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People need to mind their own damn business

SBminiSBmini member
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in Chit Chat
My cousin Sarah is married to the most amazing man. He was in the military for 10 years and now teaches high school Spanish. He's an awesome father to their four kids and all around a great man. Oh, did I mention he's half Lebanese and half Mexican? But he never knew his Lebanese father.

So he looks Middle Eastern and has a beard. Their kids are all darker than my cousin is- her oldest being the darkest and her youngest the lightest (strange how that happens). She was distraught this morning over something someone said on Facebook. Her father retired as a pilot and had his last flight yesterday. Her family met him at the gate. Someone actually posted on the photo that one of the flight attendants shared "I can't believe they let that terrorist so close to a plane!" this person was one of my cousin's friends! When she told him that was inappropriate and asked him to remove it- he told her to lighten up because it was funny. No, not funny to call someone a terrorist on a stranger's Facebook photo. 

Then she shared that she gets crap like this all the time. People apparently always ask her where her kids are from because of their skin tone. I couldn't believe it! Who the hell walks up to a stranger and asks them about the color of their kids? And it worries me because my husband has darker skin. I know that my children are going to have brown hair and brown eyes and beautiful olive skin- and here I am the blonde with fair skin and freckles. I've known for a long time that I will look different from the rest of my family- but it shocks me that I will most likely have to deal with people asking me why my kids look different from me. I will have to rehearse saying, "It's none of your damn business." 
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Re: People need to mind their own damn business

  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    Wow I have no words for that. People are genuinely ignorant. It's not an excuse by any means, but I think all you can really do is inform them when something is innapropriate and then just move on with your life.

     

    FTR, I think that your kids will be gorgeous.

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  • kat1114kat1114 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    I am half black and half Mexican. I can't tell you the number of times random people have approached me to ask "What are you?" I was walking home one day, and a man in a truck actually pulled over and got out of his car to ask me what I was.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Ugh people are disgusting.

    And your kids will be gorgeous.
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  • esstee33esstee33 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    People are dicks. I would've flown right off the handle at that person. I can't STAND ignorant shit like that and I also can't keep my mouth shut when I see it. 
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    WTF?  
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  • AprilH81AprilH81 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I admit to *THINKING* some of these things when I see people of multiple heritages (usually because their features are so striking).  But I would NEVER, NEVER, NEVER go up to someone and ask.  And even if the kids were adopted, who cares?!?!  What does it matter as long as they have a good and loving home?
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  • themuffinman16themuffinman16 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I have only asked when I found someone to be strikingly beautiful. It is usually preceded by a compliment. "You have the most gorgeous eyes and the most beautiful skin." I have never meant it to pry, but as being blonde and having blue eyes, I am always mesmerized by gorgeous dark hair and dark eyes or even blue eyes with dark hair. 
         My girlfriend is Mexican and Italian and the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. When I ask, it's because I want to know what could create something so beautiful.  But I could see how it could be intrusive. People always asked me and I never minded, but how I feel is not how everyone else feels.
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  • princessofgenoviaprincessofgenovia member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    On my dad's side I'm Native American, French, and Latina (we aren't sure exactly which country, we think Mexican). On my mom's side I'm Sicilian, German, and Irish. I have strawberry blonde hair, green eyes, and if I haven't been out in the sun I'm pretty damn white. So most people see me as a white girl. My maternal grandma is much darker skinned, jet black hair, and dark eyes, she's often mistaken for being Hispanic. 

    When I was little my grandma would take me out and get questioned all the time about who I was, did my parents know she had me, and if she was my nanny. Because clearly if a white looking girl is out with someone of a darker skin tone she's either with her nanny or about to be kidnapped. 
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  • lacqueredloverlacqueredlover member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    People are the worst.  My dad and brother are very middle eastern looking (that side of the family looks israeli, I'm super pale like my mom) and after 9/11, my dad got rid of his facial hair because he kept getting stopped at airports.  

    I'm so sorry this is happening to your family.  People have no class.
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  • thelastdreamerthelastdreamer member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    edited November 2014
    Ugh. I hate stuff like this. DH's little sister is Chinese. She was adopted when she was 18 months old and is as American as any other kid. When DH and I had been dating for about 6 months, we had a few friends over to his parents house for a cookout. One person kept staring at her, wouldn't talk to her (because they thought she didn't speak English), and loudly asked me "when they got her." I wanted to punch them. 

    Related, my dad was also adopted. He has dark hair and eyes and olive skin. Both my brother and I have fair skin, freckles, and brown hair. Whenever we were in airport with him as kids, airport screeners would pull him aside and do a full body pat down, and sometimes an interrogation as well. It got to the point where we would go to the airport an extra hour early because we knew Dad would be "randomly" selected. 
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My parents adopted my brother when he was 2 months old. His skin is substantially darker, and he looks as though he'd be from Central America. We got questions all growing up about whether or not he was really our brother. People's stupidity never ceases to amaze me.




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  • blabla89blabla89 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    That is really frustrating and it makes me ragey for your cousin and her DH. I mean seriously, who says that?

    My aunt has two sons who were adopted from Guatemala and she gets shit like that pretty frequently. Sometimes out in public, people have assumed that their Mexican au pair must be the boys' mother/father. On the flip side, when she took them to visit Guatemala she said people seemed to be wondering what this red headed white lady was doing with two Guatemalan kids.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    People suck. I can't imagine even typing that, let along posting it yo Facebook, let alone DEFENDING it as funny. What the actual fuck?
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  • SBminiSBmini member
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    amelisha said:
    People are gross.

    Personally, I don't think it's inappropriate to ask someone about their heritage IF it's done in the appropriate social context, but most people seem to have absolutely no idea about when that appropriate context is.

