Mini-Reception Fail...Lurkers please read

jenajjthr · October 2014

I will first say...the wedding was beautiful, the venue was awesome, and the food was good.

Things the B&G couldn't control...the shuttle from the hotel to the venue was late, so the wedding started late. No biggie, it was nice they held the wedding for the majority of the guests who were riding the shuttle.

Where I did judge....not that the bar was only 3 beers, 2 wines, and 1 cocktail of their choice. They hosted what they could afford and did not have a cash bar for any thing else.....awesome. What I did judge and side eye...The cocktail was not to anybody's liking but the B&G. You could see the full cocktail drinks left at table after table. I tried one..a Moscow Mule, ginger beer, Vodka, Lime juice, didn't like like it very much. Lurkers, when you pick a cocktail for your choices, try to find one that has a pleasant taste. The consensus at our table was that it smelled like sushi.

The other down side was the limited soda, water, and tea. The bartender ran out of soda early in the night, and the water and tea were tucked into a corner in the room and you had to serve yourself. There was no waitstaff for this event, again no biggie, but it would have made my night easier if I had known where to find the water earlier since I didn't want the alcohol choices.

Also...if you host alcohol AND have an time after the ceremony for pictures but before you serve dinner, please please please serve something more than small bowls of chex mix on only 4 small tables. There were no appetizers for the cocktail hour. So free alcohol and no food. Lots of people were getting a little buzzed. The dinner was buffet, tables were called one by one, so some tables had to wait longer than others, more time for empty stomachs and more alcohol. Not a good combo.

Other than that - everything else was awesome.

lyndausvi · October 2014

So right on drink choices. The last wedding I worked has vodka gimlet shooters. No only shots allowed. So random and many guests were like "huh?"

I'm not a fan of specially cocktails. Rarely is the drink a crowd pleaser. Sometimes people just make up a drink because it matches their "color" or some other theme. ::rolls eyes::

sarals24 · October 2014

We had four specialty cocktails, but we also had a full bar of pretty much every type of alcohol you could want (we could bring our own alcohol/mixers to the venue). The bar staff said afterward that they pretty much only served the specialty cocktails and Scotch, since we had a pretty nice one. I guess it depends on what you are offering...we did a Moscow Mule (I freaking love Moscow Mules, I'm sorry yours wasn't good!) a Manhattan, a champagne cocktail with limoncello and lemon juice, and a Kir Royale (the most popular one, it's champagne with Creme de Cassis).

Having just one specialty cocktail, with, say vodka in it but not allowing guests to have a vodka tonic is strange to me. I've been to some weddings like that. I always want to tell them to just add the vodka to a Diet Coke or whatever instead of whatever cocktail mixers, but nooooo.

larrygaga · October 2014

You literally got me all excited for a really bad wedding story and it turns out you didn't like the fucking cocktail and there wasn't food available at every second for you.

lyndausvi · October 2014

I think that no food during cocktail is a horrible idea. I'm not saying you have to have a full blown buffet during cocktail hour, but something other than chex mix. Cheese, crackers, veggies and dip or something simple like that is all you need.

I think it's a legit comment that others planning a wedding should take note of. Which is the purpose of these boards.

AddieCake · October 2014

No food for cocktail hour and only specialty cocktails that nobody liked would be a big deal to me, too.

huskypuppy14 · October 2014

The specialty cocktail wouldn't bother me, it's what they decided to serve, that isn't an etiquette breach. However, they should have had more non alcoholic drinks. Running out of soda isn't good.

I'd be annoyed at the no food during cocktail hour. But when you have a buffet dinner, it's usually not possible for every table to go up at the same time unless you have a small wedding.

There are definitely things that could have been improved, but it's not even close to the worst wedding in the world.

Fran1985 · October 2014

But if serving beer and wine only is ok, why is having a speciality cocktail that you like not ok? I dont know, if you are doing everything else right I think you should be able to have the cocktail you like at your wedding.

