Bridezilla or Bridesmaidzilla?
My older sister is one of my bridesmaids and I love her dearly, and she has always been the most supportive person in my life, until my wedding. She has been upset with every decision I have made and now won't return my calls or emails. There was never a fight, just her telling me she was upset. Here are the details, I would love your suggestions on how to handle this:
1 - She is furious that I am not inviting her two best friends to my bachelorette weekend. It would make my weekend with 12 girls total and I don't want that many. Also these two friends (a female couple) caused some drama at my little sisters bachelorette weekend, and I am not that close with them. She told me several times I need to call them and tell them they aren't invited. I never invited them in the first place.
2 - She is upset with me because we aren't having children at the wedding, the same couple mentioned above have a son together that she is the God Mother of and she wants him there. I am not caving on the no children, it comes down to numbers. If we have kids than there is a whole group of adults I can't afford to invite, and it was the decision my fiancé and I made together. Everyone who has children I have personally called and they are ok with it, some thrilled for a weekend away even.
3 - She told me before she would wear a dress if I wanted her too. I know she is uncomfortable in one so I found a nice pant suit for her. She complained to my mother that they look too tight and she wont wear them. They are straight leg pants. She is very petite but prefers to wear mens pants because they are more comfortable. But this is my wedding, don't I get to pick an outfit? I am not putting her in a dress. I want her to be happy but I also want my party to look nice and tailored.
With all of this my feeling are hurt from her constant complaining but she is my older sister and I don't want to fight with her. I would appreciate anyone else's point of view.
Re: Bridezilla or Bridesmaidzilla?
I like the style of the pant and think it would look good on her, she has never tried it on before so I guess I just want her to give it a chance before she says no. She wears men's dress pants to work and the length and leg are fine, but she is so petite that the extra "crotch" fabric in the pants looks odd in my opinion and I won't tell her that. It would hurt her feelings.
I am planning on going shopping with her, just so far everything I have said she complains about. I am starting to wonder if I should just pick it, tell her to buy it, instead of spending a whole day of being made to feel bad about my wedding choices. If I can get her to even go.
I'd also like to add that you might want to stop sharing details with her. She can't snark on what she doesn't know about.
When it comes to her outfit, if she doesn't feel comfortable in it, I'd be more compromising. Yeah, technically you get to choose the outfit, but I wouldn't hold too tightly to forcing her to wear an outfit or a style she doesn't feel good in. I'd try to find something that works for both of you.
Thank you! I think I was just being overly sensitive about the pants after what happened with the first two instances. My feeling are just hurt by her reaction, hopefully we can find pants that look good and she is comfortable in.
Hopefully I can calm down my FI. After seeing me cry when I got off the phone with her last time he wants to take both her friends off the wedding list. I can't do that, it would hurt my sister too bad. I would risk her not coming.
Wait, what? Your sister seriously wouldnt come to your wedding if you didnt invite her friends? That is incredibly childish.
I am a spiteful asshole and would call her bluff by not inviting the friends.
If I'm way off base, I'm sorry! That's just where my head went.
You should stand your ground on the first two items, involving guest lists. If your sister invited her 2 friends to your bp, she, not you, should fix that. Ditto, if she told them that their kids are invited to the wedding.
You should work with your sister on the clothing issue. If she typically wears men's clothes, couldn't you allow her to wear what the gm are wearing?
Not a demand to invite them, but one of them has been her best friend since college so I have known her through my sister for about 12 years. My sister considers them family and two people is not a big deal to me. I don't mind inviting them but they are starting to be a lot of trouble. She didn't say she wouldn't come if I don't invite them because I haven't said it to her, but my parents believe she wouldn't come. Any further complaints from her or them will result in them not being invited, not due to me but my FI is tired of it and already wants them off the list.
I agree with Maggie. It doesnt sound like you or your fi want them at your wedding. So I wouldnt invite them. I think she can handle one night away from her friends. And if she cant, then that is on her.
On a side note, do her friends even want to come to your wedding? If they dont know you well, why would they want to come?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
They expect to be invited, the one I have known for 12 years considers me a sister and I do care for her and I like her partner ok now (she was a hot selfish mess when I first met her) but I have always felt a little bullied by her when she doesn't agree with me and the couple complains when they don't get there way. So my sister is constantly hearing them complain about my decisions which she then turns on me. Which I understand in a way, but don't appreciate.
I just don't say anything when someone says she is like my family, I don't feel that way at all but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I am truly indecisive if I want them there or not for myself, but avoiding drama and a hurt sister by inviting them may be worth it to me. They will behave in a large group of people, I think.
Formerly martha1818