As a guest would you prefer to attend a dry wedding reception or one that had a cash bar?

Knottie32752756 · November 2014

It has been said over and over that cash bar is against etiquette customs. But I care more about what a guest would prefer if a cash bar or dry event were the only options available.

Maggie0829 · November 2014

Dry wedding. If I want to spend my money on drinks then I would prefer to have my pick of where that money is being spent. I also wouldn't want to supplement the cost of the reception, which is supposed to be my thank you for attending the ceremony, because the hosts decided to budget and plan poorly.

Unknown · November 2014

This content has been removed.

Maggie0829 · November 2014

Knottie32752756 said:

You do have a choice where your money is being spent. You are under no obligation or social contract to make any further purchases. I never been in a bar and been demanded that I purchase something

I think you missed my main point where I DO NOT WANT TO SUPPLEMENT YOUR WEDDING RECEPTION. If I were to choose to spend money on something I would want to do so in the place of my choosing, not at your wedding reception where YOU should be the one paying for things. Having a cash bar is rude. Not all guests bring cash so you are singling those individuals out because even if they want to buy a drink they can't. Would you do this with your food? Would you offer chicken free of charge but then provide lobster tail at an extra $15 for those who can afford it/have cash on them?

By having a cash bar, you single out certain guests. What if a guest can't afford to spend $6 on a small ass mixed drink because they need that money for tolls? So they have to sit there and watch others around them enjoying drinks? When you can't afford something when you go out to a bar or to dinner you know that going into it. But with a wedding reception where everything should be hosted fully (meaning your wallet stays shut the entire night) you do not.

ETA: In addition, so I either spend money at the venue of your choosing on the alcohol of your choosing or I just don't drink? How is that fair? When I said that if I want to spend MY money on drinks I will do so at the place of my choosing, well I really don't have that choice do I because you are the one deciding where you are having your wedding and what type of alcohol is being served. So my choice doesn't exist. I have no choice. The only choice I have is to either go without alcohol or supplement your wedding. And since I don't want to supplement your wedding then I guess the choice has been made for me.

emmyg65 · November 2014

Hmm, probably a dry wedding. I'd be pretty pissed to go to a wedding and have to pay for anything. It's just not good hospitality.

Unknown · November 2014

This content has been removed.

dcbride86 · November 2014

Assuming it's an evening wedding, I would probably prefer a cash bar. I'm not saying it's proper etiquette or popular preference, but that would probably be MY personal preference. I wouldn't be happy to have to purchase drinks, but I would prefer the option of having a glass of wine with my dinner.

mikenberger · November 2014

I would be very irritated if I was invited to celebrate a wedding of friends and was told that the alcohol was extra. we host parties all the time at our house and never, ever, would I dream about having my guests pay for the beer we provide. If you are going to offer something for your guests, you do not offer it at THEIR expense.

That being said, I would begrudgingly pay at a cash bar. But just enough to say hi to the bride and groom, eat whatever food was provided and then leave. But that's simply because I like to drink. Not because I think its appropriate.

Maggie0829 · November 2014

Knottie32752756 said:

.

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie32752756 said:

You do have a choice where your money is being spent. You are under no obligation or social contract to make any further purchases. I never been in a bar and been demanded that I purchase something

I think you missed my main point where I DO NOT WANT TO SUPPLEMENT YOUR WEDDING RECEPTION. If I were to choose to spend money on something I would want to do so in the place of my choosing, not at your wedding reception where YOU should be the one paying for things. Having a cash bar is rude. Not all guests bring cash so you are singling those individuals out because even if they want to buy a drink they can't. Would you do this with your food? Would you offer chicken free of charge but then provide lobster tail at an extra $15 for those who can afford it/have cash on them?

By having a cash bar, you single out certain guests. What if a guest can't afford to spend $6 on a small ass mixed drink because they need that money for tolls? So they have to sit there and watch others around them enjoying drinks? When you can't afford something when you go out to a bar or to dinner you know that going into it. But with a wedding reception where everything should be hosted fully (meaning your wallet stays shut the entire night) you do not.

