sigh

fdjlka · November 2014

NYCMercedes · November 2014

fdjlka said:

Ok this is not the first time I have written about my crazy BM who is obsessed with her baby and clearly doesn't give a sh!t about our friendship.
Her husband was the first person to greet me when I walked in the door. My first thought: WTF are you doing here??? He kept popping in and leaving. In total, he stopped by THREE (3) times!
The second time was during the middle of opening presents. She is my BM and was supposed to be helping with the part when you hand the bride gifts/write down the gifts, etc. This time was, "I have to go breast feed my baby..." Yes, it is very important that your child has to eat. *But side note,* she works full-time and pumps. You would think maybe she could spare the 4 hours of one day that it is my Bridal shower to just help out. Also, he is almost 1 year old, this is not like a newborn baby.
The last time he just came, IDK why, and was just helping himself to the food and desserts! Like, WHO THE F invited you!?! This is for WOMEN, and you are not a woman and not family! My fiance (who was also popping in and out, but he is allowed to because he's my fiance), said he kept seeing him lurking outside and walking up and down the street. WTF?!?!!!!!
Side note: My mom said BM stopped by the day before to "help set up," but "helping set up" actually meant she brought her husband and baby again and they just hung out and didn't do anything.

Get over it. Shrug your shoulders. So what. Baby needs to eat. Pumping is the pits, she has to for work days, he was probably there to watch the kid while she did YOUR BM. duties.

JenLD2015 · November 2014

To the OP - why get hung up on being disappointed by this one bridesmaid, when you obviously have so many other friends and family who came to the shower to celebrate your upcoming marriage? I think a hubby who takes time out of his weekend, so that he can both attend to his child while helping his wife celebrate her friend is a pretty damn good guy.

cupcait927 · November 2014

And we already have a DD.

beethery · November 2014

fdjlka said:

Ok this is not the first time I have written about my crazy BM who is obsessed with her baby and clearly doesn't give a sh!t about our friendship.
Her husband was the first person to greet me when I walked in the door. My first thought: WTF are you doing here??? He kept popping in and leaving. In total, he stopped by THREE (3) times!
The second time was during the middle of opening presents. She is my BM and was supposed to be helping with the part when you hand the bride gifts/write down the gifts, etc. This time was, "I have to go breast feed my baby..." Yes, it is very important that your child has to eat. *But side note,* she works full-time and pumps. You would think maybe she could spare the 4 hours of one day that it is my Bridal shower to just help out. Also, he is almost 1 year old, this is not like a newborn baby.
The last time he just came, IDK why, and was just helping himself to the food and desserts! Like, WHO THE F invited you!?! This is for WOMEN, and you are not a woman and not family! My fiance (who was also popping in and out, but he is allowed to because he's my fiance), said he kept seeing him lurking outside and walking up and down the street. WTF?!?!!!!!
Side note: My mom said BM stopped by the day before to "help set up," but "helping set up" actually meant she brought her husband and baby again and they just hung out and didn't do anything.

Girl, buck down. I read the bolded and decided that you are a crazy person. Men do not have cooties and your day isn't ruined if someone's husband comes to the shower. You got gifts and attention, hit the fuckin' chill button.

LittlePeachBlossom · November 2014

beethery said:

show previous quotes

fdjlka said:

Ok this is not the first time I have written about my crazy BM who is obsessed with her baby and clearly doesn't give a sh!t about our friendship.
Her husband was the first person to greet me when I walked in the door. My first thought: WTF are you doing here??? He kept popping in and leaving. In total, he stopped by THREE (3) times!
The second time was during the middle of opening presents. She is my BM and was supposed to be helping with the part when you hand the bride gifts/write down the gifts, etc. This time was, "I have to go breast feed my baby..." Yes, it is very important that your child has to eat. *But side note,* she works full-time and pumps. You would think maybe she could spare the 4 hours of one day that it is my Bridal shower to just help out. Also, he is almost 1 year old, this is not like a newborn baby.
The last time he just came, IDK why, and was just helping himself to the food and desserts! Like, WHO THE F invited you!?! This is for WOMEN, and you are not a woman and not family! My fiance (who was also popping in and out, but he is allowed to because he's my fiance), said he kept seeing him lurking outside and walking up and down the street. WTF?!?!!!!!
Side note: My mom said BM stopped by the day before to "help set up," but "helping set up" actually meant she brought her husband and baby again and they just hung out and didn't do anything.