Aray82 · October 2014

We wanted Moscow Mules as a signature cocktail (full open bar with other drinks would be available too) but our venue manager talked us out of it and I'm so glad he did in retrospect. He showed us cases of pomegranate liquor in his office leftover from a sig drink everyone hated but the b&g. We LOVE MMs but they'd be too sweet for other guests most likely (never heard the sushi thing though!) I'm also a hangry beast if I've been drinking for awhile so I'd probably be scavenging every table for alllll the Chex mix.

lyndausvi · October 2014

There is nothing wrong with a specialty cocktail. There isn't anything wrong having one that isn't popular with the guests. However, I do not understand wasting money on something that is not popular with your guests. It's just a waste.

So my point as a someone who has worked a lot of weddings and seen a lot of guests not like the speciality is if you are going to spend the extra money, I feel you get more bang for your buck picking something that is popular with the masses.

@sarais24 had 4. Which is great because more variety. But if you only have one, you should make it a good one. And picking one solely because it matches your colors is just silly IMO.

As an observer, the couple often times forget about the special drink (there is just so much going on). Seriously, I see many couples with just wine or champagne, then a light bulbs goes off and they are like "oh, I forgot about [insert the drink]". They barely have a sip when they are off again.

AddieCake · October 2014

Fran1985 said:

But if serving beer and wine only is ok, why is having a speciality cocktail that you like not ok? I dont know, if you are doing everything else right I think you should be able to have the cocktail you like at your wedding.

True, but I still think you should "please the masses."

jenajjthr · October 2014

This is why I said "mini" fail. Overall the reception was great. The food was good, and no I don't expect a wedding buffet to be all you can eat. But if you are serving free alcohol, but not serving "some" of your guests food for over 2 hours, then MAYBE you should put out more than 4 small bowls of chex mix to tide them over.

Like a PP said, cheese and crackers would have been cheap and filling. A cocktail hour with free alcohol and no food is really not a good idea.

I'm not a wine or beer drinker, but if that is all the B & G can host, then that is all they can host. I'm fine on water or soda. I got one soda and then it was gone. Oh well, water it was, but because it was hidden in the corner and no waitstaff (there was family(?) doing a lot of the cleaning up, telling us what to do, it took me awhile to find it.

As for only 1 cocktail, I get it is the B & G choice, but we tell people once you start inviting people the reception is not about you anymore. You should take your guests comfort in mind. I love the cocktail "Zombie" but it has so much liquor in it, that it is not one that most people like. A more generic drink is better suited to large crowds. Or if you want your "special" drink, splurge for 2 or 3 cocktail drinks, not just one.

If you do want a story of one the worst weddings ever, I still have mutual friends with my ex. Before I could stop them, I got to hear the wonders of his second wedding. Again, lovely parts interspersed with "Huh?"

huskypuppy14 · October 2014

jenajjthr said:

This is why I said "mini" fail. Overall the reception was great. The food was good, and no I don't expect a wedding buffet to be all you can eat. But if you are serving free alcohol, but not serving "some" of your guests food for over 2 hours, then MAYBE you should put out more than 4 small bowls of chex mix to tide them over.

Like a PP said, cheese and crackers would have been cheap and filling. A cocktail hour with free alcohol and no food is really not a good idea.

I'm not a wine or beer drinker, but if that is all the B & G can host, then that is all they can host. I'm fine on water or soda. I got one soda and then it was gone. Oh well, water it was, but because it was hidden in the corner and no waitstaff (there was family(?) doing a lot of the cleaning up, telling us what to do, it took me awhile to find it.

As for only 1 cocktail, I get it is the B & G choice, but we tell people once you start inviting people the reception is not about you anymore. You should take your guests comfort in mind. I love the cocktail "Zombie" but it has so much liquor in it, that it is not one that most people like. A more generic drink is better suited to large crowds. Or if you want your "special" drink, splurge for 2 or 3 cocktail drinks, not just one.

If you do want a story of one the worst weddings ever, I still have mutual friends with my ex. Before I could stop them, I got to hear the wonders of his second wedding. Again, lovely parts interspersed with "Huh?"

Do tell!

larrygaga · October 2014

jenajjthr said:

This is why I said "mini" fail. Overall the reception was great. The food was good, and no I don't expect a wedding buffet to be all you can eat. But if you are serving free alcohol, but not serving "some" of your guests food for over 2 hours, then MAYBE you should put out more than 4 small bowls of chex mix to tide them over.

Like a PP said, cheese and crackers would have been cheap and filling. A cocktail hour with free alcohol and no food is really not a good idea.