ETA: In addition, so I either spend money at the venue of your choosing on the alcohol of your choosing or I just don't drink? How is that fair? When I said that if I want to spend MY money on drinks I will do so at the place of my choosing, well I really don't have that choice do I because you are the one deciding where you are having your wedding and what type of alcohol is being served. So my choice doesn't exist. I have no choice. The only choice I have is to either go without alcohol or supplement your wedding. And since I don't want to supplement your wedding then I guess the choice has been made for me.

I'm sorry I fail to grasp how it's rude. Your not supplementing my reception you are choosing to enjoy something that is an extra. Unfortunately in this world there are something's we cant afford. And for that for me at my wedding would be the ability to host open bar or consumption bar or beer and wine. I would love to do so as I know how much people would appreciate it. However I can't, and what most would assume, I am not spending money on anything extravagant, very basic venue that includes food cake and flowers. The venue was chosen as it was cheaper than even hosting at home or something similar. So I fail to grasp how I would be considered a bad planner or poor host. I took this post to the budget wedding page because I am not as much concerned with etiquette but budget as it has been shown on the posts that this is against all etiquette. It for me is not so much about the absolutes of etiquette but appeasing the greatest amount of guests given my scenario. So please forgive me for getting annoyed with your response. But thank you for answering the poll.

Yes, I am supplementing your wedding because you want to have alcohol but you just don't want to pay for it. So me buying drinks at your cash bar is me supplementing the cost of your reception.

Basic hosting comes down to this. You host what you can afford. If that means you can only afford iced tea and lemonade then that is what you provide. You don't push the cost of alcohol off onto your guests because you want to make it available to appease people.

And you can still have a wonderful, well hosted and etiquette followed wedding and still be on a budget. Being on a budget does not give allow you free for all on being a bad host and having people pay for something at your wedding is you being a bad host.

Even though a guest may be willing to pay for their own drinks does not mean that you aren't still pissing them off by not hosting them properly. If I went to a wedding and there was only a cash bar but I absolutely wanted a glass of wine with dinner I would fork over the money, but you can better believe that I would be judging you hard for making me have to pay for my own drink at what should be a fully hosted affair.

And if your guests are pissed at you because you could not afford an open bar and because of that had a dry wedding then your guests are just as rude as a host who has a cash bar. When you are a guest at a wedding you should be gracious for whatever is provided. Can you be a bit disappointed that no alcohol is there, sure, but then you get the fuck over it. Same with being a bit disappointed that steak isn't being served. You should be gracious with what is being hosted and if you can't then you need to be taught manners.

LondonLisa · November 2014

Knottie32752756 said:

.

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie32752756 said:

You do have a choice where your money is being spent. You are under no obligation or social contract to make any further purchases. I never been in a bar and been demanded that I purchase something

I think you missed my main point where I DO NOT WANT TO SUPPLEMENT YOUR WEDDING RECEPTION. If I were to choose to spend money on something I would want to do so in the place of my choosing, not at your wedding reception where YOU should be the one paying for things. Having a cash bar is rude. Not all guests bring cash so you are singling those individuals out because even if they want to buy a drink they can't. Would you do this with your food? Would you offer chicken free of charge but then provide lobster tail at an extra $15 for those who can afford it/have cash on them?

By having a cash bar, you single out certain guests. What if a guest can't afford to spend $6 on a small ass mixed drink because they need that money for tolls? So they have to sit there and watch others around them enjoying drinks? When you can't afford something when you go out to a bar or to dinner you know that going into it. But with a wedding reception where everything should be hosted fully (meaning your wallet stays shut the entire night) you do not.

ETA: In addition, so I either spend money at the venue of your choosing on the alcohol of your choosing or I just don't drink? How is that fair? When I said that if I want to spend MY money on drinks I will do so at the place of my choosing, well I really don't have that choice do I because you are the one deciding where you are having your wedding and what type of alcohol is being served. So my choice doesn't exist. I have no choice. The only choice I have is to either go without alcohol or supplement your wedding. And since I don't want to supplement your wedding then I guess the choice has been made for me.

