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How to nicely tell wedding guests [that] their phones aren't invited

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Re: How to nicely tell wedding guests [that] their phones aren't invited

  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    We've watched our ceremony video a couple of times (shot by one of DH's colleagues - we didn't ask, it's just something he likes to do for fun and it came out lovely). We didn't hear a single cell phone go off. We didn't even have to put up a sign with a cutesy poem or have our officiant tell people to turn their phones off. Shocking, I know!
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    I was hanging out with friends this weekend, when one of my friends was on FB and then asked "what is an unplugged wedding?" to which I responded, "it's some stupid ploy to get people to not use their cell phones at a wedding"  and she responded, "O, well our friend here is going to have one of those and it's all over her facebook... "to which I said, "well that's pretty rude of her to do that... I'm not letting anyone tell me how to use my phone." this is also the girl who posts several wedding updates a week ranging from, "we are 380 days away!" to... "we just purchased our new bed linens.  I'm so glad we will be sleeping in comfort now..." 

    2 things in regards to this unplugged crap..

    1.  if you have to worry about maybe a couple of  pictures that you get back from your photographer with someone in it videotaping/photographing, then you probably have too much time on your hands.

    2.  the first pictures you will get to see from your wedding will more than likely be cell phone candids.  so don't sit here and tell me that you would rather wait 6-8 weeks for your pro pics to come back rather than have the pic aunt mary took as you were at the altar with your hubby. nope.

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  • klk111415klk111415 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    I would never ask guests to hand over their phones.  I will however ask them to not take photos during the ceremony "we want to see your faces not your devices".  I have pretty strong feelings after the last wedding I attended where the bride's uncle got up during the ceremony and walked BEHIND the bride and groom to get photos with his stupid smart phone.  It was a huge distraction for guests. And he was getting in the photographers way the whole time. Not cool. 
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  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    kk111415 said:
    I would never ask guests to hand over their phones.  I will however ask them to not take photos during the ceremony "we want to see your faces not your devices".  I have pretty strong feelings after the last wedding I attended where the bride's uncle got up during the ceremony and walked BEHIND the bride and groom to get photos with his stupid smart phone.  It was a huge distraction for guests. And he was getting in the photographers way the whole time. Not cool. 
    People can be rude. You shouldn't be. That would be annoying. You deal with it. You move on. You don't tell guests how to be guests.
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    kk111415 said:
    I would never ask guests to hand over their phones.  I will however ask them to not take photos during the ceremony "we want to see your faces not your devices".  I have pretty strong feelings after the last wedding I attended where the bride's uncle got up during the ceremony and walked BEHIND the bride and groom to get photos with his stupid smart phone.  It was a huge distraction for guests. And he was getting in the photographers way the whole time. Not cool. 
    Um, NO. This is tacky as hell. You don't get to tell your guests how to behave.

    And regardless of whatever tacky ass demand you make, rude people (the kind who walk behind the groom, stand in the middle of the aisle, etc.) will still be rude. All you gain by making demands of your guests is a reputation of a rude host.
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  • klk111415klk111415 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    lolo883 said:
    I would never ask guests to hand over their phones.  I will however ask them to not take photos during the ceremony "we want to see your faces not your devices".  I have pretty strong feelings after the last wedding I attended where the bride's uncle got up during the ceremony and walked BEHIND the bride and groom to get photos with his stupid smart phone.  It was a huge distraction for guests. And he was getting in the photographers way the whole time. Not cool. 
    The only person's face I saw during my wedding was my husband's. I didn't look at another soul. On the other hand, when a friend put that line in her program AND announced it to all of her guests via Facebook message, it didn't stop her uncle from recording the whole ceremony on his iPad. I think the solution is to not invite uncles.
    Oh god, ipads are even worse.  I'm extremely opinionated about the whole technology being absent because it's seriously getting out of hand.  I watch couples go on dates where they don't even look up at their date or have a conversation because they are too busy on facebook.  Just put the phone down and enjoy the company that you have right in front of you!   

