Cash Bar

whovianstark · November 2014

I've been to a number of weddings where the bar is open up to a $2000 limit. I thought it was perfectly fine while I was there, and they normally didn't even reach the limit. Is that also considered a cash bar 'no no'? Thanks!

mikenberger · November 2014

Cash bar is a no go. Your guests shouldn't have to open their wallet for anything unless they purchase you a gift (and gifts are optional)

MobKaz · November 2014

Knottie41717163 said:

I've been to a number of weddings where the bar is open up to a $2000 limit. I thought it was perfectly fine while I was there, and they normally didn't even reach the limit. Is that also considered a cash bar 'no no'? Thanks!

How does that even work? Jane Doe orders her drink and receives it at no cost. John Smith, next in line, orders his, and the bartender requests $5 from him because Jane was the $2000.00 customer. I don't get it.

whovianstark · November 2014

So it would still be considered a cash bar even if you are covering all of their drinks up to $2000 (or whatever?) The weddings I've been to before I got plenty to drink with the $2000 tab. I'd just prefer not to have any surprises after my wedding.

Viczaesar · November 2014

Knottie41717163 said:

I've been to a number of weddings where the bar is open up to a $2000 limit. I thought it was perfectly fine while I was there, and they normally didn't even reach the limit. Is that also considered a cash bar 'no no'? Thanks!

Yes, that's also a 'no no.'

whovianstark · November 2014

I'm not sure how it works, I haven't looked into it that much. I was just curious, but I have been to a number of weddings like that. And from what I've seen at those weddings there wasn't a problem

Butterflyz419 · November 2014

I know this is not going to be a popular opinion, but I think is just fine. This to me is no different than you invite guests over for dinner having bought a couple bottles of wine to serve. Your guests drink more than you expect and the bottles are finished. You as a host, in my opinion, are under no obligation to run out and buy yet more wine for them.

Perhaps the bar should simply be instructed to stop serving alcohol if the limit is reached (and they'll usually warn you when it's going to and give you the option to keep it open if you preferred to suck it up) but I don't see why anyone would be offended by this.

lyndausvi · November 2014

Personally find any type of cash bar to be unacceptable. The fact you paid the first $2K is irrelevant to me. If you do not want any surprised make the number high. Then ask the bartender to warn you when it hits the limit to see if you want to add more.

mikenberger · November 2014

MobKaz said:

Knottie41717163 said:

I've been to a number of weddings where the bar is open up to a $2000 limit. I thought it was perfectly fine while I was there, and they normally didn't even reach the limit. Is that also considered a cash bar 'no no'? Thanks!

How does that even work? Jane Doe orders her drink and receives it at no cost. John Smith, next in line, orders his, and the bartender requests $5 from him because Jane was the $2000.00 customer. I don't get it.

Pretty much. Or they provide 2k worth of alcohol and other beverage. Once its gone, its gone. Or theyll allow overage and you pay up later. Sometimes they charge more for the additional beverage.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

chibiyui · November 2014

Knottie41717163 said:

I'm not sure how it works, I haven't looked into it that much. I was just curious, but I have been to a number of weddings like that. And from what I've seen at those weddings there wasn't a problem

I'm more curious as to how you know you were at weddings that had the bar covered up to a limit, yet it never went over the limit. I'd think if I were the type to only cover so much, I'd keep my mouth shut and hope we didn't go over the limit so as to look properly "posh"

mrs4everhart · November 2014

Knottie41717163 said:

I'm not sure how it works, I haven't looked into it that much. I was just curious, but I have been to a number of weddings like that. And from what I've seen at those weddings there wasn't a problem

It works like this: Host(s) sets their maximum limit. Then a second number is agreed upon between the host(s) and the venue. Say, $250 before the agreed upon limit is met. Kind of like a warning or a buffer. The host(s) can then decide to keep it open or close it based on the time it took to reach that warning number or other criteria. Happens all the time at the venue I run. Once the hosted tab is closed the bartenders/servers will let the guests know they have to start their own tab / pay as they go because the main tab has been closed. Sometimes they reach the maximum, sometimes they don't. Depends on a lot of different variables.

southernbelle0915 · November 2014

A cash bar in any form is against etiquette. Basically, if your guests are opening their wallets for anything, there's something wrong from an etiquette perspective.