I'm sorry I fail to grasp how it's rude. Your not supplementing my reception you are choosing to enjoy something that is an extra. Unfortunately in this world there are something's we cant afford. And for that for me at my wedding would be the ability to host open bar or consumption bar or beer and wine. I would love to do so as I know how much people would appreciate it. However I can't, and what most would assume, I am not spending money on anything extravagant, very basic venue that includes food cake and flowers. The venue was chosen as it was cheaper than even hosting at home or something similar. So I fail to grasp how I would be considered a bad planner or poor host. I took this post to the budget wedding page because I am not as much concerned with etiquette but budget as it has been shown on the posts that this is against all etiquette. It for me is not so much about the absolutes of etiquette but appeasing the greatest amount of guests given my scenario. So please forgive me for getting annoyed with your response. But thank you for answering the poll.

I'm going to serve haggis at my wedding. If you would like to have steak, you will need to pay £25 extra. I fail to see why this is rude as you do not have to partake in the steak. Yes, some people may not like haggis and will buy the steak. I don't care if they are unhappy with it. It was THEIR choice and not my lack of bad planning. Yes, I could have had a more inexpensive option such as afternoon BBQ for everyone, but whatever, I don't care about etiquette. I care about my vision. After all, I'm a budget bride and that gives me license to do whatever.

southernbelle0915 · November 2014

OMG Another one... Oh look - and it's a poll created on the Budget Weddings board (where people always want to have cash bars) by someone who supports cash bars. Way to try and skew the results...

I prefer a dry wedding. The reason is because I don't bring cash to weddings - unless it's part of my gift to the B&G. I expect that whatever's offered will be hosted. If I go up to the buffet, I don't expect someone to say "that'll be $5" when I ask for a scoop of mashed potatoes. No. If I go up to the bar and the bartender says "that'll be $5" I have no money. I'm embarrassed (even though the hosts are the rude ones) and there's a line of people behind me.

ETA: I'd much rather go up to the bar and have the bartender just tell me what's available. If that's lemonade, I'll have a lemonade.

Unknown · November 2014

This content has been removed.

Maggie0829 · November 2014

Knottie32752756 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie32752756 said:

.

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie32752756 said:

You do have a choice where your money is being spent. You are under no obligation or social contract to make any further purchases. I never been in a bar and been demanded that I purchase something

I think you missed my main point where I DO NOT WANT TO SUPPLEMENT YOUR WEDDING RECEPTION. If I were to choose to spend money on something I would want to do so in the place of my choosing, not at your wedding reception where YOU should be the one paying for things. Having a cash bar is rude. Not all guests bring cash so you are singling those individuals out because even if they want to buy a drink they can't. Would you do this with your food? Would you offer chicken free of charge but then provide lobster tail at an extra $15 for those who can afford it/have cash on them?

By having a cash bar, you single out certain guests. What if a guest can't afford to spend $6 on a small ass mixed drink because they need that money for tolls? So they have to sit there and watch others around them enjoying drinks? When you can't afford something when you go out to a bar or to dinner you know that going into it. But with a wedding reception where everything should be hosted fully (meaning your wallet stays shut the entire night) you do not.

ETA: In addition, so I either spend money at the venue of your choosing on the alcohol of your choosing or I just don't drink? How is that fair? When I said that if I want to spend MY money on drinks I will do so at the place of my choosing, well I really don't have that choice do I because you are the one deciding where you are having your wedding and what type of alcohol is being served. So my choice doesn't exist. I have no choice. The only choice I have is to either go without alcohol or supplement your wedding. And since I don't want to supplement your wedding then I guess the choice has been made for me.