    I'm aware people will still take photos and disregard what is said but we are going to say: "M and K invite you to be truly present at this special time. Please, turn off your cell phones and put down your cameras. The photographer will capture how this moment looks -- I encourage you all to capture how it feels with your hearts, without the distraction of technology." 

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  • klk111415klk111415 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    Oh.  I had no idea.  I still think that people need to learn to put down the cell phone and live in the moment.  I don't need someone live tweeting my ceremony, or taking photos with their smartphones. We will be sharing our professional wedding photos with everyone after the wedding, anyway.  

    It's also just a suggestion.  I know people will do what they want, but I'm hoping they will be watching the ceremony directly and not through the screen of their smartphone/ipad.

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  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    kk111415 said:
    Oh.  I had no idea.  I still think that people need to learn to put down the cell phone and live in the moment.  I don't need someone live tweeting my ceremony, or taking photos with their smartphones. We will be sharing our professional wedding photos with everyone after the wedding, anyway.  

    It's also just a suggestion.  I know people will do what they want, but I'm hoping they will be watching the ceremony directly and not through the screen of their smartphone/ipad.

    If people are going to do what they want anyway, why also make an announcement that may well offend others? And honestly, not everyone from your wedding is going to have access to your pro pics - just be grateful that they love you enough to want to take pictures to remember your wedding by.
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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    beethery said:
    lolo883 said:
    I would never ask guests to hand over their phones.  I will however ask them to not take photos during the ceremony "we want to see your faces not your devices".  I have pretty strong feelings after the last wedding I attended where the bride's uncle got up during the ceremony and walked BEHIND the bride and groom to get photos with his stupid smart phone.  It was a huge distraction for guests. And he was getting in the photographers way the whole time. Not cool. 
    The only person's face I saw during my wedding was my husband's. I didn't look at another soul. On the other hand, when a friend put that line in her program AND announced it to all of her guests via Facebook message, it didn't stop her uncle from recording the whole ceremony on his iPad. I think the solution is to not invite uncles.
    Oh god, ipads are even worse.  I'm extremely opinionated about the whole technology being absent because it's seriously getting out of hand.  I watch couples go on dates where they don't even look up at their date or have a conversation because they are too busy on facebook.  Just put the phone down and enjoy the company that you have right in front of you!   

    I'm aware people will still take photos and disregard what is said but we are going to say: "M and K invite you to be truly present at this special time. Please, turn off your cell phones and put down your cameras. The photographer will capture how this moment looks -- I encourage you all to capture how it feels with your hearts, without the distraction of technology." 

    And of course... then there is this: http://lover.ly/planning/photo-video/these-ruined-photos-will-make-you-want-to-have-an-unplugged-wedding/16818/?sr_source=lift_facebook&utm_source=ruinedphotos-realsimple&utm_medium=social-facebook&utm_campaign=ruinedphotos-realsimple#.VES1rqImYl4.twitter
     
    We've been over all this same stuff in other threads. The article written by that crap-ass photographer as well. No photographer worth their salt would have gone about shit the way she did.

    Ditto.  I would also like to add that the likelyhood of these so called "ruined photos" going thru editing and making it to the final photos that you receive, are probably slim to nil.  This article is just another way that the wedding industry is directing brides to be rude by having a so called "cool" "trendy" title for something that is incredibly rude.  Goes right along with cutesy poems and signs.  The percentage of people ruining your photos at your wedding is very low, if your photographer is a professional and has experience shooting weddings. 
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  • PrincessOfHavocPrincessOfHavoc member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I still want to know exactly how many cameras are involved in those white out pictures. Because seriously, we couldn't do anything close to that at brother and SIL rehearsal. And all my DNC 2014 pictures didn't white out and there was a shit load of camera flashes.
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  • PrincessOfHavocPrincessOfHavoc member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Evidence that I am a crappy photographer, but there was way more light than a wedding.
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  • klk111415klk111415 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    I myself have had white out pictures with a point and shoot at weddings but I wasn't using a fancy camera or anything.  But I don't really think it's rude to tell people that we want them to experience the ceremony.  I think most people will respect our wishes.  I used to take photos like everyone else during the ceremony- but I realized it would be over and I would have no idea what they said to each other.  So I stopped doing that, and started to really enjoy the ceremony.  And if I was asked to not take photos during a ceremony, I would be totally fine with that.  It's not my wedding! And we aren't telling people not to take photos during the rest of the wedding.

