Post-Wedding Party (no gifts, no wedding activities!)

[Deleted User] · November 2014

My fiance and I are having a very intimate wedding (limited budget). Because of that, we've only invited my four closest friends from school. One of those friends (a BM) suggested that we throw a post-wedding party with school friends. No gifts, no wedding-related activities, no decorations. It would basically just be a get-together a few weeks after the wedding to celebrate our union. Is that ok?

southernbelle0915 · November 2014

crimsonsaffron said:
My fiance and I are having a very intimate wedding (limited budget). Because of that, we've only invited my four closest friends from school. One of those friends (a BM) suggested that we throw a post-wedding party with school friends. No gifts, no wedding-related activities, no decorations. It would basically just be a get-together a few weeks after the wedding to celebrate our union. Is that ok?

If you want to celebrate with these people, invite them to your actual wedding and reception.

I guess I just see a second reception/post-wedding party as kind of AWish.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

My fiance and I are having a very intimate wedding (limited budget). Because of that, we've only invited my four closest friends from school. One of those friends (a BM) suggested that we throw a post-wedding party with school friends. No gifts, no wedding-related activities, no decorations. It would basically just be a get-together a few weeks after the wedding to celebrate our union. Is that ok?

If you want to celebrate with these people, invite them to your actual wedding and reception. I guess I just see a second reception/post-wedding party as kind of AWish.

I get what you're saying. I'm reluctant to do this, but a friend of mine from school did this and it was actually really lovely. They invited about twenty people, everyone brought a bottle of wine, and they provided some delicious food (she's an amazing cook!). No one really talked about the wedding until a few friends decided to make toasts…

Is this maybe a "know your crowd" kind of thing? I'm genuinely asking.

KatWAG · November 2014

I am a little confused. If you are on a limited budget, why would you being hosting a second reception?

I agree with Southern. INvite them to the actual wedding or scrap it.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

If you HOST a gathering in order to celebrate with your friends, you need to HOST it, so it won't really be a cost saver. But if you want to have a get-together with some people, you can do that whenever you want. It's called a party, and can happen around a wedding or not. My advice; have a wedding with your four friends, take them out for a lovely meal afterwards, then get together with other friends (either in a big group or not) just as you would if you hadn't gotten married with 4 witnesses.

fwtx5815 · November 2014

crimsonsaffron said:

My fiance and I are having a very intimate wedding (limited budget). Because of that, we've only invited my four closest friends from school. One of those friends (a BM) suggested that we throw a post-wedding party with school friends. No gifts, no wedding-related activities, no decorations. It would basically just be a get-together a few weeks after the wedding to celebrate our union. Is that ok?

-STUCK-

If you had said "we really like to host parties and want to host a get-together shortly after the wedding, but it will in no way be about the wedding or our recent union," then I would say carry on. But the bolded makes me think you should just invite those people to the actual wedding. You'll be spending money to host the party after the wedding anyway.

climbingsingle · November 2014

If your budget is so limited, how are you able to throw a party then a few weeks later? I don't get it.

southernbelle0915 · November 2014

crimsonsaffron said:

southernbelle0915 said:
If you want to celebrate with these people, invite them to your actual wedding and reception. I guess I just see a second reception/post-wedding party as kind of AWish.

I get what you're saying. I'm reluctant to do this, but a friend of mine from school did this and it was actually really lovely. They invited about twenty people, everyone brought a bottle of wine, and they provided some delicious food (she's an amazing cook!). No one really talked about the wedding until a few friends decided to make toasts…

Is this maybe a "know your crowd" kind of thing? I'm genuinely asking.

If it's wedding related, it should not be a potluck in any way (asking people to BYOB).

I guess I just don't get it. If you can't afford to host people at the actual event, how can you afford to host them at this event?

There are ways to have a super affordable wedding and invite these same people. Have the wedding at a non-meal time and do a "cake and punch" reception with light appetizers, cake, and a few drinks (none have to be alcohol if you're trying to cut costs) at the church or in your home. You could get away with that type of reception for 30 or so people for under $100. AND include these people in your actual wedding. That sounds WAY better than a BYOB, sorry-you-weren't-invited-to-the-wedding-but-come-celebrate-us party. KWIM?

[Deleted User] · November 2014

Thanks for all your input. We'll just have a party after the wedding and not say it's related to the wedding at all. It'll just be a chance for those close friends to get together. Our program is finishing next semester anyway so it'll be nice for all of us to hang out.

Providing food for about twenty people and asking them to bring a bottle of wine is much more affordable than hosting them at a wedding with a dinner reception and bar. We could have had a different type of wedding, but we chose not to. So, we'll just invite the closest school friends to the wedding and then have a non-wedding related party a few weeks later.

(Edited because TK messed up my paragraphs)

lovegood90 · November 2014

These things always seem AWish to me. If you can't afford to host them at your wedding, how can you afford to host them for a celebration after?

lovegood90 · November 2014

Just read your last response. If you're choosing to host something you need to HOST it, you can't ask people to bring wine.