I'm sorry I fail to grasp how it's rude. Your not supplementing my reception you are choosing to enjoy something that is an extra. Unfortunately in this world there are something's we cant afford. And for that for me at my wedding would be the ability to host open bar or consumption bar or beer and wine. I would love to do so as I know how much people would appreciate it. However I can't, and what most would assume, I am not spending money on anything extravagant, very basic venue that includes food cake and flowers. The venue was chosen as it was cheaper than even hosting at home or something similar. So I fail to grasp how I would be considered a bad planner or poor host. I took this post to the budget wedding page because I am not as much concerned with etiquette but budget as it has been shown on the posts that this is against all etiquette. It for me is not so much about the absolutes of etiquette but appeasing the greatest amount of guests given my scenario. So please forgive me for getting annoyed with your response. But thank you for answering the poll.

Yes, I am supplementing your wedding because you want to have alcohol but you just don't want to pay for it. So me buying drinks at your cash bar is me supplementing the cost of your reception.

Basic hosting comes down to this. You host what you can afford. If that means you can only afford iced tea and lemonade then that is what you provide. You don't push the cost of alcohol off onto your guests because you want to make it available to appease people.

And you can still have a wonderful, well hosted and etiquette followed wedding and still be on a budget. Being on a budget does not give allow you free for all on being a bad host and having people pay for something at your wedding is you being a bad host.

Even though a guest may be willing to pay for their own drinks does not mean that you aren't still pissing them off by not hosting them properly. If I went to a wedding and there was only a cash bar but I absolutely wanted a glass of wine with dinner I would fork over the money, but you can better believe that I would be judging you hard for making me have to pay for my own drink at what should be a fully hosted affair.

And if your guests are pissed at you because you could not afford an open bar and because of that had a dry wedding then your guests are just as rude as a host who has a cash bar. When you are a guest at a wedding you should be gracious for whatever is provided. Can you be a bit disappointed that no alcohol is there, sure, but then you get the fuck over it. Same with being a bit disappointed that steak isn't being served. You should be gracious with what is being hosted and if you can't then you need to be taught manners.

In the exact same thought process you just used a guest being upset about a cash bar is being upset because you want alcohol but don't want to pay for it. And as we'll you can be a bit disappointed its a cash bar but then you get the f*ck over it. Same logic. Or maybe I'm glib or naive that people are mature enough to handle a small inconvenience at an otherwise suitable event.

FFS you are beyond ridiculous.

Look if you want your guests to have alcohol at your wedding then YOU pay for it. You do not push that cost off to your guests because your guests may be disappointed because they don't get a drink at your wedding. If you are that concerned about your guests being disappointed in not having alcohol then you find it in your budget to provide it. As a guest, yes you are allowed to be disappointed if something is not there but as an adult you learn to be gracious for what is provided and you get the fuck over the things that aren't.

As to the bolded, so you are admitting that a cash bar is an inconvenience to your guests. So if you consider it an inconvenience then think about how your guests view it. And the rest of your event if well hosted does not make up for a cash bar. People remember the food and the bar and the music/dancing at your wedding. And if one of them is bad then it leaves a bad taste in their mouth about the rest of it.

lovegood90 · November 2014

OP, you're going to get the same responses here that you did on the Etiquette board. Cash bars are RUDE. This will always be the case.

Unknown · November 2014

This content has been removed.

redoryx · November 2014

Would you invite all of your friends and family over for a New Years Eve or Christmas party with fun and food and dancing and then charge them for drinks? Probably not. Why? Because as the host of the party you recognize that is your job to provide all food and drink on your dime. Weddings are the same. If you can't afford it, don't provide it.

Maggie0829 · November 2014

Knottie32752756 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie32752756 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie32752756 said:

.

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie32752756 said:

You do have a choice where your money is being spent. You are under no obligation or social contract to make any further purchases. I never been in a bar and been demanded that I purchase something

I think you missed my main point where I DO NOT WANT TO SUPPLEMENT YOUR WEDDING RECEPTION. If I were to choose to spend money on something I would want to do so in the place of my choosing, not at your wedding reception where YOU should be the one paying for things. Having a cash bar is rude. Not all guests bring cash so you are singling those individuals out because even if they want to buy a drink they can't. Would you do this with your food? Would you offer chicken free of charge but then provide lobster tail at an extra $15 for those who can afford it/have cash on them?