If you have a low budget, see if your venue would work with you to just host beer and wine. Or just a signature cocktail. Or have a dry wedding - there's nothing wrong with that.

climbingsingle · November 2014

It's still a cash bar, and it's still rude.

jacques27 · November 2014

chibiyui said:

Knottie41717163 said:

I'm not sure how it works, I haven't looked into it that much. I was just curious, but I have been to a number of weddings like that. And from what I've seen at those weddings there wasn't a problem

I'm more curious as to how you know you were at weddings that had the bar covered up to a limit, yet it never went over the limit. I'd think if I were the type to only cover so much, I'd keep my mouth shut and hope we didn't go over the limit so as to look properly "posh"

This. And also, maybe it wasn't a problem for you, but were you always the last person to order and closing down the bar? Maybe it was a problem for Uncle Joe who ordered after you.

Anything that might require your guests to open their wallets and purses at your wedding is rude. Only partially hosting your bar falls into this category. If you do not want any surprises, then you have the following options:

1. Have a dry wedding.
2. Host only what you can afford and if that means you can only afford to serve wine and beer and maybe one signature drink you work out with the venue, then so be it.
3. You arrange to host your bar on a per person basis instead of based on consumption so that it's just a flat fee times the number of people at your wedding.
4. You talk to your venue and see if they are willing to work out a deal where you start out on a consumption basis and if you end up exceeding the amount it would have been if you had paid on a per person basis they will give you the per person total instead (not sure how many venues would consider this, but I know one venue I worked at would make this deal sometimes, so it doesn't hurt to ask).

Per person is a great way to not have surprises, but it's a know your crowd kind of thing. If you don't have a lot of heavy drinkers (and keep in mind that people tend to drink more when it's on the house and they are celebrating and even people who don't normally drink will have a celebratory drink), then consumption will usually be cheaper, but you have to be willing to live with the element of surprise.

whovianstark · November 2014

jacques27 said:

chibiyui said:

Knottie41717163 said:

I'm not sure how it works, I haven't looked into it that much. I was just curious, but I have been to a number of weddings like that. And from what I've seen at those weddings there wasn't a problem

I'm more curious as to how you know you were at weddings that had the bar covered up to a limit, yet it never went over the limit. I'd think if I were the type to only cover so much, I'd keep my mouth shut and hope we didn't go over the limit so as to look properly "posh"

This. And also, maybe it wasn't a problem for you, but were you always the last person to order and closing down the bar? Maybe it was a problem for Uncle Joe who ordered after you.

Anything that might require your guests to open their wallets and purses at your wedding is rude. Only partially hosting your bar falls into this category. If you do not want any surprises, then you have the following options:

1. Have a dry wedding.
2. Host only what you can afford and if that means you can only afford to serve wine and beer and maybe one signature drink you work out with the venue, then so be it.
3. You arrange to host your bar on a per person basis instead of based on consumption so that it's just a flat fee times the number of people at your wedding.
4. You talk to your venue and see if they are willing to work out a deal where you start out on a consumption basis and if you end up exceeding the amount it would have been if you had paid on a per person basis they will give you the per person total instead (not sure how many venues would consider this, but I know one venue I worked at would make this deal sometimes, so it doesn't hurt to ask).

Per person is a great way to not have surprises, but it's a know your crowd kind of thing. If you don't have a lot of heavy drinkers (and keep in mind that people tend to drink more when it's on the house and they are celebrating and even people who don't normally drink will have a celebratory drink), then consumption will usually be cheaper, but you have to be willing to live with the element of surprise.

Thanks Jacques, the thing I have also been concerned about is that we do have some heavy drinkers in the family and if there was some sort of limit they wouldn't drink as much. And just based on past experiences with my family I feel like if there was some sort of limit they'd be able to handle themselves better. But I guess I can just hope the bartender cuts them off in time.

penguin44 · November 2014

Knottie41717163 said:

jacques27 said:

chibiyui said:

Knottie41717163 said:

I'm not sure how it works, I haven't looked into it that much. I was just curious, but I have been to a number of weddings like that. And from what I've seen at those weddings there wasn't a problem

I'm more curious as to how you know you were at weddings that had the bar covered up to a limit, yet it never went over the limit. I'd think if I were the type to only cover so much, I'd keep my mouth shut and hope we didn't go over the limit so as to look properly "posh"

This. And also, maybe it wasn't a problem for you, but were you always the last person to order and closing down the bar? Maybe it was a problem for Uncle Joe who ordered after you.

