MOG pain in the....

jacques27 · November 2014

jlemmo89 said:

ShesSoCold said:

When you say "my dad is retired so only one income on my side" - where are you in this? Why are you not paying for your own wedding?

by this i mean what the parents are going to help with, my fi and i are planning on paying for the majority of it but would need a little help for some of it.

1. If by help, you mean money? Then no. You don't need a little help for some of it. Don't write checks you can't cash. If you can't afford it, then you shouldn't be planning it. End of story. If by help, you mean advice on how to cut your costs to work within whatever budget you and your FI can afford to pay for yourselves, then hop on over to the budget board and share some details about what you have so far and we'll be more than happy to help you find ways to cut your expenses and work within your budget.

2. You do have an option besides being rude to her. That is to say to her, "I understand you have some concerns. We have our wedding budget under control, so you don't need to worry anymore."

southernbelle0915 · November 2014

Two issues: you asked her for money (your bad) and she offended you by using the word retard (her bad). Correct your bad and tell her you do not want her money. Stop talking with her about the wedding.

If you want to tell her that the term retard offends you and is hurtful, I see no issue with that but it is unrelated to the wedding. Period.

Nymeru · November 2014

What is it exactly that your future MIL is so angry with you about? What is making her want to insult the two of you?

novella1186 · November 2014

Nymeru said:

What is it exactly that your future MIL is so angry with you about? What is making her want to insult the two of you?

This is really an excellent question. You may have done something wrong and really hurt her feelings, even if you didn't intend to, in which case you need to right the wrong and apologize to her. It sounds like she's upset with you. There's no need to begin your relationship with FMIL in a horribly negative way. Shut that gate to hell right now.

I also think you should be honest with her -- in a nice way-- about your feelings on the use of the "r" word. I also hate that word. It's nasty and doesn't need to be casually thrown around. But not all people understand that it's a bad word, and you can't just go on holding a grudge about it without being willing to call her out on it so she's aware.

zitiqueen · November 2014

You don't like the woman; it sounds like her own son isn't even very fond of her... but you have no qualms about asking her to help pay for your wedding?

It's not her responsibility or your dad's responsibility to pay for your wedding.

mrsk616 · November 2014

lilacck28 said:

@jlemmo89 how over budget are you, or what's over your budget that you think you need help from parents to pay for? The Knotties are very good at finding places to cut back and save money, while still allowing you to have a beautiful event. More details are helpful.

we are not really over the budget just going by the grooms parents and brides parents pay for certain things tradition. we scaled back on the booze (only doing beer and wine) and that is all we are expecting from here. the venue and other things can be covered by the 2 of us. I have came to conclusion of just paying for it and take what my parents offer if they offer anything. (they have done so with my 2 other sisters)

as for the reason she does not like me is because I'm not the mother of her grandson. Anytime she tries to watch anything wedding related we run (she loves say yes to the dress). We have cut back on what we can by using friends for the dj and photos. We plan on doing the basic decor no added color at our venue, no seat covers etc.

novella1186 · November 2014

jlemmo89 said:

lilacck28 said:

@jlemmo89 how over budget are you, or what's over your budget that you think you need help from parents to pay for? The Knotties are very good at finding places to cut back and save money, while still allowing you to have a beautiful event. More details are helpful.

we are not really over the budget just going by the grooms parents and brides parents pay for certain things tradition. we scaled back on the booze (only doing beer and wine) and that is all we are expecting from here. the venue and other things can be covered by the 2 of us. I have came to conclusion of just paying for it and take what my parents offer if they offer anything. (they have done so with my 2 other sisters)
as for the reason she does not like me is because I'm not the mother of her grandson. Anytime she tries to watch anything wedding related we run (she loves say yes to the dress). We have cut back on what we can by using friends for the dj and photos. We plan on doing the basic decor no added color at our venue, no seat covers etc.

I think you're doing the right thing. If she's just gonna be a bitch to you, keep your distance. You don't need that in your life. Good job on scaling back to host what you can afford. If you need any tips on cutting costs, as a PP said, you can always ask us Knotties!

lilacck28 · November 2014

You should tell her that you're sorry for putting her on the spot, and that you figured out your budget so now you can pay for the beer and wine yourself. Go out of your way to be the good guy, especially since initially expecting her to pay for the alcohol WAS wrong.

nicole4793 · November 2014

As a teacher, I completely understand why you hate name calling like retard. It's a disgusting, ignorant, and an outdated term to use. Like so many others have said, scale down a little bit. Trim the guest list and do DIY centerpieces rather than floral ones. I would avoid talking to your future MIL about anything wedding related. If it was me in the situation, I would not take money if she offered it. Find ways to pinch pennies to pay for your wedding. It's going to be tough, but it's definitely necessary at this point. Good luck to you!!

flantastic · November 2014

jlemmo89 said:

lilacck28 said:

@jlemmo89 how over budget are you, or what's over your budget that you think you need help from parents to pay for? The Knotties are very good at finding places to cut back and save money, while still allowing you to have a beautiful event. More details are helpful.

we are not really over the budget just going by the grooms parents and brides parents pay for certain things tradition. we scaled back on the booze (only doing beer and wine) and that is all we are expecting from here. the venue and other things can be covered by the 2 of us. I have came to conclusion of just paying for it and take what my parents offer if they offer anything. (they have done so with my 2 other sisters)
as for the reason she does not like me is because I'm not the mother of her grandson. Anytime she tries to watch anything wedding related we run (she loves say yes to the dress). We have cut back on what we can by using friends for the dj and photos. We plan on doing the basic decor no added color at our venue, no seat covers etc.

Just because something's "tradition" doesn't mean that it becomes an obligation. It may be traditional for the parent to offer to pay for X things... but that doesn't mean she has to offer, nor that you should pressure her to. You should be "expecting" nothing. Pay for your own wedding, and if you and your FI truly don't get along with her, that's a separate issue.

annakay511 · November 2014

Keep in mind- she is not obligated to contribute anything to your wedding (although of course, it is nice). I do not like my FMIL at ALL. She is manipulative, annoying, and cheap to name a few. She is not involved in the planning....at all. Not even a tiny bit.

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