    And our guests will have access to our professional photos.  We are giving them a card with the website and password so they have the same access to the hi-res photos that we do.  We want them to have access to all of our photos because we will have a photo booth set up and want people to get to see the photos and make copies/prints after the wedding.
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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    kk111415 said:
    I myself have had white out pictures with a point and shoot at weddings but I wasn't using a fancy camera or anything.  But I don't really think it's rude to tell people that we want them to experience the ceremony.  I think most people will respect our wishes.  I used to take photos like everyone else during the ceremony- but I realized it would be over and I would have no idea what they said to each other.  So I stopped doing that, and started to really enjoy the ceremony.  And if I was asked to not take photos during a ceremony, I would be totally fine with that.  It's not my wedding! And we aren't telling people not to take photos during the rest of the wedding.

    And our guests will have access to our professional photos.  We are giving them a card with the website and password so they have the same access to the hi-res photos that we do.  We want them to have access to all of our photos because we will have a photo booth set up and want people to get to see the photos and make copies/prints after the wedding.

    Just because you don't think it's rude, doesn't mean that other people will think the same.  How do you propose that you will tell everyone that you just want them to "enjoy the ceremony" ? I don't understand how snapping 1-2 pictures on your phone prohibits you from enjoying the ceremony, but that's neither here nor there.
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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    cupcait927 said:
    kk111415 said:
    I myself have had white out pictures with a point and shoot at weddings but I wasn't using a fancy camera or anything.  But I don't really think it's rude to tell people that we want them to experience the ceremony.  I think most people will respect our wishes.  I used to take photos like everyone else during the ceremony- but I realized it would be over and I would have no idea what they said to each other.  So I stopped doing that, and started to really enjoy the ceremony.  And if I was asked to not take photos during a ceremony, I would be totally fine with that.  It's not my wedding! And we aren't telling people not to take photos during the rest of the wedding.

    And our guests will have access to our professional photos.  We are giving them a card with the website and password so they have the same access to the hi-res photos that we do.  We want them to have access to all of our photos because we will have a photo booth set up and want people to get to see the photos and make copies/prints after the wedding.

    Have fun waiting for your professional photos to come back then. I think I've looked at the candid pictures people posted on FB of our ceremony about every other day since I got married a month ago, waiting for our pro pics to be finished. I couldn't imagine not having those to look at, and how honored I felt that my family and friends wanted to capture the moment. Thanks to cellphones and social media, family and friends that couldn't make it to the wedding were so happy to see those candid pictures in the days after our wedding.
    My thoughts exactly.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited October 2014
    kk111415 said:
    I myself have had white out pictures with a point and shoot at weddings but I wasn't using a fancy camera or anything.  But I don't really think it's rude to tell people that we want them to experience the ceremony.  I think most people will respect our wishes.  I used to take photos like everyone else during the ceremony- but I realized it would be over and I would have no idea what they said to each other.  So I stopped doing that, and started to really enjoy the ceremony.  And if I was asked to not take photos during a ceremony, I would be totally fine with that.  It's not my wedding! And we aren't telling people not to take photos during the rest of the wedding.