By having a cash bar, you single out certain guests. What if a guest can't afford to spend $6 on a small ass mixed drink because they need that money for tolls? So they have to sit there and watch others around them enjoying drinks? When you can't afford something when you go out to a bar or to dinner you know that going into it. But with a wedding reception where everything should be hosted fully (meaning your wallet stays shut the entire night) you do not.

ETA: In addition, so I either spend money at the venue of your choosing on the alcohol of your choosing or I just don't drink? How is that fair? When I said that if I want to spend MY money on drinks I will do so at the place of my choosing, well I really don't have that choice do I because you are the one deciding where you are having your wedding and what type of alcohol is being served. So my choice doesn't exist. I have no choice. The only choice I have is to either go without alcohol or supplement your wedding. And since I don't want to supplement your wedding then I guess the choice has been made for me.

I'm sorry I fail to grasp how it's rude. Your not supplementing my reception you are choosing to enjoy something that is an extra. Unfortunately in this world there are something's we cant afford. And for that for me at my wedding would be the ability to host open bar or consumption bar or beer and wine. I would love to do so as I know how much people would appreciate it. However I can't, and what most would assume, I am not spending money on anything extravagant, very basic venue that includes food cake and flowers. The venue was chosen as it was cheaper than even hosting at home or something similar. So I fail to grasp how I would be considered a bad planner or poor host. I took this post to the budget wedding page because I am not as much concerned with etiquette but budget as it has been shown on the posts that this is against all etiquette. It for me is not so much about the absolutes of etiquette but appeasing the greatest amount of guests given my scenario. So please forgive me for getting annoyed with your response. But thank you for answering the poll.

Yes, I am supplementing your wedding because you want to have alcohol but you just don't want to pay for it. So me buying drinks at your cash bar is me supplementing the cost of your reception.

Basic hosting comes down to this. You host what you can afford. If that means you can only afford iced tea and lemonade then that is what you provide. You don't push the cost of alcohol off onto your guests because you want to make it available to appease people.

And you can still have a wonderful, well hosted and etiquette followed wedding and still be on a budget. Being on a budget does not give allow you free for all on being a bad host and having people pay for something at your wedding is you being a bad host.

Even though a guest may be willing to pay for their own drinks does not mean that you aren't still pissing them off by not hosting them properly. If I went to a wedding and there was only a cash bar but I absolutely wanted a glass of wine with dinner I would fork over the money, but you can better believe that I would be judging you hard for making me have to pay for my own drink at what should be a fully hosted affair.

And if your guests are pissed at you because you could not afford an open bar and because of that had a dry wedding then your guests are just as rude as a host who has a cash bar. When you are a guest at a wedding you should be gracious for whatever is provided. Can you be a bit disappointed that no alcohol is there, sure, but then you get the fuck over it. Same with being a bit disappointed that steak isn't being served. You should be gracious with what is being hosted and if you can't then you need to be taught manners.

In the exact same thought process you just used a guest being upset about a cash bar is being upset because you want alcohol but don't want to pay for it. And as we'll you can be a bit disappointed its a cash bar but then you get the f*ck over it. Same logic. Or maybe I'm glib or naive that people are mature enough to handle a small inconvenience at an otherwise suitable event.

FFS you are beyond ridiculous.

Look if you want your guests to have alcohol at your wedding then YOU pay for it. You do not push that cost off to your guests because your guests may be disappointed because they don't get a drink at your wedding. If you are that concerned about your guests being disappointed in not having alcohol then you find it in your budget to provide it. As a guest, yes you are allowed to be disappointed if something is not there but as an adult you learn to be gracious for what is provided and you get the fuck over the things that aren't.

As to the bolded, so you are admitting that a cash bar is an inconvenience to your guests. So if you consider it an inconvenience then think about how your guests view it. And the rest of your event if well hosted does not make up for a cash bar. People remember the food and the bar and the music/dancing at your wedding. And if one of them is bad then it leaves a bad taste in their mouth about the rest of it.

