to me and told me I had done a great job planning and everyone thanked me, but this girl wouldn't drop it. She spent the entire rest of the trip talking trash about me and the rest of the wedding party had to tell her not to involve them. I even apologized to her so we could avoid the drama but that did absolutely nothing. She talked trash to her grandmother and when I went to shake her hand at the bridal shower she said "I know who you are" and glared at me. Fast forward to the wedding and I was totally pleasant to her, complimenting her and helping her with her jewelry. She was finally acting mature, so I was relieved. The three MOHs got up to give speeches (we made sure they were short and different) and guess who walked up with us. Yes, her! Didn't even ask to give a speech- didn't even write one but had to give one. So there were a total of 2 best men, 3 MOH, herself and her mother who gave speeches... I was blown away by this and thankfully the bride was in 7th heaven so she didn't mind. Haven't had to speak to her since, thankfully.

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