Girl, buck down. I read the bolded and decided that you are a crazy person. Men do not have cooties and your day isn't ruined if someone's husband comes to the shower. You got gifts and attention, hit the fuckin' chill button.

Agreed! OP, you need a reality check. I hope your BM sees this and puts you in your place.

beethery · November 2014

I remembered your discussion from a while back about this same girl. It is very clear that your expectations are waaaaay too high.

novella1186 · November 2014

That was a quick DD.

redoryx · November 2014

Gosh, just, I don't know, thinking aloud here, but is it possible -- just possible -- her husband was around to help watch the baby? If she's still feeding him, it's important that the baby and mom have access to each other.

But. Again. just thinking aloud. I could be way off base with my silly logic and all.

Seriously, though. Chill. Just chill. So the guy stopped in three whole times and had some food. Big deal. If this honestly ruined your shower as much as it sounds you have your priorities a little out of whack.

ohannabelle · November 2014

Karma is a bitch.

I look forward to the day that you're a breast feeding mother, and another adult whines because you should pump your breasts so that you can pay more attention to her, instead of the baby.

All of the above grievances sound like entitled whining from a twelve year old who didn't get enough attention at her speshul birthday party. Grow up.

Nymeru · November 2014

What I don't understand is why you're allowing a baby-obsessed lady to be your BM, especially after your previous post about this same woman. Obviously you have needs, and your needs aren't being met. How could you have set yourself up like this? Why haven't you kicked her ass out of your wedding party yet and replaced her? Especially if she has a husband who eats FOOD in his own house...that's just flat-out unacceptable. Stand firm. Show us how it should be done. Put your foot down and tell her she's a shitty friend who doesn't deserve to be anywhere near you, especially during the year leading up to your wedding--that whole time is your special year. Let her know that you deserve better.

You should see what you can do about being made a mod. I'm thinking the Etiquette board would be perfect for you because you've got this whole "speshul day" thing nailed.

larrygaga · November 2014

I hope when you have kids your friends are as supportive and loving as you are to them!

esstee33 · November 2014

Nymeru said:

What I don't understand is why you're allowing a baby-obsessed lady to be your BM, especially after your previous post about this same woman. Obviously you have needs, and your needs aren't being met. How could you have set yourself up like this? Why haven't you kicked her ass out of your wedding party yet and replaced her? Especially if she has a husband who eats FOOD in his own house...that's just flat-out unacceptable. Stand firm. Show us how it should be done. Put your foot down and tell her she's a shitty friend who doesn't deserve to be anywhere near you, especially during the year leading up to your wedding--that whole time is your special year. Let her know that you deserve better.

You should see what you can do about being made a mod. I'm thinking the Etiquette board would be perfect for you because you've got this whole "speshul day" thing nailed.

The thought that she might think this is serious advice is incredibly terrifying. A+ on sounding actually legit.

OP: What the fuck is wrong with you, seriously? She's hosting this shower at her own house apparently, and all you're doing is bitching about her taking care of her child? Get over yourself, seriously. Who needs enemies with friends like you?

Heffalump · November 2014

fdjlka said:
show previous quotes

Ok this is not the first time I have written about my crazy BM who is obsessed with her baby
Also, he is almost 1 year old, this is not like a newborn baby.

Seriously, you know that even one year olds eat, right? Even assuming she fed him immediately before you arrived, if this was a four hour event (as you claimed), odds are he'd have to nurse again before it was over.

