Moms and Maids

Bridesmaid help?

amazingasianamazingasian member
10 Comments 5 Love Its
edited November 2014 in Moms and Maids
I have my maid of honor and three bridesmaids.
Problem is: My MOH is my 13 year old sister. She obviously can't do any planning.
So that leaves it up to my bridesmaids to plan something together.
Problem is: They don't talk to each other. I'm the only thing that connects them. My wedding is almost 6 months away, and they haven't said a word to each other.
Only one bridesmaid mentioned the bridal shower, and listed off this outrageous pricey thing she wanted to do that won't get done. (She's a dreamer, what can I say). 
How do I politely remind them that if they are doing it they need to get started?
I would have no problem if they came to me and told me that they can't do it due to financial problems, etc. I am simply hurt and distressed that there was no effort made by any of their parts.
Unsure how to approach this without hurting any feelings..
 EDIT: Thank you all for your input. I realize now that I am acting a bit Bridezillaish about it. I am simply stressed about it because my mother in law has been asking me about it everyday. I suppose her opinions have influenced my own. Thanks again.

Re: Bridesmaid help?

  • I have my maid of honor and three bridesmaids.
    Problem is: My MOH is my 13 year old sister. She obviously can't do any planning.
    So that leaves it up to my bridesmaids to plan something together.
    Problem is: They don't talk to each other. I'm the only thing that connects them. My wedding is almost 6 months away, and they haven't said a word to each other.
    Only one bridesmaid mentioned the bridal shower, and listed off this outrageous pricey thing she wanted to do that won't get done. (She's a dreamer, what can I say). 
    How do I politely remind them that if they are doing it they need to get started?
    I would have no problem if they came to me and told me that they can't do it due to financial problems, etc. I am simply hurt and distressed that there was no effort made by any of their parts.
    Unsure how to approach this without hurting any feelings..

    Don't say anything about it. No one is obligated to throw you a party. Maybe they won't, in which case you won't have a shower, which isn't the end of the world. People will still bring gifts to the wedding.
    image
    weddingcactus
  • Agree with allie.  Unfortunately, there isn't a nice, polite way to remind people to throw you a party.  I also think that with six months out, there is plenty of time for something to come together.  Say your shower is two months before your wedding, invites would go out a month before that.  That still leaves three months of room for decisions/planning. 

    Give everyone a little space and time, and try to not build up a shower as a necessary or defining wedding experience.  If all you want to spend some time with your bridal party, you could always plan a non-gift giving time - like inviting everyone to brunch or lunch - for you all to get together.
    image
    Anniversary


  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You need to stay out of this.  If they really want to throw you a party then then will contact each other. If they don't plan you anything, oh well.  Also, BMs aren't the only one's who can throw parties. Anyone can.  But you can't ask someone to throw one for you.  Just sit back, relax, and focus on your wedding plans.

  • Sadly, it may be that you won't have a shower.  I know it's an "I told you so" kind of answer, but you know these ladies, what they are like, and their lack of desire to communicate with each other.  I know that "common" belief is that MOBs should not throw the shower, but I am glad that I did it for my daughter and FDIL.  I could not imagine any of their friends taking on that expense.  To me, and my family, a shower is a family created event.  That in addition to the fact that I am a bit more financially stable than their peers.  I really just cannot understand the financial "obligations" of BMs these days, it is so much money.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I have my maid of honor and three bridesmaids.
    Problem is: My MOH is my 13 year old sister. She obviously can't do any planning.
    So that leaves it up to my bridesmaids to plan something together.
    Problem is: They don't talk to each other. I'm the only thing that connects them. My wedding is almost 6 months away, and they haven't said a word to each other.
    Only one bridesmaid mentioned the bridal shower, and listed off this outrageous pricey thing she wanted to do that won't get done. (She's a dreamer, what can I say). 
    How do I politely remind them that if they are doing it they need to get started?
    I would have no problem if they came to me and told me that they can't do it due to financial problems, etc. I am simply hurt and distressed that there was no effort made by any of their parts.
    Unsure how to approach this without hurting any feelings..

    That's because there isn't one.

    The only "obligation" your wedding party members have is to acquire the designated outfit and show up in it on time, sober, and in good spirits on your wedding day and to walk down the aisle and back in it.  Beyond that, they have no "obligations" to throw you any parties, so unfortunately, you just may not get one.

    Also, as the "honoree," it would come off as 'zillaish for you to say anything along the lines of "get a move on" to them for a party you aren't entitled to.  If you are asked about your preferences, then you certainly are entitled to specify what they are, but that doesn't obligate your wedding party members to honor your requests (although if you say you don't want something, then it's certainly more considerate of them not to foist it on you, but that's not what's happening here).

    The best thing you can do is just leave it alone and see what shakes out.  The less pressure you put on your wedding party members, the more they'll appreciate it-especially if they are leading busy and/or stressful lives right now.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Leave it alone. There is no reason to approach anybody about anything. If someone wants to throw you a party, they will. If not, c'est la vie.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I have my maid of honor and three bridesmaids.
    Problem is: My MOH is my 13 year old sister. She obviously can't do any planning.
    So that leaves it up to my bridesmaids to plan something together.
    Problem is: They don't talk to each other. I'm the only thing that connects them. My wedding is almost 6 months away, and they haven't said a word to each other.
    Only one bridesmaid mentioned the bridal shower, and listed off this outrageous pricey thing she wanted to do that won't get done. (She's a dreamer, what can I say). 
    How do I politely remind them that if they are doing it they need to get started?
    I would have no problem if they came to me and told me that they can't do it due to financial problems, etc. I am simply hurt and distressed that there was no effort made by any of their parts.
    Unsure how to approach this without hurting any feelings..

    Don't see why anyone would be hurt if you approached them about this. Insulted or annoyed, maybe. Hurt, not really. Leave it alone.
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