Not engaged yet, but totally confused re: Dates!

knottie987654321 · November 2014

My Boyfriend and I have been together for just over 5 years now. I'm not supposed to know this but he is currently having an engagement ring made and has been planning this for a few months now with the help of his parents and younger sister. I've always wanted our anniversary date to be our wedding date, late September, and coincidentally, it will fall on a Saturday in 2016!

This is where it gets a bit complicated. His sister has just recently gotten engaged her to boyfriend of 5 years. Their anniversary is just about a week after ours. They had initially decided to set their date sometime in July 2016. This would give us 2-3 months in between their wedding and my dream date, which I thought was not ideal, but acceptable. They have now decided, and booked their church and reception venue, for the first weekend in August 2016. I know that I should be happy for them that they're one step closer, but I can't help but feel bummed and confused as to what to do.

My question is: is it wrong to still go with the date that I've wanted for so long, even though his sister's wedding will be 7 weeks earlier?

lilacck28 · November 2014

1. You're not engaged yet. You don't know how long he'll hold onto that ring, so slow your roll.

2. You each get one day for your wedding. A day in between weddings is theoretically okay.

3. When you do get engaged, talk about the date issue with your FI. Go with the date that will work best for you and your VIPs/ allows you to get the venue you want. If important people in his family won't be able to travel to your wedding because of the closeness of your dates, then you need to decide if the date of your wedding or certain family/ friends being there is more important.

4. But that's way off. Things change quickly. Wait till you're engaged until you pick a specific date to worry over.

Peaseblossom55 · November 2014

Get engaged first then worry about dates for a wedding. So many things come into play once you are actually engaged and planning a wedding. The venue you love may not be available that date, or a VIP guest has a conflict with the date you have in mind, or church may not be available. If you start thinking and planning it now will only cause undue stress.

eilis1228 · November 2014

As other PPs have said, you should wait to worry about this until you're engaged. There are so many factors that go into choosing a date-- budget, availability, VIPs, etc. Just wait and see what that date looks like to you once you're engaged and able to start planning.

That being said, 7 weeks in between weddings is plenty of time. You have your day, she has her day. I don't see an issue with that at all.

CLoGreenEyes · November 2014

I don't think it's wrong to go with that date, BUT some things:

-You're not engaged yet, so RELAX. You'll have plenty of time to worry about this stuff soon.
-Other things may very well come into consideration once you and your BF start seriously planning things such as venue, what your families would both like (especially if they wind up helping you pay for things, etc.). Again, not worth worrying about while so many factors are up in the air.
-Just consider that VIPs in his family may not be able to travel twice for two weddings so close together. In that case, it may be more important to make it convenient for them than to have that exact date.
-I know a lot of people wind up "favoring" their wedding anniversary over their dating anniversary; and I also know people who go all out for both. Even if your wedding and dating anniversaries do end up being different out of necessity, no reason they can't both be special and acknowledged each year.

loves2shop4shoes · November 2014

I just.... I can't.

1. Worry about this when you're engaged.
2. No, you don't get to be butthurt that your BF's sister set a date that was within 7 weeks of the day you wanted (which, incidentally, is almost 2 years from now), even though you're not even engaged yet.
3. Be happy that someone you love and care about has something great going on in her life. Think of others instead of yourself.
4. You only need one day to get married. Same goes for her. If you do get engaged and choose this day, no one will be stealing anyone else's thunder. There's SEVEN WEEKS between those days FFS.
5. How old are you?

lmcooper86 · November 2014

Everyone has said all of the important things already. But just in case:

1 - Don't stress about your date. You guys aren't engaged yet, and you don't know when you WILL be engaged, so there's no point worrying about that now. If you need something to stress about, then stress about keeping your nails done so that you have pretty hands whenever he does bust out with a proposal

2 - September has become an incredibly popular month to get married. There is a chance that you won't be able to find a venue that's the right size for guest list and price for your budget AND available on a date that you've set your heart on. Don't set yourself up for disappointment. Whatever day you end up getting married with be an awesome date

3 - You and your FSIL each get a wedding day. Not a month, not a "season", not a year, a day. Don't worry about that, but do keep your VIPs in mind IF your wedding dates might be close-ish together. Which you don't have to worry about yet.

4 - Hang out here to distract yourself and keep from going crazy. We are nice and fun

bethsmiles · November 2014

To be honest, I've never understood the "I have to get married on this date because it's special!" thing. It's your wedding. Any date will be special because it's the day you got married!

I could type out a long response but it would just be repeat because I agree with everything PPs have said.

WildMagelet · November 2014

Relax and try not to stress about the little details at this point. Enjoy your relationship for what it is. After you get engaged & married you won't be able to get this time back.

7 weeks is more than enough time.

Previous posters have given some great advice.

Soooo...what are your hobbies?

Do you have any furkids?

What's your favorite holiday food?

phira · November 2014

You're not engaged yet, so don't worry about it.

Also: I am the third person in my family to get married within the past 4 months, and we've got another wedding coming up sometime in early 2015 sooooo, don't worry about it. (One of the weddings? 3 weeks ago. It was AWESOME.)

lifeisajourney · November 2014

Another thing to consider is that after you do get engaged and actually start the wedding planning process a lot of the things you previously had in your head kind of go out the window once the planning ball gets rolling. Going into things with a specific date will limit your venue choices. What if you find a venue in your price point that you love but it's not available on your dating anniversary date but instead its available a week before or after? Are you just going to walk away from your perfect venue becuase you want this date?

knottie987654321 · November 2014

Thank you for all your input ladies! Much appreciated!

Not engaged yet, but totally confused re: Dates!

Re: Not engaged yet, but totally confused re: Dates!

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