So my guests are disappointed they can't have alcohol at a dry wedding but also in a cash bar scenario disappointed they have to pay your telling me the only option is to then pay for open bar. Also I understand the answers I'm going to get. It was a question on preference. Just simply if you were going what would you rather see. I just assumed other people who were budget sensitive May have a bit more of an idea of the boat I have found myself in.

If they are horribly disappointed in a dry wedding and can't get over it and just enjoy what is being offered like a gracious adult then they are being a bad guest.

If they are disappointed in a cash bar because they have to shell out money at an event that should be hosted then that reflects poorly on you and your bad planning.

And being on a budget does not mean that etiquette goes out the window. There are many brides on the budget board that would find it the highest level of rudeness to have a cash bar and blame it on the fact that they are on a budget. Everyone is on some sort of budget. You take care of your guests needs and comfort first and then worry about everything else. So if that means you forgo flowers so that you can provide your guests with some sort of alcohol then that is what you do. It is called treating your guests well.

esstee33 · November 2014

Knottie32752756 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie32752756 said:

.

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie32752756 said:

You do have a choice where your money is being spent. You are under no obligation or social contract to make any further purchases. I never been in a bar and been demanded that I purchase something

I think you missed my main point where I DO NOT WANT TO SUPPLEMENT YOUR WEDDING RECEPTION. If I were to choose to spend money on something I would want to do so in the place of my choosing, not at your wedding reception where YOU should be the one paying for things. Having a cash bar is rude. Not all guests bring cash so you are singling those individuals out because even if they want to buy a drink they can't. Would you do this with your food? Would you offer chicken free of charge but then provide lobster tail at an extra $15 for those who can afford it/have cash on them?

By having a cash bar, you single out certain guests. What if a guest can't afford to spend $6 on a small ass mixed drink because they need that money for tolls? So they have to sit there and watch others around them enjoying drinks? When you can't afford something when you go out to a bar or to dinner you know that going into it. But with a wedding reception where everything should be hosted fully (meaning your wallet stays shut the entire night) you do not.

ETA: In addition, so I either spend money at the venue of your choosing on the alcohol of your choosing or I just don't drink? How is that fair? When I said that if I want to spend MY money on drinks I will do so at the place of my choosing, well I really don't have that choice do I because you are the one deciding where you are having your wedding and what type of alcohol is being served. So my choice doesn't exist. I have no choice. The only choice I have is to either go without alcohol or supplement your wedding. And since I don't want to supplement your wedding then I guess the choice has been made for me.

I'm sorry I fail to grasp how it's rude. Your not supplementing my reception you are choosing to enjoy something that is an extra. Unfortunately in this world there are something's we cant afford. And for that for me at my wedding would be the ability to host open bar or consumption bar or beer and wine. I would love to do so as I know how much people would appreciate it. However I can't, and what most would assume, I am not spending money on anything extravagant, very basic venue that includes food cake and flowers. The venue was chosen as it was cheaper than even hosting at home or something similar. So I fail to grasp how I would be considered a bad planner or poor host. I took this post to the budget wedding page because I am not as much concerned with etiquette but budget as it has been shown on the posts that this is against all etiquette. It for me is not so much about the absolutes of etiquette but appeasing the greatest amount of guests given my scenario. So please forgive me for getting annoyed with your response. But thank you for answering the poll.

Yes, I am supplementing your wedding because you want to have alcohol but you just don't want to pay for it. So me buying drinks at your cash bar is me supplementing the cost of your reception.

Basic hosting comes down to this. You host what you can afford. If that means you can only afford iced tea and lemonade then that is what you provide. You don't push the cost of alcohol off onto your guests because you want to make it available to appease people.

And you can still have a wonderful, well hosted and etiquette followed wedding and still be on a budget. Being on a budget does not give allow you free for all on being a bad host and having people pay for something at your wedding is you being a bad host.