AddieCake · November 2014

Why can't you have the same kind of party immediately following your wedding as a reception? Minus the bring your own wine, of course. If you can afford that a few weeks later, you can afford it on your wedding day.

climbingsingle · November 2014

IMO, it's pretty rude to invite people to a party and ask them to provide the alcohol. If you want to host these people, host them properly.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

@Addie Cake - Like I said, Providing food for about twenty people and asking them to bring a bottle of wine is much more affordable than hosting them at a wedding with a dinner reception and bar. We could have had a different type of wedding, but we chose not to. So, we'll just invite the closest school friends to the wedding and then have a non-wedding related party a few weeks later.

@ClimbingBrideNY - We would provide other alcohol, but we'd ask guests to bring a bottle of wine. In our circle, that's perfectly acceptable. We're all in our mid-twenties, some of us are still in school, others are just starting their career. We generally can't afford to go out so we have get togethers at people's homes. It would not be feasible to have these if the person hosting had to buy the alcohol for everyone so the guests all contribute. The hosts provide the food, some extra booze, and the venue. It's how we do things… It may be change in a few years when we're all working, but for now it's perfectly acceptable.

CMGragain · November 2014

Any wedding related parties must be held on your wedding day. You can have as many parties as you like after you are married, but they aren't part of your wedding. Nothing wrong with having a good party.

AddieCake · November 2014

You keep saying you have to host them "with a dinner reception and a bar," and that is simply not true. You don't have to have alcohol at a reception, and there are MANY cheap dinner options.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

AddieCake said: You keep saying you have to host them "with a dinner reception and a bar," and that is simply not true. You don't have to have alcohol at a reception, and there are MANY cheap dinner options.
No - I said that we chose to have wedding reception with dinner and a bar. And then I added, "We could have had a different type of wedding, but we chose not to. So, we'll just invite the closest school friends to the wedding and then have a non-wedding related party a few weeks later."

For others who commented: making food for a non-wedding related party of about twenty people is much more affordable than adding twenty people to a wedding guest list (particularly when with a plated meal and an open bar). Not to mention the extra costs in terms of centrepieces, decorations, extra waiting staff, etc…

(Edited - paragraphs)

NYCMercedes · November 2014

You don't understand the suggestion. You don't have to have a plated meal with open bar type of reception. You can have a more modest reception and invite a crowd.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

NYCMercedes said:

You don't understand the suggestion. You don't have to have a plated meal with open bar type of reception. You can have a more modest reception and invite a crowd.

Yes I do. This is what I wrote: … we chose to have wedding reception with dinner and a bar. And then I added, "We could have had a different type of wedding, but we chose not to. So, we'll just invite the closest school friends to the wedding and then have a non-wedding related party a few weeks later."

plainjane0415 · November 2014

crimsonsaffron said:

NYCMercedes said:

You don't understand the suggestion. You don't have to have a plated meal with open bar type of reception. You can have a more modest reception and invite a crowd.

Yes I do. This is what I wrote: … we chose to have wedding reception with dinner and a bar. And then I added, "We could have had a different type of wedding, but we chose not to. So, we'll just invite the closest school friends to the wedding and then have a non-wedding related party a few weeks later."

I'm confused on what the bolded means. Can you explain?

misshart00 · November 2014

plainjane0415 said:

crimsonsaffron said:

NYCMercedes said:

You don't understand the suggestion. You don't have to have a plated meal with open bar type of reception. You can have a more modest reception and invite a crowd.

Yes I do. This is what I wrote: … we chose to have wedding reception with dinner and a bar. And then I added, "We could have had a different type of wedding, but we chose not to. So, we'll just invite the closest school friends to the wedding and then have a non-wedding related party a few weeks later."

I'm confused on what the bolded means. Can you explain?

It just means that she knows she could have had a cake and punch reception and invited more people. But she decided that she would prefer a sit down dinner and open bar with fewer people. Lots of people make that decision.

plainjane0415 · November 2014

Ok. That makes sense, I just wasn't understanding what a "different type of wedding" meant.

artbyallie · November 2014

crimsonsaffron said:

NYCMercedes said:

You don't understand the suggestion. You don't have to have a plated meal with open bar type of reception. You can have a more modest reception and invite a crowd.

Yes I do. This is what I wrote: … we chose to have wedding reception with dinner and a bar. And then I added, "We could have had a different type of wedding, but we chose not to. So, we'll just invite the closest school friends to the wedding and then have a non-wedding related party a few weeks later."

And people are telling you that makes a crappy consolation prize. If it's genuinely unrelated to your wedding that would be fine, but you are obviously wanting it to somehow make up for not inviting these people to your wedding and at just a few weeks later I don't doubt the wedding will be what you're talking about in conversation at this party.

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