I'm not a wine or beer drinker, but if that is all the B & G can host, then that is all they can host. I'm fine on water or soda. I got one soda and then it was gone. Oh well, water it was, but because it was hidden in the corner and no waitstaff (there was family(?) doing a lot of the cleaning up, telling us what to do, it took me awhile to find it.

As for only 1 cocktail, I get it is the B & G choice, but we tell people once you start inviting people the reception is not about you anymore. You should take your guests comfort in mind. I love the cocktail "Zombie" but it has so much liquor in it, that it is not one that most people like. A more generic drink is better suited to large crowds. Or if you want your "special" drink, splurge for 2 or 3 cocktail drinks, not just one.

If you do want a story of one the worst weddings ever, I still have mutual friends with my ex. Before I could stop them, I got to hear the wonders of his second wedding. Again, lovely parts interspersed with "Huh?"

Yes, girl tell this story. We don't want to discourage good ettiqute by being snarky anyway, otherwise people will just be rude because no matter what someone will talk shit.

At least, that's how I would take it.

Brides might being to think that if you are going to bitch about free drinks, pay for it yourself with a cash bar!

jenajjthr · October 2014

Lovely parts...outside in a park, by a lake, she is pagan (included in the wedding), his Scottish ancestry..so my sons in kilts, close to sunset.

Huh? parts.....It's a state park and you have to pay a per person admission. So on the invite they state that the guests have to pay this. And you should bring your own lawn chair. Then they make announcement to the guests that B & G are leaving and can't help clean up please stay and help. My kids (who I was told would be dropped off by 11) showed up around 1 am, said that Dad got mad at all of his "friends" who didn't stay and help his elderly parents clean up the wedding site. I don't know how Dad knew this, didn't ask, just got them off to bed.

Never would I make my guests pay to come see my wedding, drag chairs to watch it, then help clean up afterwards. Then be mad at my friends because they left. This is my Ex....narcissist to the extreme....it's all about ME!

lyndausvi · October 2014

larrygaga said:

jenajjthr said:

This is why I said "mini" fail. Overall the reception was great. The food was good, and no I don't expect a wedding buffet to be all you can eat. But if you are serving free alcohol, but not serving "some" of your guests food for over 2 hours, then MAYBE you should put out more than 4 small bowls of chex mix to tide them over.

Like a PP said, cheese and crackers would have been cheap and filling. A cocktail hour with free alcohol and no food is really not a good idea.

I'm not a wine or beer drinker, but if that is all the B & G can host, then that is all they can host. I'm fine on water or soda. I got one soda and then it was gone. Oh well, water it was, but because it was hidden in the corner and no waitstaff (there was family(?) doing a lot of the cleaning up, telling us what to do, it took me awhile to find it.

As for only 1 cocktail, I get it is the B & G choice, but we tell people once you start inviting people the reception is not about you anymore. You should take your guests comfort in mind. I love the cocktail "Zombie" but it has so much liquor in it, that it is not one that most people like. A more generic drink is better suited to large crowds. Or if you want your "special" drink, splurge for 2 or 3 cocktail drinks, not just one.

If you do want a story of one the worst weddings ever, I still have mutual friends with my ex. Before I could stop them, I got to hear the wonders of his second wedding. Again, lovely parts interspersed with "Huh?"

Yes, girl tell this story. We don't want to discourage good ettiqute by being snarky anyway, otherwise people will just be rude because no matter what someone will talk shit.

At least, that's how I would take it.

Brides might being to think that if you are going to bitch about free drinks, pay for it yourself with a cash bar!

I think feedback is good. Not all feedback are complaints. Sometimes they are just observations. I see the invoices of weddings preformed at the club. I sometimes feel bad knowing a couple just dropped a good amount of money on something the guests just do not like. Often times the speciality drink they choose is one of those items. Sometimes a good idea sounds really good on paper, but do not execute well.

jenajjthr · October 2014

For the PP's who like Moscow Mules, maybe it's how your bartender made them/served them. I went out today, shopping for new bedding for my son and happened to see a specialty cup for this drink. Does it matter what cup it is in? The drink wasn't the worst, but it wasn't a pleasant drink either. Maybe the ginger beer or vodka they choose to put in it? Like I said, the consensus at our table was it smelled like sushi. Hopefully that isn't typical.

larrygaga · October 2014

I'll add that I love Moscow Mules and they are pretty popular where I'm from. It could be the quality of the ginger beer, because ginger flavored drinks are either delicous or terrible.

iloveotters2014 · October 2014

I am actually surprised that people didn't like the moscow mule. It's a pretty common drink where I am from and not that obscure of a cocktail. Actually I would consider that a pretty safe choice for a signature drink. It's the super sweet fruity ones that bug me.