It's too bad there was no one else there who was capable of writing things down. Better luck next time.

plainjane0415 · November 2014

NYCMercedes said:

show previous quotes

fdjlka said:

Ok this is not the first time I have written about my crazy BM who is obsessed with her baby and clearly doesn't give a sh!t about our friendship.
Her husband was the first person to greet me when I walked in the door. My first thought: WTF are you doing here??? He kept popping in and leaving. In total, he stopped by THREE (3) times!
The second time was during the middle of opening presents. She is my BM and was supposed to be helping with the part when you hand the bride gifts/write down the gifts, etc. This time was, "I have to go breast feed my baby..." Yes, it is very important that your child has to eat. *But side note,* she works full-time and pumps. You would think maybe she could spare the 4 hours of one day that it is my Bridal shower to just help out. Also, he is almost 1 year old, this is not like a newborn baby.
The last time he just came, IDK why, and was just helping himself to the food and desserts! Like, WHO THE F invited you!?! This is for WOMEN, and you are not a woman and not family! My fiance (who was also popping in and out, but he is allowed to because he's my fiance), said he kept seeing him lurking outside and walking up and down the street. WTF?!?!!!!!
Side note: My mom said BM stopped by the day before to "help set up," but "helping set up" actually meant she brought her husband and baby again and they just hung out and didn't do anything.

Get over it. Shrug your shoulders. So what. Baby needs to eat. Pumping is the pits, she has to for work days, he was probably there to watch the kid while she did YOUR BM. duties.

How dare that baby to be born before you get married. Doesn't he/she know that this is YOUR year? People seriously never cease to amaze me.

beethery · November 2014

Heffalump said:

show previous quotes
fdjlka said:

Ok this is not the first time I have written about my crazy BM who is obsessed with her baby
Also, he is almost 1 year old, this is not like a newborn baby.

Seriously, you know that even one year olds eat, right? Even assuming she fed him immediately before you arrived, if this was a four hour event (as you claimed), odds are he'd have to nurse again before it was over.

It's too bad there was no one else there who was capable of writing things down. Better luck next time.

I'll tell ya, I am pressed as hell that nobody was at this party knotting about cuckoo up there.

raissyrais · November 2014

For the love of god newbies, please lurk, read and learn before you go and post such nonsense and then go through the shame of a DD!

banana468 · November 2014

I love these people who think that saying "Can't she just pump," means that pumping is something that's done to the convenience of others and simple. In my own experience, it's annoying, loud, requires a more private space than nursing, and needs to be done on the same intervals as I'd nurse or adverse effects include changes to milk supply, engorgement, pain and leakage (just to name a few). But I'm sure the OP would be fine with two large puddles on the BM's chest and an angry hungry child. I don't know about you but my kids are at their best when starved.

mollyringwald15 · November 2014

"sigh" INDEED.

charlieyankee03 · November 2014

My first thought was that this HAD to be MUD. Nobody can be that much of a SS.

Then I read OP's other discussions. "Sigh" is right...

Nymeru · November 2014

banana468 said:

I love these people who think that saying "Can't she just pump," means that pumping is something that's done to the convenience of others and simple. In my own experience, it's annoying, loud, requires a more private space than nursing, and needs to be done on the same intervals as I'd nurse or adverse effects include changes to milk supply, engorgement, pain and leakage (just to name a few). But I'm sure the OP would be fine with two large puddles on the BM's chest and an angry hungry child. I don't know about you but my kids are at their best when starved.

Somehow I don't think she would be fine with it. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be to have a BM who didn't look perfect in all of the pictures of the shower?!? It would ruin everything!

banana468 · November 2014

Nymeru said:
show previous quotes

banana468 said:

I love these people who think that saying "Can't she just pump," means that pumping is something that's done to the convenience of others and simple. In my own experience, it's annoying, loud, requires a more private space than nursing, and needs to be done on the same intervals as I'd nurse or adverse effects include changes to milk supply, engorgement, pain and leakage (just to name a few). But I'm sure the OP would be fine with two large puddles on the BM's chest and an angry hungry child. I don't know about you but my kids are at their best when starved.