Anything that might require your guests to open their wallets and purses at your wedding is rude. Only partially hosting your bar falls into this category. If you do not want any surprises, then you have the following options:

1. Have a dry wedding.
2. Host only what you can afford and if that means you can only afford to serve wine and beer and maybe one signature drink you work out with the venue, then so be it.
3. You arrange to host your bar on a per person basis instead of based on consumption so that it's just a flat fee times the number of people at your wedding.
4. You talk to your venue and see if they are willing to work out a deal where you start out on a consumption basis and if you end up exceeding the amount it would have been if you had paid on a per person basis they will give you the per person total instead (not sure how many venues would consider this, but I know one venue I worked at would make this deal sometimes, so it doesn't hurt to ask).

Per person is a great way to not have surprises, but it's a know your crowd kind of thing. If you don't have a lot of heavy drinkers (and keep in mind that people tend to drink more when it's on the house and they are celebrating and even people who don't normally drink will have a celebratory drink), then consumption will usually be cheaper, but you have to be willing to live with the element of surprise.

Thanks Jacques, the thing I have also been concerned about is that we do have some heavy drinkers in the family and if there was some sort of limit they wouldn't drink as much. And just based on past experiences with my family I feel like if there was some sort of limit they'd be able to handle themselves better. But I guess I can just hope the bartender cuts them off in time.

So how would they know there is a limit? Will you be announcing the limit? "Hey friends and family, we are only going to cover $2k at the bar, so get your drinks while you can!"

It is the bartender's job to cut off drunk people. There is nothing you can do to control this.

mikenberger · November 2014

Knottie41717163 said:

jacques27 said:

chibiyui said:

Knottie41717163 said:

I'm not sure how it works, I haven't looked into it that much. I was just curious, but I have been to a number of weddings like that. And from what I've seen at those weddings there wasn't a problem

I'm more curious as to how you know you were at weddings that had the bar covered up to a limit, yet it never went over the limit. I'd think if I were the type to only cover so much, I'd keep my mouth shut and hope we didn't go over the limit so as to look properly "posh"

This. And also, maybe it wasn't a problem for you, but were you always the last person to order and closing down the bar? Maybe it was a problem for Uncle Joe who ordered after you.

Anything that might require your guests to open their wallets and purses at your wedding is rude. Only partially hosting your bar falls into this category. If you do not want any surprises, then you have the following options:

1. Have a dry wedding.
2. Host only what you can afford and if that means you can only afford to serve wine and beer and maybe one signature drink you work out with the venue, then so be it.
3. You arrange to host your bar on a per person basis instead of based on consumption so that it's just a flat fee times the number of people at your wedding.
4. You talk to your venue and see if they are willing to work out a deal where you start out on a consumption basis and if you end up exceeding the amount it would have been if you had paid on a per person basis they will give you the per person total instead (not sure how many venues would consider this, but I know one venue I worked at would make this deal sometimes, so it doesn't hurt to ask).

Per person is a great way to not have surprises, but it's a know your crowd kind of thing. If you don't have a lot of heavy drinkers (and keep in mind that people tend to drink more when it's on the house and they are celebrating and even people who don't normally drink will have a celebratory drink), then consumption will usually be cheaper, but you have to be willing to live with the element of surprise.

Thanks Jacques, the thing I have also been concerned about is that we do have some heavy drinkers in the family and if there was some sort of limit they wouldn't drink as much. And just based on past experiences with my family I feel like if there was some sort of limit they'd be able to handle themselves better. But I guess I can just hope the bartender cuts them off in time.

I assume these guests are adults as they're of drinking age. You cannot babysit them on their drinking. If someone wants to drink, they are going to drink. If you are that concerned about your guests getting rowdy, have a dry wedding. Its perfectly acceptable. Or yes, bartenders have been trained (hopefully) to handle such situations. Let them be the bad guy, not you.

jacques27 · November 2014

Knottie41717163 said:

Thanks Jacques, the thing I have also been concerned about is that we do have some heavy drinkers in the family and if there was some sort of limit they wouldn't drink as much. And just based on past experiences with my family I feel like if there was some sort of limit they'd be able to handle themselves better. But I guess I can just hope the bartender cuts them off in time.

Regarding the yellow, it's been said several times here recently, but people who want to get drunk will get drunk even if they have to pay for it. People get wasted at bars and nightclubs every day of the week and they are paying for their drinks. So you hoping that people knowing there is a dollar limit to keep their drinking in check isn't going to work, and in the meantime just means you're rude and potentially punishing the other moderate to light drinkers who have the misfortune of showing up just after Drunk Uncle Bobby just bought the last drink covered by your tab.