We actually had beer, wine and 2 signature drinks at my wedding. One was a vodka soda and the other was a kentucky mule...which is just like a moscow mule but with bourbon. It was a big hit.

bunnyprincess2014 · October 2014

larrygaga said:

I'll add that I love Moscow Mules and they are pretty popular where I'm from. It could be the quality of the ginger beer, because ginger flavored drinks are either delicous or terrible.

Yeah, where I am Moscow Mules are super popular and generally well liked. I would think it is a good choice for a sig drink. I think with sig drinks there is never going to be something everyone enjoys, usually because most people have certain liquors they don't like (I can't stand scotch, whiskey, or bourbon), or flavor sets they don't like (like super sweet drinks). I wonder if the wedding you went to just had shitty bartending or really crappy quality liquor. If a bride and groom host open beer and wine, I see a sig drink as icing on the cake. Even if it's something I hate, that's more about personal taste and not etiquette IMHO. H and I meant to do mai tais as our sig drink (since it included ingredients that weren't in our normal open bar package) but we completely forgot. Boo!

Fairyjen1 · October 2014

I don't see the cocktail not being to your liking as judgeworthy. If they only had beer, wine, soda, tea and water (that's exactly what I had at my wedding), they'd be good, but add in that cocktail and , boom, a breach of etiquette!

I definitely think running out of soda and having the water be hard to find is definitely judge worthy, however.

I think whatever signature cocktail you pick, someone is not going to like it. I can't even tell you what most of my guest would have liked as they all have such different tastes. I don't see the issue with the B & G picking their favorite cocktail unless it's something really odd. The only sure thing is that whatever they pick, someone won't like it!

JellyBean52513 · October 2014

I back up everybody who is saying that you must have an adequate amount of food during cocktail hour. I just returned home from a work event tonight where wine & beer was served, plus passed hors d'oeuvres. The bar was open, and while I only had 2 glasses of wine, that bartender had a pretty heavy hand (wasn't complaining about that!). I hadn't eaten before this event because I was told there would be food served. Turns out the food was a selection of about 4-5 amuse-bouche style bites that did nothing at all to soak up the wine. I had to sip my second glass reeeeeally slowly, because I could feel myself getting a little too buzzed and my stomach was growling the whole time.

Something similar happened at my boss's shower. She warned us all at work at "come hungry!" because there would be plenty of food served. While there certainly was a good amount of food served, the food service didn't begin until about an hour and a half into the shower, after the free unlimited champagne service was well under way, after which the drink service switched to a white or red wine. Seriously, you tell me to come hungry and then keep refilling my glass of alcohol, I'm not anticipating to have to wait that long before I get some food in my stomach.

short+sassy · October 2014

Really concur on a cocktail hour without enough food. I am normally not that sensitive to alcohol, but if I drink even a little bit on an empty stomach, it is a whole nother story. There is nothing that will make me feel sick faster. If I'd been at that reception, I would have had to forego any alcohol until there was food in my belly!

KatieinBkln · October 2014

Moscow Mules are delicious and totally normal! It's possible the vodka was low quality or the ginger beer was extra potent (that was probably the "sushi" smell, if it reminded them of picked ginger).

Ya gotta have munchies at the cocktail hour, though.

amelisha · October 2014

I bartended my way through university and can confirm that a Moscow Mule is a pretty "standard" choice...it's a very classic cocktail and I would have considered it a good choice for a group as it's neither very strong nor very sweet and contains vodka, which most people don't have a problem with. Sorry that theirs was bad but I don't consider that a poor choice at all.

