FMIL Drama-Vent/Advice!

Re: FMIL Drama-Vent/Advice!

• Viczaesar member

  

  November 2014

  futuremcgrath815 said:

  Hi there! So I don't usually post in these things but I need to vent! My fiancé and I got engaged in July. My future mother in law got engaged just a couple of weeks ago. Although no one is really too keen on the guy, we tried to be as happy as we could for them. (Tricky situation-it was kind of a messy divorce between her and my FFIL) Anyway, she is kind of a difficult person to get along with. She's very selfish and makes a lot of things about her. We had our food tasting last night and invited her and my mother to go along with us. She spent the entire night talking about her own upcoming wedding, showing us her ring, and never really commented on our venue or the food. She also dropped the bomb that they'll be getting married before us. I'm not really too bothered by it-it's not like I'm going to make her change the date-but my own mom thinks it's totally unacceptable. They are getting married in May and our wedding is in August. My FMIL asked my fiancé and I how we felt about it and we just smiled and said it was fine. Should we have told her the truth? I feel like that just would have made things awkward and they were weird enough already. At the end of the day, we are still getting married and our wedding will be wonderful, but it does rub me the wrong way. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it go? Any tips on how to handle the situation would he appreciated!

  Your mom is wrong.  They can get married whenever they want, just like you can get married whenever you want.  If you don't want to hear her talking about her wedding then don't discuss yours with her.  This isn't a situation that needs to be handled.
  

  
  
  
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  November 2014

  Ditto Vic. What difference does it make if they get married before you?

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  November 2014

  My two take-aways from your post:

  
  

  1) Stop including your FMIL in wedding talk and appointments. She obviously makes things negative for you. However, she should be invited to anything she's paying for, so reject any money she offers. That way you are free to not include her and not talk about the wedding with her.

  
  

  2) Your mother is incorrect and stirring the pot about their wedding date. Ignore her. People can get married whenever they want - same as you. If you wanted to move your date to April, so what? These are independent events. What if your wedding date was in 2016? Is she supposed to put her marriage on hold for you? No. Just no. Ignore your mom, she's creating drama where there isn't any.

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• esstee33 member

  

  November 2014

  If she JUST got engaged a couple weeks ago, I'm hardly surprised that all she want to talk about is her engagement. It's exciting! Do you remember how pumped you were after you got engaged? I bet you annoyed the shit out of people talking about it, too. Cut the lady a break. 

  
  

  Furthermore, your mom is wrong. You get one day, and she gets one day. It doesn't matter whose comes first. Not to mention there's several months in between your weddings, so it's not like they're right on top of each other. Chill out. 

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  November 2014

  Now if your FMIL was getting married the day before your wedding then yeah I could see being upset, but she is getting married almost 3 months prior to you so I think being upset is a bit silly.

  
  

  So yes you are overreacting and yes you should let it go.

  
  

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• novella1186 member

  

  November 2014

  I totally agree with PPs. The wedding dates are not a big deal. Stop including FMIL in your plans if she's going to be annoying. 

  
  

  I will also add that you should see it as a good thing that she's getting married a few months before you. Probably by the time your wedding rolls around, her excitement over hers will be done and over with. She won't be able to talk about her big upcoming event because it's not upcoming; it's over. So now the focus is just on you and your wedding. 

  
  

  Imagine if her wedding were going to be right AFTER yours. I bet she'd sit through your entire day saying crap like "well at MY wedding next week we're going to do this, at MY wedding next week we're having that." Think of this as a blessing in disguise. 

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  November 2014

  Yeah, I'd stop talking to your FMIL about your own wedding plans.  I can see how someone just engaged wants to talk only about her own wedding, but if she can't spare a moment for you, then it just makes more sense to not try to have conversations with her.
  
  As for the date, just like you got to choose your date, she got to choose hers.  Had she picked the same date as you, then yeah, I'd be upset about that.  But if she's getting married before you, then her event will be over when yours comes up.  If she keeps going on and on about her event in between her wedding and yours, I think you can say, "FMIL, your wedding was fantastic and we really loved being there" (assuming you're invited and attending it) or "FMIL, we're really happy that your wedding went so well for you and your new husband, but we'd like to focus now on our wedding."
  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  November 2014

  That's what I was thinking, novella.

  She is getting married long before any of your wedding festivities start, so her timing is very much in your favor.

  Your FMIL has done nothing wrong in regards to announcing her engagement and setting her wedding date.

  
  

  
  

                     

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• Lauderdale Pink member

  

  November 2014

  Actually, I think it's great that she is getting married first.  Get her wedding out of the way before yours.  

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• zitiqueen member

  

  November 2014

  futuremcgrath815 said:

  Hi there! So I don't usually post in these things but I need to vent! My fiancé and I got engaged in July. My future mother in law got engaged just a couple of weeks ago. Although no one is really too keen on the guy, we tried to be as happy as we could for them. (Tricky situation-it was kind of a messy divorce between her and my FFIL) Anyway, she is kind of a difficult person to get along with. She's very selfish and makes a lot of things about her. We had our food tasting last night and invited her and my mother to go along with us. She spent the entire night talking about her own upcoming wedding, showing us her ring, and never really commented on our venue or the food. She also dropped the bomb that they'll be getting married before us. I'm not really too bothered by it-it's not like I'm going to make her change the date-but my own mom thinks it's totally unacceptable. They are getting married in May and our wedding is in August. My FMIL asked my fiancé and I how we felt about it and we just smiled and said it was fine. Should we have told her the truth? I feel like that just would have made things awkward and they were weird enough already. At the end of the day, we are still getting married and our wedding will be wonderful, but it does rub me the wrong way. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it go? Any tips on how to handle the situation would he appreciated!

  I'm confused -- does it bother you and your FI or doesn't it? 

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• futuremcgrath815 member

  

  November 2014

  Thanks for all the honest responses! You all make great points and she definitely has every right to get married whenever she wants. I think it was just pretty fresh since it just happened last night and I wasn't exactly sure how I felt about it and needed to throw it out there. I appreciate the feedback! 

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