    Appropriate: an acquaintance mom in your kid's daycare class says "Your kids are so cute - what is their ancestry?"

    Inappropriate: stranger in line at the grocery store says "Are those kids Arab?"

    Appropriate: a coworker asks you mid-conversation at the Christmas party "I'm sorry, but I've always been curious. May I ask what your heritage is?"

    Inappropriate: man on the street yells "Hey baby, is your daddy black?"

    Appropriate: you're on a first date and your date says "I've never heard your last name before. Do you know its background or where it comes from?"

    Inappropriate: lady at the DMV says "How do you spell your name? Is it one of those immigrant names?"

    ...one's ethnic background doesn't have to be a secret or an extremely personal question or anything, but my goodness. There are ways to talk about it and ways not to. Unfortunately, the Western world is currently just slapping the word "terrorist" on anything less white than the average these days and it's unbelievably ignorant. Like...when it doubt, just don't mention it. Ever.
    Yes, exactly. It doesn't bother me when people ask what nationality my last name is or stuff like that. It's a good opportunity to educate them on a people who very few Americans know about. And I like being able to help people learn something new if they are polite about it. It's the ignorant, impolite people that I'm worried about.
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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    People really suck. I hate crap like that. 
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  • amelishaamelisha member
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    And they're EVERYWHERE.

    I work in an industry with a higher than the population average of very educated people of Asian and Middle Eastern origin (think classic white collar type profession.) You would not believe the garbage I hear out of people's mouths regarding these (highly qualified) members of the profession. It's disgusting, and it's in a professional setting. Makes me pretty upset and I'm of Swedish peasant stock on both sides.

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  • alpacalunchalpacalunch member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    People are gross.

    I've a friend who was born kms from me, but whose family background is Ismaili, and a few years ago I got to witness this exchange with a TA at our university.

    "Hey, so where are you from?"
    "Toronto"
    "No, but where are you from?"
    "Midtown?"
    "Come on, don't be a bitch"

    Why strangers feel entitled to know peoples personal information, I will never know.
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  • goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 member
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    People are just....UGH.  WTF is wrong with them???  

    "What ARE you?"  Ummmm, last I checked, a human being.  I will NEVER understand how anyone thinks it is okay for a stranger to approach another stranger and ask them about their genetic makeup.  It has ZERO impact on their day.  It's fucking nosy and gross.


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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Ugh that will be us too. FI was very pale in the engagement pictures of you guys remember that but he is pretty dark. I already get asked where he came from and I just say Michigan like me. He's unsure of his heritage but why should that even matter? Turds. I hope our kids all look like him because he's so handsome. I worry that either people will think my kids are adopted 3rd world country kids or they will think he stole them from the nice white lady, depending on who they look like. UGH
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Ignorant bullshit like this makes me so ragey. I can't stand how gross some people are. And the worst is when they defend the comments as being "funny" instead of realizing how wrong the comments are. I've had friends say they got "Jewed" and they expect me not to be offended by that. 

    So if I hear any racist shit at all I pounce on it, because if I don't want to hear that shit about Jews then I can't tolerate it about any minority ever. I can't demand respect for myself but then not demand it for others, ya know? So then I'm told that I'm just being "self-righteous" and "high and mighty" acting like I'm so "above people" with my anti-racism shit. Not, fuckheads, I just don't like ignorant ugly comments in general. Sorry if I think your nasty dumbfuckery isn't funny. 
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  • raissyraisraissyrais member
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    lurkergirl said:
    I am "white" (Caucasian) but have dark hair and eyes and olive skin.  I get asked "What are you?" more often than is acceptable, which is really never!  I like to stare at people like they're insane and remind them, "Uhh, I'm a person?"
    I get that too almost all the time. People are so rude. I respond with: "What do you think? A dog or a human being?" And then they're all apologetic and say "but where are you from?"
     Planet earth I reply. "But where are your parents from?" Dude who the fuck cares. WHO THE FUCK CARES.
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  • penguin44penguin44 member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    alpacalunch said:
    People are gross.

    I've a friend who was born kms from me, but whose family background is Ismaili, and a few years ago I got to witness this exchange with a TA at our university.

    "Hey, so where are you from?"
    "Toronto"
    "No, but where are you from?"
    "Midtown?"
    "Come on, don't be a bitch"

    Why strangers feel entitled to know peoples personal information, I will never know.

    My coworker has had a similar conversation. Her parents are from India.

    "Where are you from?"

    "Tennessee"

    "But what is your nationality"

    "American"

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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If I had a nickle for every time someone asked me "Where are you from?" and kept pressing when I said "New York City", I'd be a millionaire. I usually get the "No, where are you ORIGINALLY from" response from people a lot, and me being an American doesn't cut it.
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I have a Nigerian friend who's lived in Chicago for almost 30 years now but still has a super thick accent. People ask him all the time where he's from and he says "Chicago. Where are YOU from?" with a totally straight face. I love it. 
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  • rooz103rooz103 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    FI is from Mexico City, but learned English through these old school educational tapes with British voice actors. He also had a penchant for adopting neat sounds, so he has this awesome but strange accent from nowhere (think traditionally British pronunciation with the occasional "croikey!" thrown in).

    Physically, he's ethnically ambiguous--on his father's side, he's mostly French--and combined with his accent, no one knows what to do with him. People are always asking where he's from, and I love the look of befuddlement on their faces when he says he was born in Mexico. It happens so frequently, he said that while were were dating, he was pleasantly surprised that I was one of the few who never about his ethnicity or accent directly. 

    Our kids will definitely have this problem since I'm Asian and we plan on having beautifully confusing children. On my part, I'll be teaching them the incredulous, open-mouthed, are-you-kidding-or-did-that-really-just-make-it-past-your-filter stare you give someone when he asks you something like "So... are you purebred Korean?" 
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