Regarding the green, that's what the bartenders are there for. That's part of their job. They are trained to not overserve and cut people off. Doesn't mean there aren't ways around it still (sending up a more sober person to get your drink for you, etc.).

artbyallie · November 2014

Butterflyz419 said:

I know this is not going to be a popular opinion, but I think is just fine. This to me is no different than you invite guests over for dinner having bought a couple bottles of wine to serve. Your guests drink more than you expect and the bottles are finished. You as a host, in my opinion, are under no obligation to run out and buy yet more wine for them.

Perhaps the bar should simply be instructed to stop serving alcohol if the limit is reached (and they'll usually warn you when it's going to and give you the option to keep it open if you preferred to suck it up) but I don't see why anyone would be offended by this.

This advice goes against etiquette. We are on the etiquette board. Please do not advise bad etiquette on this board, thankyouverymuch.

Jen4948 · November 2014

If you want to keep guests from getting drunk at your wedding, the only polite way to do that is with a dry wedding, and even that won't prevent people who really want to drink from sneaking in a flask or tailgating.

Charging guests at any point of the event for any of the costs is rude. Those are for you to pay.

Butterflyz419 · November 2014

artbyallie said:

Butterflyz419 said:

I know this is not going to be a popular opinion, but I think is just fine. This to me is no different than you invite guests over for dinner having bought a couple bottles of wine to serve. Your guests drink more than you expect and the bottles are finished. You as a host, in my opinion, are under no obligation to run out and buy yet more wine for them.

Perhaps the bar should simply be instructed to stop serving alcohol if the limit is reached (and they'll usually warn you when it's going to and give you the option to keep it open if you preferred to suck it up) but I don't see why anyone would be offended by this.

This advice goes against etiquette. We are on the etiquette board. Please do not advise bad etiquette on this board, thankyouverymuch.

Why? Why would it be a problem for you to serve alcohol up to a certain limit and then say no more? For clarity I mean in this case that the bar would no longer serve alcohol at all once the limit was reached, not that it was available for purchase.

Just as guests can only have the cocktail hour food during cocktail hour, and the salad course during the salad course and the dessert during the dessert course and cannot obtain those items outside of the times they are being served, I see no reason by etiquette why you must serve alcohol for the entire event or not at all. The only thing that needs to available at all times is water. And just like there's a limit on the scallops wrapped in bacon, there is no reason why alcohol couldn't likewise be limited. Moreover, many venues I'm sure are like mine and stop serving alcohol 1/2 hour before the end of the reception anyway for liability reasons, if the bar stops serving earlier than that because you've reached the limit for what you are able to afford you are no more a bad host than you would be for not going out to get another bottle of wine for your dinner guests and instead offer them a glass of iced tea once they've finished what you initially served.

NYCMercedes · November 2014

@Butterflyz419‌ Your scenario is the epitome of poor planning. Yes, it happens that you run out of wine or even eggs when hosting. You apologize for your error, all accept it, and move on. Is this what you want for your wedding? Poor planning?

Butterflyz419 · November 2014

NYCMercedes said:

@Butterflyz419‌ Your scenario is the epitome of poor planning. Yes, it happens that you run out of wine or even eggs when hosting. You apologize for your error, all accept it, and move on. Is this what you want for your wedding? Poor planning?

First of all, I've said nothing about my wedding. Second, why would it be poor planning? You host what you can afford right? I can see no reason why that means I, generically speaking, must make all food and beverage options available for the duration of the event. As I'm under no obligation to make my cocktail hour hors d'oeuvres available for the whole night no matter how much the guests might want to enjoy more of them and no matter if some guests didn't get as many other guests for whatever reason, I can see no reason under etiquette to treat alcohol any differently.

southernbelle0915 · November 2014

@artbyallie @NYCMercedes

beethery · November 2014

Butterflyz419 said:

NYCMercedes said:

@Butterflyz419‌ Your scenario is the epitome of poor planning. Yes, it happens that you run out of wine or even eggs when hosting. You apologize for your error, all accept it, and move on. Is this what you want for your wedding? Poor planning?

First of all, I've said nothing about my wedding. Second, why would it be poor planning? You host what you can afford right? I can see no reason why that means I, generically speaking, must make all food and beverage options available for the duration of the event. As I'm under no obligation to make my cocktail hour hors d'oeuvres available for the whole night no matter how much the guests might want to enjoy more of them and no matter if some guests didn't get as many other guests for whatever reason, I can see no reason under etiquette to treat alcohol any differently.

Hors d'oeuvres are followed by the main part of the meal.