Somehow I don't think she would be fine with it. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be to have a BM who didn't look perfect in all of the pictures of the shower?!? It would ruin everything!

And everyone knows that a BM isn't allowed to let her boobs get engorged or they could make the bride's look so much smaller!

rnsoon · November 2014

Holy fricking crazypants. Wow.

AddieCake · November 2014

I don't like you, OP.

slothiegal · November 2014

JFC, I don't blame the bridesmaid--I'd rather hang out with the baby than OP, too.

rnsoon · November 2014

Tell that baby to screw off! It's stealing your thunder!

vegasbride2015 · November 2014

Maybe someday when you have a baby and are BFing you will understand why she is so "obsessed" with it. SMDH.

LondonLisa · November 2014

When reading this, I kept thinking: Wow, what dedication of this BM and her husband to hang around all day and watch the baby whilst privately and discreetly feeding a few times. What an awesome friend!

My Best friend came to one of the first academic lectures I was giving 3 weeks after giving birth. She had the baby in a baby bjorn and just stood at the back of the lecture theatre rocking him. I was so, so so nervous, I thought I was going to be sick, but seeing her, and knowing how hard it was for her to get out of the house at all, let alone how tired she must have been, showed me how much I meant to her. Yes, she had to leave quietly part way through to feed, but it meant either having her there or not at all.

You are correct that you don't deserve to be treated this way. You deserve a lot less friendship, compassion and attention than your behaviour and attitude dictate. I will be shocked if you have any friends left after your wedding after your behaviour towards these women.

dcbride86 · November 2014

banana468 said:

show previous quotes

banana468 said:

I love these people who think that saying "Can't she just pump," means that pumping is something that's done to the convenience of others and simple. In my own experience, it's annoying, loud, requires a more private space than nursing, and needs to be done on the same intervals as I'd nurse or adverse effects include changes to milk supply, engorgement, pain and leakage (just to name a few). But I'm sure the OP would be fine with two large puddles on the BM's chest and an angry hungry child. I don't know about you but my kids are at their best when starved.

Somehow I don't think she would be fine with it. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be to have a BM who didn't look perfect in all of the pictures of the shower?!? It would ruin everything!
And everyone knows that a BM isn't allowed to let her boobs get engorged or they could make the bride's look so much smaller!

OMG HOW DID I NOT THINK OF THIS??? I'm mass texting all my BMs right now - no engorged boobs or they are OUT of the wedding party!

Seriously, who is this crazy chick? Your BM was kind enough to spend the day with you for a shower. How nice! You should be thankful that she gave up most of her day - not angry that she won't let her child go hungry or brought her husband along who popped in THREE WHOLE TIMES

MadHops21 · December 2014

What. The. Fuck.

I'm sorry she's putting her child before you. What an awful human being. Seriously, screw her. Like who does she think she is, putting a one year old infant before you.

my crazy BM who is obsessed with her baby and clearly doesn't give a sh!t about our friendship.

lnixon8 · December 2014

"She is my BM and was supposed to be helping with the part when you hand the bride gifts/write down the gifts, etc. .... Side note: My mom said BM stopped by the day before to "help set up," but "helping set up" actually meant she brought her husband and baby again and they just hung out and didn't do anything."

(sorry still not used to box thing)

1.Get off your ass and get your own gifts.

2.Or maybe your Mom could stop shit talking new moms for a few minutes and hand over your gifts.

3. The fact that you capitalize "Bridal shower" makes me think you do not realize this is not a national holiday.

I really hope you take what myself and others are trying to tell you and chill out with this woman and (most likely) the rest of your wedding.

sigh

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