Wedding Etiquette Forum

It happened to me :(

This maybe long-winded and I apologize. I need advice! So I have a friend/acquaintance, whom we'll refer to as Crazypants, who is completely BSC according to everything I've learned from The Knot.

Crazypants knows boyfriend has the ring, boyfriend has not asked, and she has a dress, a venue, a bridal party, and has started DIYing a lot of things. She is requiring specific shoes and dress and has not offered to pay. She is requiring craft days. She got mad because someone has a child and has been "using her child as an excuse" to not socialize. Nevermind that the child is, in fact, a child and cannot care for itself. So this statement leads me to the "it happened to me.." part.

Crazypants and I have known each other since the beginning of summer and have hung out a number of times. I could count on one to two hands if I thought about it. We do get along very well, though we don't talk daily, and I *thought* she was a cool girl. I was asked to be a bridesmaid the other day. I said yes thinking oh, maybe, you know..she doesn't have a huge social circle and thinks highly of me or whatever. I went over to her place that same night and THEN she tells me about how aforementioned girl with the child dropped out that morning and she's been stressing about it, and I was asked later that same day. Her TEN bridesmaids were asked a month or so ago. What the actual fuck.

So I've said yes, only to realize I am a back up/filler for crazypants bridezilla in the making and I'm having a hard time stifling the...upsetness. I'm extremely busy with nursing school and do not want to waste my time and money on this shittastic event. I'm not keen on being used.

Knotties, please advise :-(
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Re: It happened to me :(

  • Decline her offer immediately. Yikes.
  • beethery said:
    Drop out and RUN.
    This! Honestly, with this kind of crazy I doubt any excuse will appease her if you choose to drop out so I'd just be honest and tell her that you don't feel comfortable taking someone's place in the bridal party.


  • rnsoonrnsoon member
    Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited November 2014
    Oh I'm definitely going to be in the wrong and a bitch so I'm prepared. Funny thing is, I'm considering her feelings, but I'm the one being used lol.

    My mom says tell her ASAP so she "can find someone else to fill your spot ha-ha"

    @bethsmiles‌ I want to say that so badly. I'm just trying to think of how her reaction will be. She's totally BSC so anything I say about etiquette and my feelings will not be understood. Ugh

    Edited because my phone doesn't like the word bitch.
  • Unfortunately, it sounds like a lose-lose situation. It sounds like it will be a nightmare to stay in a bridal party for this bridezilla but if you step-down you will probably lose her friendship since she seems pretty unreasonable and you can't even try minimize your role because that's what the last girl got kicked out for!

    I guess you could try to make up an excuse you think she would find acceptable but she sounds like the kind of girl who won't think any excuse is acceptable.

    Also, I forgot to address this the first time around but a huge WTF to her planning a whole wedding when she isn't even engaged! I hope her bf at least knows this is happening!


  • I'm not worried about the friendship. Friends don't do that to friends, so I really do not care.

    I was going to use school as an excuse, because I really do not have any spare time. Im finding it hard to find an hour or two to just relax, and I'm quite introverted so my me time on the couch at home is very important to me :-) But I feel like anything I come up with she will have an answer for.

    She has not spoken to me since I was at her house, which I think is awkward. And I really want to call her out on her move, but I don't know if it's worth it.

    Also - yes he knows and is apparently ok with it. *shrug*
  • ^ I'm on board!
  • beethery said:
    Drop out and RUN.
    This! Honestly, with this kind of crazy I doubt any excuse will appease her if you choose to drop out so I'd just be honest and tell her that you don't feel comfortable taking someone's place in the bridal party.

    This is good: I don't feel comfortable taking someone's place. She'll have no comeback for you feeling uncomfortable.
  • Has she at least planned the proposal so that her bridal party can be hiding in the wings, ready with cameras and bubbly so she can celebrate in style?
  • @Nymeru‌ Actually I want to say she knows how it's happening lol. She has an outfit and everything. I was not privy to a lot of these details when I said yes. This ALL came out afterwards.

    @jacques27‌ I dont even know if she can get over the fact that people NEED to be able to stand up as a representation of how popular and awesome she is, and how they NEED to be there for her no matter what they have going on in their lives.

    But no. I don't want a friendship.

    I think I will go with what @NYCMercedes‌ said.

    Oy.
  • Oh please update us on what happens when you drop out... I need to know how she reacts
  • I will. I'm trying to get the courage. I hate confrontation and am anticipating a shit storm
  • I would back out, but do it in as nice a way as possible.  You want to still be invited to the wedding for the pure enjoyment of watching the drama unfold, and then report back here!   lol
  • Definitely drop out. This sounds like a nightmare! If she tries to argue, just say "I'm sorry but I've made my decision." 

    I have a feeling this wedding might not even happen. If her crazy is really coming out, her boyfriend might realize "shit, I can't handle this for the rest of my life" and end up not even proposing. I've seen this happen before. 
    image
  • Definitely drop out. This sounds like a nightmare! If she tries to argue, just say "I'm sorry but I've made my decision." 

    I have a feeling this wedding might not even happen. If her crazy is really coming out, her boyfriend might realize "shit, I can't handle this for the rest of my life" and end up not even proposing. I've seen this happen before. 
    Yeah, my major concern (other than the obvious crazy this girl has) would be that I'd buy a dress for this wedding she's prematurely planning, and then dude decides to not even propose. I would back out ASAP. 
  • There was an episode of SYTTD where the chick wasn't engaged but she really wanted to to be, so she just started planning her wedding anyway. She was trying on dresses, and then her boyfriend came into the store and surprised her with a proposal but the poor guy did not look happy about it. It seemed like he had been nagged into it (since she was already buying a dress and everything whether they were engaged or not). 

    At the end of the episode she had bought a dress but there was an update that she and her now FI broke up a short time after that and the wedding never happened. I was not surprised. 
    Yikes. That is not surprising at all. 

    A girl I used to be friends with forced her boyfriend to propose. She would email him pictures of rings every week. I still wonder if he's going to leave her at the altar. 
  • There was an episode of SYTTD where the chick wasn't engaged but she really wanted to to be, so she just started planning her wedding anyway. She was trying on dresses, and then her boyfriend came into the store and surprised her with a proposal but the poor guy did not look happy about it. It seemed like he had been nagged into it (since she was already buying a dress and everything whether they were engaged or not). 

    At the end of the episode she had bought a dress but there was an update that she and her now FI broke up a short time after that and the wedding never happened. I was not surprised. 
    Yikes. That is not surprising at all. 

    A girl I used to be friends with forced her boyfriend to propose. She would email him pictures of rings every week. I still wonder if he's going to leave her at the altar. 
    I truly do not understand the girls who force their bf into a proposal. I know a few of these people IRL and it did not end well. 
    image
  • I will. I'm trying to get the courage. I hate confrontation and am anticipating a shit storm
    Dude, I would just text that shit and then turn your phone off. But I'm a coward.
    lol this is probably what I would do too. Especially with someone that crazy! 
    image
  • I'm mostly joking here, but, just decline the first "required" event and let her kick you out herself (since we know she will!) What a nut.

  • I can't wait for the bride to post a thread someday on TK called "my bridesmaids aren't helping me with anything!!! They're driving me crazy!!"
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


  • peachy13 said:
    I can't wait for the bride to post a thread someday on TK called "my bridesmaids aren't helping me with anything!!! They're driving me crazy!!"
    Happens more often than you think!
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

    image
  • If you don't want to stay friends with her, then run, run, run and win the marathon.
  • I would recommend getting out while you can. Although it does promise to be extremely entertaining...
    image
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