Just Engaged and Proposals

What does he think?

My fiancé is out of town working so I am planning most of the wedding myself. He's given me free reign and tells me it's my day but I do want some feedback from him about some decisions. He told me it's mostly stuff that he's not interested in and most importantly he has me! For example, cake tasting. He wants chocolate. If I like it, do it. I want it to be his day too and to be happy is I am going out of my way to do things as a surprise for him like a grooms cake and little details along the way. One thing I have definitely learned and what I love about him is this .. Don't get caught up in the details, stress on the small stuff and live in the moment. I'm a planner and over thinker a little too much sometimes!

Re: What does he think?

  • If you want him to be more involved, ask if there's anything about the wedding he REALLY cares about. Then ask him to handle it. For example, DH really cared a lot about good music and a few other things. So he took care of our DJ and those other things.

    If he honestly doesn't care and would be just as cool if y'all eloped, then I would just take the approach of showing him 3 pictures of things you like and letting him choose. Like, "here are 3 options for centerpieces - what's your preference?" and go with it. 

  • I would just caution you that he may actually care more than he even realizes.

    I could have written your exact post a couple months ago.  But a few decisions in to the process, he realized that he does have an opinion about everything.  So, going forward, he is involved in every single decision.

    It does present a challenge with him being out of town.  Especially since he isn't in an office, and he's in a pretty rural area, so I can't even count on emails going through to his phone.  We make it work and the process has become much smoother and less stressful and has actually brought us closer together because we are planning OUR wedding instead of MY wedding in which he's just a participant.

  • NowIamMrsKleinNowIamMrsKlein Cold Canadian North (British Columbia) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    I'm lucky in the fact that my FI is super involved and excited about the planning. However while he likes being involved in decisions, he doesn't really like the pressure of making arrangements. He gets a little anxious about making cold calls etc. His work schedule is 10 on, 5 off while I work Mon-Fri. So really he has more opportunity than I to do some of the leg work. So we talked about what was most important to him for the wedding (Photography) and that was what he was completely in charge of. It helped get him used to the planning process because it was something that really was important to him. So I definitely suggest asking your FI what his #1 is of what is the most important aspect of the wedding (besides marrying you of course) and ask him to do some research into it. Some people its photography, others want that killer band/DJ, others the most important aspect is the food. Also I definitely recommend giving him options into the rest of the planning, even if he just tells you to do what you want its nice for him to at least have an idea of what your going with. "Here's three bouquets i like, which is your favorite?" " I've narrowed it down to these two DJs for X reasons, what do you think?" ETA: I swear I had paragraphs
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    My husband didn't care about most of the details. I actually found it easier to plan that way. I ran things by him, and he had opinions on some stuff, but it was mostly me making decisions.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • Thanks for all the advice. It sure has helped and he is getting involved with things important to him like the dj :) I appreciate your words of experience and honesty!
  • I love weddings, I have been thinking about my own wedding since I was a little girl. We sound similar... I'm very detail-oriented and a big planner! My fiancé could care less about almost all of it haha. He felt very strongly about how he wanted to propose...it had to be a surprise, it had to be somewhere we could visit and go back to, etc. but there is very little he cares about with the wedding. He cares about the food and cake, he wants a DJ, he cares what he wears and what he drinks...that's pretty much it lol. I still ask his opinion about everything, but he usually doesn't really have one. I think he also just knows me, knows how long I have been dreaming of my wedding, and knows that it just matters so much more to me than to him that its just better to let me do what I want!
  • He's coming around since I posted. I showed him the invites and he had some great points. We are meeting with two DJs tomorrow and that's his thing. Now, if I can tell him we can't invite the whole world. Lol
  • Neither my husband nor I are big "planning" people so we established right up front the stuff he cared about (food and wine). I outsourced the handling of that to him and everything else fell to me. Stuff like my hair, dress, etc were obviously all my decisions but anything more mutual I just ran by him. It worked very well!
  • My FI doesn't seem to share the same "urgency" I have for booking vendors. I actually put a hold on a date at the venue we both love BEFORE he proposed (the venue was booking 17 months in advance already! can you believe it?!)

    Since the FI has told me it's my day and he'll go with whatever I want, I did my research (colors, vendors, design/decor) and presented him with 3-4 options in each category. This way he is involved without having to go through 30 shades of blush and pink. It's also probably because he's a database administrator and he has no idea about colors/ design and event planning. He processes the data I presented to him much better! So far, it's working well for us. The one thing that is solely his responsibility is booking a photobooth, which he still hasn't started his research on ;)
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