You are doing this same shit again as you do in damn near every post you show up in. Knock it off.

Butterflyz419 · November 2014

@beetheryI'm giving my opinion on this topic, no different from anyone else.

Sorry not sorry if you or anybody else has a problem with that.

MobKaz · November 2014

Butterflyz419 said:

artbyallie said:

Butterflyz419 said:

I know this is not going to be a popular opinion, but I think is just fine. This to me is no different than you invite guests over for dinner having bought a couple bottles of wine to serve. Your guests drink more than you expect and the bottles are finished. You as a host, in my opinion, are under no obligation to run out and buy yet more wine for them.

Perhaps the bar should simply be instructed to stop serving alcohol if the limit is reached (and they'll usually warn you when it's going to and give you the option to keep it open if you preferred to suck it up) but I don't see why anyone would be offended by this.

This advice goes against etiquette. We are on the etiquette board. Please do not advise bad etiquette on this board, thankyouverymuch.

Why? Why would it be a problem for you to serve alcohol up to a certain limit and then say no more? For clarity I mean in this case that the bar would no longer serve alcohol at all once the limit was reached, not that it was available for purchase.

Just as guests can only have the cocktail hour food during cocktail hour, and the salad course during the salad course and the dessert during the dessert course and cannot obtain those items outside of the times they are being served, I see no reason by etiquette why you must serve alcohol for the entire event or not at all. The only thing that needs to available at all times is water. And just like there's a limit on the scallops wrapped in bacon, there is no reason why alcohol couldn't likewise be limited. Moreover, many venues I'm sure are like mine and stop serving alcohol 1/2 hour before the end of the reception anyway for liability reasons, if the bar stops serving earlier than that because you've reached the limit for what you are able to afford you are no more a bad host than you would be for not going out to get another bottle of wine for your dinner guests and instead offer them a glass of iced tea once they've finished what you initially served.

The cocktails last the duration of the cocktail hour. If a bar opens after dinner for guests to enjoy during the dancing portion of the reception, the expectation is that it will remain open for the duration of the dancing portion.

lc07 · November 2014

Knottie41717163 said:

I'm not sure how it works, I haven't looked into it that much. I was just curious, but I have been to a number of weddings like that. And from what I've seen at those weddings there wasn't a problem

There probably did not appear to be a problem. I have attended cash bar events that should have been hosted and I did not go out to my car and grab my pitchfork and run back into the venue. I kept my mouth shut even though it was not a properly hosted event and it made me side eye the host. Just because I didn't pitch a fit doesn't mean it wasn't an etiquette problem.

LondonLisa · November 2014

I once went to a wedding like this. People heard there was a limit to the bar, and a few started ordering double and triple drinks to line them up. There was even one guy sitting at a table with 5 pints in front of him that was meant to last him the night. Of course, he got them all free. However, the bar ran dry in 1.5 hours, and all I got was a measly small glass of white wine before it switched to cash. I didn't realise there was a limit so when I went to get my second glass of wine, I had to borrow money from a friend (I didn't have cash on me). It was embarrassing!

Use your 2000 to buy beer and wine for the whole night. The moment I have to open my wallet at a wedding is the moment I realise your wedding "vision" is more important than all of our enjoyment. Rude people keep saying "I spend so much on your dinner, why not buy your own alcohol". But I think people forget how much it costs to be a guest at a wedding. To go to a wedding, I'm paying for transport (taxis, trains etc), a hotel, an outfit, plus a gift! Often that is so much more than a "per plate" cost of your event.

banana468 · November 2014

Butterflyz419 said:

NYCMercedes said:

@Butterflyz419‌ Your scenario is the epitome of poor planning. Yes, it happens that you run out of wine or even eggs when hosting. You apologize for your error, all accept it, and move on. Is this what you want for your wedding? Poor planning?

First of all, I've said nothing about my wedding. Second, why would it be poor planning? You host what you can afford right? I can see no reason why that means I, generically speaking, must make all food and beverage options available for the duration of the event. As I'm under no obligation to make my cocktail hour hors d'oeuvres available for the whole night no matter how much the guests might want to enjoy more of them and no matter if some guests didn't get as many other guests for whatever reason, I can see no reason under etiquette to treat alcohol any differently.

The difference is that people get a beverage during all courses. They can change the beverages (cocktail for cocktail hour, wine or beer with dinner and port or cognac with dessert) but it's available throughout the event. When you run out of something it looks shitty. Similarly, hosts don't want to run out of food before all their guests were served. If they do, they're going to be bad hosts.

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