Even though a guest may be willing to pay for their own drinks does not mean that you aren't still pissing them off by not hosting them properly. If I went to a wedding and there was only a cash bar but I absolutely wanted a glass of wine with dinner I would fork over the money, but you can better believe that I would be judging you hard for making me have to pay for my own drink at what should be a fully hosted affair.

And if your guests are pissed at you because you could not afford an open bar and because of that had a dry wedding then your guests are just as rude as a host who has a cash bar. When you are a guest at a wedding you should be gracious for whatever is provided. Can you be a bit disappointed that no alcohol is there, sure, but then you get the fuck over it. Same with being a bit disappointed that steak isn't being served. You should be gracious with what is being hosted and if you can't then you need to be taught manners.

In the exact same thought process you just used a guest being upset about a cash bar is being upset because you want alcohol but don't want to pay for it. And as we'll you can be a bit disappointed its a cash bar but then you get the f*ck over it. Same logic. Or maybe I'm glib or naive that people are mature enough to handle a small inconvenience at an otherwise suitable event.

But WHY would you want to deliberately inconvenience your guests at an event you're hosting FOR them? That's the part I will just never understand. You KNOW it's rude, and you want to do it anyway, and just say it's on your guests to get over it?

Maggie0829 · November 2014

And this whole "well as a guest what would you prefer?" is dumb to me. No one asks this question when it comes to food. No one asks this question when it comes to music. No one asks 'well would you prefer chicken or would you prefer to pay for a steak?' I don't understand why the bar is any different. Would I like a nice steak for dinner? Sure. But will I graciously accept the chicken you are providing and that I do not have to pay for? Fuck yes!

rooz103 · November 2014

If I were a guest, I'd prefer the dry wedding in that I'm a light social drinker at most. I've run into the cash bar a few times as a guest and reacted differently to each one.

The first was at my BFF's wedding and I spent a ridiculous amount per drink, but I knew that she had put everything together on a shoestring budget and was doing her best in a very difficult situation (heavy-drinking family, please meet teetotaler family). I wasn't especially irked, because the cash bar was the least of the things that could have gone wrong.

The second was at a reception at the top of a swanky hotel in downtown Seattle. Beautiful location, with amazing food and service, and somehow a cash bar that included sodas. It was just this weird juxtaposition of luxury and appalling cheapness because there was this surreal moment when I held a $4 diet coke in my hand while greeting this bride in a $4000 dress.

If I see a cash bar, I'm going to either be admiring/pitying the couple for misguidedly doing as best they could with their limited budget, or I'll be side-eyeing the bejeezus out of them for having a floral budget double the size of their drinks budget. So I guess the takeaway is if you're going to have a cash bar, make sure that the other drama is big enough to distract from it, or just own the fact that you don't give a sh*t about your guests either way.

edit: words are hard.

beethery · November 2014

You want to do a cash bar. You don't want to take the suggestions (to not do a cash bar) that you're being given. Why are you doing this second post?

theartistformerlyknownas · November 2014

When someone invites me to a party I don't expect to have to pay for anything. Therefore, I don't bring cash. If I ordered a drink and was then given a bill, I would be extremely embarrassed and annoyed, and it would tarnish my future feelings toward my host for making me feel that way.

I might choose to pay for the drink (bum money off someone, find an ATM) but it does not mean I prefer the cash bar.

vulpiepop · November 2014

Dry wedding. Most of the time, I don't even have my wallet on me when I go to weddings because I assume that I wouldn't have to pay for anything besides travel to the wedding and hotel room if needed. I would be pretty bummed if I attended a wedding and then found out that I had to pay for my own drinks. I'd have to go back to my room/car/home to get my wallet and at that point I wouldn't be a happy camper.

Many of the weddings I've been to have been dry weddings and they were just as fun as those with open bars, actually, I found them more enjoyable just because they focused more on the food or entertainment than the weddings with the bars. I'm not a regular drinker to begin with though and with an open bar I still only drink 1 or 2 glasses of wine just because it's there and everyone else is partaking.

