Budget Weddings Forum

negitive family members

My FI and I have been together 7 years we have 3 children together and have been engaged since March of 2014. So we finally chose a venue and a wedding date. We are so excited my mom is excited my girlfriends are getting goose bumps but when I speak to my future SIL about it she barley cracks a smile and continues with some negative comment about renting tents (witch we wont have to do because it comes with the wedding venues package ) She seemed almost irritated my the whole thing. I get the same reception from my future MIL almost to the point where I am  beginning to think they do not want us to marry at all. Before you ask Yes we plan on paying for it ourselves and had not asked nor do we expect any money from my future in laws. I am excited and I want to talk about it and include them but the way that they are treating me I don't think they want me to. I am very upset by this because I love my Fi very much and I do not want him to be at odds with his family. What do I do  

Re: negitive family members

  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    Nobody is ever going to be as excited about the wedding as you are.  And some people just aren't that in to weddings... his family may fit into that group.  My in-laws didn't really give much input into our wedding, didn't ask about details, and didn't help with planning at all.  We told them our general plans, they thought it was great, and that was the end of discussion. They were thrilled that we were getting married (his mom had been pressuring him for a few years to marry me), but they just weren't involved in the wedding details.  And I didn't bore them by telling them a million details that they weren't interested in. On my side of the family, my mom & sister were more interested and asked details, so they were more involved... but they enjoy that stuff.

    So, your future in-laws may just not be that interested in the details or planning. OR they may just not like you as much as you thought.  Although, if you already have 3 kids, they probably should have assumed this was coming or that you would be around a while.  So, getting married shouldn't really change their attitude toward you since you were already going to be sticking around no matter what happened.

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  • There's nothing you can do. You've already been together for 7 years, and have a family, they may not see what all the excitement is about.  Or, they might just not be into weddings.  You can talk about this with your girlfriends and family, and talk about other things with them. If they ask you questions, then of coure, answer, but don't bring it up without promting. I understand you want them to be involved, but they don't have to be, and they don't want to be. Don't force it, just let it go. You not offering information about your wedding in no way make your FI at odds with his family, so I wouldn't worry about that either.

     

    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
    Maggie0829
  • fwtx5815fwtx5815 cowboys nation member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I don't think there's anything you can do other than keep wedding talk to a minimum. Some people aren't going to share the level of excitement that your friends or mom have.
    The best thing you can do for your FI is to not get between him and his family if there's a disagreement.

    There's a saying: "other people's opinion of me is none of my business." I think you could apply this mantra to your upcoming nuptials and your future in-laws' opinions.

    Congratulations and good luck with the wedding planning!

    ----


     fka dallasbetch 


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  • I guess they don't like me as much as I thought and that's fine it just bums me out they make no effort at all. Even talking about my daughters in her flower girl dress seems like an inconvenience.  

  • My FI and I have been together 7 years we have 3 children together and have been engaged since March of 2014. So we finally chose a venue and a wedding date. We are so excited my mom is excited my girlfriends are getting goose bumps but when I speak to my future SIL about it she barley cracks a smile and continues with some negative comment about renting tents (witch we wont have to do because it comes with the wedding venues package ) She seemed almost irritated my the whole thing. I get the same reception from my future MIL almost to the point where I am  beginning to think they do not want us to marry at all. Before you ask Yes we plan on paying for it ourselves and had not asked nor do we expect any money from my future in laws. I am excited and I want to talk about it and include them but the way that they are treating me I don't think they want me to. I am very upset by this because I love my Fi very much and I do not want him to be at odds with his family. What do I do  
    Does your FI feel the same way? It's his family; you should be following his lead regarding them.

    Have they always treated you this way, or is this something new since you picked a date and a venue?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    I guess they don't like me as much as I thought and that's fine it just bums me out they make no effort at all. Even talking about my daughters in her flower girl dress seems like an inconvenience.  

    Just because they aren't overly excited about your wedding doesn't mean that they don't like you. You are taking this too personally.  Some people are excited about weddings and others aren't. And sorry to say you have been together for 7 years and have 3 children together, you and your FI getting married probably isn't that big of a shock to them and more of a "it's about time" type of thing.  This doesn't mean that they aren't happy for you it just means that they aren't jumping up and down excited that they get to hear all about your wedding plans.

    And honestly, if I was your FSIL I wouldn't be overly thrilled talking about your daughters flower girl dresses.  I just wouldn't care about it that much.  I mean it is just a flower girl dress.  It isn't like you are telling them you found a cure for cancer.

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    I guess they don't like me as much as I thought and that's fine it just bums me out they make no effort at all. Even talking about my daughters in her flower girl dress seems like an inconvenience.  

    Not being interested in the details of a party that you're throwing probably a year + from now says nothing at all about whether and how much they like you.  Stop taking it so personally. 



    esstee33
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