    And our guests will have access to our professional photos.  We are giving them a card with the website and password so they have the same access to the hi-res photos that we do.  We want them to have access to all of our photos because we will have a photo booth set up and want people to get to see the photos and make copies/prints after the wedding.
    First bolded - it's presumptuous to assume that anyone cares to capture the ceremony in their heart or whatever bullshit. People may truly love you and wish the best for you and still not give two craps about "experiencing" Paul's letter to the Corinthians again. It's also presumptuous to assume that your wedding is the absolute most important thing in the entire world at that moment. Sometimes people have other shit they need to check on at that moment, and can do it discretely. 

    Second bolded - do your eyes and ears not function simultaneously? I can take a picture of something while I listen to what's going on. Is that a miracle of evolution or something? Can everyone not do this?

    Listen, at first, I bought all the hype from that article too. A photographer friend posted (but didn't write) it, and I bought it hook, line and sinker. I thought I could come up with some line about how people didn't need to worry about taking pictures because we'd share ours - skipping the part about "being fully present" because I knew that was bull honky. But then I realized... that friend is not a very good wedding photographer, so she would be bothered by those things. My wedding photographer assured me that it's garbage and she takes SO MANY pictures, there wasn't anything to worry about. She wasn't only taking ONE shot of the special moments, to allow them to be ruined by anyone else's flash. If someone would rather play Candy Crush than watch me gaze lovingly at my FI, whatthefuckever. I sure as hell wasn't going to notice. 

    ETA also, I've been married for 1 month, 2 weeks and 1 day and have seen precisely zero wedding pics. They won't be available until November 10. 
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    lolo883 said:
    do your eyes and ears not function simultaneously? I can take a picture of something while I listen to what's going on. Is that a miracle of evolution or something? Can everyone not do this?

    image
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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    lolo883 said:
    kk111415 said:
    I myself have had white out pictures with a point and shoot at weddings but I wasn't using a fancy camera or anything.  But I don't really think it's rude to tell people that we want them to experience the ceremony.  I think most people will respect our wishes.  I used to take photos like everyone else during the ceremony- but I realized it would be over and I would have no idea what they said to each other.  So I stopped doing that, and started to really enjoy the ceremony.  And if I was asked to not take photos during a ceremony, I would be totally fine with that.  It's not my wedding! And we aren't telling people not to take photos during the rest of the wedding.

    And our guests will have access to our professional photos.  We are giving them a card with the website and password so they have the same access to the hi-res photos that we do.  We want them to have access to all of our photos because we will have a photo booth set up and want people to get to see the photos and make copies/prints after the wedding.
    First bolded - it's presumptuous to assume that anyone cares to capture the ceremony in their heart or whatever bullshit. People may truly love you and wish the best for you and still not give two craps about "experiencing" Paul's letter to the Corinthians again. It's also presumptuous to assume that your wedding is the absolute most important thing in the entire world at that moment. Sometimes people have other shit they need to check on at that moment, and can do it discretely. 

    Second bolded - do your eyes and ears not function simultaneously? I can take a picture of something while I listen to what's going on. Is that a miracle of evolution or something? Can everyone not do this?

    Listen, at first, I bought all the hype from that article too. A photographer friend posted (but didn't write) it, and I bought it hook, line and sinker. I thought I could come up with some line about how people didn't need to worry about taking pictures because we'd share ours - skipping the part about "being fully present" because I knew that was bull honky. But then I realized... that friend is not a very good wedding photographer, so she would be bothered by those things. My wedding photographer assured me that it's garbage and she takes SO MANY pictures, there wasn't anything to worry about. She wasn't only taking ONE shot of the special moments, to allow them to be ruined by anyone else's flash. If someone would rather play Candy Crush than watch me gaze lovingly at my FI, whatthefuckever. I sure as hell wasn't going to notice. 

    ETA also, I've been married for 1 month, 2 weeks and 1 day and have seen precisely zero wedding pics. They won't be available until November 10. 