My guess, as was previously mentioned, was that the ginger beer wasn't of decent quality and therefore reminded guests of the pink pickled ginger served with low-quality sushi.

poodledoodleooo · October 2014

I actually have a question about the chex-mix for "cocktail hour' because I went to a wedding that did this and thought it was genius. Granted it wasn't a full "hour" more of a "cocktail 20 minute transition" For their wedding, the ceremony and reception were in the same location. The ceremony was at 4 p.m. lasted about 30 minutes. They followed it up with a receiving line (which took me about 15 minutes to get through - I was sitting in the back). After that, they had a cocktail area open before they opened the hall to dinner, so I grabbed a drink and chatted with a few friends for about 15 minutes before finding my seat in the reception hall. Dinner was served shortly after we sat down.

I thought the chex-mix more than sufficed for this situation. I probably only drank about 1/4 of my glass of wine during the cocktail "hour," so I definitely wasn't getting tipsy, but thought it was nice to have a little something to munch on as well.

For my wedding, our ceremony is in a different location - there is about a 15-20 minute drive between the two. Our ceremony is at 3 p.m., about a half hour long. With a receiving line and general post ceremony mingling, we expect people to start leaving around 3:45 - 4 p.m. for the reception location and arriving between 4 and 4:15 p.m. Groom and I are planning to leave around 4:20 to make sure everything is accounted for. At the reception, the bar will be open (wine, beer and non alcoholic drinks only). We plan on doing a Bride and Groom "entrance" at around 4:45 and begin serving dinner immediately after. I get that this could be nearly an hour for some who bolt from the ceremony location, but for others if not most, it will be closer to half an hour. Not including the time it takes to go actually get everyone to be all settled in at the their tables.

Do you think little munchies or snacks like chex mix or pretzels will be too little in this situation? I really don't want a full cocktail hour for several reasons, lack of true space, they take too much time (IMO), I want to eat the dinner and get on with the dancing! I am not taking photos after the ceremony so I won't really need the extra time a cocktail hour provides, but I do want something out there for the guests who make a beeline for the reception and get there way earlier than anticipated.

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

ETA: Sorry if I'm hijacking this thread - let me know if I should post a separate one.

hellohkb · October 2014

I actually just read in a bridal magazine last night that Moscow Mules are going to be the next "it"drink for weddings. Pretty interesting, imo.

esstee33 · October 2014

Add me to the list of people surprised the Moscow Mule didn't go over well. They were insanely popular this summer in both my city and FI's (2 hours apart). I even see the copper cups for them at the grocery store!

lyndausvi · October 2014

esstee33 said:

Add me to the list of people surprised the Moscow Mule didn't go over well. They were insanely popular this summer in both my city and FI's (2 hours apart). I even see the copper cups for them at the grocery store!

The OP's Moscow Mule seems to have sucked. So it might not have been the popularity but the quality. As a planner you need to ask if "I pick this drink can it be executed properly?" Making 1 Moscow Mule is one thing. Making it in bulk is completely different. Are they going to use cheap vodka and bad ginger ale? That will certainly change the taste. Are they going to make them in batches to cover the rush of when cocktail hour starts? That will also change the taste.

The reason I like these types of discussions is because it makes people think. Too many people blindly pick something like their favorite drink and just think it will work. A Grey Goose Moscow Mule is going to taste a lot different then a Gordon's Moscow Mule. A Moscow Mule make to order is going to taste different than a batch of Moscow Mules.

It's not always as simple as picking a drink. You need to ask how is this going to turn out in large group situation?

STARMOON44 · October 2014

Is there a universally popular cocktail though? I'm unaware of one. A Moscow mule would be a huge hit with me, but if they were serving rum and coke I wouldn't complain it wasn't nice because I don't like coke.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

I have never heard of a Moscow mule before, but then again I prefer beer and wine over a mixed drink.

But like Lynda said, when it comes to signature drinks it really needs to be something that can be made in large batches, because I seriously doubt the bartenders are going to be making them one at a time, and quality of ingredients is super important. A lot of couples are all "Ooh a sig drink would be such a cute idea! Let's have X as our sig drink!" They don't take the time to think if that choice will be liked by a large quantity of people or if it will actually taste good when made in large batches. Personally I think sig drinks are a waste of money.

In conclusion, when planning a large event you need to appeal to the masses with everything you offer to your guests.

Mini-Reception Fail...Lurkers please read

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