I don't think a reception needs alcohol to be fun; there are tons of other things you can do. Example: one dry wedding I went to had a pie bar and another dry wedding I went to had a huge bbq and an enthusiastic grill master who juggled spatulas.

lyndausvi · November 2014

Maggie0829 said:

And this whole "well as a guest what would you prefer?" is dumb to me. No one asks this question when it comes to food. No one asks this question when it comes to music. No one asks 'well would you prefer chicken or would you prefer to pay for a steak?' I don't understand why the bar is any different. Would I like a nice steak for dinner? Sure. But will I graciously accept the chicken you are providing and that I do not have to pay for? Fuck yes!

I was going to post something like this. Thank you for beating me to the punch.

Funny how one one every says they are going to have an open bar, but a cash dinner.

Host what you can afford. My extended family comes from modest means. They have never had a cash bar. It's possible to have a fully hosted event on any budget. It might take a little work and compromise, but it's very possible. People just do not try hard enough.

penguin44 · November 2014

Maggie0829 said:

And this whole "well as a guest what would you prefer?" is dumb to me. No one asks this question when it comes to food. No one asks this question when it comes to music. No one asks 'well would you prefer chicken or would you prefer to pay for a steak?' I don't understand why the bar is any different. Would I like a nice steak for dinner? Sure. But will I graciously accept the chicken you are providing and that I do not have to pay for? Fuck yes!

I was just thinking this. Why is it always the bar?

OP, look at it this way, you are asking your guests to pay for part of your event because you couldn't afford everything. Wouldn't it be ridiculous if you were asking them to pay for the DJ because you wanted a fancy DJ. Or the centerpieces.

It makes no sense to invite people to an event celebrating you and expect them to pay for themselves. Regardless of what part of the event they are paying for. They came to the wedding to celebrate you, and they even brought you a gift!

levioosa · November 2014

ZOMG, the responses you are getting here are totally different from the Etiquette board!

Oh wait, they're not because you are being rude and cash bars are rude.

Would you take someone out to dinner and drinks after they help you move as a thank you and then hand them the bar tab? Didn't think so. The reception is a thank you to your guests for attending your ceremony. Hosting a wedding is expensive. So is attending them. Between travel, time off work, gifts and possible hotel, your guests are spending a lot of money to see you. What a slap in the face to hand them a bill for drinks.

slothiegal · November 2014

Well lookie there, you created a poll and the majority STILL say a dry wedding is better (even on a different board!). Crazy!

Next time you pose this question, try it on WW. Then maybe you'll get the answers you want.

daria24 · November 2014

I prefer a dry wedding. I've been to several, they were lovely, well-hosted events, and as long as I can have a soda or punch or lemonade, I'm good. I do drink, and if there is an open bar I'll have a couple of glasses of wine. But I'm fine not drinking at all. If I'm at your wedding, I've spent a few hundred dollars or more on a gift, travel, hotel room, etc. I'm of the mindset that I've already shelled out enough, I'll stick to lemonade.

lovegood90 · November 2014

I prefer a wedding where I am properly hosted, which means I don't have to open my wallet as a guest to an event that is being hosted for me.

To answer your question, that could either mean dry wedding, open bar, or hosted beer/wine. That is what most of us are trying to get across to you but you seem to be purposefully missing the point.

Unknown · November 2014

This content has been removed.

Cookie Pusher · November 2014

I'd prefer a dry wedding over one with a cash bar. DH and I are not struggling financially, per se, but we do budget our expenditures carefully. We set aside a certain amount of money to spend when we attend weddings (travel/hotel cost and gifts - we don't factor in attire unless we have to purchase something specific for the event, like tux rental or a specified color *gag*). We do not factor in money for a cash bar. If your cash bar were to also include non-alcoholic beverages, I would have to lessen the amount of money I can give the couple as a gift.

As a guest would you prefer to attend a dry wedding reception or one that had a cash bar?

As a guest would you prefer to attend a dry wedding reception or one that had a cash bar? 39 votes

Re: As a guest would you prefer to attend a dry wedding reception or one that had a cash bar?

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