    Preach!
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    plainjane0415 said:
    lolo883 said:
    kk111415 said:
    I myself have had white out pictures with a point and shoot at weddings but I wasn't using a fancy camera or anything.  But I don't really think it's rude to tell people that we want them to experience the ceremony.  I think most people will respect our wishes.  I used to take photos like everyone else during the ceremony- but I realized it would be over and I would have no idea what they said to each other.  So I stopped doing that, and started to really enjoy the ceremony.  And if I was asked to not take photos during a ceremony, I would be totally fine with that.  It's not my wedding! And we aren't telling people not to take photos during the rest of the wedding.

    And our guests will have access to our professional photos.  We are giving them a card with the website and password so they have the same access to the hi-res photos that we do.  We want them to have access to all of our photos because we will have a photo booth set up and want people to get to see the photos and make copies/prints after the wedding.
    First bolded - it's presumptuous to assume that anyone cares to capture the ceremony in their heart or whatever bullshit. People may truly love you and wish the best for you and still not give two craps about "experiencing" Paul's letter to the Corinthians again. It's also presumptuous to assume that your wedding is the absolute most important thing in the entire world at that moment. Sometimes people have other shit they need to check on at that moment, and can do it discretely. 

    Second bolded - do your eyes and ears not function simultaneously? I can take a picture of something while I listen to what's going on. Is that a miracle of evolution or something? Can everyone not do this?

    Listen, at first, I bought all the hype from that article too. A photographer friend posted (but didn't write) it, and I bought it hook, line and sinker. I thought I could come up with some line about how people didn't need to worry about taking pictures because we'd share ours - skipping the part about "being fully present" because I knew that was bull honky. But then I realized... that friend is not a very good wedding photographer, so she would be bothered by those things. My wedding photographer assured me that it's garbage and she takes SO MANY pictures, there wasn't anything to worry about. She wasn't only taking ONE shot of the special moments, to allow them to be ruined by anyone else's flash. If someone would rather play Candy Crush than watch me gaze lovingly at my FI, whatthefuckever. I sure as hell wasn't going to notice. 

    ETA also, I've been married for 1 month, 2 weeks and 1 day and have seen precisely zero wedding pics. They won't be available until November 10. 

    Preach!
    image
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • Knottie59641725Knottie59641725 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    i am asking people to not stand in the aisle to take pics.. i paid for a photographer and i don't want then in the way when he is trying to take pics... If you must take pictures do it later.. or from your seat. 
    I have seen so many pictures ruined by the random wedding guest standing in the way or in the aisle and blocking the photographer. 
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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Knottie59641725 said:
    i am asking people to not stand in the aisle to take pics.. i paid for a photographer and i don't want then in the way when he is trying to take pics... If you must take pictures do it later.. or from your seat. 
    I have seen so many pictures ruined by the random wedding guest standing in the way or in the aisle and blocking the photographer. 
    Again,  if your photographer is experienced, they can take pictures and capture moments and all that stuff even if a guest just so happens to stand up and take a photo.  You really shouldn't ask people to not stand in the aisles.  That comes off as controlling. This isn't a hill you should die on.  You will get many many pictures from your wedding day and I would venture to say that less than 5 (if not 0) of them will have someone standing up and ruining your pictures.  
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  • PrincessOfHavocPrincessOfHavoc member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Really. I'm wound up because I'm getting "MAWWIED" on Friday. I want it perfect.

    But I have no fucks to give about what my guests will do, provided it's legal. I'm pretty sure I won't notice. Got our license and an elephant playing a tuba running around behind me wouldn't have been noticed. So I doubt I'll notice anything my guests do, even if it's illegal. I just don't want our friends and family arrested. But doubt I'd even see that.
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    My photographer had only shot two other weddings (one of which, she had just shot for fun, she wasn't the official photog).  She had none of the problems that particular photographer is talking about, like white out photos.

    And here's a link from a photog saying no to an unplugged wedding.

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